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Teacher screams -- is this okay??

Discussion in 'Parents Off Topic' started by nebby3, Feb 19, 2015.

  1. nebby3

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    So we homeschool so I know I am probably out of touch with what goes on in schools but how upset would you be with a teacher who screams -- not yelling words like "quiet down" but shrieking-- at the class when they are noisy and disruptive? My T1 dd started a geometry class yesterday and found it very traumatic. I wrote the teacher an email which I thought was pretty blunt and whole her resposne was kindly phrased she basically said my dd is extremely shy -- she didn't make eye contact with anyone, mumbled etc-- which I believe because she can be that way and that that is the only problem. But my dd says the kids were awful and the teacher twice resorted to shrieking to get their attention. We know a boy in the class and he agrees the teacher yelled and it was so distracting that he didn't learn anything; he also doesn't want to go back though he has taken classes with her before. Needless to say dd's blood sugars were super high by the end of class -- stress does that to her -- and then came crashing down after it was over.

    My dh thinks dd is shy and we need to send her again and tell her she has to make eye contact etc but I just don't see how that is going to help at this point. Any thoughts? We paid for this class btw and though it says to refunds I had said in my email that I thought we shoudl get a partial oen since it was not really a good learning environment as promised. One last note-- the teacher has been doing these classes a year or two and has a masters degree in education so I feel like she should have better skills to control a class.
     
  2. Beach bum

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    Some people, though on paper they look like they can teach a class, cannot. The fact that she can't handle the class and has to shriek to get students attention, has nothing to do with your child being shy and not being able to make eye contact in these situations.

    You've spoken to the teacher, now it's time to speak to her superior. The fact that you've spoken to others who have experienced the same situation, shows the teacher has trouble controlling her class. Now it's time to ask, is it worth continuing? My kids are in middle school and the only times class gets out of hand is usually when there is a new sub...or a teacher who can't handle the class (we've had that). Middle school is generally a "lively" bunch and while it's not acceptable, it's not unusual for kids to get rowdy. It's all how the teacher handles the situation.
     
  3. nebby3

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    Thanks, Beach Bum. I couldn't imagine things had changed so much since I was in school but I was just so thrown by the fact that she didn't seem to think she had done anything wrong.
     
  4. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    I don't know anything about private schools, my kid goes to a public school, where shrieking would not be tolerated. Is this a single class that your DD is taking outside of your homeschool routine or one teacher in a full day? I guess what I'm asking is, is this class part of an accredited school or is it something less regulated? I can't speak to the refund but in no way would any teacher in our public school be permitted to yell at the students. Period.

    Good luck. Hope you can get it resolved and I'm sorry your dd didn't have a supportive teacher to help make her feel less shy.
     
  5. nebby3

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    She's just a mom that teaches out of her home -- no sort of higher structure though she is apparently hoping to rent space and have some sort of center. I really thought I'd done my homework -- she has a degree in education, had been doing these classes a couple of years and I had a recommendation from someone who had done one before. I could forgive one bad day but she doesn't seem to realize she did anything wrong. It is a 4hr class including lunch time and it's stressful enough sending my t1 dd without this.
    Thanks, everyone, I think I just needed to hear I'm not the crazy one.
     
  6. aprilodell

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    I think both you and your hubby have good points and are right. First of all teachers should not act like that and if she is unable to control her classroom then she needs some supervision by her superior. The other point of your hubby's is that we all come into contact or experience people that make us uncomfortable, I bet many people on here have had bosses that are not great and still had to figure out a way to keep the job and work with that person, so it could be learning experience for her to be able to work through this.
     
  7. Beach bum

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    She probably has to teach at home because no school would tolerate the fact that she shrieks and can't control her class! I know there is a mom around here who tutors because the classroom was too much for her to handle. At least she was able to admit it, and she actually is a wonderful tutor.

    Yes, we all have to learn to deal with difficult, quirky, annoying people in life, but at age 12 and in a school environment, it's just not worth it. There are so many other places she can work on her socialization skills without the added stress of the shrieking teacher and rowdy class.
     
  8. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    ^^^ I agree.

    Especially Beach Bum's last point. Asking your dd to 1. learn a new math language and 2. cope with a rowdy class and 3. adjust to a shrieking teacher and 4. overcome her natural shyness is an overwhelming list of "to dos" for anyone, especially a 12 year old.
     
