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Well meaning family or are they?

Discussion in 'Parents of Teens' started by Mom2dirty, Feb 12, 2011.

  1. Mom2dirty

    Mom2dirty Approved members

    Oct 24, 2010
    I think I just need to vent and see if I over reacted. My MIL and SIL are both big into "natural" and dead set against "medicine." Each time they go to a seminar or read something on the Internet they just have to tell me all about it. To give you a little history: When Dirty was first diagnosed they talked in front of him about how he could "think" away his diabetes. When I heard about this from Dirty I told my husband to tell them not to talk about such things to him or so that he could hear. So far since then they haven't talked to Dirty or in front of him. I am a little sensitive about their paranoia about the medical system and have had to remind them that because of doctors my son is alive!!! Well today MIL calls to give me the phone number of a woman she met who is a mentor for JDRF. I am grateful for this and thanked her. She started talking about a seminar she went to about Austism and I listened for a while. I asked her what the persons name was who taught it because I thought I knew the Doctor. One question and she thinks I want to hear all about it. She starts telling me how vaccines cause auto immune diseases to include diabetes. We chose to vaccinate Dirty (and she knows this) when he was younger and I just saw red and got very emotional and angry. I know she means well but I keep taking offense to things she says and I get very upset. Does anyone else deal with this from well meaning family or friends? And if so how do you deal with it? She just doesn't seem to get it!!! :confused::eek:
  2. LJM

    LJM Approved members

    Mar 10, 2008
    That's a tough one. I have not had family members do this to me, fortunately. I think you were kind not to tear her head off.
  3. TheFormerLantusFiend

    TheFormerLantusFiend Approved members

    Sep 10, 2006
    Although I'd say they sound well meaning, that does not mean that you or your son would benefit from listening to their ideas.
    I have a coworker who doesn't believe in using medications. Including life saving ones. Including insulin. She's a fairly nice person, but if the world was run the way she thinks it should be, I'd be dead.

    Since my views bother her only a little less than her views bother her, and neither of us is very good at just letting it go, although we are both trying, we've started bringing CDs to work- while we aren't much expanding each other's horizons in terms of thoughts on disease and medicine, at least we can enjoy each other's music. :cwds:
    It's still tense.

    Since your in-laws have stopped saying what they were saying at your request, it sounds like they are trying. You may or may not ever change their view points, but they will probably be willing to keep off of medical topics around your kid(s?) if that is what you ask them to do.

    One of my sets of grandparents had very different set of beliefs about religion and child raising than my parents; out of respect for my parents, they never ever criticized my parents' beliefs or child raising decisions in front of us.
  4. StillMamamia

    StillMamamia Approved members

    Nov 21, 2007
    I think that sometimes well-meaning friends and family also feel very frustrated that they can't take away the disease, kwim? So, they do what they think is right and provide us with tons of info, most of them useless, IMHO.

    That said, I also think it's an insult to our own willingness and intelligence as parents for people to provide said info. Who more than us wants our babies to be healed? Who more than us researches info? I think well-meaning friends and family forget we already know more than they will ever do.

    You can't think D away. It's not all in the mind. I am sure you have yogis and non-vaccinated people with T1 D. I am sure you have vegetarian or vegan, yoga practicing people with T1 D. It is a physical problem, a body crapola which only insulin can help. Insulin, unfortunately, seems to equate being medicated for some. We produce insulin naturally. People with T1 D don't. They didn't think their insulin away. WTH? As much as I am for educating, I am also for drawing boundaries. If someone is being a pita about it, then tell them in clear terms "STOP".
  5. miss_behave

    miss_behave Approved members

    Aug 28, 2006
    Wow so she knows a T1 will die without insulin? Does she have an alternative treatment in mind or is she ok with the dying thing :rolleyes: Such people are not just crazy, but dangerous!
  6. swimmom

    swimmom Approved members

    Feb 23, 2007
    Well meaning or not, that would irritate the Hell out of me. It reminds me of the cartoon someone posted here where after being told the guy will keep her informed of tree bark therapy or whatever, the Type 1 mom promises to tell him if she hears of any cures for the Stupids.

    I think eye rolling and a strong "let's agree to disagree" dismissal would not be out of line.
  7. Bigbluefrog

    Bigbluefrog Approved members

    Oct 1, 2010
    Yes, my in laws are very holistic and dysfunctional holistic at that.

    In the beginning, I received a 20 page booklet of herbs to reduce insulin needs.....so instead of insulin? Give a bunch of herbs??
    Or reduced insulin, and no carbs....it's not really a cure now.

    I kindly thanked them for the info, but we have to what is best for our child.
  8. Mom2dirty

    Mom2dirty Approved members

    Oct 24, 2010
    All of you are right on target and I am so glad that you understand how I think and feel about this. Just knowing this makes me feel better.

    I told my DH about what happened last night. He of course said she means well. I told him I know her intentions are good but the outcome is always the same. I am hurt and upset. So how is the fact that her intentions were good make it any better for me? It doesn't. I do think she wants to "heal" Dirty but as I have pointed out many times to her, Dirty is not her son.

    Thanks again for all of your responses.
  9. frizzyrazzy

    frizzyrazzy Approved members

    Dec 23, 2006
    I know she's well meaning (perhaps)but I guess I'd wonder what she hopes to gain by telling you this now, after you've already vaccinated (not that there is even a credible link found at this point, but lets not go there, especially in conjunction with autism which is sounds like that's what her talk was about)..so you could say "well, you know I have vaccinated, I can't take that back. So lets make this topic off limits please. " my MIL makes little statements like that too (on different subjects) and often I don't feel that they're well meaning, I feel that she's intentionality trying to knock the wind out of me.
  10. VinceysMom

    VinceysMom Approved members

    Mar 3, 2010
    Oh yes, my sister in law did this too to me. Said, "you know, Kath, his diabetes can be cured." I don't talk with her all too much anymore only because I dont want to hear about all the herbs she and her kids take. I mean, if her herbs could cure, why in the world is her son STILL taking herbs for his asthma!!??????? shouldnt it be gone by now? ugh!
  11. Serenity's Mom

    Serenity's Mom Approved members

    Jan 17, 2011

    I am fortunate enough to have family who is educated on type 1 D. (It actually runs in my family.) However, I HAVE had ignorant people tell me that my daughter doesn't have to have shots if I just control her eating habits... Obviously they are confusing type 1 D with type 2 D (which can SOMEtimes be controled with diet), but it makes me want to just stop and look at them like they're stupid! My daughter is 7 and weighs 45 lbs! Do you really think she has an eating problem!? :rolleyes:

    So, in short, YES, that would piss me off, LOL!

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