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How can I get my parents to let go?

Discussion in 'Teens' started by NickLightning#94, Aug 12, 2009.

  1. NickLightning#94

    NickLightning#94 New Member

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    Jan 8, 2009
    Messages:
    4
    My parents have always been more than 'involved' I guess you could say, in my diabetes. It didn't used to bother me but now it kinda feels like they don't really trust me. For example, they might ask me what my bg was like during the day and i'll tell them but they go through my meter anyway. They say they just want to make sure but it's like they don't trust me to tell them the truth. They do the same thing with my pump. They ask me if I bolused for everything that I ate that day and when I tell them, they go through this history. I mean, don't get me wrong, it means a lot that they care enough to make sure I have everything right but sometimes it gets to be too much, ya know? I'm 14 and i've had diabetes for a year and half and I don't need them following me around making sure I do every little thing. So how did everyone get their parents to let go?
     
  2. Tricia22

    Tricia22 Approved members

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    One thing... you might think about posting this in the parents of type 1 section as well as parents there might be able to help get to the root of this and help you find a non-confrontational way to talk to your parents about this.

    I definitely think though that you need to sit down and talk with your parents. Don't go in accusing them of being clingy or anything... go into it as a:

    Mom and Dad - I'm in high school now, and I think I need to start being more independent with my diabetes management while I'm still at home and can get help when I need it or want it. I need to start working on this stuff on my own before I go away to college. Can we transition to me having more independence and control with my diabetes, and have you 2 as more of support people for when or if I need help?

    Hope this helps. And I really think some of the parents on here will be able to help as well. There are quite a few parents on here who have had kids diagnosed at various stages in life who are now adults. They had to let go eventually, maybe they can help.
     
  3. misscaitp

    misscaitp Approved members

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    I like Tricia's advice.

    What my mom and I also agreed on is that anytime I under 70 or over 250 than I tell her, and she agreed not to ask me what my numbers were every couple of hours. Now they only ask me like once a week. It might work for you. :eek:
     
  4. s0ccerfreak

    s0ccerfreak Approved members

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    I definately agree with Tricia's advice. You need to sit down and talk with your parents. Before you talk to them try to figure out some ideas you would like to try like- you will tell them if you are over/ under x number, they may ask what your bg's are. On x and x days we will sit down and look at my meter and pump together, log together, and make changes together.

    At the start everyone needs to agree that they will listen to each other and allow each other to explain the reasoning behind their plan. Tell them that the way things are now makes you feel that you are not trusted. Give them a chance to talk then present your ideas. If you come in with a reasonable plan in a non-confrontational way they will be more willing to accept it.

    Maybe give your parents a heads- hey can we talk about how we're handling my diabetes on x day. I would like to discuss making some changes in how things are done and who is responsible for what. I have some ideas, but wanted to give you a chance to think about it before then.
    Once everyone agrees to a plan, I think it is important to write it out and sign it. If the "contract" is broken something needs to be done. If you're not holding up your end, your parents my need to take back some responsibility. If your parents aren't holding up their side they might just need a little reminder. Also just remember that as annoying as it can be, they are doing it because they care about you.

    My only other idea would be bringing it up at your next endo appointment. Not like hey my parents don't trust me and won't let me do anything. But how can we work towards me being more independent and doing more of my own care now that I'm getting older? Your endo might have some great ideas and also could be a good mediator between you and your parents.
    My endo team was really the people who stressed the importance of independence and my parents heard what they said and went with it. We did a lot of the stuff I suggested above- meeting twice a week to look over, log, and change things, making sure I told them when I was under 60 or over 300, and just showing them that I could be trusted (not just with d stuff). Slowly my parents let me do more on my own- now I do everything except call the endo (we're working on this)- but I always had them there if I needed a break or if something went wrong and that is so important!
     
  5. HoneyRock

    HoneyRock New Member

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    Nov 17, 2011
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    1
    Yeah, i'm in highschool and dealing with similar issues--my mom will ask me what my blood sugar is and then go through my meter anyway. It's so crazy making. Not to mention all the other stuff going on in my house with my diabetes and my parents. Sometimes I think they are more effected by this disease then I am. Well, the best thing I ever did for my self was got help for me. I totally agree with what everybody is saying about having a honest conversation with your parents. But just personally speaking, taking care of myself helps me get through those days even when my house is a wreck, you know? I go to a type one women's group, and also am connected with someone I met through the diabetes society, who is older and honest and makes me feel a lot better about my life.
    Good luck.
     
  6. beck95

    beck95 Approved members

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    well to tell you the truth i dont know if they ever completely let go. i have had d since i was four and my mum didn't start handing over the reigns till i was about thirteen or fourteen to. maybe your parents are concerned that you have only had it for so short a time that they just need to keep an eye on you. just keep trying to show them that you are responsible and do care about your condition. maybe ask them to give you a trial and if you fail then they can keep going the way they are until they feel you can have another go. i dont know just some suggestions if you havent already tried them. my mum still asks me every week probably how things are going with my blood sugars and is always there to help if i need it. hope all goes well and good luck!!:)
     
  7. coldblood676

    coldblood676 Approved members

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    Tricia has it spot on.

    One thing you have to understand is that everything our parents do for us, is because they love us. I'm turning eighteen in June next year and my parents are still doing it. But it keeps me on track and on a healthy path.

    But it wouldnt hurt to sit down with your parents and just have a chat with them about how you feel and ways you could work things out together.

    Independence is something we all need especially as diabetics and i guess the first step it this is getting our parents to let go (to a point) so that we can learn and educate ourselves individually.

    If you need anything chuck me a message :)

    Good luke! hope all goes well

    - Luke Saunderson
     

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