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Need to have one of those talks with my mil - vent warning

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by jcanolson, Feb 21, 2011.

  1. jcanolson

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    Need to vent since I'm still mad from Thursday. We've been gone all week-end, so I haven't been able to deal with the situation.

    At mil house since family was making a quick trip through. She had a couple dishes of candy out...including a little jar of Mike and Ike's which Nat likes. As soon as Nat reached for the jar, mil made some comment about "I don't know if you should have those." I immediately said, "I'm here. I've got it" Nat has a few...1 or 2 at a time. No big deal. Mil decides that she has had enough apparently and picks up the jar and takes it to the kitchen. I'm sitting right there. I was livid, but I didn't want to create embarrassment in their home with guests so I didn't say anything. A few minutes later I did go to the kitchen, found the candy and brought it back out. I wanted some.;), and I wanted to show her that it was OK for Nat to have some. Nat has a few more. She probably ate less than 20 in total. The next thing I know mil picks up the jar, empties it into her hand and puts them in her pocket. I was SO stunned that I think my mouth dropped open.
    We have to talk. There have been other incidents, but this takes the cake. It was like she was showing me that I am not making decisions with my daughter's best interest in mind. She knows better. Of course this is the woman who refuses to keep Nat overnight and has to constantly call us if Nat is there. If she knows so much, then she can just keep Nat for a week or 2 while we go on vacation.
    If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. Just had to vent.
     
  2. StillMamamia

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    I'm sorry.

    Yeah, definitely put the dots on the "i"s on this one.

    Good luck!
     
  3. Becky Stevens mom

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    Uh boy:( Is MIL controlling? Does she feel as if she has to run the show with everyone all the time? If so, she may be just like my MIL:rolleyes: I think you do need to have a talk with her Carol. Im hoping Nat didnt pick up on the "grab the candy from the diabetic and hide it in the pocket" deal. How bizarre is that!?!?!? Its not like your child is newly dxd:confused:

    My MIL still gets Steven sugar free junk while getting her other grandchildren the real deal. I will usually just have him share with his brother, right in front of her;)
    You can try explaining again (probably for the millionth time) that Nat can have anything to eat, nothing is bad or dangerous for her. And if she cant honestly get that through her head then she will need to make sure that she never puts candy out again when Nat will be there.
     
  4. buggle

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    If there were other people around, then maybe your MIL was embarrassed and worried that they'd blame Nat's D on eating too much sugar. Just a guess, because she weirdly overreacted.
     
  5. PatriciaMidwest

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    MIL's can be lots of fun! Do you think she would do this for a non D grandchild? I don't know if she sees this as Diabetes issue or a Eating treats in moderation issue??

    I could kind of see my MIL removing the candy for a nonD child as well, so that's where I'm coming from - especially if it was right before a meal or if she wanted the candy to look pretty and not be eaten ;) It might be time to gently remind her that your child doesn't require a special diet as long as insulin is given.
     
  6. jcanolson

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    No...the other grandkids would be allowed anything. It's a diabetes thing. I think she watches too much day-time TV.

    It's getting to the point where I hate to take Nat over there. She is controlling. We've just never lived in the same town until now, so I haven't realized it.
     
  7. valerie k

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    next time you go, make sure you grab plenty of nice sugary snacks to tide you over with. Walmart and target both sell big boxes of mike and ikes. :D She cant take away what isnt hers.

    If she says anything, put her on the spot, "since YOU know so much.... how much insulin is Nat going to get with these treats???" "aaahhhh dont know, then BUTT OUT! till you really want to learn about TYPE ONE DIABETES!"

    as you can see, I was the daughter-in-law from hell for my MIL till her passing. Learned long ago to stand my ground when I felt it nessesary. First and foremost with us was,,, YOU raised your children already, now let me raise mine... it went on from there. My only saving grace, was the 5 states that seperated us. ;)
     
  8. Mom2dirty

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    Oh my! Sorry you and your children had to experience that. It would be interesting to hear what her intention was when she did that but no matter what it was she needs to understand you will always do what is best for your children, whether they have T1 or not!!

    Good luck to you!
     
  9. jcanolson

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    Love it!

    I tend to be the non-confrontational one, and since we used to only see them on the occasional week-end it was easy to ignore, but this Mama Bear has had it. Nat's been having a rough time with diabetes lately anyway, and this DOESN'T help.

    Could you drop by and go with me??
     
  10. mmgirls

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    My MIL is not like that, but does check with me to make sure I know she is taking a few more. I will respond with, Its ok I gave her alittle extra insulin to cover the little treats here and there, or she is running around so much that it keeping her numbers from going to low.

    OR I don't know whats going on with her numbers, so I will be checking her soon.

    I think letting the person know that you are doing something about it and not just "seeing" elps out allot. Not saying anything at lets a person feel that they are justified in what they are doing.

    When someone says something completly stupid, like she should not be having any candy, I will respond will we should not either yet it is right here is'nt it. Or that she will be having alot of treats today just like the rest of us, days like today with family and freinds are just special.
     
