- advertisement -

Thoughts on using CWD to your advantage

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by Sarah Maddie's Mom, Dec 4, 2012.

  1. tiger7lady

    tiger7lady Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2010
    Messages:
    344
    :) I still lurk and it's been almost 3 years.

    I feel CWD is an incredible resource. I have been here everyday (sometimes more than once per day) since DX. However I don't post very often because most of the time what I would have said has already been said or I can search for my answer from a past thread. A good example of this was when my son joined Cross Country this past fall. This was the first time we had ever had to deal with exercise for that long of a period of time. I searched the forum and was able to print out several threads that gave excellent advice.
     
  2. Williamsville mommy

    Williamsville mommy Approved members

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2011
    Messages:
    365
    Thank you. That was perfectly said. Being a mom of a daughter who was dx only a year ago. Thnks again
     
  3. Mish

    Mish Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Messages:
    1,393
    I missed this the first go around, but absolutely NOT. You should not step away. I think this is at the heart of what I feel. You should feel free to answer in your own way. None of us are the same. None of us communicate in the same way, even in person, and we never know which words are going to be the words that truly help someone. If those of us who have been at if for a long time have all sorts of different experiences in our diabetes journey. I think our advice, given in our own way should be valid. I am totally guilty of not thinking about the emotional status of a new users simply because I am not an overly emotional person. I like to hear things the way they are. If people had not given me real advice early on, I'm not sure where I'd be. So I do the same. I think you do as well. So don't step away. :) (and see Lee's bit of sarcasm below, I suspect you'd agree)

    there, I fixed it for you. haha. And noooo that never happens.
     
  4. Jason's mom

    Jason's mom Approved members

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2012
    Messages:
    77
    Amy - If I made you feel this way, I really am sorry. I would hate to see you step back. Your years of experience (along with all of the others here) are invaluable to me.
     
  5. Amy C.

    Amy C. Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2005
    Messages:
    5,560
    It was no one in particular. I am pretty short in the number of words I use in a response and often don't stop to put myself in the shoes of a newly dx'd parent.

    I am not good at gauging emotional needs through this forum and perhaps a more sympathetic response is needed than I take the time to give.
     
  6. Mish

    Mish Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Messages:
    1,393
    Here's the thing. I am responsible for my words. I also know the intentions that are behind my words and that those intentions are good. Without any other sort of cues, I can only guess that anyone who responds to a question also has good intentions behind their words. If everyone claims to have good intentions behind their words (and everyone always does make those claims) then I'm not sure why the inclination is to make posters like you (and Sarah and others) feel bad for their style of posting.

    People should start with the basic assumption that responses are given out of a place of kindness and helpfulness, given in the poster's own style. They shouldn't directly jump to "OMG this place is nasty and so and so was short with me."
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2012
  7. Mommy For Life

    Mommy For Life Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
    Messages:
    548
    I think Mish came up with something CWD really does need...a SARCASM smiley face! :D

    ...and maybe a few rainbow & unicorns for added fun! :p
     
  8. nanhsot

    nanhsot Approved members

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2010
    Messages:
    2,626
    Maybe I should clarify something. *I* do NOT think there is anyone here whose input is less valuable than others. I think every single person here contributes and has worthwhile advice, input, and opinions. My single piece of advice was that sometimes words can be misconstrued so just take a moment to look through the prism of a new diagnosis and see if your words might be taken wrong. That's it, no more no less.

    Amy, you definitely have a short and to the point style. That's valuable actually, and I would never ever qualify your words as mean spirited or harsh. You answer succinctly and accurately. That has a lot of value. I tend to be TOO wordy, and I think that has drawbacks in folks tuning info out.

    I was not in any way singling out any person, just giving a perspective that I've noticed, that new folks in particular can be made to feel stupid when that was not the intent of the one giving advice. It's always good to look at the experience of the person asking and gear the advice to their level, if at all possible.

    I hope you stick around, I am going to need your help in a few short months as we prepare for college!
     
