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Melancholy

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by nanhsot, Jul 7, 2010.

  1. nanhsot

    nanhsot Approved members

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    Did I spell that right? Sigh, feeling too bittersweet to find out.

    My son is at camp. It was a last minute decision, one we really could not afford but we saw some high risk/worrisome behaviors that told us we need to move in that direction. Luckily things all fell into place.

    They have a live feed where you can see the daily activities, and a few times a week you can see a longer concert and such. I've gotten glimpses into his life at camp, seen him having fun, joining in in a way that he hasn't for a while, seen that this is a GREAT thing for him, finding friends, forging relationships, learning to live with this beast. It's so cool to seem him surrounded by others dealing with exactly what he's dealing with, being active and in control, finding himself outside the diagnosis.

    So why I am bawling, sitting here just sobbing. I hate that he's there. I hate that he NEEDS to be there. I hate that I see very young children there. I hate that ANYONE needs to be there. I loved when they had the cabins join in a big circle, supporting one another, giving to each other. It's awesome, it is a blessing, and I hope it changes his life for the better, forever. But I wish he were home, and he didn't need to be there. While I hope he makes friends that last a lifetime and he can lean on, I wish he never needed to know any of them. But then I feel guilty for that thought, what a horrible, horrible thought.

    Boo. I hate feeling this way. I want to watch him, view the photos, see the good in where he is.
     
  2. muddymessalonskee

    muddymessalonskee Approved members

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    Big hugs to you...

    When my daughter was younger, she met a girl in our neighborhood who had been diagnosed a couple of months before her. The friendship never "took off". "I don't think diabetes is a very good basis for a friendship", she told me, with wisdom beyond her years. But...she's 16 now, and she's gone to "D camp" for five years. She keeps in touch with her friends from there on Facebook. It's because the friendships are NOT based on D...they're based on the fact that it's a bunch of really cool kids who happen to also have D. Last year one of them said, "When there's a cure for D...we'll have to find some other reason for going to camp."

    Deborah
     
  3. chammond

    chammond Approved members

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    My melancholy lately has nothing to do with camp, but I have been feelimg it also. After Logan was dx'd I left my job, which I really loved. We live in a very rural area, and could not get anyone to come and train our daycare center to care for him. There was a CDE who just got her certification in a fairly local town, but she said she didn't really feel comfortable because he was so small and she had previously worked mainly with adults and older children. At the time we were waking up to check him almost hourly at night, both mine and my husbands jobs were suffering because of it. I know at the time it was the right choice for our family, and we really didn't have any other options.

    Now, I love my kids. I stayed home with our oldest until he was 2, but by the time I went back to work, I really needed it. I know that while I was working I was a better mom. Now, being home with them all day, I know I am cranky. I am hoping to get back to work soon, we spoke with the CDE and she said that she is now comfortable training our daycare center, but it's not like the job market is hopping at this moment. So, I know this isn't really related to your post, but just wanted to let you know I'm feeling a little down also!:)
     
  4. StillMamamia

    StillMamamia Approved members

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    I am sorry you're feeling this way. I think it's totally normal, and I can bet most of us on board have felt that way at one time or another (or even most of the time). It is part of the grieving process, and, as difficult as it is, it is something we have to go through. Not everyone goes through each stage at the same time or for the same length of time. I truly believe we go through a huge grieving process in the first years, and then we have mini-grieving through our lives. I think we learn how to move on to the next stage as time goes by.

    And kudos to you for letting him go. I hope he comes home and raves about the experience.

    Big hugs to you!
     
  5. Amy C.

    Amy C. Approved members

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    With your description of the live feed, it sounds like your son is at Camp Sweeney! There are a lot of campers who have a blast at Sweeney -- it is like any other summer camp, but with some medical education and lots of medical care thrown in.

    This is a great respite for caregivers and can inspire the campers to start taking charge of their own care. The campers who are young are probably thrilled to be there. Not all are diabetics. Siblings are allowed at Sweeney as well.

    I thought of it as a chance for my son to go participate in an overnight camp where I didn't have to train the staff on how to take care of him. He attended the full session only one year, but learned a lot about managing his diabetes. He now attends normal camps without me to continue practicing taking control for a period of time. Sweeney was a great tool of many experiences that built my son's confidence and encouraged independence.

    He will come back and we will once again start to share in the diabetes care.
     
  6. nanhsot

    nanhsot Approved members

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    I guess I didn't express myself well, I am THRILLED that he's there, they made space for him in a very full camp, he's doing great, looks like he's having so much fun, this is exactly where he needs to be, and I am well aware of it.

    It just hits me sometimes, like a ton of bricks when I least expect it. I have no doubt that he'll come home stronger and more confident.

    I'm just feeling melancholy!
     

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