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You all wont believe this...

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by hughsfan30, Jun 4, 2008.

  1. hughsfan30

    hughsfan30 Approved members

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    So whenever there are snackies in the house that we would rather Jacob not get into we hide them in our bedroom. Well lately they have been diasappearing. He swears to me that he isnt taking them so, like this morning, I get on his little brother and sister. Well as Jacob is nearing the end of the school year he has had half days, something got me thinking. Before I left for work I set up my web cam to record the door of my bedroom and the area of my bed where I keep snacks under it. When the DH and I got home from work we reviewed the video. Sure enough when Jacob gets home he waltz's into my room like he owns the place. He proceeds to go under my bed and take not one but two of those big ass cookies you get at the grocery stores. He shoves half of one into his mouth then grabs the rest up in his hands. Then he goes through the drawers in my headboard. He walks out of range of the camera and crosses back in front of it with a huge handful of potato chips! I was appalled! Not only had my privacy been invaded but he stole from me as well! Not to mention the fact that he has been stealing snacks he can only have if he corrects, but doesnt correct and then lies about why his blood is high. Needless to say he is on major lock down for the whole summer but I am at my wits end. This is the type of child I raised, how proud I feel! *note sarcasm here*
    I really have no idea what to do with him anymore!:mad:
     
  2. Nancy in VA

    Nancy in VA Approved members

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    Well, unfortunately, there are several things that need to be addressed here. Obviously the stealing of food and the eating without bolus are two serious things

    But as tough as it sounds, you are enabling him. You have the food in the house. If you don't want him to have the food, unforunately, I'm going to say that you need to keep it out of the house. Its obviously a temptation to him. So, I would say that you either have it open and teach him that its ok to eat as long as he boluses, or you get the food out of the house - hiding it from him isn't going to work
     
  3. frizzyrazzy

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    I fully agree. This is one of those times that if you don't want him to have it, then it needs to be gone from the house. That means for everyone, for your younger kids, for you for dh.
     
  4. ROVERT81402

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    I agree. Not to make you feel bad, but you shouldn't have to hide food from your child. He needs to learn that is IS ok to have it as long as he boluses for it. Make a rule that he can only have 1 of the "junk" foods, after dinner, or something.
     
  5. selketine

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    Would you normally let him have a cookie or chips if he gave himself insulin for them? Is that what you mean by "correct"?

    I think "hiding" them in the bedroom is temptation for him. Is the stuff in there (cookies, chips, etc) things that you normally would let him and the other kids have or do you buy that just for yourself? I think anyone would be thinking that if the food is so great it has to be locked up then that is the food they want to eat! Not like you're hiding the rice cakes under the bed...

    I'd stop hiding the food and work with him on when is a good time to have it - and let it be the same for all in the house.
     
  6. Mary Lou

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    I agree with the pp.

    If your goal is to teach healthy eating habits then you need to practice them yourself.

    We endulge in the occasional junk food snack, and strive to incorporate "all things in moderaton" no one but you can determine the best way for your family to eat, but hiding and sneaking and hoarding isn't going to benefit any member of your household.

    If you know that your child comes home from school hungry, you may want to be sure he gets a snack. It might decrease the need to sneak food.
     
  7. Shannon's Mom

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    We had a little bit of this going on in our house last year. There are things that are just too tempting for DD. We got to the point where we decided not to have them in the house. I explained to the other kids that if they wanted those things (like chocolate) they had to get it when they were out and eat it them. There are some sweets (such as ice cream) that DD likes, but it never seemed to be a problem with her taking it. The items that were problematic seemed to be foods that could be grabbed easily (cookies, candy) and not necessarily missed - like I don't count the number of cookies in a box so would not notice if a couple were missing. I still try not to stock the house full of junk food - because it's not good for any of us - but we don't seem to have as much of a problem. The other thing we did was not keep desserts in the house. Instead, if we are out to dinner, we are more likely to order desserts then (which we typically did not in the past). It is more expensive, but is not done often and it then feels like a real treat.
    It is so hard for them - I am always torn - you feel bad because I wouldn't punish the others for taking cookies, but you have to make sure it is a part of life for them to realize, if you eat it - cover it!
     
