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furious!

Discussion in 'Parents of Teens' started by Mrs. Russman, Feb 6, 2012.

  1. Mrs. Russman

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    I've been intensely managing Ben's blood sugar's lately the past 3 weeks, other than testing (which for the most he remember's on his own) I've done everything. This weekend was a busy one, and he was out a lot. He kept saying "I got this mom", and giving me the 'back off' attitude. So I told him to prove it. He did great until last night. First thing, he was spending the night at a friends house so around 11 I texted him to test and text. He texted me back a number (172). When I looked back through his meter there is NO test for last night after 7pm.
    This morning he was 88, everything's good. Felt low at church but doesn't know where is meter is. Treat it, and check at home 116. OK, send him to movie with girlfriend, with smarties and meter. Then to church. He gets home and says he went low twice. So I start looking back through meter. at 4 he was 105, and at 6 he was 296! No time between 3 when I dropped him off and 7 when he got home was there any low numbers. He "treated' the low with the smarties, 2 big cups of grape soda, chips and who knows what else.
    He said he corrected for the 296. He wants a brownie and to go to friends house to watch super bowl. He starts grazing I guess, at home and at friends. I can tell he is going high when he gets home, but he says he just took insulin at 9:15. So I stay up until 12:15 and test and he is 440!

    I was already upset about lying to me last night about testing, but tonight just eating...(he did that once earlier this week too) and letting blood sugar hit 440 I'm furious.... So I am going to ground him for lying to me about testing last night. but I don't know how to handle the repeated behavior of just eating. If you haven't read my other posts his last A1C was 13. I wasn't paying attention and would let him go to bed with 400's and sleep all night.

    What are you're thoughts about allowing him one "diabetes free night" a month with friends that we will just deal with the highs when he gets home. but the rest of the time he needs to be always counting carbs (or asking for help) and taking appropriate insulin doses or he doesn't go anywhere without mom and mom is always "up in his business" I know he is getting tired of it, but I can not go back to the way things have been the past year.
     
  2. mom2Hanna

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    I'm dealing with something similar minus the social part. It's very frustrating
     
  3. MomofSweetOne

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  4. pianoplayer4

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    That's really hard, as a teen I understand where your sons coming from a bit. It's never fun to tell your parents you screwed up and now your high, even if is not really your fault you worry they'll think it is. I've never actually lied to my parents because I like that they trust me, but I've been tempted to many, many time. I know all you parents say you understand how much d sucks, that it "hurts you too" but while you wake up with us at night, count carbs and run numbers with us,get stupid comments just like us, you don't have diabetes. You don't watch other people eating and know you should sit out of this snack and be a 'good' diabetic. You can eat food, no one will know, if we eat without bolusing, or even eat something that's just hard to bolus for, you will know. its not your fault it's just true.

    ok I'm done defending him=)

    I saw he was on the pump fr a bit but went off it, I assume he hated it? you might want to try it again, since your son is lying to you the history feature on the pump might be useful, you can see when and what he bolused. also if you havent done so I would tell him your looking at his meter, other wise your spying. I hope you guys work things out!
     
  5. Mrs. Russman

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    Thank you Pianoplayer4, us parents do need a teen perspective, especially one that isn't emotionally involved.
     
  6. jcanolson

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    Just chiming in to say that with my dd grazing last night and ME bolusing, the fat spike had her hitting 357 about 6 hours later. Two hours out she was 80, and then started to head to the moon about 3 hours post Super Bowl snacking. Party foods are hard!
    The lying and not checking are a definite problem though. When our endo noticed some missed boluses, she recommended treating it like any other chore that isn't done. What happens if he doesn't take out the trash or do an assignment for school? There are consequences. Kids don't understand the long term implications of their actions (usually), so there needs to be some short term consequences to show the importance.
    I'm sure many will blast that idea, but it made me think.
     
  7. Christopher

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    You may find this helpfull:

    http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com/video/JoeS2.htm

    As for the "diabetes free night", I personally don't like the idea. It is almost like a denial that he has an illness. "We know you have this disease and it sucks, so we are just going to ignore it for one night." It would probably feel great to ignore it, and then going back to the routine would just magnify the difference between having diabetes and not having it.

