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Not your typical T1 parent

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by theMad_D_Dad, May 14, 2013.

  1. theMad_D_Dad

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    Just like the title says,


    I'm very unorthodox when it comes to parenting.

    I like loud music, art, and teaching my kids things they will never learn in a classroom.

    I have 2 children, a 6 y.o., and a 2 y.o., only one is diabetic. my 6 y.o.

    She was diagnosed at the age of 2.

    For 4 years we've had to acclimate ourselves to "normal" people's uneducated remarks.

    Because of this I'm angry, and jaded, and sarcastic.

    To the point that I have my own snide remarks when people start in with their.. ignorance.

    Looking for a place with people who can relate,

    but, I may?. be lost.

    I feel I have a ton of advice to give to people new to this culture, and a unique perspective.

    We've stopped trying to be normal, and realize that we are in fact, the polar opposite.

    I embrace this, the same way that we have embraced the fact that my daughter will always be a diabetic.

    Despite all the endless infomercials, Facebook ads, and stupid blogs that claim they have found the way to "control diabetes to the point that medication is no longer needed"

    which I can't help but laugh at.

    I realize that most of you probably won't like me, and I'm cool with that.

    I'm definitely an acquired taste.
     
  2. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    I have yet to met a, "typical Type 1 Parent".

    We pretty much only have to commonality of having a type 1 kid - other than that, it's a pretty disparate group. Though perhaps you're the first from that particular geographic location.
     
  3. Amy C.

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    I just let the comments slide. The rest of our society is greatly uneducated about Type 1. I cannot possibly educate everyone.

    I typically never talked about life with diabetes. Unless someone has walked in the shoes of a type 1 diabetic parent, he/she simply cannot know.

    You have discovered the comments about type 1 are greatly wrong. You can patiently deal with each one as they arise or choose carefully the people you share your stories with -- picking only those willing to understand.

    A forum like this is great as everyone is dealing with the same issue and understands.
     
  4. nanhsot

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    Welcome, I think you'll find quite a range of styles and parents here, all with the commonality of diabetes.

    I'm another who pretty well lets comments slide off my back, I'm pretty good at figuring out who actually wants to expand their knowledge and who is not only clueless but self centered or self promoting. These I ignore or give minimal info but the others I have enjoyed educating.

    As a long time homeschool family I'm used to comments from those who think they know better, or disagree with our choices. In diabetes and in education I enjoy respectful debates, and I ignore the stupid comments.

    You'll fit in fine, there are a wide range of posting styles here and room for all!
     
  5. Beach bum

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    Hi and welcome.
    I don't think there is one normal person here, we are a pretty diverse group:D
    This is a great place to find support or just vent.
     
  6. theMad_D_Dad

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    Oh, how I've tried. But, then I look over and see my daughter's head hang low and I could absolutely choke that person, and I just can't help it.

    To me it's like this, you stick your hand in a hornets nest, they're not going to care if you didn't know any better. They will sting you regardless.
    If someone isn't sure about something, and they still choose to make a comment anyways. They need to be prepared for the sting that follows. Ignorance is no excuse to hurt my child's feelings.

    I am a grizzly bear when it comes to my girls.
    You mess with them, you are punching a grizzly bear in the face.
    All I can say is this. Run. Fast.
     
  7. theMad_D_Dad

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    Thanks to everyone for the warm welcome, I feel at home already.

    As for letting things slide off of my back. I tried that at first, even made it a point to correct their misinformation regarding the advice they couldn't help but spew. After having to repeat myself over, and over, and over, and over I became fed up and said enough is enough.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm not a jerk.
    I'm very pleasant to be around (sometimes)

    But when I see how what they say effects her, I turn it around on them. To show her she has to be strong, and be prepared for word vomit. People are stupid (granted, not all, but a good majority).

    When I retort, it's in a joking manner, the same way what they say is in a innocent "oh I didn't know any better" tone.

    Well, now you do.
     
  8. Christopher

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    The fact that after 4 years you are still immersed in your anger over the ignorance about diabetes tells me you should seek professional psychological help. Your attitude and world view are going to eventually negatively impact your daughter.

    Don't get me wrong, in the beginning I had the same feelings you do, and I still occasionally have them. But in your posts here and in your blog, you appear obsessed with it. That isn't healthy for you or your daughter.