  8. Beach bum

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    I have to agree with everyone else. D or no D any kid who knows there are better snacks somewhere else in the house will break down a door to get to them. I think by hiding them you are only making the temptation that much harder.

    We allow "fun food" at our house but in moderation. If we do have something like this, we generally work it into a meal so that there is protien to help balance it out. Work with your child to determine if it is a wise food choice for that time of day, give him snack options for when he comes home from school. Try baked chips instead of fried, whole grain cookies instead of the huge grocery store ones.

    IMO, and I don't mean to sound harsh, but you need to practice what you preach. You are telling your child not to eat these type foods, yet you are hiding them in your room. Your child is learning from you, so you need to set an example, even if it means looking into your own habits.
     
  9. RosemaryCinNJ

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    As a mom with teens who are eating machines, we have a cabinet in the laundry room that is kept locked. Why locked? Well they would eat all the snacks in one day if they could..I keep snacks for Ryan (NonD) for school and he has to bring a snack everyday. Here children bring a snack to school up in elementary school (up to 5th gr)..So they get locked up. I distribute them as they ask for them of course but do not let them have access to it..I am the snack natzi around here. Teens are human snacking machines type 1 or not..its normal...Can you leave a snack for your son everyday with the condition he does bolus for it? Try to reach a happy medium. teens will make you crazy!
    (Im not really a snack natzi..but you get the idea) Amanda my Type 1 is too young yet to invade snacks if she could..but that cabinet of mine will stay locked for a while.
     
  10. PixieStix

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    As both a mom and a dietitian, I fully agree w/ the other posts. Restricting certain foods only makes them more desirable, not just for our kids w/ diabetes but all of us. A healthy diet can certainly include cookies and chips, even w/ diabetes. I notice you have a brother and cousin w/ D--the newer insulins make life so much easier than it used to be, and there really doesn't need to be "Allowed/Avoid" lists of foods anymore. Your son's behavior is telling you a new care plan might be in order, I am sure you are disappointed and frustrated but please try to use this as an opportunity to help your family learn and grow in his diabetes care. I would recommend a visit with your dietitian and/or CDE to move towards MDI or a perhaps a pump to help him cover the carbs he consumes at any and all times.
     
  11. Lee

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    Well, I have a friend who has T1 - since she was little - and her mom used to lock all of the 'bad' foods in the parents room - she said it always made her feel like s$%t becuase she KNEW everyone would get them and she wouldn't and she didn't see how it was fair. And then she talked -laughed - about all of the creative ways she would break into her folks room and steal food. She said the thrill was as good as the snack.

    So, I wouldn't lock them away anymore. I know you want your house to have them - so buy a few at a time - and then wait a day or two once they are gone before buying more - it does mean more trips to the grocery store- but it also means less food to steal.

    If you have them out in the open, then eventually they will loose their magic - evil appeal. We have had a box of chocolate covered reeses pb cookies in the cabinet for 2 weeks now - they are good - and we can have them - but they aren't calling out to my daughter saying - haha - you can't have these...

    Honestly, having them out in the open, after the initial binge, is the only way togo. And he is a teenager, so he will eat alot anyway.

    I would not even touch on the invading your privacy thing - honestly - I would make it a matter of health, and how lying isn't appropriate (but - isn't that sort of like what you where doing - there aren't any good snacks in the house - unless you look in my room) ~ hmmm - tough call - and invading privacy - you video taped him (which I totally would have done) but that can be counter argued as you invaded him.

    If I were in your shoes - I think I would say - all snacks are gone from my room - I was wrong to hide them from you just like you were wrong to steal them and then not bolus. We are starting clean - snacks are in the open - and you give yourself insulin for them - end of story.

    If you start running high every afternoon - then I will assume you are not bolusing, and we will no longer have these snacks anywhere in the house.
     
