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What Diabetes has Done to Me

Discussion in 'Teens' started by Teenwithdiabetestype1, Mar 6, 2011.

  1. Teenwithdiabetestype1

    Teenwithdiabetestype1 Approved members

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    Diabetes has affected me profoundly. I am a teenage girl who has been diabetic for twelve years, and I was diagnosed when I was young but I wasn?t too young to not remember.
    I hate being diabetic. I hate diabetes so much. Every day I wish I didn?t have it. I wish that diabetes didn?t exist. I would trade almost anything to not be diabetic. For twelve years I have suffered through finger tests, needles, pump sight changes for so long. I am just so tired of it.
    Do you remember when you were first diagnosed? I do. The nurses told me that it was all going to be ok, and that they expected to find a cure within the next five years. Five years later, they told me they were still five years away, and so on and so on.
    I was diagnosed two days before my birthday, after collapsing into a lake near my house. I was still young, but I remember that I was happy because I was getting special attention. I didn?t realize that instead of smiling, I should have been crying.
    I know that I am one of the lucky ones, my parents are really supportive, and until I started school I was closely looked after. In my elementary school (that was two minutes from home); I was one of those girls who always did as they were told. I never asked questions are wondered why I had to put up with all the difficulties that came with diabetes. I was never considered particularly smart, and when the time came for us to choose a junior high to go too, my parents told me that the best place for me was an all girls' school.
    Suddenly, I was across town, my parents didn?t know what was going on during school, and I started to realize a few things. First, I realized that I actually had a voice, I started talking in school and eventually I was at the top of the class. I started to also realize that I was angry. I was angry that I had to put up with diabetes; I wondered why I had to feel sick and why I always had to watch what I ate. I was starting to be consumed by my desire to be cured.
    I had realized that I didn?t want to be diabetic anymore, and so I discovered a way to get the blood glucose numbers I wanted without actually finger testing. I lied to my parents, and for the first time I was free of my diabetes. I forgot that I had it most of the time.
    I managed to keep my secret for two years, my parents and the nurses were confused about my numbers. One day I was so high that I could only sit on the couch and throw up and stupidly, I told my parents that everything was fine. My parents found out that night, and my dad was so mad that he drove me out o the hospital and told me to look at all the people with amputated limbs, because I was going to become one if I didn?t smarten up.
    I had hurt my parents; I betrayed their trust by not looking after myself. I came in to the diabetes clinic with n average number of twenty-four. My parents told the nurses what I had been doing and I was scorned. I wasn?t sorry for what I had done though, I am still not. I was hurt too, I hurt every time I had to take a needle, and every time some kid looked at my test kit and wondered if I was some sort of freak.
    I continued to be angry at the world, and I quickly discovered another way to get the blood sugar numbers they wanted without actually having them. By this time, I was even angrier, for everything I did I always wondered, ?What if I wasn?t diabetic,? and it was making my life miserable. I returned to the clinic again and snapped at the nurses, they quickly responded by sending me down the hall to the psychiatrist.
    For six months I lied through my teeth to the psychiatrist, and she and I both knew it. She didn?t understand what I was going through; she didn?t realize how it feels to be diabetic. For anyone reading this; the only people, who can understand diabetes, are the people who have it. No number of years in medical school will compete with actually living and breathing diabetes.
    Diabetes was isolating me from people I used to know. I was confused and instead of being angry, I was sad.
    I was lucky enough to be sent to diabetes camp that summer (I would highly recommend it for anyone interested). I had been attending this camp once a year since I was nine and I loved it. That year though, I went hoping to find people that were going through the same things I was. I met some nice people but I did not know anyone enough to really be able to relate. Instead, I saw eight year olds. They looked so young and healthy, but they were all diabetic. It broke my heart. To see them finger testing and taking needles. It was awful. I started to think less about my problems, and more about what other kids were going through.
    Sometimes I still get angry and sad. The doctors and nurses never told me the real truth.
    Right now, I am still living in Canada, I am suffering from kidney problems though, my circulation problems are making it hard for me to type, and I am steadily losing my vision more and more each year.
    I now know that if I ever wanted to start a family, it would be hard for me because of my diabetes. I also know that there is a significant chance that I will be dead before I turn fifty. I am not writing this to scare anyone reading this. I am writing this because I wish I could have known sooner than later the impact that diabetes would have on my life.
     
  2. fredntan2

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    I hate diabetes too
     
  3. PatriciaMidwest

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    I'm sorry -- I hate diabetes too.

    It sounds like you are ready to turn things around, which is wonderful. You are still very young if you are still a teen, and our bodies have a remarkable way of healing when we take good care of them.

    Keep posting here when you need someone to talk to - I think most people here do "get it".
     
  4. Teenwithdiabetestype1

    Teenwithdiabetestype1 Approved members

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    Thanks

    Thank you guys. It really does mean a lot to me that you are replying and looking at my post. I am hoping to get better but sometimes it is hard you know? Just having other people that have been affected by diabetes to talk to makes things a lot easier. Thank you.
     
  5. PatriciaMidwest

    PatriciaMidwest Approved members

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    It is hard work...no doubt about it. But keep after it because you are worth the effort!
     
  6. wilf

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    It is your choice how much of an impact diabetes will have on your health.

    You know what you have to do to manage the diabetes. :) It's just a matter of doing it. No one can do it for you, and no one can force you to do it. You have to choose to do it, and that's takes tenacity and courage - every day.

    But I think you can do it, and I sincerely hope you do.. :cwds:
     
  7. josmom

    josmom Approved members

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    I see how you feel. All I think about when I consider doing something to negatively affect my diabetes is how is it honestly going to help? ITS NOT!!! But yeah, it's really hard.
     
  8. MissEmi

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    I suggest you start reading Kerri's Blog at www.sixuntilme.com

    Read some of her older posts. I've learned a lot over there, and she blogs her ups AND downs. She's had T1 for I think 24 years now.

    Oh, and by the way, I hate diabetes too.
     
  9. superjen

    superjen New Member

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    You aren't alone

    My heart breaks for you. All these adults should have known better and been honest with you from the beginning instead of giving you false hope. I have been diabetic for 12 years too, but I was diagnosed as an adult in my 30s, type 1. Talk about a change. I knew life without diabetes and knew it well. Last year my teenage son was also diagnosed just before his 16th birthday. When I was diagnosed I made a pact with myself to take care of my diabetes because I wanted to live a long and healthy life, to be around for my family. In having that attitude it has made my diabetes easier.

    As for people around you and what they think. I use to care. Now I don't. They can think whatever they want. They don't know and you shouldn't care. You only need to care about one, that is yourself. If they can't be nice to you and learn then they aren't worth the effort. There are plenty of people out there that will care and will learn.

    Your parents love you!! Let them help you. You aren't in this alone. It also seems you may have found a direction. Help the little ones. Maybe become a camp counselor or volunteer with a youth diabetes organization in your area. Teach them the positive of what you learned. Help them to have a better understanding and a more positive approach to their diabetes. You can make friends with your diabetes, but it will take effort.

    Lastly, I have an organization that provides free medic alert IDs to diabetic children and teens. I'd like to send one to you. Will you email me? angel-ids@earthlink.net. I even have the rubber bracelets. Please don't hesitate to contact me.

    Jennifer
    dx 04/1999 and my teen son dx 3/8/10
     
  10. Gillybean2145

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    I was diagnosed two years ago and they told me the same thing! 5 years and its a little disappointing that they tell that to everyone. Maybe they just say it to make us feel better. And I hate that they say its going to be okay because we aren't going to grow out of it and it doesn't really get easier.
     
  11. Connie(BC)Type 1

    Connie(BC)Type 1 Approved members

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    They told me 5 years in 1970, i's 2011 now.............and yes I'm going blind (genetic,but partly diabetes too)now, but am enrolled in the Hadley School for The Blind, to learn braille, I'm 52 now and need to be able to funtion no matter what. Do look after your diabetes and you will survive and succeed.
     

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