    Good luck.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2013
  9. theMad_D_Dad

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    My writing is my therapy. My daughter never see's this side of me, to her I'm the joky silly fun dad who doesn't take life all that seriously. I don't keep it pent up, I express myself through these words on the screen. If I had everything pent up all the time, I would have murdered someone a long, long time ago, way before my daughter was ever born. You talk to your therapist, I'll write in my blog.
     
  10. Christopher

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    Well, then it appears your "therapy" isn't working, if you are still "angry all the time" after 4 years. And honestly, as much as we think we can keep things from our children, they are MUCH more perceptive than we often give them credit for. And if you respond to people's ignorant comments in front of your daughter, as you have said you do, then she will see that and it WILL impact her.

    I understand you being defensive, but I am just telling you how I see it, and trying to give you some straight advice. I don't think I am out of line, seeing that the majority of other members have said basically the same thing I have, that you would benefit from seeing a therapist to deal with your anger issues. It is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of growth and wanting to make positive changes in your life.
     
  11. theMad_D_Dad

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    If my therapy wasn't working I would have been in jail a long time ago. And, most certainly apologize for sounding defensive, sleep deprivation will do that to you. But you are right about making positive changes in my life. That I understand. I appreciate your advice. But about the impacting my daughter? that I have to say I disagree, not that it won't impact her, but she is already being impacted from the comments being said in the first place. To me, teaching her to laugh it off and make them feel stupid for saying it isn't bad, it's empowering. I think it's wrong to teach a child to ignore what someone says, because you're only kidding yourself if you believe they are actually ignoring it. Just like in Jiu-Jitsu, we don't go looking for a fight, we will do everything to avoid fighting. But if there is no other option, then at least know how to defend yourself.
     
  12. KatieSue

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    Laughing it off is fine. Why go the extra step to make the other person feel stupid? Doesn't sound like a good way to make friends.
     
  13. theMad_D_Dad

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    because it is the smack in the face some people need to realize, "hey, i just said something offensive, wow I didn't even realize it."

    the same way when you burned yourself touching a hot stove you instantly learned "don't do that".

    I have a ton of friends, like I said at first, a lot of you probably won't like me, I'm an acquired taste. This is my personality, I can't change that. The same way I can't change you into growing a pair and telling people what they need to hear.

    Maybe if more people were like me the world wouldn't still think Diabetes was a bunch of unhealthy obese kids whose parents can't tell them "no more cake!"
     
  14. MomofSweetOne

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    Be careful that your approach isn't the cause of her reaction, that she isn't reacting in anticipation of how you will react. She's old enough to know what thing trigger Dad and may be dreading your reaction to them. Our kids pick up on far more than we typically give them credit for. Isolating or alienating people will not serve her well in the long run; educating them even a little bit will.

    We all have to deal with responses we don't like; we know what it's like and how hard it is. Last night I had a conversation with the leader of a youth organization to which my daughter belongs because he had assured me the previous week that they could handle diabetes and that they knew how to call 911 and where the hospital was. He didn't mean it in a mean way; he meant to reassure me. He has no idea how much work diabetes is or that letting a situation get to that point would be horrible. He still doesn't get it (how would it, he doesn't live it?), but before a major summer outing, I will be given a chance to brief the other adults on lows, highs, the importance of testing and quick actions. Does he think I'm a helicopter parent? Maybe. But, I did make it known that T1 and T2 are very different diseases with differing risks and that not preventing risks as much as possible with my child is unacceptable. It just needed talked out. We both mean the best for my child.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2013
  15. theMad_D_Dad

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    That I understand I guess I should be more specific when I say ignorant remarks. If someone is geniunely trying to help and just doesn't know any better, sure I would be glad to educate them.

    The remarks I'm talking about are the hurtful ones such as "Well I guess you know the 2nd time around not to let them drink so much juice" or the ever classic "Yea my mom had Diabetes, they had to cut her feet off."
    My thing is, if you don't know what you're talking about, don't spout out some statement you caught at the end of an episode of Dr. Oz for the benefit of hearing yourself talk.
     
