- advertisement -

Thankyou all

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by MelStan, Apr 18, 2011.

  1. deafmack

    deafmack Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2006
    Messages:
    3,209
    Thank you so much for posting your story Mel. I know it had to be so hard to do so. My heart goes out to your family and you during this very difficult and trying time. I know that Eilish was very special and you will always hold her in your heart. ((((HUGS))))
     
  2. kpoehls

    kpoehls Approved members

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2009
    Messages:
    290
    I'm glad that you posted about Eilish. ((((Hugs to you))))
     
  3. MelStan

    MelStan Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2007
    Messages:
    287
    As always, I'm slow in responding..it's been a horrid few weeks

    I just wanted to say that in my earlier post I thanked Ellen for the piece she wrote on D for us, to be read at Eilish's funeral, and I want to amend that to say I asked her if she would write something for us. I realised after that I may have given the wrong impression :eek:
    And I didn't want to give people at the funeral a 'lesson' on D, but wanted people to understand what Eilish lived with, why we were so proud of her for her achievements, in spite of the challenges of living with D, and why she was such a hero to us.
    Ellen did an amazing job, and I am so grateful to her for that.

    Maybe I didn't need to add that, I'm not sure..but there you go :eek:

    Anyway..thanks to all who responded to my thread. You are wonderful and compassionate people :cwds: and I shed a lot of tears over your posts.

    And Sooz..you are so right..Eilish DID live. She really did. She sucked the marrow out of life, and I know a lot of adults who knew her have been inspired to try to make more of their lives since, because of the example she set. I will try to do the same in her honour. I have to try :(

    (I am going to try to post a powerpoint she made at school when she was around 9 or 10 that made me cry when I found it recently. It shows her fighting spirit. I'm having trouble because the file is too big..any suggestions welcome).


    I just wish she'd had a chance to do so much more :(

    Damn this sucks. I have a hole in my heart, and I know it's never going to get better :'(
     
  4. selketine

    selketine Approved members

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2006
    Messages:
    6,055
    Still not a day goes by I don't think of you all...

    You truly did all you could do as a parent. I think all of know, deep down, that as much as we promise and work to keep our kids safe from every sort of harm, that we cannot possibly control everything. I think we all wish we could help you shoulder this burden. I would be happy to tell you every day that you did all you could - some things are just out of our control.

    Not comparable but I lost my mom to cancer when I was in my mid-20's (and we were very close as my dad had passed away when I was a baby so it was just me and her). I was completely hollowed out by that experience for a long time but through the worst times it did help me to think about what she would say if she were here - and I knew she would want me to go on with life, be happy and think fondly of her. I think some of the hardest times for me was months after she passed and I was at a loss with what to do with my emotions and just very, very tired. It took awhile to get there - certainly more than a year. I think sometimes the best we can do is try to hold on to that thought (of what they would want for us) during our bleakest times.

    Also I don't really know you well but you have a community here that would do anything to help you - so always think you can come here and ask - or just post about your day.
     
  5. dejahthoris

    dejahthoris Approved members

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2011
    Messages:
    514
    You are so brave coming here and sharing your story. I lost my daughter Sarah on June 12, it will be 10 years this year, in an accident. I know the pain and great, great heaviness you feel. It is not natural to lose one's child. It does not make sense. No feeling you have about this is wrong. They are your feelings about your child. No one can take those feelings away, and no one can take away your memories. I can tell you this, for me, the pain has never gone away, but it gradually became less severe. It comes in waves and like the hounds of hell it is always nipping at your heels. Sometimes the hounds catch up to you. But sometimes you have happy memories too, and eventually, these lovely memories become more powerful than the pain and the grief. Another thing I can tell you is this. Just as your love for her will never dissipate, her love for you will shine through as well. You will feel it, coming down like the warms beams of sunshine through the clouds, more real than anything you have ever felt before. And somehow, you will know that everything will be all right. Because the love and spirit of a person are more powerful than death. Someday, your family will be able to remember without crying. Someday your family will be able to remember and smile, and laugh together again.
     
  6. LJM

    LJM Approved members

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2008
    Messages:
    1,300
    Thank you for posting your story. It means a lot that you shared such intimate details. I can't even begin to imagine what your family has gone through and will continue to bear in the future.

