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WWYD - regarding a friend's poor choice ....

Discussion in 'Parents of Teens' started by Gomod71, May 8, 2014.

  1. Gomod71

    Gomod71 Approved members

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    My son's supposedly good friend hid his lunch box yesterday at school. My son called me in a panic before lunch, he had already bolused and then couldn't find his lunch. I presumed he was being his flakey self and left it at home. I instructed him to either eat school lunch, or drink enough juice to compensate for the carbs.

    Later, he shares that the lunch was found long after lunch by his teacher who returned it to him. Only then does he find out that his friend "hid" it on him.

    I could make a stink with the school, but don't think that's the right approach. I could address with this friend myself, but don't think that's necessarily the right thing to do either. I think my son, at the age of 13, should be able to talk this through with her. He's not one for confrontation, but I think it's important that he speak with her.

    I'm so disappointed in this friend. Apparently she doesn't understand the potential danger to what she did. My son has had diabetes for nearly 7 years, and this student has been friends with him for nearly that long.

    So, WWYD?
     
  2. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    That's a tough one. If there is a nurse or a teacher at school who you trust to calmly, briefly and privately speak to the student who hid the lunch, that might be the way to go. But only if there is someone who could make the point without making it into a big scold. If your son can just say, " you know I count the carbs and dose for that amount so really... do me a favor and don't mess around with my lunch, Ok?" that might be best.
     
  3. nanhsot

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    At this point I'd have my son deal with it. If this truly is a close friend he should have no problem telling her that what she did was dangerous to him, and explain why. If it happens again, I'd go to her parents with it.
     
  4. sszyszkiewicz

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    If you know the parents I would give them a polite call, and I would have your son talk to his buddy to let her know how serious it can be.

    If there are tricksters in the class, I would also make sure your son doesn't bolus until he sees his lunch if that is possible.
     
  5. Gomod71

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    Thanks all for the responses.

    I don't know the girls' parents so I don't feel comfortable enough calling them, thus why I'm so torn on what to do.

    I let my son try and address at school today, and the other student just made light of it all and said "awww, do you need a hug?" when DS tried to explain how serious it could have been.

    I'm kind of frustrated with my son because the situation stressed him out and even he's not confident she wouldn't do it again because in his words, she just doesn't get it.

    Ugh. I feel no more content with the way this was handled then I did before the day started! :( He needs to learn to advocate for himself!
     
  6. MomofSweetOne

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    If your son is still concerned it may happen again, I would call the teacher. His lunch was taken on school property, and if it happens again, then there should be appropriate school-given consequences.
     
  7. KatieSue

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    I'd say were it to happen again he needs to go to a teacher or the nurse, explain that this has happened before then they can address the other child.
     
  8. nanhsot

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    Yes, this. If he's unsure or definitely if it happens again, the teacher/staff need to be involved. Is there an on site nurse that knows him and his needs? If yes, he needs to go to her immediately next time it happens so it is documented as a medical situation and the right channels are taken. I feel badly for your son, being a teen is hard enough without having silly stuff like this to tackle.
     
  9. wilf

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    I think the right thing to do is for you to call the friend, and speak with her yourself. That way you know exactly what she's been told, and can make sure you don't either overdo or underdo it.
     
  10. Christopher

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    I respectfully and politely disagree with those who are telling you to either call the parents, a teacher or the child herself. At your son's age it is very important that you include him in any decision you make. And really I would lean toward letting him make the decision of how to handle this (as you said earlier, he needs to learn to advocate for himself). I think it is important at his age that he is learning how to navigate some of these "minefields" at school, with friends, etc. Even if things don't turn out great, feelings get hurt, whatever, he will be learning lessons and skills that will help him in the long run.
     
  11. Cheetah-cub

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    I also have a 13-year-old. I think 13 (and middle school) is a tough age. They are most certainly still kids, and need parent involvement. I would most certainly talk to the school administrator and/or the nurse about this. So, they can act upon it, and talk to the girl. You and your son should be confident that this will not happen again.
     
  12. Lee

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    There is a boy in my DD's class that frequently steals her lunch and proceeds to eat it. She has talked until she is blue in the face with him, but absolutely does not want me to talk to the school, the nurse, or the boy's parents. Instead, we brainstormed what she could do if it happens again. This includes keeping extra protein bars, etc in her book bag and extra $ to buy lunch. At 16, this is much more her problem then mine.
     
  13. valerie k

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    can you say laxative brownies? Or dog poop sammie? she should make up a few bad lunches and hide her good lunch, eventually, he will learn.
     

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