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"It's not fair JOEY is going on another playdate!!"

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by DsMom, Mar 4, 2011.

  1. DsMom

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    I am still so scared to let Daniel go on a playdate to a friend's house. He does very well with knowing when he is low--he almost always feels it. However, he does not check his own blood sugar yet and, unless his friend lives on our street, how can I let him go? His older brother often goes on playdates. This is totally unfair to Daniel, I know. I don't know what to say to him. I hate to blame his diabetes outright--because that just adds to the unfairness factor. I've been trying to play the "Joey is older than you" card, but Daniel is 6 now, and that doesn't even fly with ME! Should I just tell him it's because of his diabetes?? He has had friends here--but he really wants to go somewhere else! I've posted about this before, and it seems like a lot of parents don't let their young D kids go on playdates. But I want to let him go!! (But I'm scared to let him go!!:confused:) Any advice??
     
  2. MamaBear

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    I'm not sure I'd let him go alone at that age either. My son likes to go and play with a friend that is on the next block over. I go along and just sit on the couch and BS with that kid's mom the whole time. Can you go along on the play date too?
     
  3. Nancy in VA

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    If you let your older kids go on a playdate when they were 6, you need to find a way for him. Emma goes on lots of playdates and I don't stay. If I'm concerned, I can check her when I drop her off and run her a little high, if I'm worried and have her stay for an hour or two.
     
  4. DsMom

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    It would be hard for me to stay if it is after school. I have two other kids, and, if they're home, I can't really drag them along on Daniel's playdate. Weekends would be more manageable for me to stay--but I would kind of feel awkward because I'm not really friends with his friends' moms. I would hate to have them feel they have to entertain ME too! I guess if it's nice outside, I could just sit in the car and read and hope the neighbors don't think I'm some weird stalker!:) (Yes, I do worry about EVERYTHING!:eek:)

    I could just run him high. But he's a high energy kid. I'd be afraid they'd decide to go out and run or ride bikes or do something unexpected that I'd usually test and give a snack for. Arrrghhh!
     
  5. mocha

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    Maybe try taking baby steps, like maybe get him to put the test strip in the meter or pull out the lancing device, and have a type of reward system. Like, doing one of the things for testing your sugar gets you a play date over there, conditionally that Mom gets to tag along, doing two of the things for testing gets you two play dates with the same condition, etc. and spin it as you want him to be more independent with his D.

    Talking with the other parents and maybe having a "here's how to test" session while you're there or they're over at your place might make you feel more at ease as well.
     
  6. dejahthoris

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    I would play the Joey is older than you card to simplify the explanation for you sake. While he is too young manage his own d and if you do not know the parents they can't very well do it. Maybe you can wait til he is a little older and you might get to know some folks you trust well enough to give them some basic info. Until then he can have buddies over, and he can play with kids at the park or a place where you are there too. As long as he is getting to play with kids is all that matters. No reason to give yourself more grey hairs.
     
  7. MamaBear

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    This is what I was going to suggest too. Maybe stick to weekend meets until you are comfortable. And take a few extra minutes before leaving to show them how to test, and leave a sugar source there just in case. And give them your phone numbers in case they have a question while he is there.
     
  8. joan

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    This is exactly what I did. Play dates were very important at that age for my son. Personally I would never ask another parent to check my son's bg but that is just me.
     
  9. mom2two

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    No way would I leave my ds at a play date alone. I go or have them at my house. Even if he didn't have T1 I still wouldn't at this age. I would keep using the Joey is older if in fact that is why you aren't letting go.
     
  10. Christopher

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    Sorry you are struggling. I am trying to figure out what the issue is with letting him go? What is it you are afraid will happen? He can sense his lows, so if he goes low he can treat. If he is high, well, you can deal with that when he gets home. So what is the real issue here?

    How often do you go between bg checks? That is how long I would let him have a play date for. Check him before drop off, let him play for a few hours, then pick him up and check again.

    For me, I would NOT blame it on his diabetes, even if you feel that is the reason you don't want to let him go. I think it would lead him to resent his disease. There is going to be plenty of resentment in the future, why start it now? Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2011
  11. madde

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    I think you should definitely let him go for a playdate at this age. I would test his bs before you drop him off. Since you know they are going to be playing hard, I would suggest you send a snack for him to eat 1/2 through the playdate and give those instructions to the other child's mother. You could even call at the one hour mark to remind your son to have his snack and check on him. Just don't blame it on his diabetes, that will be harder to deal with later than this.

    Good luck, I know it is hard!
     
  12. DsMom

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    The real issue is that he is 6, has diabetes, he does not know how to check his own BG, and--although he feels his lows most of the time--those few times he doesn't could cause a problem. There is no hard and fast rule for how long we go between blood tests. We test at meals, if he feels low, if he is very thirsty, if he is acting "not right," if he is about to exercise strenuously, etc., etc. On a "good" day, it's just before meals and bed. What I'm afraid of is that he will go catastrophically low in a house of someone who's parents do not know what to do. He may be fine when I drop him off but, boys being boys, will play energetically and go low. What I'm afraid of is what I think we're all afraid of--and that I won't be there to help him.
     
  13. Christopher

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    OK thanks for clarifying that. And in case it was not clear, I think what you are experiencing is normal and is something most parents of CWD go through. As our children grow and reach different developmental milestones we have to navigate how to allow them to achieve those milestones while at the same time keeping them safe. I think you have gotten some good advice above and I hope you do find a way to allow him to go on playdates. :cwds:
     
  14. Our3girls

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    Ok I have been struggling with making this comment but I am going to throw it out there. Please do not take it wrong I really do not mean it in any other way then throwing it out there. Why doesn't he know how to check himself. I know he is only 6 but it can be done. Our 4 year old has been running prediabetic and she loves to check herself, we only let he every couple of days or she would do it everytime her sister did :p. She does it all by herself because we made it fun and pumped her up when she did it herself. I understand this is a disease they have for the rest of their life...and I do alot of dd's testing when she is at home when she wants a break but I think if you taught him and explained he only needs to do it when he wants to go somewhere away from you and the school nurse he would be willing to take the challenge. I also think at 6 you could teach him if you are 100 you need a snack, if you are 250 you need to ask to call me so I can come treat or just monitor or pick him up whatever you are comfortable with. I also have to say I only allow my kids to go where I feel comfortable, D or no D. Most parents are willing to do a small amount like can you have him check in an hour and if he is 100-250 he is fine. Most actually feel more comfortable knowing just a little bit rather then nothing.
    Ok I want to end with I know it is not easy but the day is going to come so why not start taking baby steps now so he feels confident in himself.

    Best of luck and I know you will make the right decision!
     
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2011
  15. virgo39

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    I think the fear that you are feeling is completely normal and something we all go through as our CWD move out into the world.

    You've got a lot of very practical suggestions that you could use in combination as needed -- staying (whether at the playdate house or nearby), scheduling a short playdate (one hour or so) after a snack or meal, showing a parent who expresses some interest in assisting what to do.

    As your son seems interested in having more independence, perhaps this would be a good time to encourage him to learn to test his own BG? I wouldn't expect him to interpret the meter results -- but he could learn to clean his hands, insert test strip, poke finger, and apply the blood to the strip under the supervision of the adult. I have a small laminated card in DD's meter case with instructions of what to do at what number (it's very general) along with our telephone numbers and I have a glucose tab holder attached to the zipper of the meter case.

    Good luck.
     
  16. DsMom

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  17. DsMom

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    You are right--and I'm not at all offended. I know he COULD test himself, and he does help. The reason I have not turned it over to him is that I figure he will be doing this the rest of his life. When he was dx, we tried to "ease" him into D as gently as possible. I didn't really want him to think about it any more than he had to, so I did everything. Right now, he does know that 70 means juice box, he even knows how to give himself a bolus if I tell him the carbs. But I really could teach him more so that he could test in a pinch at a friend's house. You are also right that the day is coming anyway. I guess I've just been trying to shield him from as much stuff as possible while I still can. Like I said, he'll have the rest of his life to do it himself. But, because NOT knowing is now interfering with what he wants to do, this probably is the time to start taking those baby steps! Shielding him is not helping anymore.:eek:
     
  18. mmgirls

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    I have not read the other responces but wanted to put this out there.

    Can you invite someone on a playdate to a park or bouce house place or a fastfood place with ine of thse play things.

    Has he been invited and you have said no?
     
  19. mmgirls

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    can you get him a CGM??

    This has made for an easy transition for us to school and playing at the neighbors house for hours at a time.
     
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2011
  20. DsMom

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    There hasn't been a case where he's been invited and I've said no. He goes to birthday parties a lot, and I do tag along to those. But he'll often want to go with his brother to the house of a boy who is between my son's ages (does that make sense?? the boy is 7--my sons are 6 and 8!), and I've said no. The boy is really Joey's friend, and Joey would not really want him to tag along anyway. The park is a good idea, though!
     

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