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I need massive help.

Discussion in 'Parents of Teens' started by veggiered, May 2, 2011.

  1. StillMamamia

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    Fantastic advice.

    No experience in this but wanted to wish you good luck in finding a good solutiont.
     
  2. veggiered

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    Sounds like a viable option...going to instate this.

    Fo' sure.

    It is so dang frustrating!
     
  3. LJM

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    I agree with Becky. My son did a one time thing as school where he decided to eat parts of his lunch and not bolus then call me and want to come home because he was 400 something and felt lousy. I got him home, looked at his lunch and noted the missing food; checked his bolus history. Learned what happened and then got his but out of bed and took him back to school for his last period of the day. I made his fess up to the school nurse what had happened.

    He has not done that again.

    Sometimes there are some kids that you have to let fail for them to learn and take some responsibility. NOT with their D, however. I agree with Wilf's suggestion that you enlist the school nurse to help oversee his care. I would not be beyond hiring someone to be with him when you are not: college kid, neighbor, someone responsible.
     
  4. veggiered

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    Considering it, and yes the school nurse has been on-board with us for months as he's continued this pattern.
     
  5. wilf

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    If it were me, I'd be making a big production out of de-installing the tv in each household and putting for sale ads in the paper and/or on the internet - and SELLING all of the electronic things that he is staying up and coming home from school to use.

    And as for the cell phone - all it should do is convey voice messages. No smart phone, no camera, no text capability if at all possible.

    I know all this sounds harsh, but the consequences of letting him get away with this for another couple of years are much harsher.
     
  6. selketine

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    As for the phone - Kajeet phones allow you to put parental controls where they can only call the numbers you set up as well as 911. And you can not allow texting or internet use with the phone - however you want. And it can be as cheap as $5 a month - this is the phone I use for my 9 yr old with type 1 to take on a playdate, etc. The phones start around $29 - but there is a nice pink one on ebay at the moment with a .99 starting bid.

    http://www.kajeet.com
     
  7. JeremysDad

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    I feel for you. I have not been in your shoes but there has been times where my son refused to check his BG. He would have problems getting enough blood and would eventually throw the strip container on the floor and go back to sleep. He would get up an hour later and check his BG and apologize but I know how I felt when this was going on so I know how helpless you must feel. As an adult, you see the consequences of his actions. As a kid, your son sees a short-term benefit.

    Taking stuff away from him and then rewarding him with extra TV etc as he gets back on target is probably the best way to go. In the end, it's YOU who understands what prolonged highs can do. You know the old saying "you have to be cruel to be kind". Be cruel to him now so that he can thank you for your "kindness" later when he is more mature.

    Good luck. I bet you are not the only one faced with defiance from their child.
     
  8. nanhsot

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    So what does he say when you sit down with him and fully discuss the consequences of his choices? Does he TRULY understand why this is dangerous? He's old enough that he should understand, so I read this and think there is MUCH more at hand than just skipping school. Either something at school is awry or there is something at home he is more invested in. Either way, I'd want to dig some more and make sure there wasn't any secondary gain going on, or something he's trying to avoid at school.

    I have a teenager, and I know the challenges of the age, and how much they like to be in control of things and don't want your nose in their business. My approach has always been "trust but verify" meaning that I trust my son until/unless he shows that he can't be trusted, then he knows I WILL stick my nose into his business.

    You've already gotten great advice on consequences; I agree that IF he comes home from school it should be to a home empty of all media/technology. I would personally take it a step further if I suspected anything else going on (drinking, drugs) and would remove privacy by taking away his door. I'd take it a step further and tell him that since he's not managing his diabetes well he needs to be supervised at all times, so he can't come home alone, instead he goes to a grandma or aunt or even a paid sitter type situation. Consequences are KEY here: can't manage, need help from an adult.

    He needs a firm hand right now, but you also need to find out more about WHY he's doing this. I don't think a typical teen would sabotage their health just to come home and play video games.

    If this were my son we'd sit down together and have a heart to heart, gut to gut, honest open discussion. I'd want him to know that I love him, I trust him, I know he can do this, but that his health is too important to ignore what he's doing. I would outline the steps I was taking to insure his health and tell him it's up to him, he can manage or you can help. Give him a chance to prove himself, but first see if you can dig and find out what is motivating him. I am big on knowing the WHY behind a behavior, whether it's in a toddler or a teen knowing the motivation helps me deal with it more effectively.

    Can you share more about his actual regimen? Is he on shots, pump, CGM, etc? I'd be checking meters every morning at wake up...if he's high then the next night he gets woken for a blood glucose check every 2 hours. If he's coming home from school high he gets a nurse visit every 2 hours during the day. Etc. Basically if my son were purposely sabotaging his numbers, I would institute measures to check regularly to make corrections. Consequence: can't manage, need help. Over and over until he realizes it's easier to just manage himself.

    If my son did this and were on pump, I'd likely have him back on shots until he decided to shape up. Stock up on free foods that he doesn't have to bolus for, otherwise he gets his nutrition from meals and you are there to help administer insulin.

    Are there homestudy options through your school? Some schools will send a visiting teacher to the home to supervise their education if their health prevents them from attending. A friend of my son's who is diabetic just completed a semester in this way, having a teacher come in daily kept her on track but being home gave her the tools to work more diligently on her numbers, and it helped.