    My DS was just prescribed a tetracycline derivative for his acne. Thanks to your post I will look into things more carefully before I continue him on that prescription. God bless you and yours.
     
  7. slpmom2

    slpmom2 Approved members

    Joined:
    May 16, 2008
    Messages:
    641
    I'm sure many of us would love to see the powerpoint. If it doesn't have critical animation or sound, you could save it as a PDF and post that.
     
  8. manda81

    manda81 Approved members

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2010
    Messages:
    670
    I can't even begin to describe the overwhelming grief I feel for your family. There are absolutely no words. My family has been thinking of, and praying for you all.
     
  9. Darryl

    Darryl Approved members

    Joined:
    May 8, 2008
    Messages:
    4,313
    Mel, I just saw this. It was not your fault. This makes me realize how fragile their bodies are, how an illness that most kids could overcome can do this to a child with diabetes. Thank you for writing this, I'm sure it wasn't easy.
     
  10. buggle

    buggle Approved members

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2008
    Messages:
    4,267
    That was beautiful. So many people I love are dealing with loss right now. I'm going to send your words to an aunt who lost her son a few months ago and to my dear friend who lost his wife last week, leaving behind four young children. Thank you for posting this.

    Mel, I'm inspired by you and how you're reaching out and helping others in your incredible pain. Hugs to you and Charlie and Ella. I hope that some day, like dejahthoris says, you'll all laugh and smile again together remembering the good times with your Eilish.
     
  11. dejahthoris

    dejahthoris Approved members

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2011
    Messages:
    514
    You are welcome:) It is Mel's great bravery in sharing her story here with us all that made me want to share a bit too in hopes my experience could give a bit of help and support.
     
  12. Ellen

    Ellen Senior Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2005
    Messages:
    8,240
    Mel,

    You climbed mountains to secure the very best care for Eilish. You and Charlie did everything right with respect to the diabetes, most especially on that tragic night. My hope and prayers continue that you will find a way to fully acknowledge, focus and truly understand that you have been an extraordinarily loving, caring, nurturing, joyful, creative, proud, attentive and absolutely proactive mother for Eilish. I also pray that you will find it in your heart to allow yourself to experience delight and pleasure in your life again in the not too distant future, even if that seems unimaginable today.

    Thank you dear friend for continuing to post on the forums. Your words of wisdom and perspective are very well respected and appreciated here.

    Please keep sharing what you would like us to know about Eilish. And also let us know how Ella is doing for she too is an important member of our CWD family.



    [​IMG]
     
  13. MelStan

    MelStan Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2007
    Messages:
    287
    Dejahthoris, thankyou for posting this. That was beautifully put :cwds: And I'm so sorry for your loss too :(

    It's encouraging to hear from another bereaved parent, and to hear how you're coping in life 10 years on..thankyou so much.

    For me, I truly can't see that the pain is ever going to ease. And I know people will tell me it will, but I think I will get more used to living this life we are living, and learn to live with the constant ache that's inside of me.

    Eilish and I were so alike. I am a musician, and music has always been a passion for me, and Eilish had developed that same passion, or maybe obsession is a better word :D, in the last few years. She followed me to every band practice and was happy to stay from start to finish every time. When we flew to Auckland to see 30 Secs to Mars in concert, she shared one of her IPod earphones with me pretty much all the way :cwds: The man sitting next to us commented on the fact that mother and daughter liked listening to the same music. I had hoped to be able to perform with her soon..she was getting so good so quickly. Sometimes we'd have the music channel on TV, and a new song would be playing. I'd be sitting there thinking " wow, I love the guitar sound in that song" or " I love the drums"..or whatever, and next thing she would say the same thing. We used to laugh about it because it happened so often. It used to amaze me that such a specific trait (I presume?) can be passed on to a child.
    She was a natural artist too, with an incredible eye. She could sit and look at something, and draw it, and I was amazed at how good she was with the spatial side of drawing. Her sense of humour was exactly like mine, and she could make me laugh more than anyone I know.
    I guess I'm trying to say that we had a very strong bond (and I know all parents do with their kids!) And we also butted heads a lot recently too ;)

    But a part of me has died, and the best part by a long way.
    I don't know..we were just two peas in a pod really. She was my buddy, a best friend, a soulmate really :(

    I will carry on..I have to. But I just know that for me this heartache will never really get better. I AM getting better at putting on 'the face' for people and being able to hold a conversation (but Eilish is in my head every second of the conversation) I think THAT will maybe stop happening in time..

