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Ugh! Ive been dreading this!! Long vent

Discussion in 'Parents Off Topic' started by Becky Stevens mom, Jul 4, 2010.

  1. muddymessalonskee

    muddymessalonskee Approved members

    May 18, 2006
    I wouldn't go. I'd invite her to visit us, and book a hotel for her.

  2. sam1nat2

    sam1nat2 Approved members

    Jan 24, 2007
    I think you need to take her up on this.

    So sorry Becky..
  3. KatieJane'smom

    KatieJane'smom Approved members

    Jun 15, 2008
    First of all, how dare she want one child and not the other! That just makes me so mad and hurts my feelings for you and your boys!

    Okay, I have several suggestions, all of which you may have already tried before but here goes:

    1. Remind hubby that he promised only one day next time and tell him that you would really like him to stick to his word.

    2. If/when you go, then be polite but firm in your responses to her. For example, "I'm sorry, but we won't be able to participate in that activity (or go with you, whatever) because Steven will need to be eating lunch during that time."

    3. Involve her or ask for her help in solving the issues. For example, "That sounds like great fun but Steven needs....(whatever)....can you help me figure out a way to do that?"

    4. Very humbly (I know, I'm rolling my eyes right along with you) go to her and express to her that you really would like to show her (and your hubby & grandpa) what to do for Steven in his D care. Now that the boys are getting older you would like for them to be able to care for Steven without you there (doesn't matter if you ever actually intend for that to happen or not).

    5. Keep reminding yourself that you can't reason with crazy! You can kill her with kindness and still be firm in your stance so that you don't alienate yourself or give her (or other family members) a reason to find fault with you.

    Don't know if that helps or not but it's just some things that I thought of while reading your posts.
  4. joan

    joan Approved members

    Aug 31, 2009
    Becky this sounds horrible. I don't like confrontation and would go and be upset the whole time. Sometimes I just don't feel like all the explaining and talking when I feel the other person either isn't listening or does not want to hear what I am saying. She sounds like she may be ill. I hope the few days in Maine go quickly.I would plan some one day excursions for you with or without the boys so you can leave in the morning and get back at the end of the day and spend the least amount of time there.
  5. bgallini

    bgallini Approved members

    Feb 23, 2008
    Yikes! She sounds very abusive and I'd be afraid to let my children near her unattended. I would not let my dh take them w/o me being there. But I also would try to avoid going at all.

    If you feel you must go, I'd do the hotel thing and just visit with her for a short time a couple of days....maybe even not going inside the house....just take the kids to play outside some and use the excuse that you don't want to scratch the floors so you'll just go back to the hotel....
  6. shekov

    shekov Approved members

    Feb 22, 2008
    I know from previous posts and PMs that you are in a really tough spot.

    I know exactly what you are up against and want to remind you that no matter what they say, no matter how they twist and turn things in their favor, RIGHT IS STILL RIGHT and WRONG IS STILL WRONG.

    You are the one with everyone's best interest in mind.

    You are your childrens' advocates. He may not see what you are seeing due it being HIS mom and maybe he's used to the crazy.

    Sending you all of the strength I can spare, Honey.
  7. Beach bum

    Beach bum Approved members

    Nov 17, 2005
    Sounds like a good idea.

    I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Your MIL is verbally abusive, and I would just put my foot down and say "I've had it." I wouldn't let any of my kids (d or non d) be alone in her presence because of her behavior. I'd say to hubby, "last year, you said one day, and that's all we're doing. If you want to stay longer, we'll take two cars and the kids and I will be leaving at the end of the day. You can stay as long as you like, but we had a one day deal."
  8. grantsmom

    grantsmom Approved members

    Jul 29, 2008

    You are in such a tough spot. I wish (as I am sure you do) that your husband would just go for a day.

    I honestly cannot imagine this behavior being tolerated...but bullys can get their way. It would be so hard for me not to go toe to toe with her.

    Sending you good good good thoughts and a big HUG for strength:)
  9. GaPeach

    GaPeach Approved members

    Dec 29, 2007

    Hopefully, she can mind her manners for one day. History proves that she becomes abusive over extended periods of time.

    Sounds so much like my sister. Short visits usually work - then the deterioration begins.
  10. Becky Stevens mom

    Becky Stevens mom Approved members

    Oct 14, 2008
    I appreciate all the support:cwds: I finally brought this up with my hubby today. He said once again that I didnt have to go. It went down hill from there. I told him straight out that the last few years have been very stressful when we go to visit them. He said thats because his Mother and I cant get along and we get him in the middle of it:rolleyes: In other words, he copped out, decided it had nothing to do with him. If I could just keep my big mouth shut everything would be great. Back to living in la la land for him:( I told him that my being there had nothing to do with the way his Mother treats the boys and how obsessed with her home she is. I also said its not fair to have them go up there and deal with that. He said we will just go up for a long weekend and try to stay away from her. Whoo hoo! Can barely wait
  11. Melancholywings

    Melancholywings Approved members

    Sep 15, 2009
    She sounds abusive in a 'mommy dearest' way. If it helps everytime she talks you should think 'No wire hangers!' in your head. We do that with someone we know - only it's the aliens from Mars Attack. It oddly makes their forced company a bit more bearable.

    Do the boys want to go? If they don't i'd send DH on his own, if they do I'd insist on a hotel. If you stayed at a hotel - with a pool. It makes the perfect excuse to escape from her. You could take the boys back to swim and your DH can spend quality time with his mom. It also makes it harder for her to control your family.

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