  9. caspi

    caspi Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2006
    Messages:
    5,134
    BINGO! My hope is that everyone will read ^this^ and then read it again.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2012
  10. KatieSue

    KatieSue Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2010
    Messages:
    921
    You can't control how someone interprets your posting. But if you're often called out for being harsh/unfriendly etc then maybe it's time to look at how you post.

    Everyone has their own style but it takes a lot of time to figure out everyone's online "personality". A newbie doesn't always have that background.

    I try to post by thinking to myself what would I say if that person were standing in front of me? If I could see their immediate reaction to my words. Often I think people post to a nameless screen name without thinking of the actual person on the other side of the screen.

    This board is slowly dying. I used to check in and see pages of new posts. Now often there are only a few. A great number of posters with all kinds of interesting insights and information no longer post. There has to be a reason for this correct?
     
  11. MamaC

    MamaC Approved members

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2006
    Messages:
    5,292
    1) Except that in many cases the calling out is a bandwagon response to some individual animus, because "there must be something to it if it's been pointed out." I agree with Sarah that "rep" was a more positive than negative feature.

    2) The growth of the DOC - the increasing number of available sites - is probably part of this, as is the "aging out" factor. Several members whose situations were similar to mine have simply moved on as their children have become adults....still our CWDs, but now AWDs.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2012
  12. danismom79

    danismom79 Approved members

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2008
    Messages:
    5,300
    This place isn't even what it was 4+ years ago when I joined. Several things have happened over the years that have caused people to leave (or be banned). I've taken many breaks myself, and only post once in a while now. Partly because I'm past the point of needing to be here (although I still try to help where I can), partly out of frustration when certain topics arise and it gets unnecessarily heated, partly because I've forgotten a lot of the things people are seeking advice about.

    Some of the people I miss seeing around were the ones who got straight to the point and didn't get emotional in their posts. The board seemed more informational back then. That's what I like about the search function.
     
  13. sooz

    sooz Approved members

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2009
    Messages:
    2,330
    I don't think this is a good thread gone bad. I think it is an excellent thread that is providing good information. For me, there are certain phrases that I wish people would stop using. "Get your panties in a twist," " put on your big girl panties," and even the rainbows and unicorn allusions are things that can make a post sound harsh when that is not the intention. There are other ways of saying the same thing that wouldn't make someone cringe and become defensive. So, can we leave our panties where they belong? :p:p:eek::):p
     
  14. Lee

    Lee Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2006
    Messages:
    9,633
    Haha! Pull up your big girl panties and the Rainbows and unicorns are actually in reference to old jokes that used to be welcome here...

    There was actually a group, after may threads about it...http://forums.childrenwithdiabetes.com/group.php?groupid=19
     
  15. sooz

    sooz Approved members

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2009
    Messages:
    2,330
    That's great Lee, that long time users might have inside jokes and be privy to private groups, I get that. But do you see how it might sound to others, especially newbies who are not privy to the reference? All I'm trying to say is rhetoric is important when it comes to trying to communicate tone. You all have been so generous with your time and knowledge, and I am truly grateful for that. Just wanted to try to give some concrete examples of things some might find harsh or condescending.
     
  16. Flutterby

    Flutterby Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2006
    Messages:
    14,623
    Absolutely not! You are one of the members that helped ME when my daughter was newly diagnosed. You NEED to be here, you're advice is extremely valuable!

    I respond much different than I use to. I use to write quite a bit, I had more time then, my children weren't in school, I was home most of the day. Now I have two children in school and i'm working, when they aren't in school we are at swim practice, or gymnastics, or a swim meet. I don't have the time to write huge posts (most of the time, sometimes they can get quite long:cool:). I respond where I can and when I have the time.

    I certaintly wouldn't have the knowledge I have today if it weren't for CWD, if it weren't for those members that had so much knowledge, those 'old timers', those that took the time to respond to questions/concerns, no matter how short their response was.

    I agree about Rep, it was extremely helpful.. people did abuse it to a point, but in the big picture, it was really helpful. Thanking people for the advice they've given you, the time they've taken to help you out, to answer your question, goes a long way. Its like a restaurant, when something is bad, everyone is quick to say something, to complain, but when things are good, do people really say anything? Same thing goes for here. When a person, or many people, help you out, answer your question, a thank you, goes a long way.. say it on the forum, or send it through a PM. There are so many great people here, so much great knowledge, but it isn't always recognized, the picking apart of posts, and reading into things that aren't usually there takes over.
     