  12. OSUMom

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    I'm sorry you're having this situation. I know it's extremely frustrating for you. I read your post, and you know what, I feel sorry for your son. I know he was sneaking and I know he lied. Diabetes just sucks.

    I have the teenagers too and for some reason they have control with snacks, but I don't. I wonder if it's something biological or emotional? At Holloween time, my kids can quit at a few treats. If I buy the candy long before trick or treat night, I can have the bag gone! I have to have the family lock the candy from me!! It's best for it just not to be around.

    What is that? I guess what I'm saying is there can be more going on here than simple disobedience or defiance maybe. I don't know - but my heart does go out to you mom. Parenting is so hard...
     
    Christopher likes this.
  13. Karenwith4

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    I think that by having that food in the house but locking it up sends the wrong message to your son and essentially sets him up to fail.
    The problem isn't that he ate the food, or even that he took it really. (If anyone else, including the parents, can eat what they want then he should be able to as well.)
    The problem is that he doesn't feel safe and supported to deal with his D appropriately. Unfortunately you have set up a situation where you have communicated you don't trust him and he has met that expectation by proving you right. Kids have an amazing ability to meet our expectations - whether they are hight or low.
    You are also setting up a dynamic where food becomes the way he can rebel, rather than letting food be just food. That's particularly unhealthy for a family with D.

    Parenting is hard isn't it?
    The best advice I ever got was to begin with the end in mind.
    If I could offer you some advice it would be to sit down with your husband and talk about what it is your want for your son, then find ways to support him in learning healthy ways to reach those milestones, rather than punishing him for not meeting them (especially when you are putting him in situations that make it harder for him to succeed).
    So for example if you want your family to be a healthy place for him to learn the skills to manage D, you might want to stop locking up food and instead be more open and supportive about what he needs to do to have a balanced diet and provide him with the tools for him to achieve that. I'd suggest you treat food as nourishment rather than making it about power.
    If you want him to trust and be honest with you, you need to find ways to model that those things are more important than whether he eats a cookie.

    I'd be really careful about doling out punishment in this case until you get some clarity about what the real issues are and how you have set up the situation that led to all of this.

    Good luck!
    Karen
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2008
  14. Lisa P.

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    My older kid had trouble with sugar before my youngest was diagnosed, so we've been trying to be very low sugar and white flour for years. But I am completely out of control on the stuff much of the time. She sees me eat and that I don't have the control she does, she is expected to turn down certain snacks at school, but we go to the grocery and I grab a soda. It's awful, I tell her how proud I am of her that she has more control than me, etc., but it is still a horrible message. I've avoided, though, the trap of hiding stuff from her, because that just adds a layer of (for me) deceit to the mix, and diminishes both of us. The thing is, this stuff isn't good for ANY of us, and I'm carrying the extra sixty pounds and mood swings to prove it. So, I'm resolving again to set a better example and quit the sugars today. My point, though, is that everyone here is right -- you can't be hiding sugars from your kid, that's pretty clear. At the same time, we all have our hurdles, and don't think you can just jump them easily. It's good advise to buy only a packet of cookies a week, for example, but for some of us that's not easy to do, it's a constant struggle. And I know for me, I tend to think, "hey, I'm dealing with so much right now anyway with the diabetes thing, I deserve a cookie". But thinking of it as a sacrifice you make for love of your kid makes it more meaningful. Good luck.
     
  15. Eminemsmom

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    I like this. It is short and to the point. I would start off with: "You and I both know that you have been taking the snacks in my room, so..." That way you don't have to let him know how you know, but is addresses the issue of stealing the food (not to mention invasion of privacy).

    Oh, the joys of parenthood...
     