  16. nanhsot

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    In 3+ years I've not heard this...not once. Maybe I am surrounding myself with more educated folks, or maybe those I choose to be around are less judgmental...either way, this isn't the norm in my world. In 3 years I have had one VERY frustrating, VERY circular conversation regarding how our non alkalized water caused his diabetes...seriously...in my daily walk I don't see the negativity, the ignorance, the judgmental tones. It just doesn't happen with regularity. Perhaps I am just lucky, if so, thank goodness. But I also happen to believe that we attract what we project. I project optimism and hope and joy. At least I try to. If one projects anger and opposition...well, that's what you attract.

    Take what you wish from this. For me, I wish you peace, and hope, and joy.
     
  17. theMad_D_Dad

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    Yes, consider yourself very lucky. I would definitely like to live in your world, it's sounds like utopia.
    Even on Television when the term diabetes is mentioned it is in reference e to obese children. I'm wondering with all this optimism you're projecting, if it hasn't made you naive. Take from that what You wish
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2013
  18. nanhsot

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    I personally believe that if I approach people with the belief that they are good, that they mean well, and that they will treat me with respect...I get that in return.

    I have found that to be mostly true, and for those times it is not true, well, walk away.

    Sure I have come across people who do not understand diabetes, and the media is much of the problem, not going to argue there. But here comes my son, insulin pump in hand, 200# of solid muscle, playing football, snowboarding, water skiing, riding horses/roping, living his life to the fullest. People see that, and yes, they wonder. And I answer questions. I tell them in as many or few words as they seem to need that his pancreas quit working. That he needs insulin 24/7. That diet and exercise can't fix it and that nothing we did caused it. In my little corner of the world I feel he has impacted the world of diabetes positively. I have no doubt as I send him off to college that he'll continue to educate by example.

    As a homeschooler for 11 years, I have dealt with negativity and ignorance regarding our educational choice for years. I have come face to face with people who believe homeschooling is WRONG, that my children will be harmed, etc. I have lots of practice calmly explaining, respecting their opinion, and countering their beliefs with simple, undeniable proof.

    I can choose to rebut angrily, and to be angry about it. I have had someone (recently actually) get close to my personal space and tell me my kids being out of school was harmful to the whole system. By the end of the conversation I could see her relax, listen, and reassess her beliefs, solely based on my kids, my calm explanations, my respect for her choices.

    It's the same with diabetes. Sure, there are folks out there who don't understand. But my kid simply lives his life to the fullest, as healthily as possible. Most people haven't a clue he even has diabetes, so how does their belief affect me or him? Opportunities to educate are dealt with and myths are shattered when possible. The ignorance of others really doesn't alter my life. I educate when I can, I ignore when I must, I respect others input and try to come to a meeting of minds.

    I've worked in healthcare for 30+ years. I've seen some hard, horrible, scary stuff in that time. Naive is not a term I'd attach to myself, but if believing in the good of the world equates to naive for you, then I'll take the term.

    Utopia? Hardly. I live in reality, I just choose to live it in optimism.
     
  19. Beach bum

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    Well said Nancy.
    After two tragic recent events that happened here and close to where I grew up that we had friends, family and acquaintances impacted by, it was hard to see good in people. But, seeing communities rally together to give support renewed in me the fact that overall people are basically good. I too choose to live with the optimism that the majority of people out there are good. Yes, some don't know as much, some may say dumb things, but it doesn't make them a bad person, just makes them a person who doesn't think before they speak. I call it diarrhea of the mouth. LOL, my daughter is now of the age where she just rolls her eyes at me when a dumb commercial comes on or a person makes a dumb comment. I thank diabetes camp for this, they talk about how to deal with situations like this.

    So Nancy, I think I will join you on Optimism Island:cwds:
     
  20. cdninct

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    My experience is much the same. I don't think I have ever felt attacked or dealt with outright rudeness. People have asked me if my son can have such-and-such before offering it to him, and I have even had people ask me if a certain food is really all right as I have given it to him, but I have never felt like it has been anything more than an honest question. Have people been critical of my decisions? Maybe, but they have kept their thoughts to themselves! I have also been asked how he got it and if he will outgrow it, but again, they have always been questions, not attacks.

    I don't know if it is because of what I project (goodness knows how I come across!), if it is they way I choose to perceive the questions and comments, if it is because of the people around me, or if we have simply had several years of good luck, but I don't think the world is packed full of offensive people. They are definitely out there, but diabetes aside, we have always chosen and managed to stay away from them most of the time!
     

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