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So angry!!!

Discussion in 'Parents Off Topic' started by yeswe'rebothD, Oct 10, 2009.

  1. yeswe'rebothD

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    My husband won 4 tickets to a Christian Rock concert last week on the radio. Concert is tonight. We had opened it to our grownup friends to see if anyone wanted to go, but the kids knew we'd won the tickets, and we told them we'd take them (the 2 8yo's) if no one else wanted to go. Didn't look like anyone was going to take us up on it, then I think Wed, a friend said she and her friend could go. Told the kids that, they were pretty OK with it. Then yesterday the friend said she couldn't go after all.

    Grace had gone back to her dad's yesterday afternoon, before I knew the friend couldn't go. So when I read (on FB) that my friend couldn't go, I called dad and told him, and that we'd pick Grace up between 2-3pm. He says fine.

    This morning he called to tell me he didn't want her to go, because when I told him earlier yesterday that my friend was going, he said he made plans with them that he didn't want to change.

    :mad::mad::mad: ARGH! AND on top of it, he NEVER told her I'd called yesterday to say she COULD go, and doesn't plan on telling her at all. So I'm going to be made out to be the bad guy here, because he'll never tell her and I can't tell her because she doesn't need the burden on her shoulders that her dad kept her from going. That man makes me SOOOOO angry. :mad::mad:
     
  2. sammysmom

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    I can see his side of it, wanting to spend time with his kids. I know I have a hard time with plans that constantly change, maybe he does too? Not trying to start an argument but it seems like the plans changed a lot and started to interfer with his time with the kids.
     
  3. yeswe'rebothD

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    I don't have a problem with that at all, and I did already apologize to Grace for having told her that she might be able to go when I wasn't sure. My problem is that he has no plans to tell her, so even though he told me yesterday it was fine, today he changed his mind, and I turn out to be the awful, mean mom who takes Grace's step-brother, but not her. And if I were to tell her that I called her dad and told him that we were going to take her after all, I will cause her to lose trust in her dad.

    Yesterday when we exchanged the girls, I informed him that it was still a possibility that my friends would bail, and that in that case I WOULD still be taking Grace. He said ok. So if he's being a stickler for changing plans, maybe he shouldn't be so wishy-washy either. :eek:
     
  4. yeswe'rebothD

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    Well, turns out she didn't want to go anyway, he says. At least he asked her. I'm still heartbroken she's not going. :(
     
  5. Nancy in VA

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    I guess I'm in the camp that if its his weekend, he gets to decide how she spends her time. I think if you thought you would be taking her, maybe you should have asked to switch weekends with him instead of asking to take her during his time. I think you would want the same courtesy from him.
     
  6. yeswe'rebothD

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    I don't get her on any weekend, so I guess that means if I have any special event that, beyond my control, is on the weekend, I don't ever get to take her?
     
  7. StillMamamia

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    I think you should have fun at the concert and try to see if anyone there needs a ticket.
    Take a deep breath and let this one go.;) Plus Grace doesn't want to go.
     
  8. yeswe'rebothD

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    I know, she said she doesn't want to go, I'm not sure if that's her sweet little protective heart trying to make me feel better. She said the same thing the other day after I apologized to her for telling them about it, before clearing up w/my friends if they were going or not. But then any other time I talked about it, she was excited and wanted to go. I think she DID want to go, but (at least it seemed when I was talking w/her the other day) I got the feeling she was trying to make me feel better because I was really upset for having blundered and told the kids they might be able to go.

    My whole point for being angry was that he's purposely misrepresenting my side of it, while I try to be VERY positive about him toward the girls. And it even makes me angry, and feel badly for him, that it will only come back to bite him in the end, because of how it will make Grace feel. I know that from personal experience.
     
  9. StillMamamia

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    Oh, I think I understand now. He makes negative comments about you to the girls? While you make it a point not to belittle their dad to them, right? Is this what is making you upset?
     
  10. yeswe'rebothD

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    yes, pretty much, Paula. There have been more and more incidents lately of things the girls have told me that he tells them, that they just shouldn't know at their current age. This just kind of topped it off for me, that he didn't even intend to tell Grace that she COULD go. I had to call and talk to him 3 different times this morning before he would even ask her. When he did and she said no, I said, "alright, that's all I wanted," and let it go at that.
     
  11. StillMamamia

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    :( I'm really sorry, Iana. This must be so difficult for you. I think all you can do is remind him again and again, that the girls should not be put in the middle of all this.
    Hugs!
     
  12. yeswe'rebothD

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    trouble is, if I'm the one reminding him, he won't listen, at all. I cannot advise him or suggest anything. Some things I will speak up about, but I know that 99.9% of the time he won't hear me. thank you, Paula.
     
  13. Becky Stevens mom

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    Im sorry Iana (((hugs))) My parents split up when I was about Grace's age. My father was an alcoholic and when he had been drinking he would say horrible things about my Mother to us kids. My Mother never said anything disrespectful about my Father to us and always demanded that we treat him with respect. Even at that age I understood what was going on. Im sure your kids do too. I wish their Father put them first like you always have.
     

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