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Indelicate question/subject...

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by KHS22, Apr 24, 2014.

  1. mamattorney

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    I think any reason is a good reason to factor in when choosing/not choosing to have a child.

    We contemplated a lot of financial things - including our ability to pay for college educations, and our age/ability to retire when we were deciding whether or not to have another child. We also contemplated medical things - like my health, my husband's health, and the uptick in risks of genetic disorders based upon my age.

    If our timeline had been different, I would have absolutely considered the possibly having another T1 child into the mix of decision factors. As it was, we had had all the kids we were going to have (3) before my child was diagnosed.
     
  2. KHS22

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    I didn't say hassle. I said cost among other things. I'm talking about whether I'd be able to handle the realities of another child with diabetes, which includes financials - this isn't a cheap disease as well as emotionally etc. And, the 'bigger' part of my original post/questions, was more around how people made the decision, and whether or not the let the chance of another D child influence their decision to have another child.

    AND if you read my WHOLE post - I counter exactly what you say in your second paragraph. Which is obviously, our children are wonderful and have great lives!! That wasn't the point. I never said ANYTHING like that. What about the selfishness of having another child just because it suits your fancy, but then can't provide all that that child needs. All I was trying to do, was weigh all these things in my head, and hoped to find some others who struggled with similar issues.

    I'm walking away from this thread, sorry I posted. I now feel like complete **** about myself.

    Thanks to all the others for your kind words, letting me in on how you made some of the decisions around the size of your family.

     
  3. rgcainmd

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    Thank you, KHS22 for speaking your mind on Christopher's post! I wish even more members would.

    You may not believe your words are unkind or judgemental, Christopher, but clearly many others do as evidenced by their comments about your post. Is this the result you are hoping to achieve with your "not so huggy-hug" approach, to make someone "feel like complete ***" about themselves? Just because you've been on this Forum for 7 years doesn't give you the right to be nasty and condescending to people who need advice and support.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2014
  4. mmgirls

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    Please don' t feel bad.

    I think that there were way more people in your corner about the whole issue than against you.

    You are completely right about making the consideration for a DX, both financially and mentally. There just those that think that if you even think about those issues that your are not ready or capable.

    That is not true! We just have our priorities in different places, we live different lives, under different circumstances. Some can easily bring another child into their lives because even if financially they can't, they have support system that can support additional children, some do not have that option, no matter how much they wish they did.
     
  5. hawkeyegirl

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    Well, I will cheerfully admit that ALL of my reasons for not having a 3rd child are selfish (albeit not related to diabetes). I dislike being pregnant, and even more than that, I dislike my postpartum body. I'm tired. I like my sleep, and I don't want to go through the newborn stage again. I don't want to change any more diapers, and I sure don't want to have to potty train anyone again! We're finally getting to the stage where we can take the kids to a restaurant, and we don't have to bolt down our meals and flee like we're leaving the scene of a crime. The kids will sit and have a conversation with us, and not want to tear around the restaurant like monkeys on crack. Money - I don't know how we're going to pay for two kids to go to college, let alone three. Time - my parents take the kids every Friday night. Could they handle these two AND a baby? Doubtful.

    I suspect that the vast majority of us made the decision about whether to have additional children for selfish reasons. With the exceptions of the Duggar families out there, most folks are not willing to take as many kids "as God will give them." Thank goodness.
     
  6. rgcainmd

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    .

    I love your honesty and way with words, hawkeyegirl! "Like monkeys on crack"--I almost passed out from laughing!
     
  7. caspi

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    But.... can we entirely take diabetes out of the mix? While I believe the doctor is wrong to say it's a sure thing, I don't think it's wrong to give that considerable thought.

    And as for being selfish - well I guess you can count me as selfish too for all the reasons Hawkeyegirl stated, and then some. :)
     
  8. valerie k

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    YOU owe me a new keyboard!!!! I snorted pop all over this one with your post!
     
  9. mmgirls

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    monkeys on crack, what a picture!
     
  10. Mish

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    to the OP, do NOT feel bad about your decision making process. Children are a lot of work, emotionally and financially, and it would be stupid to not weigh everything in that decision to have more. So (minus one person) no one here is judging you at all. :)

    I had ridiculously difficult babies and I waited many years after the first to have the second. Every reason for waiting was a selfish one. I make no apologies for that. And every reason for not having a third was directly related to that.

