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I find myself getting increasingly irritated....

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by Adrienne, Oct 31, 2011.

  1. Adrienne

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    Livie was dx'd not even 3 months ago and I am already having some moments I am less than proud of in response to my frustrations. Here is my current list of what makes me irritated:

    * My ex-husband deciding he "can't deal with her".
    * Strangers who confuse T1 & T2.
    * Family members who confuse T1 & T2.
    * People who ask me if Livie is my "kid with sugar".
    * People who have the ability to cure their T2 with diet & excersise and don't.
    * Family members' unwillingness to participate in Livie's treatment.
    * People who assume that Livie is not a "normal" child because she has T1.
    * People who act like D is no big deal.

    Oh, who am I kidding? This list could go on for a few pages.....so I'll stop there. Is it normal to feel like this or am I just going off the deep end due to all the stress?:(
     
  2. Lisa P.

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    Having a diabetes diagnosis is like having a glaring bright light shine on your life -- all the cracks begin to show, they come out in stark relief, and they look huge and scary.

    It is interesting that I find many parents seem to have an easier time dealing with the diabetes than with the other stressers in their life after a diagnosis. Personally, it's because deep inside we are trying to reorganize. We know we can't handle all the burdens with this new one added, and you can't leave diabetes behind. So you are re-organizing your mind to learn to set aside those things that can be set aside.

    It is hard, though, if you don't do that. If you see the old stressers and it just brings more stress again. I believe what your body is trying to do is help you identify what things you have been wound up about to date, and identify those things you need to just let go. If seeing them makes you hang on even tighter, it makes it worse.

    As a personal example, I used to be very concerned about what my family thought of me. After diabetes, I just don't have time for that anymore. It still crops up, but generally I don't get as or as often upset if I feel I'm being disapproved of. It's no longer on my radar, most days. I just don't have the energy for it.

    I'm an angry person. I get angry and irritated very easily, and I'm not ashamed of it. To a degree, it energizes me to get things done. But it can tip over the edge, and start draining my energy instead of adding to it. I have to recognize when I no longer have the "luxury" of being irritated, I've got more important things to do. :eek:

    One little note -- Type 2 diabetes can't be cured, either. You can sometimes control how and whether it manifests itself, but even if you can get it not to "show" you've still "got" it. The more folks with Type 2 that I meet, the more I feel for them. They have their own struggle, it's unlike my daughter's, but it's real. My daughter gets to eat what she wants to eat. My brother in law does not. My daughter's insulin works, even if it's injected. My brother in law's does not. We all have our stuff, eh?
     
  3. danielsmom

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    My mom is one of those not dealing in reality with this disease...she won't even say the name of it..and yes she listens to what others say about cures...yada yada...and tries to pass it on.. Don't get me wrong she adores her grandson to pieces... She kept asking me the same questions... I gave her the Pink Panther book to read... she still asks me the same questions.. I told her nicely ask the doctor... if she won't believe me then who?.. Frustrating.. can't change people.. do my best to educate and move on....and sometimes people look like they are getting bored with my explanations LOL..but if they ask the wrong question.. I'm giving them the right answer they will just have to listen...
    Sorry your dealing with this...
     
  4. caspi

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    You're totally normal! :) One of my biggest pet peeves, even after all this time, are the people that feel it is perfectly ok to come up to me and tell me about "this" miracle cure and "that" miracle cure. :rolleyes:

    I assure you it DOES get easier - you tend to just turn a deaf ear to most things - but I still have my not-too-proud moments every once in awhile. ;)
     
  5. MommaKat

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    I vote for normal and stressed, but not going off any deep ends, though it sure feels like it at times. Lisa's given some really good advice (that I needed to read as well - so thanks), and I find myself trying to reorganize and let go of past stressors. That is so much easier said than done, especially when single parenting and exes who don't / can't deal with it are part of the puzzle, or family that doesn't understand that we need some support.

