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"It's not fair JOEY is going on another playdate!!"

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by DsMom, Mar 4, 2011.

  1. sarahconnormom

    sarahconnormom Approved members

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    I understand your feelings because we have all had them. I do want to throw another perspective out there though.
    My son was dx at age 6 and from day 1 we made sure he could test himself and taught him what the numbers meant. We also taught him to read nutrition labels so he could bolus himself for snacks if needed. Our view is that he has to live with this forever so we need to make it as normal and routine as possible. Everything diabetes related is a non-issue at our our house. It is just what we do. We want his life to be as much like his friends as possible and the only way to do that is to educate him. So, as we learned, we taught him right alongside us. Connor got a pump 4 months after dx and from then on we have let him go on play dates. We make sure his friends' parents know the basics and they check in with us often but Connor does everything himself.
    Now, all that said, at home I do most everything for him. I have given him wings to fly so he can be away from us if he chooses but at home he gets to tuck those wings in while we do it for him. I don't want him to burn-out. I just want him to have independence when he wants or needs it.

    Letting go is hard but your little guy will love a playdate I bet. We have even graduated to sleepovers recently now that we have a couple of his friends parents who are willing to get up and do overnight checks. (We didn't ask them to do this. They offered so he could spend the night.)
     
  2. DsMom

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    I love the way you handled your son's dx and the way you "give him wings" but let him tuck them in at home. Great analogy and great perspective! Sounds like a very effective balance. At 4, my son still felt like a "baby" to me and, like I said, all I wanted to do is shield him. Daniel is having trouble with reading (he's also ADHD, and it's affected his schoolwork)--so he can't do the label reading yet. I'm so impressed you do sleepovers. I didn't let my older kids do sleepovers until they were 8 (just because of potential fear of the dark things) and will keep the same rule for Daniel. But I often wonder how we'll handle that, too. Wonderful that the parents are so kind and accommodating! Thanks for your posts and for sharing your perspective. Very helpful! I'm glad you decided not to hold back!:D
     
  3. NomadIvy

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    Would you allow him if he learns to check his BG? Maybe use being allowed to go on playdates as an incentive?
    K was 6 at diagnosis and quickly learned to check her own BG. It was (and is) difficult to let her go on playdates without me but she did. It helped that I went to school and explained to her classmates what diabetes is all about. All her friends know what to do in case of lows. I also make sure the parents get "it". Not the whole deal but at least about lows and eating. It is amazing how some parents think it's just about eating (or not eating) sweets no matter how many times I've explained that all food eaten need insulin. K is not allowed to have playdates with those who don't get it.

    She also feels her lows so I know she will stop and check. She'll sometimes delay checking when she's very busy playing so I have to remind her how icky she'd be feeling if she drops any further.

    If he didn't have diabetes, will you let him go on playdates?
     
  4. hawkeyegirl

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    I just wanted to throw out there that my son is almost 7, and has no interest in learning to check himself. When I say that, I mean that he doesn't want to check himself. He obviously knows how, having watched me do it about a billion times.

    Just didn't want you to feel like you were the only parent whose child isn't checking themselves at age 6. Really, there's no need for them to do it until they are ready. It's not a matter of "educating" him or not. It's a matter of respecting his comfort level with his own care. He has the rest of his life to do this. I'm sure I won't have to go to college with him to check his BG.

    Sorry if that sounds irritable, but a couple of the posts were sounding a wee bit self-congratulatory.
     
  5. StillMamamia

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    It is normal for such young kids not to want to test or not know how to test. Mine wanted to test himself early on, so we went with that, but he's always been supervised. Lately, however, he's tired of D, tired of testing, so we test him, no questions asked. He has his whole life to do it, kwim?

    BUT, in the case of letting him go on a playdate, it is useful for him to know the steps to testing, in case the mom freaks out or something and forgets a step. He doesn't actually have to do it, but you could ask him if he wants to practice, so that when he goes on the playdate, he can help the adult in charge around. Plus, it gives a small reassurance to the adult.:rolleyes:

    PS - Disclaimer: not suggesting everyone go and train their kid to test. ;) Like I said, they have time for that, but in this case, it could be a bonus.
     
  6. ShanaB

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    I'm just wondering if his older brother is with him if maybe he could be trained to help him test as well. It might be too much of a burden on your older son but some kids like that kinda of responsibility.
     
  7. wilf

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    It is time to teach him how to test, so that he can go on his playdates.. :cwds:

    And if he's not game to learn, then it's time to take a deep breath and figure out another strategy. Not allowing him to go is in my opinion an overly protective and ultimately counterproductive approach to be taking.
     
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2011
  8. bibrahim

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    We have limited play dates at age 11. I am probably overprotective too. I like to be sure that whoever I leave her with at least understands what lows/highs are and when to call us. I also say if she faints, call 911. We have shown some people how to use glucagon but it would be hard in a pinch and a panic situation. Sometimes people don't get it and if they are doing more activity or something like that I feel it is a riskier situation since even at age 11 she forgets she has to watch for lows in the midst of having fun. In general I have found that when she has to be more independent, she does, and she makes good decisions. If I am not around she remembers to check BS often per dexcom but if I am around and ask what it is sometimes I get the shoulder shrug and often that means going low.
     
  9. DsMom

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    If it was my daughter, she would be more than happy to help. But Joey and Daniel have a kind of "oil and water" kind of relationship:(. I don't know that I'd let Daniel tag along even if he didn't have D. Joey definitely needs his space!
     
  10. DsMom

    DsMom Approved members

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    No, I understand that this is a very personal thing according to each family--just like most things with D. I can see both sides--and actually agree with both! I'm planning on asking Daniel what he thinks and to go with that. I have the feeling he'll be interested. But I liked the post about letting them do it at playdates if they want, and then resuming responsibility myself at home for the most part. I do worry about "burn out," but I guess that will happen no matter what. I certainly feel burned out at times--and it's not even my disease. But I do want to give him his "wings" if he's ready to fly.:)
     
  11. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    Buried back in an earlier post was, I think, good advice. Take him, test him, treat as needed, give the parent in charge a juice box and your cell #, let him go for an hour or two, check again at pick up.

    It's hard, but you only need to do it a few times to see that it can be done (possibly at some friend's homes more than others). :cwds:
     
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2011
  12. timsma

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    Do you have a cell phone you could send with him on play dates? If you can stay home during his play date and have him carry the cell phone, then you can call him hourly or as you see fit to have him do a blood check and let you know his number. And you can then advise him on what to do about it. This is of course, once he can test his blood by himself. Had cell phones been as available back when Tim was diagnosed, this is what I would have done, and did as soon as I got myself a cell phone. He always carried a D bag with supplies to treat lows, and his meter and strips. I think by you telling him that he can go on play dates once he can test his own blood will help him to want to learn that skill. For us, we decided we wanted Tim to be able to test his blood on his own by the time he started kindergarten. We knew play dates would start coming once he made friends in school, so we taught him how to do it so he'd be able to and I just called the friends house frequently and asked to talk to Tim and would advise him on what to do with the the D at that time based on what he had done for activity, and what he was going to do coming up. It is so hard letting go when they are young, but you can do it, and so can your son with your help and guidance. I really tried to keep the parents out of it as much as possible so they would still want to have Tim over again. Didn't want them to feel burdened by him being there, ya know? As he became close friends with some of the kids, some of the parents did want to learn more which was great!
     

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