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Teen lying about blood sugars and food?

Discussion in 'Parents of Teens' started by corrinebean, Mar 24, 2014.

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  1. corrinebean

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    Our teen has been caught lying now - several times - where his diabetes management is concerned. He has falsified blood sugars to us, gone several days without checking his blood sugar or giving any boluses, failed to change his pump site, and now most recently has been caught not taking food to school (admits to only taking some filler stuff, like crackers, etc. - which I'm not sure I buy...either he's not eating much at lunch or is buying more junk at school).

    Of course - we've been upset. Our new 'reaction' has been disappointment, with an attempt at explaining to him that these are poor decisions that he's making that have long term consequences for HIM. That we want him to make good, healthy decisions because we love him and care about him, and will do all in our power to help him make those decisions - but ultimately, they are HIS to make. We can't stand over him and tell him right from wrong all the time.

    So...is anyone else experiencing anything like this? I'm very discouraged and stressed out - I feel like we're completely missing a connection with him and don't know how else to approach it with him...and for goodness sake, I can't handle yet another lecture from his doctor!:cwds:
     
  2. sincity2003

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    How old is he? My response is different if he's 13 than if he's 17...
     
  3. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    How old is he? How long D? What role do you, his parents, play in managing his D?
     
  4. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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  5. nanhsot

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    My motto in ALL things teen, whether diabetes or friends or driving: Trust but verify.
    I trust but I frequently verify the trust is earned. Check meters every day after school. If there are no numbers, have him check while you watch. I'd just let him know his expectations, and that you will be checking to make sure all is well, then let him know if he isn't able to handle it on his own, then you'll have to do more of his care.

    Could be that's exactly what he wants; he may be burned out. Perhaps the load is too high for him; take over for a while. Get the nurses at school involved, have them work with him. If/when he begins to be more responsible, let him know you'll back off a bit.

    Trust. Verify. Intervene if the trust isn't earned. It's how I'm muddling through these teenage times!
     
  6. KatieSue

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    We trust be verify as well. In I think 5th grade, pre diagnosis, we had issues with the junk food in the lunch thing. So I just made her lunch. Yes she is perfectly capable of doing it herself but then I know what's in it. And she's a senior now and I still pack the lunch. It takes me oh about 3 minutes a night. When we're having issues I look at the meter, we have a saying "the meter never lies". Also if you're checking that gives them less of a chance to lie. Ask to see it.
     
  7. wilf

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    It would be good to know his age.

    It would also be good to know what have been the consequences of his misbehavior, in terms of reactions from you his parents.
     
  8. Mish

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    Based on last year's post, and based on having a son of the same age, my feeling is that you've given him far too much control over diabetes. Yes, it's his disease, and yes, ultimately these will be his decisions to make, but not at age 13. He's 13 for crying out loud. I have to remind my 13 year old to brush his teeth and put on deodorant.

    How is he getting "days without checking" before you notice? There's no way he should be going hours before you're checking in with him.

    The connection you're missing is that you've checked out of parenting his diabetes. This is on you. You need to parent. Period.
     
  9. Lee

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    This. Teenagers are genetically engineered to see what they can get away with, and you are letting him get away without checking. At 13, I checked my daughter's meter twice a day, plus. As a 16 year old, I still have to check once a night or else she checks out of D Management. You need to be vigilant on what he does, across the board.
     
  10. Mommy For Life

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    Although, we are not in the teen years yet, I would be very reluctant to allow my DD to be 100% in charge of her diabetes care. I would be vigilant on following up on all aspects of their d management. It is foolish to expect a teen to be successful at D care when, as you may know, the brain of teen is still not fully developed. Plain and simple, they are not able to comprehend the long term consequences of their choices. Your reaction of "disappointment" and trying to explain how your son's poor decisions will have ill effects on his health are futile. As pp stated trust and verifying that responsibilities have been met is huge in parenting a teen. When the circle of trust has been broken the obvious next step is to pull in the reins and take back control. Best of luck! :cwds:
     
  11. wilf

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    We still check our almost 18 year old DD's meter when she gets home from school, we make sure she boluses for supper, and we check it at bedtime. Plus we measure overnight.

    Time for you to get re-involved with your child's D management. It is not good for you to leave all responsibility with him, and then to blame him when he can't carry it. You're the parent, do your job.
     