    I just posted in OT last week about all this, and what I'm learning is that we need to reach out to someone who can give us a hand. It sure isn't my ex or most of my family, so I'm working on identify who I can reach out to, and making a concerted effort to carve out some time to take care of me. (So hard to do, there's the guilt, feeling selfish, etc. but also absolutely necessary for our kids well being!) This weekend I reached out to the family of my daughter's friend. They are the only parents who've been willing to have dd over to their house since dx last March. We're so lucky to have them in our lives, and even though it was incredibly hard, I actually asked if dd could come over for a bit. I spent a couple hours of extremely important one on one time with my 13yo son, and took a short nap.

    Is there a friend or someone you can reach out to similarly? I've also put in a call to the big sister / big brother program and am waiting to hear back. You might check to see what's available in your area (United Way can usually tell you.) As far as family goes, all we can do is consistently put out invitations for them to learn. I email my folks and ex with the date and times for grandparent / family classes, book suggestions, articles that I think they'd relate to and get. Beyond that, we just have to let go and hope they eventually get it.

    Mostly, I just want to say I'm sorry you're going through this, and that you're not alone in this. CWD has plenty of single parents, and they've been amazing at reaching out and offering advice, a shoulder, or both when I needed to vent or ask questions. I hold onto belief that this does and will get easier, and at 9 months in I see that's true - it's certainly not perfect but we are moving forward, and you will too.
     
  6. StillMamamia

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    I think we all go in waves at the beginning about what annoys us and what doesn't. Totally normal, and also dependent on our personalities, to an extent. I used to get so irritated at some comments, and since I can't come up with the perfect comment right away:rolleyes:, I would simmer by myself. Now I usually just smile and say I have to leave. Depends on the person too, who is saying such comments.

    That said, some things still annoy me, like my son's class being invited to a birthday party, except for him. That's a hard one to swallow.
     
  7. Adrienne

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    Ok, so people like me are probably on the T2 people's "lists". I know that some people aren't able to cure their T2, but am I mistaken in thinking that there are some who are able to totally eliminate T2 with diet and excersise modification? Please correct me if I'm wrong, cause every once in awhile that does happen;)

    Thanks for all the great advice! My best friend (also the mom of Livie's best friend) is T1 and I do allow Livie to go there at times. I try not to make it very frequent though because I'm mindful of the fact that it is a lot of repsonsibility to make sure someone else's kid stays alive.

    I appreciate your support. It's encouraging to know that diabetes hasn't rendered me completely loony - yet anyway:p
     
  8. emm142

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    I'm pretty sure that some people can control their T2 with a strict diet, but not cure it.
     
  9. Christopher

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    I think over time your perspective will change. There are always going to be people who say or do things that irritate you with respect to diabetes. Over time the way I have chosen to handle that frustration is by trying to educate them. But then there are those who refuse to be educated and in those cases I simply let it go.

    In the begining it does seem like life and death, but over time you will see it more like a responsibility to keep their bg in range, rather than keeping them alive.

    Hang in there....:cwds:
     
  10. Lisa P.

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    I do think there are some folks that can completely eliminate the symptoms of Type 2 diabetes with diet and exercise, absolutely. In a way it's just semantics, saying that person still has diabetes even if it isn't symptomatic, except that you could then say that people with Celiac are "cured" as long as they don't eat wheat, or people with cancer are "cured" as long as the cancer isn't symptomatic yet, that sort of thing.

    In any case, I think your point is not cure/not cured, I think your point is that it is frustrating to watch someone have a 300 bg and be able to do something about it and choose not to do something about it when we often see our kids at 300 and can't do much to prevent it, right? I hear ya. I just think the two diseases are so different we get into trouble comparing the two. For example, my kid can eat donuts all she wants, if we dose properly, but my brother in law isn't supposed to eat them at all. No fun for him!

