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Taking responsibility of a D child

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by lil'Man'sMom, Feb 25, 2011.

  1. lil'Man'sMom

    lil'Man'sMom Approved members

    Jan 8, 2008
    Mann is lucky to have two good friends who don't blink an eye to have him over to play or sleep over. Although his care is mostly his responsibility, they watch out for him and give him help if needed.

    He does have a few friends, including close family friends, that would never offer to have him over. One even said "we would love to have him but..." He gets excluded from certain things (extended play activities/out of town events). I have been able to shelter this from him but know that I can't forever.

    So if your child didn't have D would you take the responsibility of a friend of your child with D? Even with D, would you be willing to take on the added responsibility of someones D child for extended periods of time, especially if their D regime was not the same as your child?
  2. NeurosurgeryNP

    NeurosurgeryNP Approved members

    Jul 5, 2010
    How about having them attend Caregivers weekend at Camp Barton? It's made just for people and families like yiu are describing. WWW.bartoncenter.org. It's coming up in april! It's a fun packed weekend aimed at the non parent potential caregivers. I see you live in New England.
  3. StageMom

    StageMom Approved members

    Nov 28, 2010
    We have had no one offer to help to learn how to take care of B since his diagnosis in November until this past week. B is nine, and involved in theatre. Rehearsals were just beginning this week, and I was dreading dealing with D throughout the next four weeks of rehearsals. Then the stage management asked me to teach them how to care for B. They asked me teach them about glucagon. They all looked at his supplies and asked how to use things. I typed up a chart, and step by step instructions. Then they had us present it to the entire cast (over 50 people), and B gave a speech on diabetes and how it affects his body. Everyone there is so encouraging and sincerely want to make sure he is safe. I feel 100% different about being involved in this show today then what I did this time last week. It was so nice to have someone else besides myself want to make sure he is kept safe, and to demonstrate that with more than just words. I'm very thankful.
  4. mmgirls

    mmgirls Approved members

    Nov 28, 2008

    A child older or the same age as mine sure.

    But I will tell you younger D kids and MDI, I JUST DON"T KNOW.

    Now I can get thru the crying and fussing with my kid, but not so sure if I could with a toddle not my own. KWIM

    There was a little girl, 18 months just DX in December that I delevered a bag of hope to and the mom was scared of Daycare and babysitters delema, And all I was able to do was call around to anyone I knew to help fnd someone to help her out, I stoped short of offering to help her out with childcare/daycare even if she were to pay me. I just could not think of bringing this little girl into my home and caring for her D being so younge and on MDI.

    I had another reason too, that was very personal.

    My youngest dd 2.5yrs is 3 out of 4 autoantibody positive for D, and right now she has a good "view" of her sisters D. I just could not think of my dd seeing me having a crying and fussing toddler get shots. I know this was selfish, but i thought it better to protect my dd from being scared of D, she is much to younge to explain this too.
  5. bibrahim

    bibrahim Approved members

    Jan 31, 2011
    I don't find you selfish at all. Your kids come first and you know what D will mean if your daughter gets it. I have taken the personal stand that if there is a sick family member at a gathering, we will choose to stay home. I can't risk sickness and ketones with my DD. It just isn't worth it.

    We have two people we can leave DD with. Other family members have done a little. There are drawbacks to each situation, but we stay in touch and guide them via phone. I call this managing Diabetes remotely. We had to called at around 930 to remind of the 2 am check and the adult in charge was asleep. We called back at 2 and had to have the other adult in the home go check the dexcom and then wake up DD to treat an almost low. It almost didn't seem worth it, but it means a lot to DD to spend time with this person so I had to talk myself out of worst case scenarios and remind myself that my older DD could check the BG in a pinch (she has stolen her DS's meter to check her own because she was worried about it).