    My gut instinct really tells me there is MORE at work here, I would be digging to find out WHAT is really going on. Your son surely knows the consequences, but whatever is driving him to do this thinks it is worth it. Just coming home from school isn't really enough to make it worth feeling how horrible it feels to be high all the time (not that I know, only have my son's reports to go on).
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2011
  9. PatriciaMidwest

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    I agree with the others, I would work with the nurse to make sure he's getting insulin and stay in school.

    You might have to set it up that he visits the school nurse for a while for his regular checks and before lunch. Hopefully, that will keep him on track.
     
  10. Teacups

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    Many folks have suggested getting to the "root cause." I'm reading and wondering how long you've been single-again and if that could be playing a part in your son's choices.... even if it's not a recent change for your family. Are his problems bringing you and his dad together on this issue? Just a thought.

    Thinking of your family and praying for wisdom for all involved.
     
  11. dejahthoris

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    I know this does not help now, but there are many kids who go through HORRIBLE rebellion in teen years.. they do grow out of it! Someday he will be a responsible grown man that you are very proud of, and all this will be a far away memory.
     
  12. Lee

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    Can I ask what exactly you are not liking here? We have all offered advice to answer your question but you don't seem to like it????

    I have not gone through this exact scenario, but many others as the mom of two teenagers. I feel pretty well qualified here. Maybe tell us what exactly you would like to hear so we can offer better advice :confused:.
     
  13. Flutterby

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    Is he pumping or on injections?

    I would make him stay at school, I don't bring my child home every time she's high, heck she'd miss most of the school year if that were the case. ;) Make him work through it. Take away all privilages, including tv, video games and make the cell for calling you only, or put incoming calls on it only, so you can get in contact with him. Its time for him to be responsible for his actions, that includes school work and diabetes wise. You need to stop bailing him out when he's high, when he MAKES himself high on purpose.. if he's high in the morning because he snuck food, he goes to school anyway.. If he's pumping, he goes to MDI, during school, he must go to the nurse to take insulin, someone must watch him.. if he wants to play games, treat him like a little kid and watch his every move. If he doesn't want to do his homework then let him fail the 9th grade.. when his friends move on to 10th maybe it'll sink in. He's not only damaging himself academically but physically as well. It needs to stop.
     
  14. Judy&Alli

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    Here is what I would do. Next time he pulls this, go to school with him. Not for 5 minutes, but for the whole day!!!! Every stinking minute. I would sit with him at lunch, and be obnoxiously present all day. He will hate it so bad that he will never want to make himself high ever again. He is getting a pay off, he gets to come home. Make it so that there is not a pay off!!!! No teen wants their mommy at school with them.

    I did this stunt with my non d son. He was in 8th grade and screwing around. I kept warning him that I was going to come to school and show him how 8th graders behaved properly. Well that day came. When he came into homeroom the blood drained out of his face when he saw me. I NEVER got another call from a teacher again. This Saturday that same boy is graduating from college with honors.

    Good luck, be firm, you can do this!
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2011
  15. Joretta

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    I get it we have had a roller coaster year. I got hospital home bound intermittent with a home tutor. She has had a lot of really health issues to start with but now not so much. At times I think I am being played especially recently. I tried taking things away right down to the technology internet being turned off. I got more rebellion. In turn I then offered counseling, more help from the school nurse, and my doing more of the care right down to her sleeping in the same room so I could monitor her for her health needs (no sneaking late nights, food, insulin, internet). Basically I did what I would do when she was little draw her closer since she was not well. I am single and yes this is hard on me but it does not last long as I also said when she could tough out like an adult and get it together as no one will be there to do it for her when she older and on her own then she could be on her own again with friends and at home. In the end she does miss school but she is not available to friends when they are out of school as she has school during that time with me or her tutor. We now have some really good talks about what is going on with in her world. She is also missing less school and some of the stuff coming out is friend stuff which made her not want to go to school because she knew they were trying to get her to things she did not want to do. Being in trouble or sick and her losing friend time gave her the strength to break free. My suggestion is to pull him closer make him your shadow. If it really is an act it could be his only way to save face without saying get me away from them. High school is a lot different from when we went. They are hit with more academics, more friend issues, more of everything. Just follow your instincts and if you drew him closer as a child then do it again if you punish by removing privileges then do that. Either way get in his way so he does not self destruct in one bad mistake.
     
  16. Flutterby

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    Haha, that is the best!:D
     
  17. Judy&Alli

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    Yes it was my shining moment as a mom;) One time my oldest daughter was not pulling her grades and I threatened something similar. My son grabbed her face and said, " OMG Kayla you better figure it out cuz she will do it!" LMAO!!!! Sometimes cammando parenting works! I never had to go to school with Kayla, ever!
     
  18. Lee

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    That is freaking amazing! :D
     
  19. Darryl

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    I can't offer any personal advice but have been reading this thread and this seems to make the most sense. Also I was thinking what would you do if a kid was addicted to drugs or being seriously self-destructive in some other way, as their legal guardian can you commit them to a treatment facility until the problem is resolved?
     
  20. fredntan2

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    Have your tried the CDE? sometimes it helps if the message comes from someone else. my dd was not pumping right this winter, took her to our CDE, we went about every 2 weeks and she finally straightened her out. along with a therapist's help.

    Its so touch being a parent these days. All this internet, etc wasn't out there when we where growing up.

    we recently had other issues wiht dd. not related to D. All our computers are locked down. she can only get on when I put password on for her to do homework. when she gets more prividledges back. facebook will be gone.

    Hugs to you. hope it passes quickly for you
     

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