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Miss manners

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by C6H12O6, Feb 19, 2014.

  1. Jeff

    Jeff Founder, CWD

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    Very interesting that Judith Martin has a son with type 1, and that he actually wrote the response about "blood draws in public" that generated so much anger. So clearly the Miss Manners family knows exactly what is involved in living with type 1 diabetes.

    I'm reminded of an excellent book I read some years ago called It's Your Ship: Management Techniques from the Best Damn Ship in the Navy (http://www.amazon.com/Its-Your-Ship-Management-Techniques/dp/145552302X). The author, Captain D. Michael Abrashoff, makes one very important point: leaders are absolutely responsible for how their message is received.

    In the case of the Miss Manners piece about type 1 diabetes, their message was not received as they intended.
     
  2. Christopher

    Christopher Approved members

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    It kind of reminds me of the breast-feeding issue. You have people that BF and think it is fine to do it any where any time. Then you have others who do it and feel that it should be done discreetly. This was in the news again when a woman wanted to BF on an airline flight without using a cover. The airline said no, then after a big Twitter storm they relented.
     
  3. nanhsot

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    This was exactly my reaction as well. I am a BF advocate but am of the opinion it can be done discretely with no one the wiser. I once had a waiter touch the top of my babies head while she was nursing, he had NO clue! It's the same here, I think that if you can't do a finger prick/test without being discreet, you should go somewhere private to do it. I believe after reading more about this that was the intent: be discreet and be respectful to those around you. Never bad advice.
     
  4. MEVsmom

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    We do BG checks or inject insulin anywhere we darn well please, including at the table at a restaurant. At school, they recently told my daughter she couldn't do it in the hallway because the principal didn't want the other students and teachers seeing it. She needed to go to the adult bathroom, which is single stall or in an empty classroom. Of course they had no issues with her former process of coming to my other daughter's special ed classroom. I guess the special ed students were not deserving of being sheltered from seeing it. I ignore them and do it in the hallway anyway :eek:

    All of the above can stick it (no pun intended). I'm not going to make my child feel ashamed or weird.
     
  5. Christopher

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    Yeah, I am calling BS on both of them. So the SON actually penned the response not "Miss Manners"? Nice misrepresentation. And on top of that, he said he doesn't hide his diabetes management, but he feels he can advise others to hide THEIR managment? What a hypocrite.

    I don't think the message was "not recieved as intended". It was very clear what his message was, "drawing blood" (who even says that?) is to be done in a bathroom in private.
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2014
  6. sszyszkiewicz

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    Given everything else we all have to worry about......what Miss Manners thinks, really, is utterly and completely irrelevant.
     
  7. Christopher

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    I agree and I could care less what they say, it will not change how I manage her diabetes in any way. However, since this is out in the public domain I think it has the ability to shape some people's thinking on this topic. It is important to me that when I see things out in the public that could cause discrimination towards our children, that it be addressed. But I am really hoping that "miss manners" is not a huge influence on society as a whole. :cwds:
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2014
  8. Jeff

    Jeff Founder, CWD

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    Given the dramatic decline in newspaper subscriptions nationwide (globally?), I would venture that syndicated columnists in general are experiencing waning reach and influence. But that doesn't mean that the sentiments expressed in the piece are not reflective of those of the general population -- which offers us, the members of the diabetes community, an opportunity to teach.

    Checking glucose levels and injecting insulin in dirty bathrooms is clearly not a good idea. And there are people who get very uncomfortable -- even ill -- at the sight of medical procedures, no matter how minor and quick (e.g., a finger stick glucose check). We can insist upon our right to take care of diabetes in the here-and-now-wherever-we-are while at the same time being mindful that everyone hasn't become as accustomed to the things that have become second nature to us.

    By not hiding, we maintain our dignity.

    By being discrete, we respect the dignity of others.

    That's how everyone wins.
     
  9. kirsteng

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    I think it's a LOT easier to be 'discreet' when you are an adult with T1D and can do your own bg checks and shots. Discretion kinda flies out the window when you have to do the same procedures on another person.. it's just more of a big production. Involves standing over them to get the angle correct, discussion etc. Regardless, I don't think it necessitates hiding. People who have an aversion to blood or needles should not be intruding on others' personal space anyway, be it just a booth in a restaurant.

    Miss Manners has NO IDEA what it's really like to be a D parent, because her son was an adult when he developed it, and she has in all likelihood never lived with a cwd. And her son writing that response?? Ridiculous. He's trying too hard to fool everyone into thinking that it's actually his mother writing those antiquated responses. He's spent too long concentrating on the tone and flavour of the message, and zero on the actual content.
     
  10. shannong

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    When my son started grade 1, newly diagnosed with diabetes, they used to take him into another room to do his injection, away from his classmates. He was shy about doing it in front of others, so it was fine. After awhile, it just became more of a nuisance to have him go into another room, so he started doing everything (injections, blood checks) right in the classroom. This year, he is in a grade 2/3 split class. His teacher told me how the first day he did his blood check in the classroom, one of the kids who was in his class last year told all the other kids (who were fascinated by what he was doing), "after awhile this will be no big deal". At least all of his classmates will be fine with seeing blood checks out in public! It would be nice to see this happen in the larger world.
     
  11. caspi

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    I agree - I think they are backpedaling BIG TIME.
     
  12. sincity2003

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    We have yet to run into a kid who has seen DS testing or injecting insulin that has had an adverse reaction. Adults are a different story. I'm a firm believer in kids are not born with an aversion to something, they are taught it. His baseball teammates (and through a series of events, he's now on his third travel baseball team since January!) have all asked what he's doing, but none of them have made any comments about it. A couple of the parents have made faces or chattered amongst themselves when they thought no one was listening.
    We went through the whole "he can check in the bathroom" spiel from his guidance counselor in the beginning of this year. We set her straight pretty quick. We still deal with occassional issues, but again, I have found that his classmates/friends are way more accepting than most of the adults we encounter.

    I also agree with a later poster who says this lady has no clue what it's like to raise a CWD. Her son was grown when he was diagnosed and while I'm sure she helped him, she has never been 100% responsible for his care in a public place.
     
  13. MomofSweetOne

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    Some of this is how society has changed as well. Her response seemed antiquated and reminded me of what a much older Type 1 told my daughter about her own childhood, of hiding diabetes so that almost no one outside the family knew about her diabetes, that she didn't have friends or know others with diabetes. It's hard for us to imagine that level of secrecy. To me, my daughter is safer with others knowing. I really appreciate her friend who has been so fascinated with it all to learn how to do infusion sites, glucagon, etc. I would trust her beyond most adults with knowing what was wrong and what to do in a crisis.
     
  14. rgcainmd

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    I couldn't agree more! The response to all the negative fall-out given by Miss Manners and her son was the epitome of hypocricy.
     

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