    My DS did help a teen with a pump attend a church related trip. Looking back she knew nothing about D but again she had the parents available by phone and the diabetic was on a pump and had been diabetic for many years and was a teen or preteen.
  6. CassiesMama

    CassiesMama Approved members

    Jan 17, 2010
    If it was one of my friends children I would do it in a heartbeat, even before my daughter was dxed. I would have wanted to know all I could to help them. The sad thing is I am now seeing how most of them dont want to go any where near learning enough to take Cassie for a night anymore. The few people I do know who would learn everything they could to watch her and her sister so we could have a night out live to far away to be of much help. :(
  7. StillMamamia

    StillMamamia Approved members

    Nov 21, 2007
    I think I would, BUT, I put myself in the other person's shoes. I would want to be trained, trained, trained, then reassured, then feel totally comfortable, then yes, I would.;)

    I know we can't force anyone, but if there is at least one person who shows willingness to take my kid even if just for a few hours, then I tell them I will not just leave my kid and go. I reassure them I will take the time it needs for them to feel at ease. Just like for school. I went everyday for the first 2-3 weeks, til both myself and the teachers felt "Ok, we're good."

    I guess maybe I'm overly optimistic about it, but I feel that, as long as you/they get the proper training and you/they are a phone-phone call away, then why not?

    Having to explain that to an older kid who gets excluded from things :(, I don't know how I will.
  8. Tigerlilly's mom

    Tigerlilly's mom Approved members

    Dec 3, 2007
    YES - I would take on the responsibility of a D child and have. My friend went away for the weekend and I offered to watch all three of her kids for her one of which had D (she now has two kids with D). I will admit, I was a little nervous, her daughter was on the pump and Tyler wasn't so I was clueless of how it worked - was panicked by the thought of a site change! But it all worked out great.

    Tylers first weekend away experience he was on NPH, was on a sliding scale, didn't do his own shots yet, but the family still wanted him along.

    There was a time when it seemed as though Tyler wasn't being invited to sleepovers, but honestly I think most of his friends just weren't having lots of sleepovers.

    Now he has gone away for the weekend several times and goes on countless sleepovers.

    I show the families the basics, but would never expect them to do a site change or to remind him to test bolus etc. I send him with novolog/lantus as a backup. I have also put a "backup" site on him just in case something happens to his site. Not sure how we will handle trips longer than 2-3 days when he will need a site change (we will cross that bridge when it comes)
  9. swimmom

    swimmom Approved members

    Feb 23, 2007
    Remember too that as he gets older, he will be even more independent and (hopefully) will require less from caregivers. So all of you may be more comfortable with the situation.
  10. momof2greatkids

    momof2greatkids Approved members

    Jan 4, 2011
    If it was one of Audrey's friends, I would. (I would have the same fears with a younger child as mmgirls mentioned.) I would expect that an older child would have a pretty good handle on bolusing/shots, and I would be providing more oversight (e.g., reminder to test, watching for lows/highs, calculating carbs, and confirming that the bolus amounts were correct). I would expect that the parents would have given me specific instructions, and I would be able to reach them at any time. If I didn't have prior knowledge of D, I don't think I would even be comfortable with carb counting. I would prefer talking to the parents before meals, letting them know what the meal was, and letting the parents determine the bolus.

    Audrey has spent the night with her friend next door several times. I communicate with her a lot when she's over there, making sure she's testing, I know what her numbers are, what she's planning on eating, and I calculate carbs.

    The first weekend we were home after diagnosis, she spent the night at a friends house. I was so worried, but at the same time, didn't want her to feel like she was being held back because of her diabetes. It helped that I knew the parents well, and they are the 'perfect parents' that we all feel inadequate around. You know - responsible, fun, and just do everything right. The mom and I talked at length, and I made sure she was completely comfortable before accepting. Again, I was in touch with Audrey a lot to make sure everything went smoothly, and we survived the sleepover.

    We treat playdates the same way, making sure parents know what's going on, and that I'm accessible the entire time. Just less stress since it's only 3 hours to worry about instead of 12!

    Maybe coordinating some play dates at your house for awhile, and spending some time talking to the parents when they pick up so they can see that your DS is the same kid as before. Share information on D and what it means on a daily basis, some people are probably afraid to take it on because they don't understand and maybe think they would have to give injections which I'm sure lots of adults would be very scared to do!
  11. frizzyrazzy

    frizzyrazzy Approved members

    Dec 23, 2006
    I would sort of treat it like they do at camp - everyone does the same thing at the same time and they all seem to turn out ok. So I'd take Man. :)

    if Ian didn't have D..I'm not sure. I'm not a very good babysitter anyway.
  12. virgo39

    virgo39 Approved members

    Jan 8, 2010
    So if your child didn't have D would you take the responsibility of a friend of your child with D? Even with D, would you be willing to take on the added responsibility of someones D child for extended periods of time, especially if their D regime was not the same as your child?

    I'm not sure how I would have responded before DD's dx. I hope I would have been willing to take on some responsibility -- it probably depends on how much responsibilty and how close the friend.

    I think I would be willing to take on responsibility for someone else's D child for an extended time even with a different regime, but it would likely be someone that I had a close relationship with.
  13. PatriciaMidwest

    PatriciaMidwest Approved members

    Mar 2, 2010
    I just wanted to say this will get easier. In another few years your son will be able to pretty much manage his own care with some phone calls to you. My DD was 10 at diagnosis, and I've always tried really hard not to ask a lot of other parents, and to reassure them that we've got it covered and they really don't have to do anything other than give her juice if she is acting weird. I kept things very simple, even though it meant my DD might not have the #'s she would at home. That's just how chose to handle it, but everyone is different. Sometimes with a younger child you don't have that luxury, and that complicates things.

    There are a few things she's been left out of over the years, nothing major and for the most part people have handled it well.

    As far as how I would have handled this before my DD was diagnosed -- I'll be honest...I would have been overwhelmed if the child was on MDI or if the parent shared the whole picture with me. If it was a good friend I would be willing to learn.

    If a parent just said to me (Before our diagnoses)-- Hey, I've got this handled via cell phone, but if my kid acts weird give them some juice -- I could handle that. Again, I know with some kids this isn't an option.

    After Diagnosis -- Sure no problem. My DD has her camp friends over - 4 T1's in the house plus my other 2 kiddos. They are all pretty self sufficient.
  14. Bigbluefrog

    Bigbluefrog Approved members

    Oct 1, 2010
    Yes, I would.
  15. Lisa P.

    Lisa P. Approved members

    May 19, 2008
    Excellent question, very well put.

    Yes, I would, but I would be (hopefully secretly) terrified of screwing up.

    We've entered a few different social groups lately and one of the astonishing things about it is the approach I'm seeing to Selah's diabetes. I had a friend spontaneously offer to train to take care of her, I was shocked. And we've had kids in other families watching out for her on their own initiative. I never have asked anyone outside of our immediate family to do anything about Selah's diabetes, to have people volunteer to be involved is astonishing to me. Tells me a lot about these people. I can't say I'd have been brave enough to do the same.
  16. quiltinmom

    quiltinmom Approved members

    Jun 24, 2010
    There's a difference between being selfish and saying no to someone for the greater good of the family! I don't find that a selfish reason at all. Sometimes we just can't do everything we wish we could do, and as much as we want to help others, our responsibility is to own family first. So I say, good for you! It's hard to do that, sometimes.

    To the OP:
    I have to be honest--I might be nervous taking on the care of a disease like this for a kid I didn't know that well, like a friend of my child, for more than an afternoon. Likewise, I'm nervous letting someone else take care of my CWD. If I knew the parents/family well, and knew their D regimen, I would absolutely take a D child for a while (what do you mean by "extended period?" A weekend?). But it wuld have to be the right situation, KWIM? But just for an evening so the parents can go out, or an afternoon for the kid to play together--sure! No problem.
  17. kiwikid

    kiwikid Approved members

    Dec 29, 2005
    Yes, because I have had friends step up to help us and the fact that they did offer, and followed through (even though I know they were terrified of making a mistake) made such a difference for us...:cwds:
  18. TheFormerLantusFiend

    TheFormerLantusFiend Approved members

    Sep 10, 2006
    I was about to say that my pre-dx self would have been willing to babysit a kid with diabetes, and then I remembered that I used to be pretty scared of needles.
    So, maybe, maybe not. If I didn't have to give shots, probably.

    My adult self is quite willing to babysit kids with diabetes, no matter the age or regimen. I've got an ad up on safesittings.
  19. dejahthoris

    dejahthoris Approved members

    Jan 28, 2011
    My friend had my son over for a birthday group sleepover, his first since dx. I will never, never forget her kindness in including him as long as I live. It is a big responsibility. She is also a girl scout leader who has a type 1 girl scout and has gone on camp outs. Yes I was super scared letting him sleep over. But it was 6 months after dx and he is 13. It was time. It went fine. Another Milestone. Onward and upward!

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