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I hate my life...

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by TheTestingMom, Jan 28, 2011.

  1. TheTestingMom

    TheTestingMom Approved members

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    :( I feel so helpless for my lil guy. He's having a really tough time lately. He tells me often that he hates his life, he hates having diabetes. I just want to cry for him. I don't know what to do to help him. He did perk up a little tonight when I mentioned that he could contact other T1D on the JDRF site, that seemed to excite him. Has anyone ever done that? It kind of scares me, not sure how online safe it is. The other thing I did was contact a Pediatric Psychologist that specializes in chronic diseases (diabetes was listed first on his list of diseases) I listened to him speak a month or so ago at a Diabetes Summit and really liked him. The thing is that my son is totally not interested in talking to anyone. I haven't told him yet about this doctor because we're still in the referral/insurance stage. Have any of you ever been in this situation? Should I take him to the appointment, make him go? Surely they have ways to coax kiddos to open up right? Any and all suggestions / ideas / personal stories are great appreciated.
     
  2. StillMamamia

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    Oh no!:( I'm sorry. Yes, I would take him. Even if he doesn't feel like talking, he'll listen and maybe absorb some of the positive comments. And it'll give you some strategies on how to handle this.

    Can your endo get you to see a counselor specialized in kids with chronic diseases? Would your kid be willing to go to D camp at all? Meet up maybe with some other CWD families in the area?

    Big hugs!
     
  3. Lakeman

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    I am sorry you and your very special son are going through this.

    How long has be been feeling this way? I would not coerce him into a visit that may just make him feel MORE "different" if this is a problem that has not been going on for a long time. Who wants to be the kid that sees a shrink? The negative feelings associated with seeing a counselor must be outweighed by the benefits.

    What have you tried on your own so far? Have you truly listened to how he is feeling? Have you learned how to do "Reflective Listening"? Have you tried to help him understand that it is not really that bad by downplaying the troubles he goes through - because that would be bad. Have you empathized with his troubles by affirming what he says about how bad it is using his own words - because that could be good. Affirm his difficulties and feelings without affirming dysfunctional conclusions. Use your experiences as a mature adult to re-frame dysfunctional conclusions ones that will work better for him.

    Have you told him that he can talk to other family members if he wants to? He is old enough to go to diabetes camp, so have you discussed this with him?

    From what I understand about meeting other kids with t1d here through this site you can start with just pen pals and you can pick how old they are and where they live. Of course he might just like being a part of a kids forum for kids with diabetes.

    Have you seen the video recently posted at this site?

    P.S. Nothing is simple. People are not phobic of being bitten by a dog simply because they were bitten by a dog once. They need to be bitten by a dog AND feel some strong emotion associated with it like guilt or whatever and then have it tie into another aspect of life that has gone awry and then...

    Meaning that his feelings of hating his life are not as simple as he hates having diabetes. You are one of the most important people in his life and how you approach it probably is a factor. I would also assume that how he thinks he is perceived by his peers is a factor. You have to be a detective.
     
  4. obtainedmist

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    If you live in or near a big city, you could perhaps find a therapist who is also T1 and deals with issues. I would ask your endo or Children's Hospital closest to you.
     
  5. Beach bum

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    We have situations where my daughter needs to talk to someone, usually once a year she just wants to get something off her chest. It really helps. From what I gather the social worker doesn't even broach D at first, just talks about general stuff, then moves onto D. My daughter always feels better after one of these sessions. I'm glad to hear that you found someone who not only works with kids, but with chronic conditions. You might want to ask if there's a support group for kids with D in your area.

    We've also found that D camp is a lifesaver. She gets to interact with kids who are just like her, no one asks what's on her arm, the most she may get is oh, that's a cool color set!

    Best of luck, my thoughts are with you and that you will get through this.
     
  6. hdm42

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    I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this. My son was dx'd at age 9 and is now 13. Our endo team had a counselor who met with the kids seperately and with us as a family, and it was a big help with the adjustments to our new life.
    About a year ago, my son started getting depressed again, so I found a counselor in town that works with kids with chronic diseases. She was great. They talked as much (or more) about general tween & school stuff as about D. He seemed to feel much better after his sessions. He went once a week for about 3 months until summer vacation. He hasn't been back this year and hasn't seemed to need to, but I know she's there if he needs it.

    Sometimes it just helps them to talk to somebody that understands but isn't a parent. No judgements, just someone to listen and maybe offer some "non-Mom" advice.

    D camp is great, if you've got one near you. FFL is great too. Campbell loves it when everbody pulls out their meter to test. The first year, he said "Mom, it's really nice not to be the odd one out". I nearly burst into tears.

    Hang in there.
     
  7. rdhead

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    YES! We are in the same exact situation right now. In fact we have our first psychologist appointment today. I'm hoping that this will help my son, and myself actually. This funk that he's in honestly is SO much harder that the dx. My heart aches for him and what makes it worse is that it's nothing I can "fix" for him. The only difference is my son is willing to go. He wants to talk to some one because as he says he's tired of being sad all the time. I wish you the best of luck. I know how hard it is. But I do think that it would benefit you to talk to someone. For my family I know that what Connor is feeling and struggling with is more than my husband and I can handle on our own so I'm very grateful that Connor is willing to talk to some one. You and your family will be in our prayers. There is nothing more heart-wrenching to a mother than an unhappy child.
     