    As for how to deal with the repeated non-compliance, I am kind of with Carol. Set clear expectations on his behavior, like you would any other behavior, and if he does not meet those expectations, give him a consequence like you would any other behavior.

    Or it could work out fine, I have no idea. Good luck with whatever way you choose to go.
     
  8. KatieSue

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    We went through a spate of lying about numbers at night, because she didn't want us to wake her up at 2 to test. We had to stress again how important it was to tell us what's going on good or bad.

    The other thing I've tired to do lately is to praise more and blame less. She said to me a while ago that I only comment on the negative. So I've made an effort to make sure I comment on the positive as well. And when she is high/low instead of my first comment being "what did you eat?". I try to emphasize correcting rather than blaming (it's done now anyway). Not saying don't address it - but not at the time when I'm annoyed. Later when we can have a rational chat.

    And honest she gets with her friends and she gets diabetic amnesia. For the most part she will bolus but testing goes out the window. One night she ate a bag of marshmallows and forgot to bolus. That's when we found the HI reading on the meter.

    I've also tried, which does seem to help some. To say to her ok this isn't working. What can I do to help you manage? Would text reminders help? Things like that. She still calls me the diabetes police but her A1C is pretty good so she does do most things right.
     
  9. Helenmomofsporty13yearold

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    I know how you feel. We jump right on that guilt train when we see behaviours and numbers like that. I think what you are seeing is pretty normal behaviour for a type 1 teen. I think most teens are so into the present moment and concentrating on the things they are interested in, that they genuinely forget. You would think that the high numbers would make them feel lousy and that would be a reminder, but it does not always work that way. Again, they have better things to think about. How is testing and bolusing supposed to compete with such a close Superbowl game, good food and friends?

    I honestly can't figure out if DD is lying about not testing or she just can't remember if she did or not. All of us going through peri-menopause and menopause know exactly what hormones can do to a memory, yet we still expect our teens to never forget.

    It does help to have consequences for not following orders. I find the easiest and most timely consequence to carry out is threatening to withhold some favour she wants of me (as she always wants something). It is reasonable to me that she should respect my requests if she wants me to respect hers.
     
  10. Madisonsmom

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    This is what we are dealing with right now as well. I came on here to ask about the same thing...I know after all these years this sucks and wears on our children.....I just wonder how to get her back on track...she says she does not tell me because I get mad and that is why she lies about her numbers..We loaded her numbers online and she only had two in her range for two weeks..I have no clue what the answer is anymore...I do try and praise her for doing a great job because I realize its a huge task...But as with any teen all they seem to hear is the bad we say...
     
  11. Amy C.

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    I never ask my son what his sugar was. He doesn't remember. I just look at his meter. If all is well, i don't say anything. If something is off, i might ask a question or two.
     
  12. TheFormerLantusFiend

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    Did he feel low at some point? Sometimes I treat lows without testing, if I'm pretty sure based on symptoms.
     
  13. Mrs. Russman

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    Turns out we had a lot more going on then not testing and lying about it. I just thought I was furious. Friends mom called me this morning, to find out the boys were in their liquor cabinet Saturday night. All handled very calmly and matter of factly, but very decisively.
     
  14. Connor's Mom

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    Oh yikes alcohol too? I have no advice but, keep him open to you. Let him know the dangers of not testing if he drinks. It will happen again and the best you can do is give him the information and lock him in the tower until he sees things your way;).
     
  15. VinceysMom

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    Welcome to MY world, too! Says he tests, texts me a number, that number is no where in site... Very stressful and I was furious too. I told him he thinks he is going to move out someday? ha! I told him he is NOT moving out unless he learns how to take care of himself! UGH! SOMEDAY he will grow up and get it, that is my HOPE. you are not alone in this, I think they just want to be left alone and be with friends and not have to deal with "checking", etc. Vince's friends told me he ate Subway, Vince denied eating, but when Vince wasnt around, I asked his friends "did you actually SEE him eating it" yes, they did. i speak calmly with Vince, and tell him I know you lied, BUT.... very very very frustrating. Not sure what the right thing to do is.
     
