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numbers alone can move me from despondency to elation

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by wilf, Apr 13, 2011.

  1. wilf

    wilf Approved members

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    It is silly, but at times that about describes living as a parent of a child with diabetes for me. I have a full life, but at times simple D numbers can flavour a day..


    Two weeks ago (March 27th) at about this time of the night (2:30 am), despondency:
    - DD's blood sugar was 295, after rebounding from an earlier low of under 48 (that was what we measured, but I think she was coming up when measured)
    - up till after 3 am trying to bring her down;
    - blood sugar averaged over 200 all the next day and night
    - kept loading on the insulin
    - up the next night to 4 am night chasing lows, with DD complaining about all the overnight carbs
    - feeling like a loser Dad.. :(


    Tonight 2:30 am, elation:
    - close to in range all day
    - measured lowest was 60, measured highest was 165
    - DD got in good grazing, with her best numbers at grazing times;
    - finally figured out how to bolus for Quinoa (need some NPH in the mix!)
    - at risk of succumbing to hubris (ie. "a loss of contact with reality and an overestimation of one's own competence or capabilities.." :)


    So what will tomorrow bring?! :cwds:
     
  2. gerry speirs

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    Elation rocks!! heres to many more...
     
  3. SarahKelly

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    I know what you mean, it's hard.
    I had a good friend (who has 3 people with t1d in her immediate family) tell me once that the real success is in treating the number - either the low or high and then moving on knowing you did all you can at that moment. It helps me to remember that right then I can't change the "why" but I can either bring his bg up or lower his bg and later analyze the "why".
    Also, my husband who has lived with t1d for over 20 yrs constantly reminds me that d is evil in that some times you can do the same thing for the same situation and get amazingly different results with no explanation, so you have to just look at that random data and realize that it may not make sense but it's not worth another ounce of your worry either.
    Hope tonight is another smooth one :)
     
  4. wilf

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    This drives the scientist in me to distraction. I can speculate for hours about which variable(s) I'm not seeing or understanding when that happens.. :eek:
     
  5. StillMamamia

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    Yep, feel the same. Hard not to get "emotionally" involved.

    What currently annoys me is that a week prior to the endo visit, we had the crappiest BGLs. As soon as we got out of the endo's office (cross my heart), BGLs have been awesome.:rolleyes: It figures, right? Of course, my kid is sick, so I can assume those crappy numbers were leading up to the illness. But now that he has the actual symptoms, the numbers are "easier" to deal with. I don't get it.

    Watch me jinx this....
     
  6. kiwiliz

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    i totally agree and understand. I found a certain amount of peace by realising that, because I love my daughter so much - there is no-one who loves her more - and am dedicated to her care (to the very best of my ability) - if I get it wrong and the numbers go do-lally - then anyone else would have probably done a worse job!

    You are one of the most dedicated parents I know (in an internet way0 and should be proud of the job you are doing. You have a lovely well balanced daughter (from what I can gather). The thing to blame is diabetes - not yourself. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and one or two blips won't make a huge difference in the long run.
     
  7. swellman

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    You can say that again, Brother ... I'm sure it's always something I missed or misunderstood and if I could just get all the variables down this thing would be cake.

    ... until next week.
     
  8. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    Yes, :cwds: I was unduly pleased this morning when she was 86 at 6:00. But the bothersome thing is that at 9:30 pm she was 95 ( no IoB and an oddly sportsfree day) and on impulse I put her on a 3 hr 60% basal. A decision that I totally pulled out of my... "ear". At 11:00 she was 97 and at 2:00 she was 99.

    I love that it worked so well, but it's frustrating that a decision like that is so reliant upon what's in my head and not so easily transferable or explainable. Next time I do that she'll either be 48 or 248 by morning.:rolleyes:
     
  9. MReinhardt

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    Sarah, what you just experienced, is what I started to do with Chell. I find the lower Chell is at bed time, the more sensitive she is to her night time basals. I dont change her basals because if she goes to bed around 130-160, she holds stead all night long on those basals.
     
  10. virgo39

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    I can completely relate to the despondency to elation feelings.

    I find an incredible tension between the "treat and move on approach", which is where I need to be emotionally and the "log and watch for patterns approach", which is were I need to by intellectually.

    At the same time, I recognizing that it may not be seeing a pattern, or if I am, I have little real hope of understanding all of the variables that are creating it, and if I did, I have little ability to control them.
     
  11. swellman

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    I've seen this and it was something of note when I heard a speaker who was in the artificial pancreas clinical trial. He noticed when his BG was better (more tightly) controlled his insulin needs went way down. I'm not talking "duh he had to correct less" down but way down.
     
  12. emm142

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    Yeah, my D control is so much better when I can approach my numbers purely analytically. If I have no emotional attachment to them, it's much easier to make them better without overtreating.

    However, that's really hard. I still curse when I see a high over about 250 and panic when I see a low below 40. I can't stop myself. :p So yeah, I completely see where you're coming from.
     
  13. selketine

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    I guess I don't feel that emotional over his numbers unless I made a mistake and didn't catch it. Diabetes seems more like art than science to me and there are so many factors that my brain can handle fine - on the fly - but to quantify them would be a nightmare. I'm a very detail oriented person but I've found it works best to go with my gut sometimes.

    The cgms helps too - those arrows can tell me quickly if the combo is working, etc.

    Frankly the cgms has shown me things that make my hair stand on end to think what was happening before he started wearing it. Most of my emotion is tied up with having a functioning cgms that he wants to wear. If it broke or he didn't want to wear it - I would be (have been) very sad and anxious about that.
     

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