    I'm burbling..sorry.
    I guess I am just trying to explain the bond we had. I know the heartache isn't going to get any less. But I have to find a way to live well with it, anyway.

    You said -
    Another thing I can tell you is this. Just as your love for her will never dissipate, her love for you will shine through as well. You will feel it, coming down like the warms beams of sunshine through the clouds, more real than anything you have ever felt before. And somehow, you will know that everything will be all right. Because the love and spirit of a person are more powerful than death.

    I love this..thankyou..I do hear you, and I will hold onto everything you have said :cwds:
     
  14. MelStan

    MelStan Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2007
    Messages:
    287

    Ellen..thankyou for your incredibly kind and encouraging words. You are the best :cwds:

    I will try to keep that in mind. Right now all I see is the word 'failure'. We failed that wonderful child..and she had such a bright future ahead of her. I wish it had been me instead of her. It should have been me. At least I've lived life..
    But THANKYOU for saying all that :cwds: I loved her..adored her, and I do know she knew that..

    Ella is doing as well as is possible I guess (thanks for asking). I think she probably seems ok to people when she's at school, because she's with friends, and has distractions, but when she walks in the door after school, you can almost see her face change. She's still lost here on her own, and days can be very long. She watches a lot of TV, and it's almost impossible to get her interested in doing anything with me (she used to love doing jobs with me), and she often doesn't answer us when we talk to her. It's so frustrating. Her response these days is 'wait'.
    We ask her friends here a lot, and I work really hard at keeping her busy.

    Her and I are still sleeping on the sofas in the lounge. I asked her recently what she was frightened of in going back to her room (I'm doing it up to try to encourage her back in there) and she finally admitted that she thinks her room is bad luck. That if she sleeps in there she'll wake up and find someone else has died :(
    She is also still scared to go anywhere alone in the house. She won't go to clean her teeth, or have a shower, without me there with her the whole time.
    She told her counsellor that she feels like she's not alone in a room, even though no-one's with her. But she wouldn't use the word 'ghost'.

    She seems to pick fights with us (mostly me) over the tiniest thing, and I know every time what she is doing. She picks until I bite back eventually, THEN the tears come, and it is really about Eilish. It's a hard way to get there, but better than not at all I guess.
    We've filled our house with pets..a puppy, kitten, 3 mice, 6 chickens (oh..the chickens don't live IN the house, although they would like to :p)..and as much as we love them, we just wish we had Eilish here..
    I'm seeing some small improvements (she'll go outside on her own for a short time now) so that is a good thing.
    We're just getting through one day at a time, sometimes hour by hour..
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2011
  15. hrtmom3

    hrtmom3 Approved members

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2007
    Messages:
    1,128
    Ellen, so beautifully said and so true.

    Mel, thank you for sharing your beautiful Eilish with us. You know my heart hurts for you, my friend, and at the same time each time I am able to learn more about your beautiful girl, I smile.
    __________________
     
  16. MySweethearts

    MySweethearts Approved members

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2006
    Messages:
    574
    Thank you so much for your post. How brave you are to do so. (((((hugs))))I will pray for you and your family, you did not let your daughter down at all, you sound like an awesome parent.
     
  17. CButler

    CButler Approved members

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2007
    Messages:
    2,220
    Thanks for sharing your story and my prayers are with all of you.
     
  18. piratelight

    piratelight Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2006
    Messages:
    716
    Thank you for sharing such a painful story with us. You and your family have been and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
     
  19. MelStan

    MelStan Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2007
    Messages:
    287
    thanks Darryl, Rella, Amanda, Martha, MySweethearts...just everyone who posted (I wish I could thank you all individually!)..your posts mean a lot to me :cwds:
     
  20. Janimal

    Janimal Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2008
    Messages:
    186
    I, like everyone here, ache for you and your family. It is the deepest wound possible and I am so sorry you have to endure it. I know you are grateful to have had her in your life and imagine you would not trade that time for anything. I hope peace and joy can enter your being again soon. I post just to let you know another person out here hears you and feels you.
     

Share This Page

- advertisement -

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice