- advertisement -

Just thought you guys would understand this

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by kallygirl, Mar 4, 2010.

  1. kallygirl

    kallygirl Approved members

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2009
    Messages:
    237
    Unfortunately since diagnosis we don't go to as many playdates because it really is just so hard to deal with everything and try to have a conversation with the other moms etc..

    I decided to try it again today with some moms I know. We all met at the park to play and brought lunch to eat. After about 10 minutes I hear Quinn crying and see that one of the moms has brought ice cream with her 2 kids. Well, I'm trying to tell Quinn that it's not his and they are offering to give him a bite, but I don't want to try and guess at the carbs. Then 10 minutes later I see that Quinn is crying and two of the older boys are around him. Well I go over and they have taken out his pump and are playing with it!!! I tried to be calm and not freak but then had to explain it to them the best I could. They are 6 years old.

    Then we decide it is time for lunch, so I check and dose him and then the moms say they are walking across the street to one of the mom's house. Well, he's been dosed and needs to start eating like now, so I just grab him and we run across the street. Well, of course now we are in a new place with all these new toys and he wants to play. The other kids do too. So the moms decide to let the kids play. Of course Quinn now has to eat 30 carbs because I've dosed him. He now won't go eat since the other kids aren't there. Then one of the mom starts forcing the other kids to sit down since Quinn is crying now and refusing to eat. Now the other kids are picking food off his plate since they are saying he's not eating it. Of course everything is weighed from home. Now he wouldn't eat ANYTHING. Not even juice! So before I totally freaked out (he was 130 when I dosed him and now it's been 40 minutes) I told them I had to go. I dragged him screaming out of the house and put him in the car. He immediately starting asking for his food and ate the whole way home.

    Can you say STRESS!!! I know the whole thing was my fault for not letting him have at least a bite of ice cream and for dosing him before he had eaten.

    Is it always going to be this hard? It is hard enough to be a stay at home mom and raise a 2 year old, but adding the diabetes is just ridiculously hard in unknown situations.

    I just find it so much easier being alone with him at home or just with family. But I'm lonely and he's lonely and we've got to get out more.

    Thanks everyone for listening! My other friends just don't quite understand the "big deal" I make about Quinn's diabetes.

    Kathy
     
  2. bgallini

    bgallini Approved members

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2008
    Messages:
    3,950
    Hi Kathy,

    I have to admit upfront that Alex was 15 at dx so we didn't have this issue in particular. BUT I promise it will get easier. You've probably already thought of some ways to deal with issues that came up and you will learn as you go. Sounds like letting him have a bit of ice cream (don't forget to wash hands when you test after that!) and bolusing after he eats are 2 things that would have helped. Also, a pump pouch under his clothes might help some.

    Diabetes makes things harder but it doesn't have to make thing impossible.

    I hope tomorrow is a better day!
     
  3. Sarah Maddie's Mom

    Sarah Maddie's Mom Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2007
    Messages:
    12,521
    Ok - all my comments in red were written with care and affection not judgment.:cwds: You are absolutely right - you both have to get out into the world. So, you'll have to alter a few practices - you can do that. ;) You learned how to manage his baby D at home - now you'll figure out how to handle his toddler D out in the world.

    Rather than think how it was your fault - think how you could have done things differently to make them easier for you and how you could do things next time.:cwds:

    It's so hard to be with parents who haven't a clue, but it's a vicious cycle really. We get over anxious, they pull away, they think we're nuts, we think they're insensitive and on and on.

    You obviously know - bolus after he eats - guess the carbs - correct when you get home :cwds: As for the 6 year olds - 6 year olds should not be manhandling toddlers in the playground - period. I think speaking to the parents ( albeit more calmly than you has a right to feel) would have been perfectly reasonable.

    Keep heading out - reflect on what went not so well and try again.;)

    You're doing a great job - don't be so hard on yourself :cwds:
     
  4. Flutterby

    Flutterby Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2006
    Messages:
    14,623
    OMG.. did you know the kids that took out his pump?? I would have been sure to find their parents are explain what had happened.. 6 years old or not, thats inexcusable, they KNOW they aren't to touch things that aren't theirs..

    Everything you've described has me going back to kids that aren't taught right from wrong. takeing out his pump, picking off his plate.. I'm sorry, but D or no D, I wouldn't be hanging out with those families again.

    You are right, everything with D is stressful enough, you don't need to worry about this extra stuff.
     
  5. kallygirl

    kallygirl Approved members

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2009
    Messages:
    237
    Thanks guys

    Sarah - You hit the nail on the head when you said -

    It's so hard to be with parents who haven't a clue, but it's a vicious cycle really. We get over anxious, they pull away, they think we're nuts. we think they're insensitive and on and on.