    In any case, I hope you understand that I really sympathize -- empathize -- with your feelings of irritation. For me, I usually go beyond irritated into downright angry. I hope it was clear that I was trying to suggest things that might help because I've been there, I get it -- at least I think I do. I hope you find some peace, or at least a good pillow to slug.
    :)
     
  11. 5kids4me

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    My father has type 2. He takes metformin and kind of watches his diet. He checks his bg maybe 4- 6 times a month and has A1Cs in the mid 5s. I believe he is in the minority though.

    ETA: he is 74 years old and still works at least 5 days a week. His job is pretty strenuous so he gets plenty of exercise. I am sure this helps him with bg levels.
     
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2011
  12. zoomom456

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    Right after diagnosis I was very frustrated by many comments etc. After 2 years, I still hear the same stupid comments. However, after 2 years I have learned how to stare at someone's forehead and look like I am listening, when I am really counting wrinkles, veins, freckles etc.:D I think you are completely normal and with more time you will discover a coping mechanism that works for you.
     
  13. Mrs Puff

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    When my son was diagnosed, the first thing I did was to educate my friends, family, and even myself via facebook. Under the "notes" section I first wrote about how he was diagnosed, and what signs we missed. A few days later I discussed the differences between type 1 and 2 (educating myself along the way.) Three months later I gave another update and discussed more of dealing with diabetes day in and day out. His one year diaversary will be coming up and I plan on doing another update. Also, right before we went to visit my family during the summer, I emailed my parents and sisters and kinda gave a gentle reminder of what diabetes is and that my son can eat what he wants (within reason), and that they didn't need to go out and buy tasteless sugar free food for him. I think that taking charge of the situation really helped. I still had to clarify some things, but hey, until my son was diagnosed I was amongst the clueless! I had to google diabetic ketoacidosis in the hospital because I couldn't wrap my brain around what the doctors were telling me! Personally, I don't let the comments bother me. People want/think they are trying to be helpful. Ironically, my dh went on a trip to see family and friends and he told me that several people tried to give him advice and it annoyed him! Of course he is kind of clueless since I do all the care, lol!
     
  14. sooz

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    I understand your frustration, up to the point where you start judging people with type 2. My granddaughter has type 1 and I take care of her every day after school and many many times on the weekend so her mom can have a break (her dad died earlier this year.) I love them all and have been there from day one of her birth and her dx four 1/2 years ago. I feel the responsibility of her care keenly and do my best not to make mistakes. One month after my son in law passed away, my husband had a stroke. It has been a very stressful year. I was recently dx with type 2. I am a person who handles stress and anger and emotion with eating. No surprise I have been dx, it was only a matter of time. I am trying my best to lose weight and exercise and eat right. Some days I do ok, others I dont. Do you feel the same way about fat people? They could do something about themselves if only they WOULD? It is just like people who say hurtful things to you about type 1, until you have walked in type 2's shoes, keep your comments and judgements to yourself please. All of us here know how hard it is to deal with type 1 and we share your frustration. I hope in time you can relax a bit more and accept it for what it is. The day your child was dx was the day their life was saved. Type 1 is hard no doubt about it, but there are much worse things in this world believe me. Hang in there.
     
  15. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    I think this is a great example of what the "world" does to our kids. They make assumptions and leap to conclusions and render judgement.

    Type 1 and Type 2 are both complicated. Type 1 is certainly more volatile and complicated to manage, but increasingly I learn that Type 2 isn't always disease of "lifestyle" and I find myself less willing to play the blame game with Type 2s simply because my child is often misidentified as having their disease.
     
  16. sooz

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    Thank you Sarah, I totally agree that it is frustrating that the majority of people do not know the difference between type 1 and type 2, I dont like it either. I just dont want to be judged for having type 2 any more than we would want our kids judged.
     
