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Way OT-But Don't Have Anyone To Talk To

Discussion in 'Parents Off Topic' started by austin_calebs_mom, Jul 5, 2009.

  1. austin_calebs_mom

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    So I have been hanging out quite a bit lately with a new friend of the opposite sex. We get along great..always making each other laugh. We don't even have to say anything to each other and one of us will make a face at the other until we both crack up. I feel like I have known him my whole life. He makes me feel good about myself. He accepts me even though I am not skinny ane beautiful. We hung out last night and I was left with the feeling that maybe he was interested in me. So tonight I text him and told him I'm starting to feel something for him. I get butterflies everytime he looks at me. Well anyways I told him that and guess what? He isn't interested in me. I should have known better but it still hurts so much. He said he doesn't want to lose me as a friend and that time might change how he feels. But how can I face him after this? It would hurt me to lose him as a friend and the chance that he might see me as something more. But the thought of him falling for someone else hurts ten times as much...
     
  2. Mistync991

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    oh tough situation i hate that one ive btdt maybe its not that he isnt interested and he just isnt ready and if he really isnt interested then its up to you to decide if you really can deal with it if he is with someone else in which case you can either break off the friendship now or deal with it when someone else comes allong ..goodluck
     
  3. mischloss

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    Rejection hurts at any age doesn't it? :(

    Sorry you had to hear the "I want to just be friends" line from him. It did sound like it was going on to be more than just friends but you neve know with guys. It would help maybe if you get out there and just socialize with a number of people (both men and women) and not just devote your time to only one person. In that way, perhaps if this guy sees that you are very socially active, he might even get some jealousy about you not being around for HIM all the time. Sometimes, that does work. Don't be so "there" for him all the time to run to. Make him crave your time together. He might just realize what he is missing when you are not there as the sounding board for him. Good luck!
     
  4. StillMamamia

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    Hate to play the devil's advocate here, but could it be exactly because of the quote above that you think you may have "romantic" feelings for him?
    Sometimes, just sometimes, we can mistake feelings of feeling worthy to ourselves with feelings of love in the romantic sense. Some people just are amazing at bringing out the best of us. But in the end, it's that feeling of accepting ourselves just as we are that we are after, and not a romantic connection.

    I'm not saying that's your case, but thought I would throw that out there. BTDT too. And I understand it hurts like heck.

    A true friend, and he sounds like good friend, will give you time to get over the rejection and be there for you when you are ready. And you will be.

    I'm very sorry.
     
  5. GAmom

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    In the meantime (not saying it doesn't hurt to get over that rejection) think of him as a brother. Enjoy him as a brother. Boyfriends come and go in this world, but true good friends are hard to find and so worth it!
     
  6. Becky Stevens mom

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    Just wanted to give you a big ((hug)) Kayla. Does your friend have kids? Is he nervous about that? that you have kids and he doesnt. You say that hes a new friend, sometimes guys get very nervous about making commitments and it takes them a bit more time then us gals to decide that the grass really isnt greener on the other side. And guys if you see this, I know plenty of woman that wont "settle" for some guy cause they arent - rich enough, smart enough, attractive enough, have a nice enough car, etc , etc,etc they usually end up old and alone. Its very possible Kayla, IMO that when this fella gets to know you better and longer that his feelings will deepen for you. that is my hope anyway if it is yours
     
  7. austin_calebs_mom

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    Thanks everyone. Becky, no he doesn't have kids. He has met my boys already along with my sister and mom. I have also met his parents. The 4 of us went out to dinner for my birthday and the week before that we all went to dinner and a movie. His parents would not let me pay for any of it. When I went over on my birthday he told me that his mom told him to shave before I got there. He told me that he said to her that he isn't out to impress me by being someone he isn't and that I wasn't his girlfriend yet..that we are just friends. I think maybe the best thing right now is to not talk to or see him for a couple days and see what happens. He seemed mad when I said last night that maybe we shouldn't hang out anymore. His reply was, "Great..I'm losing an amazing friend." I just wish I hadn't said anything...
     
  8. Meghan'smom

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    Kayla don't stop hanging out with him. It's like punishing him for being honest and not leading you on. There's nothing to say that he won't develop feelings over time. If you stop being with him you could lose that or worse yet an amazing friend that sees how wonderful you truly are.
     
  9. austin_calebs_mom

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    I think you're right Maryann. Although I need a day or two because I am way too embarassed to face him right now. Thanks for the support everyone. Sometimes it helps to get perspective from people other than your family. You guys are the best. :)
     
  10. Sorcha

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    I wonder if you'd feel comfortable explaining to him that it took a lot for you to be honest about your feelings, and that you just need a bit of time to get past it? It should be obvious that that's the reason you want some distance right now, but guys can be dense - it might need spelling out for him to realize this isn't the end of the friendship, but just you hitting the "pause" button for now.

    If you think you need some time apart, that's important. I can't see how it can be a good thing for you, feeling like you have to spend time with him to prove the point that you're NOT abandoning the friendship when all the while it's tearing you up to be close to him feeling like you do. There's nothing wrong with letting him know that you put yourself out there, and whether he meant it or not, you got stung a little. There was nothing wrong with him being honest, either, but it's reasonable that you need to take some time to sort out your own feelings right now.

    Who knows what the future will bring? For now, though, I'd suggest you take his answer for what it is and take steps to move forward yourself.....if something IS there, you putting your needs first won't stop it. I worry, though, that if you keep yourself at his beck and call, that it sends a powerful message to him - that he can treat you however he wants and you'll be there to take it. If he's playing games, you getting on with your life will snap him out of that real quick - if he's not, then he should be supportive and understanding of your taking care of you. It doesn't have to mean the end of the friendship, but you need some time and space to get back to a place where friendship alone is enough.....if he really does want to be friends, he should want you to do whatever you have to do to let that be possible.

    Just my $0.02.
     
  11. mjtjmcouch

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    I would be honest and say, I'm really embarrassed for telling you my feelings. See what he says. You will not die from embarrassment and this could be a good story down the road. If you really have feelings for him, this shouldn't be enough to stop them, should it? Not saying it's going to be easy.
     
  12. tiffanie1717

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    So sorry. I did take some optimism from his comments though. You said that he said that maybe time would change his feelings. If he didn't have any feelings for you he definitely wouldn't have said that! He would've said that he wasn't interested. period. SO... maybe if you can just be friends and look for other guys to find interest in in the meantime, you never know what might happen and at the very least you have a great friend who really cares about you.
     
  13. Tori's Mom

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    I agree. Give it some more time and see what happens. He obviously values his time spent with you since he was upset about losing an "amazing friend". I stinks to stick your neck out like that and get that response. (((hugs)))
     
  14. RosemaryCinNJ

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    He makes me feel good about myself. He accepts me even though I am not skinny ane beautiful.

    Kayla....trust me you want a man who thinks you are beautiful and sees you that way....to him you are everything...xoxoxo Im sorry he does not feel the same..men can be such asses..(not a fan of men lately!!!)
     
  15. austin_calebs_mom

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    I want to thank all of you for the support. I really love knowing that I can come in here for support and advice to things that aren't always related to D. I mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say that you all are truly wonderful. :) I still don't know what I am going to do. The thought of never seeing or talking to him again hurts me a lot. Yet I don't know if I can act normal around him now. I guess maybe just take things one day at a time and see what happens?...
     

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