  8. Becky Stevens mom

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    Im sorry your son is unhappy right now:( I know from having a 9 year old boy with d that this is a tough age. My older boy was different at this age, not because he's non-d but because he's a different person. I think our little kids have alot to deal with at a young age. My son was dxd at such a young age he doesnt seem to be too bothered by d but there are days when he gets mad about having a shot or testing. I think alot of it is seeing that others dont have to test their blood before eating, others dont do shots or have to wear a pump.

    I think if this therapist specializes in chronic diseases in children, he would be perfect for your son. They definitely have ways of drawing a child out and getting them to open up. And I imagine kids feel alot better when they do.
     
  9. virgo39

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    My DD is only six, but if she was saying those things and I did not feel that we were making progress, I would take her to a therapist.

    A good therapist would be accustomed to a young person's reluctance.

    Good luck.
     
  10. PatriciaMidwest

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    So sorry you are going through this! I can only imagine what it is like to be a child with T1. It has to be really hard and I hate it that our kids have so much to deal with.

    Your situation is near and dear to my heart. I've been through some really rough patches with my daughter too.

    How is he doing with T1 at school? I bring this up because I think kids feel pretty comfy and accepted at home, but school brings big challenges at least for us. It seems small things that build up over time at school bother my child. Big things she tells me about right away, but sometimes they don't mention the smaller ones that make them feel weird and different, you know? Does he have a good support system at school? How does he like the school nurse? How are the other kids treating him? Is he being excluded from anything (bday treats, gym activities etc)? All the attitudes of the teachers/nurse at school play into how he feel about his disease too, so get them on board. I would really do some probing here to find out what the school day is like for him. Do not be afraid to ruffle some feathers at school, you have to advocate for your child. Lots of school staff just don't understand how to handle things.

    I think it's great that you've found someone who specializes in chronic diseases. I would absolutely go and see him. Your child might resist a little but encourage him try it and see how it goes.

    D camp would also be great for him. Usually camp info comes out around January or Feb so now is a good time to start looking. The American Diabetes Association does our camp (it is 90% Type 1's), but it might be different in your area.

    Have you found any local T1's? He might like a mentor of some sort, or a pal. I'm not sure about the online thing either, and I do understand your concerns.

    Call your endo and be up front with them. They may have some ideas we haven't thought of.

    Good luck on your journey and keep us informed!

    Hugs :)
     
  11. motherof2

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    Hi, my son went through that too. He is 12. I also think that D camp is great for your child but also for the rest of the family. Our son just got home and had the best time. We tried the psychologist but my son would not talk so I have finally given up on making him sit there. I have no advice but just to let you know you are not alone.
     
  12. momof2greatkids

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    While we're new to this with Audrey and probably don't have much advice, I did want to chime in on the JDRF site penpals. We found it a couple of weeks ago, and Audrey was SO excited!

    Kids can creat a 'profile', and pick someone to write to based on age and interests. All messages go through a filter and pictures can't be sent, so they aren't writing back and forth through email. I think the messages are screened because it took a couple of days before Audrey's profile showed up on the site, and it seems like messages are sent only a couple of times a week, so I think they are monitored before being passed on.

    There aren't any kids at Audrey's school with D, so I think this makes her feel not so alone. She's picking kids to communicate with who have similar interests and look like fun because she doesn't want everything to be about diabetes.

    If you're near a major city, you may want to look for JDRF functions in your area. We're going to a function next weekend that will have a couple of breakout sessions where Audrey can be around other kids with D. And I can't wait for her to go to camp this summer! I'm hoping that by being around other kids with D, she won't feel so alone and different.
     
  13. lil'Man'sMom

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    I am sorry your son is feeling this way.

    I totally recommend a D support group, see if they have one in your are that has others his age.

    And as another post wrote, D camp is a lifesaver for my DS. He usually goes just in the summer but is going to a weekend camp in Feb., it's all he can talk about. He always comes back feeling totally ready to take on D and the world.
     
  14. sparkyjt

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    I haven't posted in a long time but was lurking today and saw your post and had to comment. My daughter (11) has been saying the same thing. I took her to the dr this past week and she was diagnosed w/ depression. I felt bad that I had overlooked so many symptoms for so long because a lot of them are kind of the same as high/low symptoms. :( You might want to look at depression symptoms in children and see if he matches any.


    Hugs!
    Julie
     
  15. tiffanie1717

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    We had my son see a psychologist, but she was a friend of mine and she came to our house so it made it easier that way. Travis is not one to share how he is feeling until he starts acting out or just starts bawling about something. But Amy (my friend) said that he talked and talked with her. She ended up going through a notebook with him and they drew pictures and talked about things he was thankful for and things he was upset about. It was amazing!! Travis was a different kid after that visit!

    So I heartily say Yes! Take him to the counselor. You will be amazed at what they can do! :)
     

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