  12. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    I'll be amazed if the Op returns. Looks like she never returns to threads she starts and we all waste our time commenting and making suggestions.
     
  13. corrinebean

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    Wow, thanks all for the harsh comments, certainly not what I expected from this forum, and won't be returning to it again. I read and digested posts from last year and used some of the information, thank you very much. Apparently I'm a terrible parent for my child and have "checked out of parenting". You're such a great, supportive group. If you don't feel like wasting your time responding to a parent who's struggling with this, don't. But you certainly don't have to be total jerks about it.

    For those that responded with some honest suggestions and ideas about how you're managing it, THANK YOU. I appreciate the feedback and insight into how you're managing it. For the rest, shame on you. Thanks for making me feel like an even bigger failure and piece of crap than I was already feeling like this week.
     
  14. Mish

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    If you feel like crap because you're being judged by strangers on the internet, imagine how your son feels when you judge him and label him a failure. Think about that for a minute.

    And even the harsh posts are trying to tell you how WE manage. We do not check out of our son's diabetes care. We actively participate. We do not let blood sugars go days without being checked. We do not let pumps go days without being downloaded. These are the things that you can do to fix this situation. The fact that you are ticked off because that is what YOU must do, is very telling. You keep asking "how do I fix my teen?" and really your teen isn't the one with the problem. That's not where the diabetes is falling apart. That's all we are trying to say. Unless you're willing to change something on YOUR end, nothing will change for your son, it hasn't over the past year, it won't in the future.

    Good luck
     
  15. nanhsot

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    I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. Your son's life and health are at risk right now. You need to let go of whatever your personal reaction is and come back, seek support. It's hard when someone posts and then doesn't come back and respond to questions. Several asked for his age and a few other details, no reply. Post and run topics always frustrate people here because we all want to help but can't when someone doesn't come back.

    Please stick around, ask questions, make changes, for your son's sake. This forum can be brutally honest at times, but it's only because the parents here feel such passion for dealing with diabetes correctly.

    Don't let your ego get in the way of your son's health.
     
  16. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    I'm the one who said we were wasting our time. I still think we are, but if there's a tiny possibility that you'll read these comments (and those in last years thread which you abandoned) and actually make some changes to benefit you child then by all means be all pissed off at me and listen to what all the good supportive members are saying and get better at doing what needs to be done to keep your kid alive.
     
  17. Mommy For Life

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    I have been a member of these forums for a few years now. CWD is an amazing place to learn, vent, and get support. I am sorry you can't get past your anger to see this. Members who take the time to respond to posts such as yours, do not give sugar coated responses. I believe you are misdirecting your anger at us when in reality you are upset with yourself. We all make mistakes being pancreas substitutes. You came to CWD for advice on what to do with your son's lying about BG testing and food. The majority of us said....DO NOT let your teen be in charge of his own D care, take back control. Instead of listening to our well meaning responses, you come back at us saying we are not helpful and shame on us. Shame you! You are your child's parent! It is YOUR job to do the right thing for your kid! You can't blame us for giving you an honest response to your post. What did you want us to say? Did you want to hear that it is OK to let your teen be in charge? The teen years are tricky, you have to be on your A game as a parent. You can't as one pp replied trust your teen 100% without verifying. For your son's sake, I would not leave this board, you might just learn a thing or two from the folks who have walked this road a lot longer than you.
     
  18. Mish

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    I haven't yet met a parent who didn't say, "If I could just take this diabetes away from my child, I would." or "I'd rather it was me than him." We all know that it's impossible to do that. But if you truly mean what you say, then take the parts of diabetes that you can.

    Take the logging. Take the checking. Take the bolusing. Take the site changes.
     
  19. nanhsot

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  20. wilf

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    It can hurt to hear the truth. But it is also essential for people to speak the truth, and convey it unvarnished.

    For some of the most valuable lessons I've learned from this site, my initial reaction was the same as yours. Jerks! But after I got over my anger at others' comments, I did some soul searching and realized that MAYBE there was something to what they were saying. And as I thought about things even more, I realized they were right.

    But every day is a new chance to set things right. Those of us who stick with it on this site have the courage to listen to what others are saying, even when the truth hurts. Here's hoping you do.
     

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