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5 year old son diagnosed-i'm struggling with depression

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by Turtle1605, Jan 6, 2012.

  1. Turtle1605

    Turtle1605 Approved members

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    Hello...

    First, thanks to all of you for this site. I have learned a lot and it is good to know that I am not alone. Apparently, this disease is much more common than I ever knew!

    My five-year old son was diagnosed a couple of months ago and he is a real trooper. No problems at all with checks or shots. My husband is a big help. My only problem is me...I can't stop crying (although I try not to cry in front of him and his 9-year-old sister). I think and worry about him constantly while he is at school, etc.

    Can you tell me how long it took for you to come to terms with the diagnosis and what you did to help yourself not cry and worry all the time? I plan to ask my endo about support groups at our follow-up visit but I really need some tips to help me personally and continuously so this disease does not get the best of me and my family!
     
  2. sheila1128

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    I'm glad you asked this question. January 12 marks 6 months since my son's dx - I still find myself struggling with tears on a regular basis. The more I learn the more confident I feel about helping him manage this, but it doesn't help the sadness and feelings of being overwhelmed. Last night was particularly bad because he was having a bad day and was lying in his bed crying and asking "why me" ...

    In the absence of a magic wand to make this all go away, I've connected him with a counselor, got myself a "life coach" (a.k.a. a counselor), and have signed my family up to go to the CWD technology seminar. Oh, and I try to be kind to myself and recognize that there is a grieving process with this and I am just working my way through.

    I think this is a good place for support!
     
  3. danismom79

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    Give yourself time, you're new to it all. I remember being really depressed the first few months. We're coming up on 4 years in April, and I still have my moments. (I'm having a small one now that I just typed that.) Finding a support group would be a great start. Many people on this site have forged strong friendships over time. For me, learning as much as I can and having awesome school nurses helps tremendously with the worry.
     
  4. DsMom

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    I'm so sorry about your son's dx, my son was dx about the same age (4 1/2). I think you've taken a great first step in dealing with your feelings by coming here. The best place for support is with those who are going through the same thing. Everyone here feels your pain...and the experienced ones will be able to tell you that there is a light at the end of your tunnel.

    I think one of the best ways of looking at this new part of your life is as a grieving process at the beginning. Your family has lost something, and it takes time to get used to that fact. Don't try to downplay how you are feeling or think that you should just "get on with things" and not feel that way. This is a huge adjustment, and you are going to feel sadness, anger, denial, and many of the things people feel after a sad loss. And don't feel surprised or disappointed if these feelings come back even after you have "adjusted."

    My sister, who also raised a daughter with T1, told me when my son was dx to be brave in front of my son, and then go cry in the bathroom.:cwds: Others here will disagree, and feel that your child should see that you are sad about what is going on, too, and that there is nothing wrong with crying in front of them. It's a personal thing...I felt it would alarm my 4 year old even more, and I wanted him to feel safe and as normal as possible...so I did cry in the bathroom.:( But it is important to not hold it in...feel what you are feeling so that, when the time comes, you can move on. These feelings of intense sadness and loss will not last, I can promise you that. Life will feel normal again, and you will see that, although your child has a new challenge, and one that none of us would ever have chosen, it is one that he and your family can manage. He does not have to miss out on anything life has to offer...his life can be full and happy and wonderful with D.

    I think that when this healing will occur is a very individual thing. I don't know that I remember when it all started to feel "normal"...maybe 6 months in for me? But that doesn't mean I still didn't (and still do at times) revisit that grief and sadness. But I've learned to deal with those bouts like PMS;), something I can't really avoid, but that will pass quickly.:cwds:

    The more confidence you gain as you learn to manage your son's D will also help to ease your worry and fears. Every new tool you learn...and you will learn most of those tools HERE...will help you breathe a little easier and help you know that you and your son will be okay. You can do this!

    I'd encourage you to keep posting here about your feelings. There are many wonderful and supportive people here who can see you through. Just know that what you are feeling is sooo normal...but you will not feel this way forever. Know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel...and you and your family will make it there in time.:cwds: Believe it or not, one day YOU will be the one trying to ease the fears of new members here.:cwds:
     
  5. JaxDad

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    Everyone is different so we can share our experiences but I don't think it would be a good idea to measure how you feel against how we felt or feel.

    Grieving diabetes is like any other grieving where you may hit all the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression or sadness and acceptance and not in any particular order, and not without visiting some more than once.

    You'll always worry some about your child, whether it's because he is out climbing tree, driving a car, going off to college by himself, or because he has diabetes. I don't think that worrying is a problem, obsessing is. There is a big difference. In time you'll feel better and support groups, or a private therapist if you have access and ability for one would be great.

    If it helps you to learn of others experiences; I'll be happy to share a bit about my emotional process with you.

    Next month will be 2 years since Dx. I learned of my mom having terminal cancer while in the hospital at dx with my son. She passed away 4 months later. It may seem odd - at least I was surprised by it, but my grief with diabetes has been more difficult than the death of my mother. I guess it's because parents are "supposed to" die some day, and none of our kids were "supposed to" get diabetes. So coming to grips with his Dx has been slower than accepting her death.

    I think I never really had denial, but definitely experienced anger, bargaining and sadness. I feel like I have acceptance but I still sometimes have anger and sadness. I still feel bad for my son and his loss of freedom or his hating to have to do "_______" sometimes.

    I still worry a little bit about what may happen in the future but I realize that we can only do what we can do. And so I just do what I can to make sure I give my best effort to manage his blood sugar and try to make sure he is happy, feels "normal" and manage his T1D instead of letting T1D manage us.

    Ultimately I don't think there is anything else we can do.

    And finally, yes, there are times when it all piles up and it's been a really bad day, I'll have a cry for myself and wish none of this were so. Then I dry the tears, thank God for the blessings I have, and pray for us and those that are much worse off.
     
  6. danielsmom

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    It was very rough for me in the beginning.. My son Daniel was diagnosed July 2011...I was very depressed. Did not want to get out of bed...Lost weight, couldn't eat...I was afraid for Daniel to move, play...live..I was afraid what diabetes might do to him....But it was summer..Daniel wanted to play..go places...have fun.. I had to get out of my slump....Every new thing we did I was afraid...but as my son kept enjoying life...laughing, smiling.. I began to get it together...Diabetes wasn't going away....I had to deal!...Daniel had many hard nights of "why's"...his sadness brought my tears...mainly I cried alone..I yelled alone...I let him talk it out and tried to be a good listener...
    Daniel is thriving, in sports, in school...in life...Every day is a new challenge..I do not fear it as much, but I still do stress quite a bit and realized its time for me to talk to someone....its been building up and I just can't carry that anger with me anymore...We have our ups and down days..But my boy is happy...Basically you take it one day at a time... I never go a day not thinking about diabetes.. I never go a day without briefly asking "why?"...I never go a day not praying for a cure.... But things will calm down...You will all survive this...so far we have..
     
  7. Mommy For Life

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    (((hugs))) depression sucks, diabetes sucks this is a really $%#& thing to see our kids deal with, let alone as a parent deal with. Shortly after Olivia was diagnosed I started having anxiety attacks. I couldn't stop the tears either. I would cry in the car, in the grocery store...at my parent teacher conference...any and all places seemed to be ok for me to break down at. I started taking anxiety pills and seeing a counselor about 2 months post dx. It has helped some, but i admit the tears do creep up...not as often. The previous replies are all true...this is a grieving process...the timeline for some is shorter, but the emotions are the same....shock/denial, guilt, anger, depression/sadness. Eventually, with time, knowledge, experience, prayers, faith, support from family and close friends...we turn the corner to acceptance. As senior CWD members have posted diabetes isn't something we can "control"...instead we can learn how to manage as best as possible so that we can teach our kids how to live a healthy lifestyle so they can feel empowered to go out into world on their own. Just typing that sentence made me cry...and that is ok. ;)

    Sending you more (((hugs)))
     
  8. fiaz

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    Our daughter was diagnosed a couple of months ago and she is only 2. The first day at the hospital, our endo said "she will offer her finger for testing in a few days". And sure enough, she did. I may be wrong but I tend to think of any grieving and depression as draining our energy. If our energy is drained, we have less to give to our child. So, the best thing we can do for our child is to be in good spirits. Second, they pick up on our behavior. So, I would want them to be positive all the time...like me.
     
  9. Becky Stevens mom

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    Hello and welcome dear:cwds: Im so sorry about your little boy:( My son was diagnosed over 7 1/2 years ago but I remember and probably always will, the feelings of sadness and hopelessness that I lived with at first. There was alot of guilt, I didnt breast feed and read about cows milk protein maybe causing type 1 (there is no proof of that by the way;) ) I kept thinking that there should have been something that I could have done to to stop him from getting diabetes!!! But there really was nothing that I could have done to change anything. I was obsessed with diabetes. I read about it all the time, talked to people about it all the time, cried about it alot, slept little, didnt enjoy much anymore. I did end up going to a therapist for awhile, she has a son with autism so understood what it was like.

    Some things that helped me were to make myself get out and walk, start doing the things I enjoyed before like gardening and birdwatching, antiquing. And I had to accept the fact that life wasnt going to be perfect but it wouldnt have been perfect even if Steven didnt get diabetes.

    I want to tell you about your future though. I dont have a crystal ball but I can promise you the future is bright. Your little boy will continue to adjust to diabetes. One day soon youll wake up and not think of it immediately. Youll do the diabetes chores and then think about what else the day has in store for you. For now, be patient and gentle with yourself. Youre going through a sad and scary time and deserve to be treated with kindness, especially from yourself:cwds: There is nothing wrong with crying, those tears wash the spirit clean and let the sadness flow away to make room for the sunshine again
     
  10. minniem

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    Hello, I'm so sorry you're going through this...I myself had very bad depression around my son's 6 month mark. But I will say now (at almost 10 months) I am having more good days than bad. It really is a grieving process and unfortunately the only way to get through it is to deal with the feelings. I had a lot of anger in the beginning and definitely bargaining (wishing it were me instead of him). I read posts like yours and I tear up knowing the feeling oh too well.

    My advice is to cry when you need to cry and express your feelings, don't hold them in. In time, it will become easier to deal with. There are still days when it's tough to get through the day and I worry about him nonstop, but there are other days when it is just part of our routine now.

    Don't be surprised too if your son has bad days too. For the most part my son has adapted extremely well, but still has days (and nights) where he cries and thinks "why me?". To me that is what really pulls my heart strings, when I see him struggling with it. But we have a good cry together and I try to reassure him it will be better tomorrow and usually by that point he does feel a bit better. It's a constant struggle, but these boards are nice too because you know the people here actually "get it" and can relate to how you are feeling.

    ((((HUGS))))...I hope you feel better soon.:cwds:
     
  11. Williamsville mommy

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    When my peditrican visited me in the hospital with my 2 1/2 year old she said, "just sit here and grieve, grieve the once simple life that you once new, and grieve it hard. Then wake up and know that THIS IS YOUR NEW PATH and embrace it the best way you know how".

    I did for three and a half hours in that hospital room I cried and cried as if I was losing my entire world.......but when I got up that next day....it was truly a new day.
     
  12. PixieStix

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    Welcome to CWD--I am sorry about your son but so glad you found this site. Would still agree 7 1/2 years into this that the info I have learned here has been invaluable, both to improve my DS care but also for me to work through emotions, challenges, and experiences that only others dealing with T1 can understand and appreciate.

    My DS was also 5 at dx, I was 6 months pregnant and I had a very hard time coping in the initial months. I cried so much, every time I had to say the words, "my son has diabetes" I broke down and sobbed. I think my way of coping was to channel all the heartache into vigilance and resolve to keep his BGs as close to normal as often as possible, secure the tools and resources I felt would best achieve this. I think you will find the more knowledge you gain, the more empowered you will feel to not let this diagnosis overwhelm you & your family. Along with this site, I would wholeheartedly recommend you read the book, "Think Like A Pancreas". This is a relentless disease, and the more knowledge and confidence you gain and then pass to your son, the better he will fare for the long haul.

    Soon you will find a new normal and realize your son is the same beautiful boy, he will take his cues from you and somehow diabetes will just become part of your family's routine. The tears and shock will subside, but even now I find there are moments or even days when the unfairness of the whole thing will still hit me. Just reading your post struck me as something I would have posted at the beginning, and I found those old emotions surfacing even now. Hugs to you, there are many here to help, listen and cheerlead along the way for you:cwds:
     
  13. 5kids4me

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    I am sorry you are struggling. It was very hard in the beginning for our family. We had a newborn and I was struggling with the baby blues and the mourning process of my son's diagnoses. For me, reading helped. I read through the Pink Panther book again and again...then I ordered Think Like A Pancreas and the more in depth Pink Panther book. Then I picked up the Ragnar Hanas book. Learning more about t1d empowered my family to deal with the literal ups and downs. The more you know about something, the less fearful you become.:cwds:

    Some days are very tough. We are only 1yr and 9 months into this...Sometimes I break down and cry at night..but that hopeless feeling is gone. I know my son will have a wonderful life. He is still the smart, funny, energetic kid that he was before and all the doors that were open then, are still open now. He may have a few more hurdles to get over than some people-but you know what? He is more than capable and up for the challenge.