    So, I think everyone has your back. If diabetes is the reason for not having another, then that is YOUR decision alone. Do not feel guilty about it.
     
  11. ksartain

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    I'm just going to ditto everyone else. I didn't do pregnancy well. It was terrible for me, morning sickness all day for 6 months, pre-eclampsia, bed rest, etc. And I don't like babies. I wish they came out speaking at 2 years old so they can tell me what's wrong and what they want. I'm probably the only person in the world who doesn't get baby fever when holding a baby. When I had Christopher, I knew I was done. Plus, I really don't want to go back to spending $700-800 per month in childcare. When Chris (my second and last) started Kindergarten, it was like getting a huge raise! I did not feel bad one bit when I turned 35 and told my husband my uterus was closed for business. No regrets. When Chris was diagnosed with T1D less than two weeks after my 35th birthday, that solidified my decision to not have any more kids.

    You do what works best for your family.
     
  12. Mish

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    no, there are two of us. LOL. I did pregnancy easily, I just wished I could hand them over for the first 18 months or so, and then take them back. That stage was simply not enjoyable for me, at all.
     
  13. Melissata

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    The only women that I feel are selfish are those that just love having babies, and just keep getting pregnant because they can't stand the thought of not having a baby in the house. Whether they can afford it or not. I already had both of mine before the first was diagnosed. My daughter is still at home at the age of 30, and will likely need 24/7 care for the rest of her life. If diabetes were not a factor, that likely would not be true. She would still need help, but not 24/7.

    Every woman has the right to make up her own mind about bringing a child into the world. Unless you are totally sure, my advice is to wait. Especially this early on.

    You have lots of support from parents that actually understand. Ignore the insensitive, and don't let anyone make you feel like crap!
     
  14. cdninct

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    K, my CWD, is the oldest. He was 2.5, and my daughter was 8 months old when he was diagnosed. It was tough balancing the newness of diabetes with the demands of a fairly young baby. For quite a while after his diagnosis, I don't think I would have opted to have had the baby if she hadn't already been born (if that makes any sense). We knew, though, that we did want one more, so two years after K's diagnosis we started trying for #3. He is now 6 months old, and life is incredibly hectic (it is awfully hard to carb count for and bolus a crack monkey while juggling a baby that manages to be simultaneously as slippery and as clingy as a squid, and the CGM inevitably goes off just as the baby is on the verge of falling asleep). At the same time, it is great. Yes, we worry about one of the younger kids developing type 1, and yes, we worry about money, but I have no doubt at all that we have made the right decision.

    I agree with a lot of what the others have said. Try to step back for a bit longer if you can--for many people, the 6-month post-dx period can be very difficult, and you might feel very differently in a few months. At the very least, you are more likely to be able to separate your feelings about diabetes from your overall feelings if you give yourself time. For me and my family, another child was absolutely the right choice, but if you are truly leaning away from having kids (for diabetes-related reasons or not), there is nothing selfish about having just 1!
     
  15. skyblufig

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    Haven't had time yet to read through other responses, so forgive me that. When our son was diagnosed, I was 10 weeks prego with his little brother, so we were right up in there with being a bit overwhelmed. And immediately I did think, what if he develops it too? But of course, our older two are just as likely/not likely.

    I don't think you should feel guilty for having those thoughts - they are valid things to consider, and of course it's a factor; your life is probably revolving completely around D right now. Down the line, it does get more routine, but the 24/7-ness doesn't go away, so I get what you're saying. It IS costly, it IS stressful, and it IS complicated. I may get flamed for saying this, but I hope like hell every single day that none of my other kids develop D. Yes, they can do/eat/have all the things other non-D kids do/eat/have, but I'm strongly of the opinion that my son's life is not normal. Other people on here may have developed a comfort level with their "new normal", and kudos to them, but until the day comes when we can send him out to play for a few hours and not worry about bg, I stand by that.

    As far as what your doctor told you, unless he's psychic, he doesn't know for sure. No one does. That's the tricky thing with autoimmune diseases; no one can predict which ones will "turn on" at what time. Both of my parents had autoimmune diseases, and myself and my four siblings all have various ones too (thyroid, lupus, T1D, thyroid, RA). Every single one of us. I knew the genetics I was dealing with before I started having children, and thought I was in the clear but ended up developing RA after I had my second kid. It's an incredibly personal decision you're contemplating, and I wish you the best, and I wish you peace with whatever you decide.
     

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