    That is how I feel. I'm embarassed that I struggle how to handle things at times and the way I get looked at, but this is my child! I have to think of him first and other people's thoughts and feeling afterwards!

    THanks for the encouraging comments.
     
  6. TripleThreat

    TripleThreat Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2007
    Messages:
    1,785
    sorry you had a hard day.

    If your son wears a double zipper pump pouch, you can use a luggage lock ( i use this on youngest for birthday parties)
     
  7. kallygirl

    kallygirl Approved members

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2009
    Messages:
    237
    Kaylee's Mom - Yes the boys were children of the moms I was with. I kind of made a comment to the mom, but she was like "oh he's just curious" after I told her that he hadn't hurt it.

    I guess these moms are all really close and their kids are close. So they all share things and are curious about Quinn because they don't know him. In some ways it was good they treated him like the other kids, but I just wasn't ready for any of that.
     
  8. Sarah Maddie's Mom

    Sarah Maddie's Mom Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2007
    Messages:
    12,521
    Never feel embarrassed for doing what you need to do :cwds: And remember to take your time ... don't let others rush you, or make you flustered. Breathe, and try to stay focused on your son's joy and pleasure and safety and learning and don't worry about the rest so much.

    You'll do great :cwds:
     
  9. kallygirl

    kallygirl Approved members

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2009
    Messages:
    237
    triplethreat - I guess I should do that. He's been in pump pocket tanks since starting the pump, but I've just started putting him in the double zipper pump pouches. I think I will lock it when we go out with other kids just for safety.

    Thanks for the suggestion

    Kathy
     
  10. Flutterby

    Flutterby Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2006
    Messages:
    14,623
    Like Sarah said, no need to feel embarrassed.. not at all..

    The boys playing with his pump can be serious.. yeah they're curious, but if they push the wrong buttons it can also be dangerous.. This is something that Matt and I worry about.. there have been kids that go to open her pouch and we tell them not to touch it.. If the parents don't say anything, take it apon yourself to explain to the kids that they aren't ever allow to touch it, that is could be very dangerous for Quinn, and keep the keypad locked if it has that feature.

    Don't let your experiences of today bring you down or prevent you from doing another playdate.. it takes time to get into a 'groove' and these parents, and kids, aren't going to understand anything if they don't learn.. Are they curious as all, do they ask questions, or do they try and ignore the whole situation?
     
  11. JJsMomma

    JJsMomma Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2009
    Messages:
    191
    I feel your pain....JJ was dx at 18 months as well and it has been a huge adjustment these past 5 months.

    One thing I did right away was to start forcing myself to do things that I was uncomfortable with....eat out at a restaurant with the whole family (if your cell phone has internet capabilities, use calorieking.com to get an idea what the carb count is), occassionally go for treats, go to malls and guessing a meal carb count and do the checks and pump/needles in public, go to activities that are new and unusual by yourself and THEN start to add other moms/kids into the mix. I mean, I had to do it, for his sanity and mine. I couldn't control everything in his life so I just decided to learn how to roll with it. And it sounds like you learned some things from this as well. Don't feel bad....we are all trying to make our way. AND even in the most perfectly controlled setting, with food measured and weighed and correct carb counts done, there are several factors that can and will mess things up (too much running around, not finishing all of the food, insulin resistant that day....you name it). I found when I relaxed about things, he did as well. I was so strict about eating at specific times and would wilt if he was hungry between meals and the stress levels were high. Hubby taught me that the world will not fall off the axis if he eats 20 minutes late or if we don't pre-bolus because he is being a toddler and refusing to eat. The only thing that really messes things up is if he misses his nap...that just makes me unhappy, lol!

    Having said that, as recently dx as he is, you don't need the added stress of people that just 'don't get it'....can you find some groups around you that have kids in similar situations? We've recently started doing that and it is so fantastic!!! Best of luck, and you are very very busy and trying to do the best for your child....you're not doing anything wrong...you are doing everything in the best interest of your child.
     
  12. PatriciaMidwest

    PatriciaMidwest Approved members

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2010
    Messages:
    1,297
    Hi Kathy --

    Keep on doing the playdates, even though it is extra work. You both need it. I would try bringing my own food and carry on taking care of my son as usual. I would also loudly explain why the kids can't touch the pump. I might even show it to them and then explain why we can't touch it, or take the other extreme and lock it up as someone suggested.

    Maybe hosting a playdate at your house would give you a chance to chat with the other moms about your childs pump and what Type 1 is all about?

    I met a mom during football season who has a young boy with a rare metabolic disorder (shame on me for not remembering the name). It can be life threatening if he deviates from his prescribed diet. She let the little boy run and play with the other siblings after coming over and explaining that no one should share food with little Johnny, and gave us a quick overview of his condition. I thought her candidness was awesome. She even answered our stupid questions (it was a disease I hadn't come across).
     