    Give yourself time. Cry. Shake your fist and get mad-do whatever you need to do. But try not to get "stuck" in that place. Keep moving forward...you ARE strong, smart and capable of helping your child manage this.

    Good luck and hope you stick around! You will learn so much here.
     
  14. VinceysMom

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    So I sit here with tears as I read each story... omg. Two years later, and I still cry, I still yell sometimes when I am alone in the car, and I still find myself sobbing at times uncontrollably... not every day, but probably at least once a week. I went thru all those grieving emotions... couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, couldnt care for my son... that went on for 2 weeks to a month... i was away from home a lot and my husband cared for him..i just couldnt do it, i was a BIG mess. Little by little i realized he is the same kid. I know my son is 15, but he is a very "young" 15, sometimes i find myself comparing him to others here and some of the others are doing so well with managing their own diabetes, and then there's my son, he doesnt count carbs, but he can give himself a shot, check his bg, etc. I worry that he wont ever be able to take care of himself, i cry about this a lot. We try to teach him, but I don't know if it sinks in. I worry that if something happens to me or my husband, how will he care for himself? That is the type of stuff that really brings me to tears. :( And I sometimes wonder if his anger/outbursts are related to having D ...and I wonder what type of kid he would be if he didnt have diabetes? I worry too much :eek::eek:
     
  15. Tracy1918

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    I think it's very normal to be sad and depressed. No one wants to give their child shots!

    We are coming up on 2 years since diagnosis and I'm at a much better place with diabetes. It's still very frustrating and makes me sad sometimes, but it's nothing like it was at diagnosis.

    For what it's worth, I think I took my son's diagnosis harder than some people. I honestly mourned for such a long time. I talked with my doctor about getting some medication to help me through, but in the end, I didn't need it. I just prayed a lot and God brought me through!

    My best advice is to take it one day at a time and don't be so hard on
    yourself when you feel sad. It's okay.
     
  16. Connor's Mom

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    Welcome to CWD. Wish you didn't have to be here but, know that it is the best place for you to be. My son is going on 3 years in February. I cried a lot the first couple of months. Then I cried some more when his honeymoon ended and we had to start giving him more shots. I have cried when it seems like it is my fault all this is happening to him. I know it's not, but there are days I still feel like it is. I cried the first time he drew out his own shot and then again when he changed his own site. I think there will always be times that this disease gets to me but, I know that there is a place that I can come to let it all out and feel comfortable doing so.

    It will get easier little by little. Take your time and let the ones you love support you. Come here and write out what you don't feel like you can say out loud. Sometimes you just need to put the words out there and not have someone tell you that there is always someone worse off than you when they are trying to make you feel better.

    Hugs to you and your family!
     
  17. Turtle1605

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    I feel better just reading your experiences and knowing that I am not going crazy and that there is hope that I will feel better. I pray every day to my heavenly father for strength and guidance so that I can do the right thing at the right time to protect his little body. Of course, I cry out in prayer for healing and to advance medical science at the speed of lightening to cure this in a hurry. I'm so glad I found all of you...you are such a blessing! Thank you so much!!!!
     
  18. cm4kelly

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    We all have been there

    We have all been there - I remember by tears and sobs, my husband punching the wall at my then 2 1/2 year old son's diagnosis.

    One week later my really good friend - 31 years old with a three year old daughter - was diagnosed with MS.

    We both grieved and then as we said to each other - we just have to do what it takes day to day.

    I try to cry only in private , and then put my brave, strong mom face back on. We've all been there - and still are to an extent.

    I have dealt with anxiety issues when my son has an out of routine day - like the nurse is not at school, or he stay with my parents. I am trying to get better at knowing he will be fine!
     
  19. Tamara Gamble

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    You're probably overwhelmed and grieving. All of us did at one time or another. It's scary and you have lost what you knew as your norm and your frightened for your child. Been there. It is so hard. I know this must be so difficult for you. The greatest pieces of advice our CDE gave to us was have a plan for everything, then if something comes up you're ready. Be involved with others who have been through it/support groups. Go to the CWD website and join the community. Get a 504 and everyone trained at school. There is a lot to do in a short amount of time. Fear is present and you will have to learn how to manage that eventually. Right now, you get to grieve. Everyone of us understands. I remember those days. It's tough. Hang in there. Give yourself time. Contact your local JDRF and ask for the outreach department; they can hook you up with whatever it is that you may need. Contact your local ADA and ask if you can speak with someone about getting your child accommodated at school. Be patient with all things; especially yourself right now. Hugs to you!
     

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