  9. Ali

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    Agree with above. Also with shyness you do not necessarily change it but help the child learn to work with that feature of her personality so it does not hinder. Current classrooms with the emphasis on participation is a bit harder for the shy child. Ali
     
  10. nebby3

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    Thanks, everyone. I sent the teacher a very blunt email saying she screamed at the kids twice and I am not okay with that. She denies everything but I believe my dd plus my friend's son says she yelled too. So we're definitely done with the class and I don't think we are welcome anymore anyway. I had thought getting my dd to be more comfortable with new people would be a benefit of the class but clearly this is not the venue for her

    To tie this back to D, she was dx at age 19montjs and developed a fear of strangers then -- not extreme and not way out of line for a kid that age but it definitely wasn't there pre-dx but appeared in the hospital. No surprise since every new person poked her and she had no idea why. Anyway it seemed to pass but I always wonder if it fed into her current shyness.
     
  11. Megnyc

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    I agree with this.

    I will also say that I had an English teacher in middle school who would shriek and throw things (this was in public school) and it had a major impact on my confidence and participation in future English classes because he made me so uncomfortable. Also, I'll just add that I was a relatively quiet kid in class and would have been described as shy. Forcing me to make eye contact or participate would have not accomplished any thing at all. In my case it would have been like forcing someone afraid of heights onto a ferris wheel. By 11th grade though I was completely comfortable speaking in class, giving presentations, and advocating for myself. In fact, at this point I would say that I am probably the most comfortable with public speaking of anyone in my group of friends from college and work. I have no issues with interviews or giving presentations in front of hundreds of people. Oddly I have absolutely no anxiety about any sort of public speaking and in fact generally enjoy it. If you would ask anyone who has met me in the past 5 years they would not believe that I was ever shy (not that being shy is a bad thing..). This was a natural progression though and it just took time. Sorry, for going on and on, it is just I still remember being 12 years old and sitting in class and being terrified I would be asked to speak and it was just an awful feeling.
     
  12. Megnyc

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    I tend to believe that some kids are just shy. What about sports? Something like tennis (which I played) is nice because you get social interaction from matches, lessons, and practice but it doesn't have a crazy "rah rah" team sport atmosphere. Or cross country. Generally for cross country the kids run in small groups at practice and chat. So again social interaction but in a low key environment. Also more of an individual sport and you are competing more to do your best than to beat someone. My brothers run cross country and it is a group of really good kids and they become a big tight knit family with team dinners and other social events.
     
  13. nanhsot

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    People come in all shapes, sizes, and personality styles. Your daughter's shyness is none of this woman's business. I've homeschooled for 13 years now and have fired teachers before. You are the customer and are unhappy with her service. Bottom line. If it comes to it, I wouldn't hesitate to play the diabetes card, if her BG really IS high after this class, report that to the teacher. "I had hoped this environment would help her but we are finding that it is causing issues with her blood sugars and I can't have her continue." If you come at it from a medical angle maybe it'll go easier. That she shrieks isn't something she'll give a refund for, clearly she doesn't see a problem with that.

    If this were me, I'd likely sit in on classes to see her teaching style. Maybe it was just a bad day, we all have them.

    As far as your husband feeling you need to ask her to make eye contact, that's not really something you can dictate. I would say that YES, she needs more opportunities to gain confidence and be around adults who are not her family but this may not be the best fit for her. Homeschooling is so much simpler now, there is so much out there now for kids to do, sports and art classes and fun stuff, maybe an academic class isn't the place to start.
     
  14. skimom

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    Did you witness the yelling? Did you see what else was going on? Have you considered that there is more to this than what the children have told you? I am not taking sides here, but I would personally do a lot more " homework" on this to be sure you understand the entire scenario so that you are dealing with it fairly and appropriately. The first step would have been observing/ volunteering in the class to get a feel for what goes on. I do not condone screaming at kids, but I can also tell you that there are a lot of poorly behaved kids out there with parents who are oblivious to the behaviour of their kids.
    I find that there a lot of parents who are very quick to judge teachers without getting the whole story, so please take the time to get the whole story...and please talk to the lady instead of emailing her.
    by the way...I am a teacher.
     
  15. nebby3

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    Thanks again, everyone, for your responses. As I said after the first email the teacher just talked about my dd's shyness. I confirmed with dd and the boy we know in the clas that there was yelling. They do both say the kids were acting up and that is why she yelled. I sure I might have been provoked in those circumstances. But when I wrote again and was very specific and said my dd said you yelled twice the woman denied anything bad happened. She doesn't even admit that the other kids were acting up. She said that my dd would be happier elsewhere so I don't think we are welcome anymore even if we wanted to go back. I could have overlooked yelling if the teacher just said "yes things got away from me and here's is what I will change next time" but when she denies there's any problem I have nothing to work with. I agree that I probably don't know everything but it seems we have no middle ground here so I guess we are done with it. She does not allow parents to stay btw so that was not an option. She also never responded to the part where I asked for a refund which seems pretty unprofessional; she could have just said "I am sticking to my no refunds policy."
     

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