  16. zell828

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    Before my SD was diagnosed and when both my kids were younger we used to lock the candy drawer simply because they didn't quite get the "no touch unless you ask" rule when they were younger. But as they got older we just left it. We still leave it now, and we have candy and other things in our home, but we don't have any trouble with either kids sneaking anything. My SD knows if she wants something, she asks first and we will just bolus her for it. Of course, rules (whether nonD or D) are neither kids are allowed a snack right before a meal or they won't be hungry for the meal. There is no "forbidden" foods in our home. If it was forbidden we wouldn't have it in our home. We are all allowed the same foods. I think this helps with my SD not feeling like she is desperate or craving something nor that she can't have something others in the family can. Fair is fair.
     
  17. BrendaK

    BrendaK Neonatal Diabetes Registry

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    Very well said, Karen. I completely agree.

    I think there are HUGE long term psychological implications that come from locking food in your bedroom. What would happen if you just let him eat the stuff? Say here's a candy bar and some chips. You can even bolus him yourself instead of hoping he will bolus.

    What kind of eating habits are you teaching in your home? Does everyone else get to sneak the junk food except for him? What about siblings? Do they get more snacks than your son?
    Does he ever get any junk food/sweets? Or are they always forbidden?
     
  18. thebestnest5

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    I am sorry that you are having these feelings and issues. But, I really hope you can see your role in this as much as you blame your son.


    I, for one, would be apologizing to my child for not being supportive.:(

    I agree with the previous posters about keeping snacks in the open for everybody in the house.

    Why is it that children with diabetes would be expected to avoid all junk snacks when we can't/don't want to as parents? It's not any easier for the kids to not eat the foods just because they are "hidden"--it just makes it more difficult because then the child with D knows that they are the only ones expected not to eat the treats that mom and dad can freely eat. Hiding foods like that just puts a little extra burden on the child who is already dealing with enough stuff when it comes to diabetes.

    I have tried days in my DD's shoes, I've tested before and after eating, I've counted carbs, I've waited to start eating my meal...so insulin can kick in, I've had "free" snacks for a "pretend" high when I'd rather had something carby and yummy!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's not easy at all!

    As parents of children with D, I feel we need to at least try to get behind the eyes of our children and really see what it is we are expecting them to do and try to make it easier...not harder.
     
  19. Ellen

    Ellen Senior Member

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    Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing.
    Albert Schweitzer

    Parents must lead by example. Don't use the cliche; do as I say and not as I do. We are our children's first and most important role models.
    Lee Haney

    Parenting is a challenge - every day. :)
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2008
  20. muddymessalonskee

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    Congratulations! You have a real teenaged son! And a typical one, it seems. In about ten years, you'll probably both look back on this incident and laugh.

    The vital issue here is his bg control. I'd focus on his care, specifically working on getting him to bolus appropriately. I'd make sure he has access to as much food as he needs, and I wouldn't restrict his access to food that other family members are allowed to eat freely. My son does this on MDI. A daughter has a pump. Either works.

    I'd lock up anything he shouldn't be getting into: the room, food, whatever. With a teen-proof lock. He knows the house rules, and that he broke them, so you don't have to explain the lock.

    I wouldn't punish him, because he'd blame D, which could make him more defiant with regard to his care. As you probably know, it can be very hard to convince a teenaged boy to comply with good bg control practices. (I know. My D son is 17. And he's much more reasonable now than he was at 14, when he was diagnosed.)

    The knowledge that something tasty is hidden somewhere in the house can be irresistible to a hungry teen. I wouldn't make it into a moral issue, because given the same opportunity again, he will probably do the same thing again. He knows it breaks your trust. He probably feels quite guilty about what he's doing. In a battle between trust and a teen appetite, the appetite almost always wins. And we have not had the experience that free access to sweets and snacks leads to any sort of moderation. Someone once told me "there's no gag limit on sugar". It seems to be true around here.

    My sisters and I used to poke around in drawers and cabinets (and sometimes find things, like snacks, that had been hidden, and sometimes even eat those snacks) when our parents were out. We knew it was wrong, but only in the sense that it would tick off our parents. (Their lectures went in one ear and out the other.) Our foraging did not lead us to a life of crime. None us us has ever got so much as a parking ticket.

    Deborah
     

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