  16. MrsBadshoe

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    I find I just back off and let it roll. I just ask if they tested and believe what they say. If they are high numbers I just ask them to correct. I've found the more I clamped down demanding to be told all the numbers was when my kids especially my dd started making up numbers. When I didn't give the numbers power or meaning then life when much much better.

    Drinking would have been a different story. We have talked openly for years about the dangers of diabetes and drinking. Fortunately, my oldest was on medication from childhood that really would be dangerous for her to drink as well....so the household has always been ahead of the curve as far as staying away from alcohol. I would definitely have consequences for the drinking; which wouldn't have anything to do with D.

    YDMV but taking a back seat to the parent of a teen has worked for both the kids in our family. We stay involved but they manage it. If they screw up the screw up; if they eat and forget to bolus they are going to feel like crap and we try to let them learn a cause and effect of not staying on top of sugars and food.

    Good Luck.
     
  17. Bigbluefrog

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    It is challenging being a parent of a teenager then add diabetes into the mix and we got our hands full.

    You are not alone with keeping your teenager focused on D care. I agree with diabetes burnt out, at times our kids just want to be like everyone else.

    In high school my daughter started to be sneaky with testing in her back pack and sneaking food so she would fit in more. I don't think she is shy with her D, she just gets frustrated about explaining it.:cool:

    I definitely disagree with the night off of diabetes, this is not a disease to mess around with. One day without insulin could be dangerous and harm them. Our goal is to keep them healthy. Sometimes tough love is needed and if they are lying and hiding stuff that is a warrant for discipline in our house.

    If my daughter has a high blood sugar I don't make a big deal out of it. Teens have growth and adrenaline hormones that make it a challenge to maintain in range numbers. As long as she is trying to do her best, we try to be supportive for her even on the tough days.

    Kudos to you for catching that 400, those high numbers scare me.

    Hang in there!!!:cwds:
     
  18. Joretta

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    I totally get the frustration, the teen side, the burn out. But a free night could do harm. Do I get a free time to drive as I please no. Why because I could harm myself and others. Diabetes is no different it sucks at times (most), but my daughter must take responsiblity as in driving. One night off has way to many ifs in my house just like others rules children learn to follow as they get older. Someone gave me his advice. While it is hard and I do get he needs to learn to care for himself or turn over the care and give up independence. When my daughter went through this awhile ago or regresses this is a childs choice or a frustrated parents wish either way they need a bteak but not from care. Grown ups do what needs to done kids take a break by handling it to the adult for them. Either way our kids bodies should notnot get a nigut off just their brain.
     
  19. tbcarrick

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    In our house we've recently changed the rules a bit.Seems to be going better.I don't know if because I've been better or he'll be 16 in May and he really wants his permit.But,It's been working all the same..
    before he gets his phone,xbox,computer,anything he wants to do..
    he must take care of business(thats what we say)..in the morning if he's not down in time to test before the bus comes,no xbox when he comes home.if he wants to go somewhere with friends or whatever,he has to test and get his dbag together or he can't go.We like for him to test and bolus while he is out,but sometimes he doesn't..I just try to not say anything negative,get him to take care of business and move on..I'm really starting to take the emotions out of the process,and he seem to be more inclined..In the last 2 weeks,he has tested at school,home,etc. most time without a word..good luck
     
  20. Tamara Gamble

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    I'm with MrsBadshoe. Honestly, we have been very lucky. That being said, we did have a period of about two weeks where our son was struggling about a year ago. We watched that video that's on this site about managing teens from Friends for Life. We meet Fridays, stay involved, but only where we feel we need to be. He handles it for the most part. Friday, we want to see his logs, run his dexcom, and we will sit and discuss what we need to do to help him. We don't freak over numbers, there will always be numbers, privileges are removed if testing hasn't been done, logs aren't done or the like, because it's dangerous to him. I check his Omnipod at the end of each day just to see if I need to make any changes or he struggled but I try to keep my nose out of it as much as I can. He's 17, so at some point soon he is going to have to do it on his own, or he will fail to launch. The drinking, would definitely be a problem. It would be a problem whether or not he had diabetes though but particularly because he does. Growing pains, for all of us.
     

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