  11. dejahthoris

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    Sorry to say but it sounds to me like your MIL is messing with you big time. I think she is trying to get under your skin. Of course you have told her you child can have candy. She knows Better. She is not helping matters. It is hard enough to take care of a t1 child, and then on TOP of that, to have to deal with BS like this!!!! I was glad to see this rant. I will tell you why. My son was just dx (well it seems like yesterday in August 2010.) I admit I knew NOTHING about t1 when he was first dx. However, STUPIDITY has REALLY been ticking me off! Especially from people who KNOW better! Why is it some people love nothing more that sticking it to you and jerking you around? It is almost like they see your weak spot (IE< your love for your t1 child) and see that as a way to get to you!!!
     
  12. PatriciaMidwest

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    Gotcha. Sorry you have to deal with that. Our jobs are hard enough without having unsupportive relatives.
     
  13. joan

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    From your post she seems like one of those people that don't think we parents know what we are doing. Why did she have the candy there if she didn't want your daughter to have any? Rude. I would just tell her that her beliefs about diabetes are old fashioned and that people with type 1 can have candy or what ever. Then I would say that removing the candy is very hurtful to your child and next if she doesn't want people to have candy, don't put it out.
     
  14. dejahthoris

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    I agree Joan! Why is she putting it out when she knew you were coming and then take it away? Sorry for my rant but I have had it up to here with some people. Thank God I have two friends who understand, and the rest are really trying to. One of my best friends used to be a counselor at a diabetes kids camp, and another one is a Girl scout leader who has a t1 scout, and knows the drill. What I do when the stupid people start to get to me is try to think about the good supportive people. For instance. my dad, who is a total health nut and always telling people to eat right and exercise (he is 70 and rides bikes, sails and lifts weights) never ONCE made a stupid comment when my son was dx. Instead, he learned about it and shared stuff like Jay Cutler, the Bears quaterback being type 1. Not only does that say he knows that if an athlete can get this, its NOT because of poor health habits, but also that you can do great things like quarterback a pro football team with t1!
     
  15. Lisa P.

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    Was this asked?

    Deciding that my kid can't have what the other guests in her house are having, all other things being equal, solely because of diabetes when I say it's o.k. -- that's a deal breaker for me.

    I would tolerate an ignorant opinion being expressed as long as she didn't do it in front of my kid and followed my instructions anyway. Or I could handle showing up for a visit and every guest in the house has to eat lettuce as the meal. :p But serving candy to everyone else and taking it away from the kid with diabetes is not o.k.

    However, I would make quadruple sure that this is what happened before putting your foot down. There might be another explanation, and going to the mat and then finding out that she actually scooped them up because, when you weren't looking, cousin Fred licked them all and put them back in the bowl would be embarrassing. :p
     
  16. Mik's Mom

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    sorry your having to deal with this and I wish you luck with "the talk". My ex- mil told me, that if my daughter ate a little better and exericed more- she would outgrow her diabetes......
     
  17. 2type1s

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    Carol...I just wanted to say I'm sorry...my husband's dad and stepmom are similar, and haven't made an effort in 11 years to really learn what they need to do. Now they have missed out on their granddaughter's growing up. Mike's mom and stepdad have been wonderful, they keep the girls and participate BIG TIME in their walk in Orlando each year for their granddaughters. My mom and dad have been there since the day Morgan was dx'd and know as much as I do. I resent my inlaws who don't take part or want to learn. It's been a thorn in our relationship and very sad. I would say something one more time, and invite her to an Endo appointment.
    Or, you could just take some pixie stix to crack open next time : )
     
  18. skimom

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    If my husband had more sibings, I would swear we share the same MIL - oh except that even though she has two T1D grandchildren ( both mine) you would think after 6 years that she would know that it had to do with carbs ?- oh no - she thinks we have to keep track of fats....Of course any comments when my kids are around are of the "poor thing..where did they catch it from? It isn't in our family..I didn't think you let them eat that much sugar..etc etc"..My kids see it for what it is and as they get older are making their own decisions as to how much they want these particular grandparents in their lives...
    It is too bad as in the end, the grandparents will lose out. My goal in life is the to be the mother - in - law I wish I'd had. I just feel so blessed that my kids are alright and are alive- if they have some sugar speedbumps , so be it - life is too short to sweat the small stuff and to me a hand ful of mike and ike's is small stuff
    Good luck - I'm in your corner!
     
  19. sisterbeth43

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    Carol, I could easily see my late MIL doing something like that. She was an RN --but from the old school. My hubby remarked to me shortly after Reann was dx'd, that he was glad his mother had already passed or we would be in constant battles over what Reann could eat. (She was almost 90 when she died and went to nursing school in the 20's.
     
  20. jcanolson

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    Aside from the way it affects Nat, that's my overall concern that she is about to ruin her relationship..with not only me, but with her granddaughter if she doesn't lighten up.

    I had to laugh at your experience with "It isn't in our family." We've heard that one before. Not so much about D, but about Celiac. Hmmm....didn't you just tell me about your niece with Celiac, or was I dreaming that? Don't get wrong. We don't play the "blame game". There are auto-immune issues on both sides, and my dh and I figure our combined genes were just the "perfect storm". She is, however, quite adamant that it DIDN'T come from her perfect family.
     

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