Tomorrow morning, shortly after 8am, it'll be 6 months to the day that our lives changed forever, when I found our precious and sweet daughter Eilish had passed away in her sleep. It's been the most hellish and indescribable journey, and one I hoped we would never find ourselves on. But here we are I probably shouldn't be writing this right now, because I can't stop crying for the life of me. I'll probably end up pouring my heart out Anyway, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to post here. I've tried several times, and have always had to give up on it. I know someone posted a very brief Facebook post of mine earlier on, but I've had intentions of posting something here all along. So I want to sincerely thank every one of you who posted messages of condolence, sent PMs, visitor messages, emails, and even sent cards, or made phonecalls. And to those who donated to the Eilish Memorial Fund, a huge thankyou too. To Justin (Eilish's pump trainer) who apparently set this up, please know how incredibly moved I was by your kind gesture. Eilish thought the world of Justin, and I'll never forget how hard she cried when she had to say goodbye to him at the hospital, after he started her on the pump. Ellen..for the wonderful piece you so kindly wrote for us, to be read out at Eilish's funeral..thankyou so much. You have been the most incredible support to me from day one of finding CWD. I don't know what I would have ever done without you :cwds: I can't tell you what you all meant to me and the comfort it gave us knowing so many people from all around the world have been thinking of us, and giving such amazing support (and so many who still let us know they think of us on FB) Even though I don't personally know most of you, I can tell you that you all feel like family to me, and I don't think anyone else quite gets this like you guys do. I know most of you probably want an idea of what happened.. I was up til 1am, trying to get a high down - bg of 25 (450) (after discovering the tubing had broken where it screws into the cartridge, and there was an air bubble in there) I did what we always did..put higher temp rates (basal) in, and checked her bg half hourly, and adjusted the temp rates as I went. She finally started dropping at around 12.30, but seemed to be dropping fast. I stopped the temp rates, as I would normally do, but couldn't decide whether to stop the basal altogether, for an hour or so. I decided to leave it, because she would often drop so far, but still stay highish.. and so asked Charlie to check her when he got up for work at 3.30am. He tested her at 3.50 and she was 5.9 (106) with no IOB. He decided to leave things as they were. We basically did what we have done on many other occasions. I left her to sleep, thinking Charlie had sorted it out, and decided to give her the day off school, because of the bad night, and went in at 8.10 to find her gone She had also had trouble with a very sore throat for several weeks, and I'd had her to the Dr twice. They did blood tests on the Fri to see if she had glandular fever. And she'd been put on Erythromicin antibiotic (which is known to cause heart problems in some people) a week and a half earlier. She had complained of feeling sick (wanting to throw up the night before she died, while we were treating a low) and then she was up and down the night that it happened, also feeling awful, and again leaning over the kitchen sink, feeling like thowing up. When I tested her the 2nd last time that night, she asked me to listen to her breathing, and it sounded a bit raspy. I asked her if she thought she was getting something else, and she said yes. I also remember thinking that she looked really sick, and kind of a gray colour. Not pale, but gray, and with a bit of a sheen to her face The Drs don't think she went low, although I still feel strongly that that is what happened..and yet, she looked so sick. The pathologist is apparently looking into underlying heart problems, and we've all had cardiac testing done. Her Ped is thinking that the Erythromicin may have been a major factor. I don't think we'll ever find out for sure. The guilt just kills me. She used to worry about something happening in the night, and I always reassured her that we'd keep her safe, but we failed.. :''( Anyway..again, thankyou all SO much for your kindness and caring and amazing support. You have all been so appreciated. She was an amazing and sweet kid, and we are just lost without her..