I want OFF. Seriously, I need some serious support, encouragement, kick in the pants, whatever. I'm just done, worn out, sick of it all, over it. My facebook friends saw that this weekend my daughter was baptized. This was a very special event in my family and one that I anticipated and wanted to find the joy in at this time in my life. Ds woke up to a 450 that day and could not attend. My husband barely made it and was late for church. There was so much joy in her, in her friends, in her sponsor, in the church as a whole, but my heart was so heavy, my joy overlaid with crushing grief. I just can't see the point sometimes, why that day, why that moment? It is simply not fair and I'm so done with it. I've been up every night, every 2 hours for a few days, and up at least twice a night since he broke his leg. I'm just plain tired. We did a global basal change, had some lows last night, overate (though he tried hard not to) and is high again now. It just never ends, and I don't understand how he will deal with this on his own. I don't know that I can deal with this emotionally much longer, I feel like I am literally about to snap. I also know I don't have a choice, and I'll keep putting one foot in front of the other, and I also know that he's almost 18 and before long I won't have to deal with it, but I just pray that things level off so he isn't having this happen so often. Because I really don't see him waking himself up and I see him taking the easy road and running high at night. He's mean when he's high. I fear for his wife. Ok, FEAR is too strong, but seriously, he's not a nice guy when high. I try to give grace, but will his wife? I know it's stupid to worry about a marriage that doesn't even exist yet, but this is where my brain goes. I want a cure. I hadn't cried over diabetes in a long time and this week I can't stop. I'm sick of holding it in. I put on a smile and I go out into the world, my friends have NO CLUE. None. They know sometimes that I have night checks and am tired but truly no one can understand unless they live it. I'm feeling very lonely and isolated right now, and I'm doing it to myself because I can't stand to be around people complaining about everyday things. I'm losing most of my friends and it's my own fault, I'm pushing people away, and I'm just tired and have no time nor energy to invest in friendships. No point in this. Not even sure I'll hit "submit". What do you do when you hit this wall? What can I do to find my balance again?