  17. Flutterby

    Flutterby Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2006
    Messages:
    14,623

    Its not a private group, go to groups above, you'll see many of them, all public, for anyone to join.
     
  18. C6H12O6

    C6H12O6 Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2008
    Messages:
    1,451
    I do not know if you made any comments about the fatness of your son?s face in front of him or not but I discouraged it. Eating disorders are a lot more prevalent among people with type 1 diabetes. (Most of the data is based on the female population as is most data on ED.) ED is even more scary and deadly in T1s because of the pathophysiology of the disease, and some of the comorbidities common to T1 ex celiac, and hypothyroid

    I would just advise against commenting about the weight on his face or any other part of his body in front of him. Secondly, I validated your concern by saying a lot of noticeable weight gain on the face can be a sign of pathophysiology ex. cortisol abnormalities or Cushing?s syndrome.

    When a person (whether they be a child or an adult) states they are not up to doing an activity that they are usually fine with participating in that should raise red flags. Is the person feeling depressed? Is there a physiological reason their energy is low? Children should know they have autonomy over their own bodies and when they say they are not up for an activity you should probe further into why they are not up for the activity. An adult can articulate themselves better than a child, so it is even more important to respond to a child?s cues. You have to be especially conscious of your child's cues now that he has a chronic illness.

    For all the things, you have said about your wife ex. she goes to bed at 5pm and the kids are forced to fend for themselves and eat pop tarts for their evening meal - she could make you sound awful too. Ex (undiagnosed ) acutely ill child says he does not feel capable of going on a 3 mile walk - father responds by telling the child he will be walking whether he likes it or not. That says his desire to not walk is of no consequence, his wishes in general must be of little consequence. You even used the term "man up" which gives off cues as to your perceptions surrounding gender roles. I am sure the Women's Studies Department at the college you are a Prof. at would be pleased that "man up" is part of your vernacular. (maybe some of your indignation about the comments you received has a little bit to do with the fact that the comments were made by women)

    Also, I think I pretty much hit the nail on the head and you are indeed preoccupied with weight and fitness.

    If someone accused you of being preoccupied with hand washing and there is no truth to it why would it make you angry ?

    Children and adults alike do things for underlying reasons - usually not because they are lazy or obstinate or don?t meet some arbitrary standard of masculinity. EX you are somehow not sufficiently masculine if your arterial blood gases at that moment would warren ICU admission and bizarrely enough you don?t want to go on a 3 mile walk. If someone forced me to go on a walk when I felt like crap and asked not to go on that walk I would resent it and resent them for doing that to me. But that's just me.

    It would be kind of interesting to hear your wife weigh in on all of this because you have maligned her pretty bad with the pop tarts story. And as Sooz astutely pointed out in an old post blueberry pop tarts do not have blueberries in them at all.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2012
  19. sooz

    sooz Approved members

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2009
    Messages:
    2,330
    Ok, I stand corrected. My mistake, I don't know anything about the group feature. Thank you for pointing it out. Take the word private out of my reply and my reply stll is what I was trying to share.
     
  20. MamaC

    MamaC Approved members

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2006
    Messages:
    5,292
    People are here to seek help or offer help, or to learn. We are all, for the most part, strangers traveling somewhat similar paths. Compare it to joining a real-life support group...first couple times out, you're not going to *get* everything or everyone. There will be oldtimers and newbies.

    We all took a leap when we reached out to CWD. Eyes wide open, people. It takes all kinds. Assume good intentions and don't be surprised at the unexpected turns and occasional bad apple. Use the blocking feature if someone bothers you so much with their language or "humor" or tone or perceived attitude that you can't simply ignore them.

    Figuring people out on the vast internet is more difficult than doing the same in real life. What's easier is hiding behind your monitor and crying foul. Would you call a stranger out to his face at a meeting? What's different here?
     

Share This Page

- advertisement -

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice