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The future

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by MTMomma, Mar 11, 2012.

  1. MTMomma

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    After 9 years of walk this D path with my child I've learned to live in the here and now. I advocate that. I remind myself of that. When my brain strays to the future I reel in those thoughts. Now I am asking for you to talk to me. Help me sort things out
    Friday someone I consider a friend shared that had she really known what a lifetime of having a D souse involved she would have never married her husband (T1). She may as well have punched me. It hurt and shocked. This is a couple I have respected. Married 18 years and raising teenage kids I watched from a far thinking it they could handle this anyone could. They had always given me hope for my own son and any future family.
    For her say that has me so conflicted. I've felt sad since.
     
  2. Mish

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    My 2cents; This is one person and one person's issue. It doesn't necessarily mean ANYTHING for your son's future life. You never have any idea what really is going on in some one else's marriage. My guess is that your friend and her husband have issues - period. And if it wasn't diabetes she'd have something else.
     
  3. jessicat

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    Maybe she was having a D moment! and needs to read your post about remembering to live in the moment! :)
     
  4. hawkeyegirl

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    I completely agree with this. There are things going on in her marriage entirely separate from D that make her feel this way. Of course any chronic disease will add a layer of complication to a relationship that might not otherwise be there, but I guarantee this is not their only issue or even their biggest issue.

    And how thoughtless of her to say this to you! Geez!
     
  5. sooz

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    I think an important thing to remember is that thirty or more years ago, the art/science of diabetes management was quite different than it is now. Our children are tremendously lucky to be the recipients of the advances that have been made. Their futures are much, much brighter. If they had been born in the 1920's they wouldn't even have survived. I have a friend who has type 1 and is my age and when he was a child his mother had to boil his needles and sharpen it with a file. There were no blood meters or the kind of insulins we have today. I suspect that your friend is just looking for an excuse to explain why her marriage isnt working rather than look at the real reasons, among them her apparent lack of sensitivity, tact, respect for other's feelings, and inability to filter her words.
     
  6. MTMomma

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    The thought crossed my mind since that she felt safe telling me that and was maybe looking for support. Sorry to say I offered none at the moment. Were were in public group setting and I wanted to cry or but couldn't there. I don't even know what I said back to her because it felt like my mind and heart had been suddenly sucked out. I have also been thinking that I had made them into a D hero family because I liked having that. They are just people and we all have our issues. I found it difficult when things are going along and all of a sudden something rocks my coping and all things D seem so big again.
     
  7. caspi

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    Not only was it thoughtless, I think it was completely selfish of this woman to say anything like this to you. Quite frankly, there's no wonder she's having issues with her marriage as she doesn't seem to think of anyone but herself. I'm sorry you had to deal with this.... :(
     
  8. emm142

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    Personally, I consider diabetes to be a good relationship filter. If someone doesn't want me with diabetes, then I wouldn't have wanted them anyway. If someone doesn't want to be with me because I have diabetes, then that's a lucky escape for me. ;)
     
  9. sooz

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    (((hugggsss)))
     
  10. MTMomma

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    Thanks all of you. Your support is precious and rare. I'm thankful and it has already helped to talk this out and hear your thoughts.
     
  11. danielsmom

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    I think about the future too...and I don't want to go that far ahead...but then I think about my cousin (through marriage)...she is 26 and type 1 for 20 years...Working on her PH.d, just married my second cousin last September(his family is quite well to do)...and he is the most loving and tender man with her....and she is beautiful and smart....And they look forward to children..and the list of dreams to accomplish goes on and on....I am sure a spouse will have to be committed to this for life....But I hope my son will choose well..and I know someone will love him just as he is...and accept him with all his good and bad traits lol...I remain hopeful for him always....I am sorry you had to hear this....But for what is worth she didn't lie to you about her feelings...on another day she may have answered differently but at that moment she didn't. I wouldn't hestitate to share how her words made you feel.. But don't let her words stick on your mind any longer that those 30 seconds it took her to say them..
     
  12. Lisa - Aidan's mom

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    I'm sorry her comment was hurtful.

    I too agree that her marriage issues must go beyond him being Type 1.

    I've gone to a few local Type 1 support groups -- mostly parents of kids w/ D, but there were a few adult Type 1's there. One couple really stood out in my mind, a very nice and bubbly woman in her mid-40's and her husband was soooo supportive of her and so knowledgeable about Type 1 - it was great to see such a happy couple.

    Hugs!
     
  13. Becky Stevens mom

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    Im hoping Richard sees this:) He and his wife have been married a long time. They have a wonderful family and it sounds like they have busy, interesting lives. I think this woman needs to get some help from a trained professional to help her deal with her feelings. I know couples where one has diabetes or one is in a wheelchair or where one has MS or some other type of special need or disability. It doesnt mean that the "healthy" one is always the caretaker. They care for one another and have deep respect for each other. I guess thats what "In sickness and in health" mean to many people;)
     
  14. StillMamamia

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    Sometimes out of frustration, fatigue and sadness, we say things which come out "badly". I would vote just to give your friend a supportive shoulder.:cwds:
     
  15. lynn

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    I am tiptoeing in here.....

    I have known two men with diabetes through my husband. They were coworkers in the past. One of them was on the old NPH regimen and had many, many lows--more than once a week at work. He was very belligerent when low and it would oftentimes take my husband a half an hour to get some juice into him. This was with the help of as many guys they could gather to restrain him. He would not consider changing his insulin regimen, trying a pump, or even adjusting his dose. I used to imagine what it would be like to be married to him and trying to get him to treat his many lows.....I don't know if I could be married to him.

    The other guy had diabetes since he was a very young boy. He was MDI and didn't have the lows of the first guy. Instead he ran very high to avoid the lows. He is now not even 50 years old and is on disability because of the damage the years of highs took on his body. He is on dialysis. I wonder if his wife could have looked into a crystal ball and seen to 2012, if she would have married him? Would I?

    Now. I'm sure you all notice that these two men CHOSE to be unhealthy. Our goal as parents is to make sure our kids grow up and choose health. None of us knows the burden his diabetes has placed on the wife. None of us knows what their private life is like. Knowing the situations of the two men above though, makes me want to give her the benefit of the doubt.

    I also agree that they need some marital help.
     
  16. MTMomma

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    Thanks again for the feedback. Each response gives me varied aspects to consider. I don't suppose my friend has ever known how much hope I pinned on them. For years it somehow calmed me when I considered my DS as a future adult thinking how well they seemed to make it all work out. It's not at all what I wanted to her from her. Tell me it's a struggle, tell me there are terrible days, tell me being a spouse is not the at all the same as being a parent to a CWD. Yet to tell me if she knew then what she knows now about D she would not had married him struck me so deeply. Felt as if the hope rug was pulled out from under me. Maybe we never know who we give hope to as they watch us go about life. Again, thanks for your posts.
     

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