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Losing my mind with my teen

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by sassypantz, Oct 2, 2012.

  1. Darryl

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    I agree that trying to talk it through is a first step, accompanied with insistence on monitoring until it is established that self-care is working, however I also think you need to be prepared take control of the situation now with every means of enforcement that you have available until self-care is back on track.

    Just as if a 14 year old was hurting themself in some other way - drinking, drugs, unsafe driving, and although D is not their choosing, and we can completely empathize with that, if we let anything get in the way of blood sugar control the consequences down the road could be a lot worse than the (possible temporary) consequences of parental intervention now.

    My wife and I manage dd's BG overnight as believe at the age of 14 her sleep is more important that ours, and it is enough to ask for her to self-manage responsibly every day. I also think it makes it easier to take a hard line on daytime control if they know that you are equally invested in their care overnight. Part of taking a hard line is having faith that it will be appreciated down the road, even if not always at the moment.
     
  2. Ali

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    You hve gotten lots of great advice:cwds: But as you probably already know the trick is to figure out who your teen is:pnd then work on a plan that works to help them be in a better place four years from now when they are on their own than where they are now. An outside voice can help, but that too will take time to find the right outside voice, not always but often that takes time. There are as many incompetent "outside help" in the world as there are very mediocre Endos in the world.:p But a good "outside voice" whether a therapist, a grandparent, another parent, or a person from your church/synagogue etc. can really help if you come to a standstill. :cwds:ali
     
  3. SarahKelly

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    this is a bit off topic, however if the functions of the pump helped with management there are ways to get the same info - if your daughter has a smart phone she can download a variety of programs that will allow her to put in her BG range, I:C ratio and correction factor to help to figure out the insulin she needs. This may help just in terms of properly dosing if that is part of the equation right now for her.
    I hope together you two figure out a solution. ((HUGS)) parenting is definitely not easy and throwing d in there doesn't do anything to make it more smooth. hang in there :)
     
  4. Annapolis Mom

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    This is really beautiful advice. I agree with it completely. Diabetes management is too important an issue for us to be in conflict with our children. We need to be on the same team with them when it comes to their care. My sister once described me as being on the opposite side of the table when dealing with my son's behavior. She told me I had to walk around to his side of the table and sit down with him. I think that's good advice in many situations, especially one as important as this.

    S.
     
  5. Mary Lou

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    This is a great thread!!

    My oldest is also 14 now, and, like others, is on his own for sports and school and hanging out with friends. He's been eating without bolusing when away from home and his A1C's and BG #'s reflect that.

    Two thoughts that I think haven't been expressed:

    ONE: Our endo looked at him in our last appointment and said that she understood his need for independance -- that he wanted to grab a handful of chips just like everyone else and eat them -- but that he should take that independence to the next level and bolus.

    But, at the same time, his freedom is balanced by coming home and being cared for, if he wants to. I give him the option of testing himself or having me do it for him.

    At night, I do all the care.

    Our endo also pointed out that when "under the influence" of high or low blood sugars, reason flies out the door, and that kids cannot be expected to always make the right choice.

    TWO: Our family therapist has repeatedly emphasized to me that the driving force in all teens is their need for acceptance among their peers. They don't want to be different, and things that never bothered them before, like testing and injecting and blousing, may be extremely embarrassing now. And that we had to have the conversations surrounding WHY so that we could address the real issue, not just the result of that issue.

    The therapist also pointed out that within the teen brain logic and reasoning centers aren't fully developed and they are simply incapable of seeing the world the way that an adult does, and in turn, responding to the world in a reasonable and logical way -- consistently.

    Our teens -- our "emerging adults" -- need our guidance and we need their cooperation.

    The only way we got back on track was through calm conversations with clear expectations and consequences -- both positive and restrictive -- and BOTH of us listening to the "experts" and to each other.

    Best of luck...
     
  6. DsMom

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    That's great advice, and what I would try at first as well. However...what if your kid just refuses to sit down at that table? Some may not. In that case, I think a little "tough love" would be in order. I'm not going to sit around for months waiting for my kid to be "ready"...D care IS too important. Like many have said on this forum...D care is non-negotiable...such as the way I feel about my kids wearing seat belts, drinking or drug use, doing their best at school, and being respectful. If they choose the wrong sides of these issues...I will ask them why they made that choice...and then they will live with the consequences of making that choice.

    I think that most kids would respond to the approach you describe...and gratefully. However, if mine didn't...his safety and physical health would be my first priority...and what he wants or thinks would be my second. Again, this is only in cases of reckless and continued disregard for their own D care...not simply forgetting to bolus once in a while.
     
  7. Helenmomofsporty13yearold

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    Excellent summary....What makes these teen years so tough is that point one and point three don't line up at all and yet D self-management requires it.

    Teens remind me 2 year olds wandering away from Mom to explore the world but always looking over their shoulder to make sure we are still there.

    There might be a point FOUR that teenage romances send them right into that starry-eyed la-la land where earthly responsibilities cannot enter.

    I know only 1 teen that is amazing with her D management. When I asked her mother what her parenting secrets were, she replied that she did not have any and that her daughter is just very responsible about everything she does.

    To the OP, I learned at a CWD conference to threaten to accompany her and her friends to the mall or wherever if she does not test or bolus. This did work at 14. They also said to start small with the requests, like insisting on just 4 finger pokes a day. Good luck to you.
     
  8. sugarmonkey

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    I swear getting my teen to cooperate with D care and self manage at school is harder now than it was when he was younger.
    Teens are just harder with everything a lot of the time. Add health issues, and its even harder.
     
  9. sassypantz

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    I want to thank everyone for all of your thoughtful advice and encouragement. I've spent a lot of time over the last couple days trying to decide how to best approach our problem... For now, she's supervised strongly when she's home, and an adult has to give her her Levimir. She's softening to the routine, and seems to prefer to be given the shot anyway. On Saturday evening, I'll finally have a chance to sit down with her one-on-one and talk it all out. I have my own ideas about why she's done what she's done, but I'd like to give her a chance to say it out loud, because I don't think she's even thought consciously about it until our initial confrontation.

    That said, "miraculously", her numbers have all been either in-range or very close for the past couple days, and she suddenly feels much better. Pointing this out only inspires sarcasm and snark, but I think she gets it. We see the endo next month, and I plan to call ahead and speak with someone about it so that they already know the details when we get there. He's been extremely nonchalant about her ever-rising A1Cs in the past, barely even bringing it up, so I'm beginning to wonder what it would take for him to take a hard line with her about her care.

    For the record, the whole contacts-for-A1C offer I made to her was the first time I've ever done that; the reason being that over the past year I've watched it go higher and higher, and I can't seem to get her to care about it. I wanted to teach her that it does matter, because it's an indicator of her overall health, and there's a strong relationship between lower numbers and personal responsibility. I told her yesterday that she won't be getting contacts anytime soon because this incident has proven that she's simply not responsible enough at this time. I've always told her that I didn't really care what her BS #'s were, what I was looking for was consistency--that she was testing often (or at least wisely), and that we were able to use that data to make smart decisions for her future care. I've let her fool me into believing she was handling things because she's very smart and independent. And yes, I admit, I've been consumed by my own issues, too, and stopped paying as close attention as I should have. That's not a mistake I plan to make twice.
     
  10. DsMom

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    This is great!!:p I'll have to remember this.
     
  11. DsMom

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    Good luck with your talk this weekend. You're clearly a great mom...you trusted your daughter, that's not a horrible thing.;) Hope things calm down, get back on track, and stay that way!:cwds:
     

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