  13. SarahKelly

    SarahKelly Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,147
    my son, Isaac, was diagnosed at 19 months and within four days his older brother turned 4 and of course had a birthday party. I couldn't keep him from it, nor did I want to, so it was a quick introduction into keeping things "real" and knowing that all would be okay...a temporary high or low could be treated and we would all be okay, it's those constant highs or lows that cuase problems. So...what I'm saying is the toughest part for me is "educating" all those around us, I don't want Isaac seen as different or treated in ways that other kids are being treated. I believe that having Isaac being my second child has been the big pull to keep things going as norm. I check Isaac's blood sugar wherever we're at just as I would at home. I bring my own pre-measured snacks, but if he wants to share with others I let him and make my best guess at what the carb count is, I tell the other adults around that Isaac has diabetes and I need their help to make sure I'm aware of what he's eating so that he gets correct amounts of insulin. I also show them where my emergency supplies are and ask that if they hear me holler for help they bring the kit. If other kids are intrigued about his pump I show it to them, but also clearly state that it's not a toy and they need to leave it alone, and it's keypad is always locked. Isaac wears his pump in t-shirts during the day and it's only out when he's receiving a bolus, so this doesn't seem to usually be an issue. For us the most difficult part has been explaining to other kids that he "needs" sugar when he's low or allowing myself to not feel judged when I'm Isaac's high and being a tadbit less than his normal kind self. That behavior is definitely hard to explain. I have found that the more we do things the easier it gets and the wider circle of care I'm giving my child, so that eventually he'll know that if he has any issue low/high there is a group of adults that are able and willing to help him.
    Hope that helps and that you guys enjoy many future playdates :)
     
  14. twolittleladybugs

    twolittleladybugs Approved members

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    158
    That brought me right back! My daughter was dx at 2 1/2 and will be 8 in 2 weeks. All I can say is it does get easier. Just hang in there. We took it slow the first few years. It got a lot easier when Emily got older and was more verbal. We taught her from the beginning to speak up for herself with other kids or get an adult and it's finally stuck. Also very helpful in school! She also has food allergies, so other kids bringing food was usually an issue. And a very big deal if someone took her food off her plate since we didn't always have easy access to something safe. Her cousins were notorious for that! Anyway, keep trying and let us know how it goes.

    Kelly

    Emily 7
    Kaitlyn 4
     
  15. StillMamamia

    StillMamamia Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2007
    Messages:
    13,195
    Hey there:cwds:

    Have not read all the other comments:eek:, so sorry if this was said already.

    I remember those panicky feelings.
    Now, I just go with the flow.
    It will happen if you let it.

    Of course, with lows, my "OMG" mode kicks in and, though I try to remain calm, I want to deal with the low right there and then, no matter where we are.
    With prebolusing, I just grab a couple of tabs to keep BG at bay, if I have to wait longer than expected. But in this case, prebolusing for half of the food probably would be better.

    Just try to remain calm at times like this. Kids pick up on our "vibes", kwim?

    And though it's easier to be alone with your home at home, there's so much fun stuff to do outside the house, that it would be a pity to miss out on that. But that is a challenge all of us face. Stepping outside our comfort zone is a big thing. But it is DOABLE.:cwds:
     
  16. kallygirl

    kallygirl Approved members

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2009
    Messages:
    237
    Thanks everyone for your suggestions and encouragement.

    I find myself more nervous 1 year after diagnosis than I was 3 weeks after diagnosis.

    I think it is what JJMomma said about so many unexpected things with a toddler ie activity, not eating, eating all day, insulin resistancy etc... that makes me want some things to be controlled and I find that doesn't even work.

    I've known the moms for quite a while through my mom's group, but really haven't done a lot of the mom and kid things together. They are very kind and asked good questions and were openly concerned about things, but yes, it will take time for them to understand why I was nervous.

    I ended up sending a note to the three of them telling them what a nice time I had and why I was a little out of it at lunchtime. I explained what happens when he doesn't eat after having his insulin and that I learned from that experience. I told them I'd love to do it again sometime.

    I hope to get some positive responses and more playdates. I've pulled myself so far away from everyone the last year, that they barely know Quinn unless they have come to my house and I need to get out in the world.

    Thank you again to all!

    I'll let you know what happens.

    Kathy
     
  17. bbirdnuts@aol.com

    bbirdnuts@aol.com Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    361
    You did your best and your best is good enough. I'm sure inside you were ready to explode with so many emotions. You did right, don't beat yourself up at how you could have done things differently. I don't have a young one like you. You have other challanges that only other parents with young ones can understand.

    Maybe there are some other type 1 mom's close to where you live that you can get together with. You can call your local JDRF and they will connect you with other local type 1 families.
     

Share This Page

- advertisement -

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice