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"He can lead a normal life"

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by Mrs Puff, Sep 30, 2012.

  1. Mrs Puff

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    I feel like that is my trigger phrase that can make my cry instantaneously! My son was diagnosed almost two years ago. We have handled it pretty darn well. I am not an overly emotional type type, and we have just sucked it up and did what needed to be done in regards to his diagnosis. However, in my nursing class we were going over how to educate patients and it just hit me in class. Odd little flashbacks of being in the hospital, two hours from home. Not knowing what the heck DKA was, nor what type 1 diabetes was. I don't remember a whole lot except the doctor saying the my son could lead a normal life, and he had a friend that was on the rowing team in college that was type 1. I know the doctor was trying to be encouraging. It just kind of hit me in class and I really had to fight back tears. I just wanted to share that with the only people who could possibly understand this. It reminds me of watching a tv show where people get hypnotized and if you say a certain phrase they will cluck like a chicken or something equally hilarious...except my trigger phrase makes me want to cry like a baby....
     
  2. cdninct

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    You're not alone! That is absolutely my trigger, too. It is something I will never say to anybody, because it made me feel horrendous at the time (our sons were diagnosed a few days apart!)--it marked the first time I considered the fact that he might not have a normal life. Even just seeing the words in your post brought back the bad feelings.

    Time to snap out of it. When I count to five, we will both wake up feeling happy, refreshed, and at peace with diabetes...!
     
  3. DsMom

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    I feel so sad when I read these types of threads...because that is something I often say to newcomers. Hearing that brought me great comfort in the early days...and it is something that is true for us...so of course I tend to assume it will help other people too. But everyone is different...so of course they will be comforted by different things. I'm starting to feel a bit paralyzed in what I should or shouldn't say to those who come here right after dx.:(
     
  4. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    I suppose I'm also in the camp of "it made me feel better" to hear this. Specifically, the attending at the hospital told us that she would be able to have a normal life, have kids, etc which, given the loop of steel magnolias that was running through my mind, was comforting. When I talk to newly dxd folks I usually just tell them all the "normal" things that dd is doing and infer that "normal" is just a given.
     
  5. Caldercup

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    I understand the "push/pull" of statements like that.

    On the one hand, it gave me comfort that he *would* lead a normal life.

    On the other hand, I hated that he had a disease where someone felt the need to say that to me.


    But thank goodness they DO lead normal lives, thanks to the current treatments and technologies available to T1Ds.
     
  6. Darryl

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    Well of course life isn't exactly normal, as there are lots of little things that people with T1 have to do that other people don't have to do, but if those things are attended to, life can be pretty normal otherwise. Our dd's doctor is around 60 and has had T1 for 50 years, and runs a thriving pediatric practice. So while he didn't tell us that she can live a normal life, it was kind of obvious from the start that she can. She could even be a doctor. The best way in my opinion to keep life as close as possible to normal is to use a CGM, which takes most of the worry, guesswork, and frustration out of managing diabetes.
     
  7. 3kidlets

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    I don't recall anyone actually saying the words to me, but I do recall when I asked the dr. about Hana resuming swim practice and traveling right after we were diagnosed, she said yes, do it and do it right away. We were scheduled to leave for vacation about 2 weeks after her dx. Like the dr. said, she's going to have D regardless if she's home or on the beach. Just let her live her life.
    I guess for me, it was just assumed that her life would be "normal". My father in law has had T1 for over 35 years and I'd say his life has been better than "normal". He has been very successful in his career and traveled all over the world with my mother in law both of which happened after his D diagnosis (he was diagnosed late for T1 - in his 30s). So, I guess when Hana was dx there wasn't a lot of fear and unknown since I've seen it for a very long time.
    I'm not minimalizing what Hana goes thru on a daily basis. But if you ask her, she doesn't feel different than any other girl her age. She has accomplished great things with her swimming - competing in the Junior Olympics, breaking team records, etc. I'd say that is better than normal.
     
