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Questioning how to balance everything the "right" way

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by colebenmom, Mar 16, 2011.

  1. colebenmom

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    Yesterday was an endo appt. Increase in A1C by .4%. Expected. Maybe the results or timing (Ben's two year since dx was last week) have finally given me the courage to post.

    How to you know what you are doing is the "right" way manage and give your kids (d and non-d) the best guidance/support possible for a healthy, happy life? It's almost like parenting - you saw the job your parents did and you are going to do some of the same things and you are definitely NOT going to do others ;) but we didn't have diabetes in the mix and I guess I'm questioning a lot lately of the job I'm doing.

    How much do you test? How much do you ask what the sensor says? How "tight" are the CGM alarms? How much do you explain to parents of kids that want to have your d kid over? How much does your non-d child get alone time with you? Do you plan a mini-vaca around a CWD conference even if it might be the only vacation you get all year? Etc, etc. (Random questions about how much/little diabetes is "in your face" on a daily basis...not necessarily to be answered. Am I even making sense?:eek:)

    How do you know that you are raising awesome chlidren first while trying to deal with the disease second? It is such a friggin' intrusive disease that never goes away. How do you put in in the background more and still take care of it?

    Ok. I'm rambling. I'm just trying to put into words what I'm struggling with to see if there is anyone that feels the same way. Thanks for reading. I look forward to reading what others have to say.
     
  2. Christopher

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    Two words: You Don't.

    Why? Because there is no "right" way. You do what makes sense for you, your child and your family. It may be similar to the way other people do it, or it may be completely different. It doesn't matter. If it works for you, go for it. Don't over-think things, forgive yourself and others, and move on. Life is short.
     
  3. colebenmom

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    :)

    My closest friend describes me as a "guarantee" person. I always want the guarantee that x will lead to y before I do it. That doesn't work so well in the world of diabetes, does it? (or a lot of other things ;)

    I guess I feel like I'm going through steps post-dx - 1.anger, 2.grief, (both steps very short because I had to get to step 3), 3.survival, 4.education and now 5.self-doubt. :cwds:

    Thanks for the response. I'm trying to do just that. It's overwhelming at times.
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2011
  4. Becky Stevens mom

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    Oh yes Beth:) I think you will see alot of posts on this thread. I know that alot of us will read it and nod our heads knowingly. There arent any books on this and I so wish there were. Dr Spock wrote his wonderful book as did Dr Brazleton and so many others about childrearing. Ive read Ragnar Hanaas' book cover to cover and still refer to it cause it is the definitive guide to type 1 diabetes care. If there were a book that meshed these others I would have it read in a day, pages marked, sentences highlighted;) I used to be very OCD about childrearing and about diabetes. I had to back up though, had to say to myself "Hey! thats enough! You are doing ok with this stuff. maybe not perfect but really ok and let that be.

    I think everyone has their own way of doing things that work best for their family their kid and themselves. They may think that others should follow what they do and if they dont, well, they arent doing it right:rolleyes: If you are happy with your childrens behavior, if they are following your lead and living honorably and respecting others then I think thats awesome. If the diabetes isnt too difficult for you guys and the A1C and daily blood sugars are not out of control, then once again, I think that is awesome. We do a tough job us parents of CWD and need to cut ourselves alot of slack and give ourselves a pat on the back. We've earned it:cwds:
     
  5. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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  6. StillMamamia

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    I guess if at the end of the day you can think "Hey, my kid(s) are happy and healthy.", then you're doing a darn good job. Plus good communication, respect and trust. The rest only time will tell and for that there are no guarantees.

    A mom I met once whose kid is now an adult (dx at 5yrs old) told me she spent so much time worrying about D that she missed out on most of his childhood, though they were together. She told me to enjoy every moment with my kid.
     
  7. colebenmom

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    Thanks Becky. A book would be nice. Hmmm, maybe someone will write one soon. A1C is still under the endos recommendation so that's good. Just trying to find peace of mind in my daily decisions I guess while keeping everyone happy. It can be a heavy burden.
     
  8. colebenmom

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    This is solid advice. Thank you. I am enjoying it - it goes by quickly, doesn't it? Just losing confidence that I'm screwing up as little as possible. LOL.

    Thank you. Will take time to watch it tonight.
     
  9. ShelbysMom

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    I think we've all wondered the same thing. Are we balancing our focus on D with raising emotionally healthy children. If you're too strict, you feel like you may be the cause of rebellion. If you're too lax, you feel you may not have taught them enough discipline. If the A1C is going up you feel frustrated and become more obsessed. If your A1C is going down, you wonder how long it will last.

    I think for us things are "working" if we have some sense of normalcy MUCH of the time and have decent a1c's. I have realized that I can through emotional phases of depression or just feeling overwhelmed that come and go without warning and seem to be independent of how my daughter is feeling. Honestly during those times...it helps me a lot to stay distracted (work in the yard, watch a movie, read a book, walk around the block) so I can't sit and stew about the unfairness of it all.

    It's hard but I think we are just doing the best we can with the tools we have.
     
  10. manda81

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    I don't think there is a right way. There is what's best for your family, and what's best for someone else's, and those two things may be very, very different.

    I know finding our way along this road has been easy at times, and a struggle at others, but you develop your balance as you go.

    ((hugs))
     
  11. Tigerlilly's mom

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    It's such a hard balancing act, and there are certainly times that I feel as though I may fall off the diabetes balance beam. OH alright, I do fall off sometimes;)...We just have to get up, dust ourselves off and get back onto it again...Even when you expect it an increase in A1c is so frustrating! Sometimes even though we try as hard as we can and still it goes up - and it makes you want to kick, scream and stamp your feet!

    I think that managing diabetes and how you balance it changes as your children and family change. You have to do what works best for you and your family.
     
  12. colebenmom

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    I guess this is happening right now. I doesn't help that I'm on spring break while the dh and kiddos are at work/school. I'm trying to catch up on things, enjoy the quiet time, etc. but I'm over analyzing everything instead. Just guess it's one of the valleys in this journey.
     
  13. colebenmom

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    Thank you both for your responses.
    Tigerlilly, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said how you balance changes with family changes. I think I'm feeling a shift right now as Ben gets older and as we deal with diabetes for a longer amount of time. I'm sure over the years this will happen.
     

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