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in a restaurant with Morgan

Discussion in 'Parents Off Topic' started by hmmmcormick, Oct 12, 2010.

  1. hmmmcormick

    hmmmcormick Approved members

    Apr 2, 2008
    I was wondering what would you think if you were in a restaurant and sat at a table next to a family with a teenager in a wheelchair and the parents have to spoon feed child. I mean, does it disgust you or make you want to move to another table or do you not even notice? I feed Morgan many times at restaurants and sometimes I notice people staring. Sometimes he can be messy, I usually put a napkin under his chin or sometimes carry an big kid designed bib for him. I know most people aren't used to seeing this, but I have had friends in this same situation say that people have asked to change tables. Also, some people seem to get annoyed if Morgan is making noise. I wouldn't necessarily say he is any noisier than other kids, just in a different way. It is not crying or fussing just his "talking." Would that bother you?

    I don't know why I care so much. I pretty much try to be one of those people who doesn't care what others think. But, if someone else asked to change tables because of Morgan my feelings would be hurt, and I would be angry, too. I just thought I would ask the opinions of people who don't live this situation.
  2. Sarah Maddie's Mom

    Sarah Maddie's Mom Approved members

    Sep 23, 2007
    Holly, I'm trying to get a late dinner on the table, so briefly ... it makes me terribly sad that you even feel the need to post this. :(

    Short answer is, "no". I can't imagine anything about your family having dinner together that would bring out the need to change tables to get away.

    I hope it was an isolated incident. :cwds:
  3. Lisa P.

    Lisa P. Approved members

    May 19, 2008
    I would be very pleased to have your son sitting at the table next to me in a restaurant or seated next to me at my kitchen table.

    If there are people emotionally damaged enough to have a problem with your child enjoying his meal as freely as they are enjoying theirs, there's not much you can do about that except, if you feel generous, pray for them. I don't believe there are many of those people out there, and while I understand you might feel self-conscious I hope you are able to brush off those concerns and enjoy your meal yourself.

    I saw a person who had been injured as a child talk once, as an adult, about being stared at. He said he doesn't mind it because he considers it a natural animal reaction -- when you see anything that stands out as at all different, you tend to have an instinct to stare until you understand it. As long as stares are without judgment, I think they are just social ineptitude and I wouldn't take it to mean anything beyond that.

    If you find someone scowling or implying disapproval, or even saying something disapproving out loud, you certainly have my permission to ask to see a manager and request that the manager remove the offending patron from the restaurant. I know if I heard someone ask your son to move it would ruin my meal for me, I wouldn't want that person in the same restaurant I was eating in.

    Hope I'm clear. :eek::p:)
  4. Jessica L

    Jessica L Approved members

    Oct 9, 2010
    I would smile at him and nod at you with a knowing look. Granted I dont have to feed mine and they are able to walk in and out but they dont have the social graces or whatever you want to call it in a restaurant. :D And I say screw anyone who has a problem with my kids. They are not brats running up and down or between tables yelling and screaming to get their way. They are learning to live like everyone else. Even if it takes them longer to learn. Maybe it comes from babysitting the child I did growing up. I did from 12-21-22ish. He had ducheans(sp?) muscular dystrophy and I learned young and fast how to give rude people a look that makes them ashamed of their thoughts and rude behavior. It hurts my heart so many people feel so little for others.
  5. MReinhardt

    MReinhardt Approved members

    Dec 29, 2007
    Now Holly! You know the girls and I always love & enjoy to have lunch together with Morgan and You! (and Amy too!) Hopefully one day Mike will make it too!
  6. MamaC

    MamaC Approved members

    Dec 9, 2006
    Holly, anyone who would behave that way is not worth your concern. I have fish with more grace than that type of human. (I was going to cite the dog, but he's just as socially unacceptable as anyone who woud do that ;))
  7. AlisonKS

    AlisonKS Approved members

    May 16, 2007
    I'd just smile and get on with my meal. People have glared at me for testing Tony, giving him a shot, for nursing my daughter (we've done all three of these things once lol)-and lately we get glares for having kids at a -gasp- family restaurant!
  8. Becky Stevens mom

    Becky Stevens mom Approved members

    Oct 14, 2008
    Holly, I was raised to not look at others when in a public place, not at their faces, the color of their skin, what they were eating, how they were eating, etc. It just wasnt done. If we noticed that someone looked different we were to wait until we were out of the public place and out of ear shot to question my Mother about what we saw. This is how I am raising my children as well. If they see someone who acts/looks different they are not to stare and are to keep any comments/questions until we are out of the building. Children will be curious and may wonder why Morgan is in a wheelchair or needs assistance eating. Adults of course should not need to look and or stare at anyone else. That is just proper manners that kids learn when little.

    The first few times that I tested Steven's blood or gave him an injection at the table I felt very self concious and concerned for others comfort but I remembered my Mothers teachings and thought that if what they saw bothered them, probably best that they look elsewhere;)

    It saddens me that people would ask to be seated somewhere else if they were sitting next to a family with a child with special needs or type 1 diabetes. Unfortunately, there is no cure for ignorance or intolerance. But dont you ever forget,your family has just as much right to be in any public building in this country as anyone else.
  9. Marcia

    Marcia Approved members

    Feb 22, 2007
    I'd invite you to join us at our table! In our voyeuristic society with reality TV filming every minute of others' lives, some people don't remember manners and what is acceptable behavior. If someone feels a need to change their table, it would be their loss to not see the love and care between a mother, father and child.
  10. Flutterby

    Flutterby Approved members

    Nov 11, 2006
    It wouldn't bother me one bit.. what would bother me is seeing people get pissy about Morgan eating. If someone has a problem with it, thats their problem. I know its extremely hard to ignore, but they aren't worth the worry. I have a cousin who has arthrogriposis (no idea if that is spelt right!). He needs help with everything he does, including eating and drinking. Someone has to spoon feed him as well. He can talk, but sometimes does a humming noise, it bugs some people, I've seen people give him and his parents looks. I just don't understand how someone can be that rude and not have any compassion.
  11. thebestnest5

    thebestnest5 Approved members

    Aug 16, 2006
    It wouldn't bother me at all. I would catch your eye for just a second, so I could give you a friendly, warm smile to let you know that I was happy to be sitting next to another family. Then, I'd go back to trying to ensure that my five kids wouldn't disrupt your meal by their noisiness.:eek::D;)
  12. sisterbeth43

    sisterbeth43 Approved members

    Oct 14, 2007
    It makes me so sad that you even have to post this. It is a sad commentary on our society if people can be that dense. I wouldn't mind having you and Morgan at the same table as me. Once when we were in a mall food court some man was staring at Reann as she checked her sugar and gave an injection. She just looked up at him and asked if he wanted some too!
  13. lil'Man'sMom

    lil'Man'sMom Approved members

    Jan 8, 2008
    Holly - I am sadden that you were made to feel this way.

    I would never ask to be moved or look down on Morgan and your family. Morgan is a special child, he is not sitting there acting rude or bratty, he is just being Morgan. If ignorant people can't see that, shame on them, they are not worthy to eat next to your child. And if parents show their children this behavior, instead of explaining to them that we are all special and different, double shame on them.
  14. Beach bum

    Beach bum Approved members

    Nov 17, 2005
    Holly, we would be more than happy to sit next to you anytime!
    My girls have a very good friend who has Autism. He is non verbal, though he can make sounds, especially when he is happy:cwds: He can feed himself, though his table manners aren't the best, but who cares? We love him for who he is, and he is a joy to be around.
    So, I wouldn't even think twice about sitting next to you, and if I caught your eye or Morgans, would give you a smile and probably, say hello. My girls might ask why he's in a wheelchair and needs to be fed, but we would just say, he's differently abled and needs a bit of help.

    I'm sorry if you have encountered anyone who would even think of scowling or moving. They have a lot of growing up to do, and a need to learn the words tolerance and compassion.
  15. Christopher

    Christopher Approved members

    Nov 20, 2007
    I think you are going to need to survey a different population, if you want to get a true read on this question. I think every parent here is "biased" in a sense, because we have to perform certain acts in public which are out of the norm. In that way, we all are very sensitive to special needs, so I don't think anyone here would have an issue with your son's needs.

    That said, I think many people here, even if they did not have a CWD, would still be very accepting of your situation. I know I would be, even before Danielle was dx. But that is just the way I was raised.
  16. hawkeyegirl

    hawkeyegirl Approved members

    Nov 15, 2007
    Oh, geez. I swear some people were born with holes where their hearts should be.

    If anyone has a problem sitting near Morgan in a restaurant, it is THEIR problem, and not yours. Honestly, there is no limit to the cruelness of some folks.
  17. StillMamamia

    StillMamamia Approved members

    Nov 21, 2007
    Holly, I think some people feel uncomfortable, but I truly feel it's nothing personal, if that helps.:eek:
    I know I've done my share of discreet staring, and usually I try to smile at the parents or even the kid.
    I think it makes some people uncomfortable, but I don't think it's a mean kind of uncomfortable, it's more like a step out of their comfort zone.
    You can't please everyone, so just go about what you do, enjoy life and if any a-holes make a mean comment, let us know.;)
  18. hmmmcormick

    hmmmcormick Approved members

    Apr 2, 2008
    Thanks everyone for replying. You know, I don't really mind if children stare because I do know they are just trying to understand what they are seeing. I do think adults could be more discreet or subtle if they feel they must stare.If an adult stares I usually just stare right back at them. I also don't mind kids asking me questions about Morgan. Mostly kids think something has happened to him, like an accident or something. I don't really mind adults asking questions either, but I wish they could learn to word their questions better.
  19. BrokenPancreas

    BrokenPancreas Banned

    Aug 9, 2009

    I agree with with Christopher.

    During the summer, when her cgms was showing all the time, she would get stared at all the time.
    It didn't bother her, it upset me.

    She also got comments about a "machine in her arm", "Is it a stent"
    and many other comments.

    That said, if you and Morgan were sitting next to us, nobody in my family would be care or even notice you feeding him.. If we did see, do you think we would care? NO!

    But, in this world, we have to deal with jerks.

    As Karla said, it's THEIR problem! Ignore them and enjoy your life.

    Has anyone ever actually said anything?
  20. goochgirl

    goochgirl Approved members

    Jul 28, 2008
    What they said! If people ask to move, they are probably embarrased with their own lack of understanding and feelings of discomfort.

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