  8. DsMom

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    Also, I figure, who truly lives a perfectly "normal" life? There are things about me that I think are honestly abnormal.:eek::p And almost everyone has SOMETHING to deal with...allergies, asthma, phobias, mental health issues, physical health issues, family drama, road rage...whatever!! I don't know that I've ever met someone with a "normal" life!;):p:p
     
  9. caspi

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    Exactly! Normal is a relative term! ;)
     
  10. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    Well, at 14 my dd has a lot of friends who live perfectly "normal" lives. No chronic illness, no particular family drama, no hardships to speak of... that's not to say that by 40 they won't have experienced all that and maybe more, but for the time being I feel pretty sure that my dd's life is more complicated, but that doesn't mean that she can't be "normal", it just means that she has to work a bit harder.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2012
  11. speakup4kids

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    That always gets me going too, because I don't really think it's fair to the child with diabetes to discount what they go through like that. There is nothing normal about a life with diabetes, however that doesn't mean that they won't lead a great life. I am convinced that my diabetic child is made of stronger stuff than so many other kids I come into contact with and I have this stupid disease to thank for it. No, life won't be normal, it will be different and full of experiences that others won't get to have. With the bad will come good, and in the end I think strength is gained.
     
  12. DsMom

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    I never discount what my child goes through...but I still believe he can have a normal life. When I say normal, I mean he can do everything his peers can (except make insulin:(), he can make and achieve his goals, he will go through all the major milestones to adulthood, and hopefully be successful as an adult. Those are ALL normal things that he will do with D...and which he would do without D. I don't believe my son's D makes him stronger than my other kids...perhaps more compassionate at times...but I think he's as strong as he would be with or without D.

    Again, I contend that "normal" is such a relative term. Everyone's life is varied and complicated and filled with challenges in one way or another. The most normal looking people can have things going on in their lives that you'd never dream were happening. D is a challenge to be sure...one that most people don't experience. I've had challenges most people haven't experienced as well...but my life is still (fairly;)) normal today. That my son has D is not "normal"...but his life still can be.:)
     
  13. caspi

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    I totally agree. Life is what we make of it.

    It irks me when I read (not on this specific post, mind you) of parents that feel as though the world has ended. The gloom and doom and "it's not fair" and he/she needs every special accomodation known to man. Sorry, but life doesn't work that way. Our children need to grow up knowing that while they do have Type 1 Diabetes, the world is not going to revolve around them. A positive attitude, starting with the parent, goes a long, LONG way. :cwds:
     
  14. Traci

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    For us, it's a matter of perspective. We had a nurse at diagnosis that told me my son would never again be able to have milk (which, at 23 months old, was his drink of choice) and would only be able to eat grilled chicken and broccoli. I felt utter and complete relief when the diabetes educator told us he could lead a "normal" life that included milk and even pudding! I certainly don't discount what he (and the rest of our family) have been through because of type 1, but he's a great kid with an amazing attitude in spite of d. It plays a very small role in his life today.

    And, besides all that, we also have triplets...there's been nothing "normal" about our lives for a very long time!;)
     
  15. 3kidlets

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    My father in law who has had T1 since his mid 30s (so over 30 something years), knew nothing of accommodations, laws and disabilities. He became CEO of a major corporation after he was Dx with T1. There were no accommodations made for him, ever. I'm not saying that our children shouldn't have accommodations in school but life isn't always going to be fair.

    And as far as "normal" - I would take the T1 any day over some of the stuff i see daily that people have to live through. I know it is all relative to what you are dealing with, but every day I see or read something else that makes me thankful for what we have. It can all change in a heartbeat.
     
  16. DsMom

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    Yes, I really feel it is doing a disservice to your child to let them feel in any way that their life is not or will not be normal. Or to let them think that D has "ruined" their life. As much as my mommy instinct makes me want to wrap myself around my son like a blanket and protect him from all the crap he has to put up with...I don't. I try to take his D into account if a high is making him crabby and he is mean to his siblings...but he still has to apologize to them and face consequences of bad behavior. If he is getting his BG checked at school and misses something important...he still needs to make it up...he can't play a "D" card.;) Tough as it is, especially at first, parents must take a "life goes on" attitude that will trickle down to their child. I so admire my sister, who raised my niece to never let D stand in her way...or to be an excuse...she has become a great adult today, and a great role model for my son. I hope I can do as well.:cwds:
     

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