  17. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    I think that for a long time after Maddie's dx I so railed against the notion that others assumed that my child's diabetes was self imposed that I did jump on the "blame Type 2" band wagon. It was only after I was asked by a radio producer to elaborate on air on my web page comment to the effect that Type 1s were blameless and Type 2s were not, that I really realized how guilty I was of blaming the victim. Needless to say I declined the interview and really had to rethink my feelings about the confusion between the two conditions and the role I was playing in perpetuating the myth that Type 2 is always a disease of choice.
     
  18. HannahB

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    I can relate to your feelings of frustration and the misunderstanding of others. However, when my first child was diagnosed with type 1 one of the NP's at our endos office reminded me of something that was particularly helpful, at least in our home. Before type 1 entered our lives what did I know about diabetes? Did I know the difference between type 1 and type 2? Did I realize how life-changing and frightening the diagnosis was, and ever imagine that it could happen to my own child?

    The answer, for me, was that I knew very little. The knowledge I had was almost all regarding type 2 diabetes, and it had never crossed my mind that my husband and I would be in an ICU learning how to care for our child with type 1. I became much more patient and understanding with those around me and the comments that they would make. I would try (although much easier said than done) to remember that they were just uninformed, not trying to be cruel or criticize my parenting. I do remember being incredibly frightened at the beginning, but allowing your daughter to go to friends houses, participate in activities, etc is another way that others and most importantly she will see that she is still a kid and can participate in everything she did before diabetes. Anything you would let her do without diabetes can be done with it, just with extra planning/precaution.

    In addition to the other comments as the years have passed I have learned how much I judged others with type 2 without even realizing it. I have a very close friend who was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes last year. She is in her 40's, very thin, eats well, and still runs marathons after four children (I am very envious!) but has an overwhelming family history of type 2 diabetes and hypertension. She is on insulin, and her endocrinologist told her that despite all of her efforts to keep an active and healthy lifestyle that family history is the #1 risk factor for type 2. I was shocked when she was diagnosed and also dissapointed with myself when I realized the assumptions I had internally carried for years. While I am in no way saying this applies to you, I am just trying to acknowledge that the pre-concieved notions and misunderstandings can occur with anything.
     
  19. Adrienne

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    I think you misunderstood my point. I was as clueless about T1 before my daughter's dx as I am still about T2. I'm not judging at all, I'm just ignorant on the subject. That's why I asked. I still stand behind my aggrevation at someone who is able to control high blood sugar (such as my girls' grandmother) and simply doesn't TRY. I would give anything if my daughter had the option to do something to correct her diabetes. I can imagine that it isn't an easy road and I totally understand falling by the way-side, because no change is easy. However, my frustration is that my daughter doesn't have that opportunity.

    As far as keeping my comments to myself, the point of being here is to support one another. Many of the things that irritate me are probably irrational to others. But to this mom, they make perfect sense....right now at least. Next week I will probably add to and take away from that list. If there is anything I have learned about this disease, it's that I will never really "know" anything. It changes all the time.

    I am so sorry that you are bearing such a heavy load. I sometimes wonder how much a person is expected to take before they break. It sounds like you have more than your fair share. I hope that things calm down for you and your family.
     
  20. Becky Stevens mom

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    Nope, not going off the deep end unless of course we are all down there with you;) It is very normal while you are going through the process of grieving your childs diagnosis and working on acceptance to get aggravated with other peoples response to your childs diagnosis. And you are feeling very protective of her now cause youre her Mom and worship the ground she walks on:cwds: To get through this time, decide who you want to bother educating about type 1. Who is important in your daughter and familys life? Do they seem interested in learning? Some things you will have to accept as "just the way it is"

    I was very hurt when family members including my son's grandparents showed no interest in learning how to care for him or really even learning about the condition. Several months after my son was diagnosed my MIL asked me a dumb question about type 1. Her daughter, my SIL asked if she had read the info that my SIL had given her from the internet. My MIL shrugged and said, No, Ive been too busy. My MIL is retired:rolleyes: She just didnt care enough to be bothered. I realize this now and hope that she can be at peace with this decision. I wouldnt be able to
     

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