Miss manners

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...0657d0-8a98-11e3-833c-33098f9e5267_story.html




DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a businessman who frequently flies both domestically and internationally. I also happen to be an insulin-dependent diabetic.

I currently do my glucose testing in my seat. It does involve using a lancet device to get a drop of blood to test, but is fairly unobtrusive. Of course, all lancets, alcohol preps and test strips are stored in my test kit for proper disposal later.

Am I being rude to perform this test next to a stranger? Injections I perform privately in the plane’s lavatory. In the airport, I use the counter by the wash basin, since most water closets have no room for insulin vials and other supplies.

Many people seem to stare and resent the fact of performing such a function in this space. I have also had children ask, “What is that man doing? Isn’t that a bad thing?” (They’re obviously thinking of their drug education classes.) Am I too self-conscious?

GENTLE READER: Absent an emergency, medical applications (like bodily functions and grooming) are properly done out of sight — meaning in private or in a restroom — unless they can be done so surreptitiously as to be unrecognizable as such. Miss Manners does not object to a pill taken at dinner, so long as it is not accompanied by a dissertation on your cholesterol.

The technology associated with diabetes is fast approaching this standard, although Miss Manners draws the line at drawing blood. Restrooms exist to provide a proper location for such necessary activities when away from home, and those who use them have no business monitoring the respectable, if sometimes unaesthetic, activities of others.

You may chose to tell children that it is a medical procedure, or ignore them and let their parents do that. Miss Manners would hope that any parents present would also resolve to teach their children to be more discreet with their curiosity.

 

I disagree with "miss manners". What we have to do is not "medical application". It is what people with diabetes and their caregivers have to do as part of their daily living routines. Recommending that a PWD go into a dirty bathroom to manage their diabetes is just ignorant.

 

I also completely disagree. Diabetes does not need to be hidden. That is an awful message to send to kids and other people just need to get over it. And what about all those times you can't get up to use the airplane bathroom or it is occupied? D often can't wait.

 

Miss Manners is wrong. I support my child if she prefers to be private about her testing, but I am not going to make her leave the room or go into a germ ridden bathroom to test her BG. It's part of our daily life and we are going to do it wherever we need to.

 

I'm crushed - just realized my DD has no manners at all!

 

We were in an airport when DS was 6. He needed a shot, so I took DS and my other son (8) into the ladies room lounge area (Husband was returning the rental car and the 'family' restroom was too far). A security guard came into the ladies room to question me because someone had complained that (1) something "fishy" was going with the younger child and (2) I had a "teenage" boy in the ladies room. People need to mind their own business!

 

For me that is a tough one and a little different than the topic of this thread.

On one hand, we want people to be vigilant and aware of what is going on around them, especially in an airport. And since children were involved we want people to notice anything odd in order to protect them. On the other hand, people also need to respect other's privacy and boundaries, taking into account any special needs someone might have. It is a fine line and I think, especially in the times we live in now, people err on the side of being overly cautious.

 

I wholeheartedly disagree with Miss Manners and I encourage my daughter to check her BG or inject insulin wherever she chooses.

Miss Manners needs to go to a public restroom and get a life!

An aside: I think I met Miss Manners about 24 years ago. She "kindly" informed me that there was a lounge in the ladies restroom where I could "do that." (I was breastfeeding my infant daughter.)

 

I think its totally up to the person with diabetes and their comfort level about testing in public. Since my daughter is young, I want her to know that diabetes is not something she needs to hide from people. I don't want her growing up thinking that she has to consider that somebody might be bothered by her testing. Too bad for them, we test where we want. That said, when we were on shots she was shy about doing it in public so we would be more discreet about it. But not in the restroom!

 

I know it was just mentioned in an offhand way, but I think testing BG is actually similar to breastfeeding a baby.

While I strongly disagree with Miss Manners, I think it is a good reminder of what people actually think about BG testing in public.

There is nothing wrong with it and there should never be an issue doing it in public (like breastfeeding), but many people will have an issue with it, even if they don't mean to. I have to admit that I consciously look away when someone breastfeeds her baby. I know it shouldn't, but it makes me uncomfortable, and I know it's my issue and not hers.

Obviously we are all completely desensitized to BG testing similar to the mother who has been feeding her child via breast upwards of 10 times a day every day, but that doesn't mean everyone else is.

It's never a bad thing to keep other people's perspective in the back of your mind when you make a decision on these types of things. That decision can be to just say to yourself - "your uncomfortableness is your own problem, I'm not altering what I need to do to please you," or "I'll just turn away or check under the table (the nursing cover equivalent)" or "I'll go to a private space (like the mom who goes to her car)".

 

With all the responses on the side of diabetics for that article, I hope she publishes an apology. We let Chris test where and when he needs to. He's great for educating people if they have questions and he doesn't mind or notice the looks.

 

I commented on the article on Tuesday when it was published, strongly disagreeing with Miss Manners. I also went to her website and submitted a response directly to her. I hope she publishes a follow-up admitting that she was wildly incorrect in this instance.

 

Like most people, Miss Manners is ignorant about all things D. If she hung out with any one of our kids for a couple days I strongly suspect her answer would have been different.

 

My kiddo tests anywhere she feels the need. She's never hidden it. On the table at restaurants or wherever. Every once in a while someone will stare but she's never had anyone make remarks other than to ask if she's diabetic because their father/uncle/cousin/friend is.

Bathrooms are gross and usually there is no were to set your supplies down.

 

I asked specifically about giving shots in public on our first T1D class. Our diabetes educator specifically advised against going to a bathroom for the shot. He said that our child shouldn't be made to feel that she needs to hide or be ashamed of her insulin shots. He also said that we should always be diligent about clean up and put away our sharps and test trips, because to leave them behind can understandably freak out the restaurant staff. I thought this was excellent advice.

We always give shots at our restaurant table or where ever we happened to be. We are discreet about it, and try not to attract attention, but we do not hide. And we always put away the sharp and blood strip into our container. I do not care what Miss Manner has to say on this subject matter.

 

Publish it here. Give us a sneak peak preview.

 

Those of us who have been living with diabetes for many years remember that Ann Landers said almost the exact same thing back in 1998. Here's an article that includes the question/response about diabetes. https://www.creators.com/advice/classic-ann-landers/classic-ann-landers-2007-10-28.html If you do some research, you will find that many people wrote to her telling her she was an idiot for saying people should check in the restroom. Deja vu.

 

I definitely agree that folks should be able to test where ever they feel comfortable. As an adult, I test in public, but I am fairly discrete about it. At a table or on a plane I would have the kit in my lap as opposed to the table or tray table. I keep the sound off on my meter. I think in the hundreds or thousands of times I have tested with other people around only a handful of times has the person noticed.

 

Kerri from sixuntilme had the best response I've read so far.....

http://sixuntilme.com/wp/2014/02/20...aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582

 

More about Miss Manners and her adult son with type 1! http://networkedblogs.com/UbR3r