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feeling very alone tonight

Discussion in 'Teens' started by pianoplayer4, Dec 19, 2010.

  1. pianoplayer4

    pianoplayer4 Approved members

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    this will be my first christmas with d, and at my house this holiday has lots of traditions. most of them won't be affected by my d but Christmas was one of the few things that I can really remember not having to worry about d. I have always remembered Christmas without d and now that is going to change. its the only day that I really wish I could take a break from this stupid disease! I don't know if this makes sense but it feels like I'm the only person within 100 miles that has type 1 (I know of 2 more to be sure but I am not able to get in contact with them) I'd really like to go to a support group, just to get to know people who understand, but when we were in the hospital and they suggested it my mom and dad both seemed to not like the idea. I don't even remember last Christmas cause I was s sick! I have really great friends, and my family is so supportive, I know that it should be enough but its not. my numbers have sucked lately and I go to the endo tommorow, I just went on the pump like 2 moths ago and I havn't had a bad a1c since dx I know I will this time and I'm scared. I don't know what she's going to say. the worst part is that I'm doing it all right! I don't eat without bolusing, I test all the time and I'm really trying! yet I have had two cateract surery's in the past 4 months! its not fair! I've read about plenty of d people who don't take care of them selves and don't have any complications. its not fair. sorry I venting I know but it just feels like I'm all alone and none of my friends get it, they do try but I hope they never do fully "get" d cause it sucks:mad:
     
  2. LadyBug

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    i wish i'd seen this sooner!!
    it's totally understandable, no matter how much your family loves you and tries to make it easier, no matter how supportive your friends are, unless they actually have D, they won't understand the same way another D will, and that can be hard. i remember having 'melt downs' every few months for the first few years of D-living.
    D can make things harder, my first D christmas i was...400 i think it was in the morning from the excitement. you just have to deal with it as quick as you can and try to ignore it the rest of the time. that's all any of us can do, and it'll get easier over time to turn off thinking about D...of course, thinking about D in relation to things will also become more 'normal' to you.
    there really haven't been any kids around me, either, so i know how that feels. i usually end up being the oldest kid, oldest hand at D too, mentoring the younger kids, which can be draining at times. CWD is the best resource, the best place to come and talk and find friends. i've never found a better place, or had much luck over the years locally, but this is a great place:D. try talking to your parents about finding a support group, maybe after the holiday craziness has worn off. keep in mind, in the hospital, they'd just been told that their child had a disease, with no known cure, and as calm as they might have seemed, from talking to my mom and other parents, i know how shocked and...just absolutely reeling from it parents can feel.
    i find your A1Cs amazing, it's just so cool that you've managed to keep them that far down the first year. you may have gone up some, but keep in mind, it's the average of the last 3 months, and you've only been pumping 2. plus, your endo will probably be expecting a slight increase, it's just the nature of the beast when you change from one method to another. there's some trial and error, and that results in higher or lower BGs than normal, and she'll know that and understand[at least, she should].
    no, it's not fair. none of this is fair in the first place. i had toe infections for years that hiked my BG and ended in antibiotics, toe surgery, etc. no, it's not fun. but for us, this can be the cost of living. 100 years ago, we wouldn't be able to even be here, to have these problems, feel frustrated, learn, grow, change....as hard as it gets, remember, each day is a gift we've been given.
    these are some of my favorite quotes, maybe they'll make you feel a bit better/more hopeful---
    find these moments, and treasure them. i've written in a diary or journal since i was 12, and while the struggles have made their way onto the pages too, being able to go back to the good times has become such a priceless treasure.
    this is why i work so hard to raise money and awareness to find a cure...because, why not?!?
    He's got a lot of good quotes^. if we take care of ourselves today[which you obviously are:).], we can have a very, very bright future.
    And, because I love Owl City, I'm going to throw in this one-
    ^we are lucky, blessed to have this, to have time. embrace it!

    okay, so that was really long...hope it helped some:cwds:.
     
  3. kiwiliz

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    Pianoplayer - your idea of a bad A1c is my idea of heaven. You are doing brilliantly and have a really good attitude to life. Ladybug has written everything beautifully. Just ditto to everything said there. I hope you have a very happy Christmas. There are kids all over the world struggling away just like you. I have one in my house. You are not alone.:)
     
  4. WiscoJim

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    I'm in the same boat! Just smile and keep moving on.
     
  5. VinceysMom

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    This is my son (14 yrs) first Christmas with D too... I have read that when you begin pumping, it could take a while to get your numbers back in range... it is new, it's like beginning this journey all over again...and YOU are brave to do this... I am a wreck for my son to begin pumping, and look at YOU!!! You did it!!!!!!!!!! And please know, everyone's diabetes is different, you may suffer from cateracts, and someone else may suffer from something else ... We are all different...and our bodies react differently to everything....

    I sincerely hope you have a wonderful Christmas, and please know you are not alone... we are all here for you...

    Blessings to you for a peaceful Christmas... may you enjoy this Christmas as much or MORE than you have any other Christmas...

    From the North Coast of Cleveland, to you... Happy New Year too!!!

    Kathy
     
  6. pianoplayer4

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    thankyou all so much! it turned out that my a1c was fine(6.8) I'm really not sure how that happend but I'll just thank God.
    I'v been having a really hard time lately and this has helped.
    I believe in God, one God who created the world and everything in it.
    I believe He can heal anything/anyone.
    I believe He has a plan for me, for every one.
    So right now part of that plan is having d, it hurts that He has healed so many but not me.
    but I trust Him.
    that helps me alot
    my favorite saying is
    "God wouldn't put us through the pain if it was not worth the gain."
    its all about our witness and how we deal with the pain. If it brings you closer to God (in your relationship with Him) then great! if not, then maybe it was to bless someone else. He loved us enough to come here on CHRISTmas and to die 33yrs later for everything we did wrong then He won't hurt us for no reason.
    I honestly don't know how someone could survive d without this hope and its then only reason that i'm alive.

    again thankyou all for your posts. they really made me feel better:D
     
  7. LadyBug

    LadyBug Approved members

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    wow, that's an amazing a1c for having just started pumping!!
    having God does make it easier, doesn't it? i truly don't know how people who don't have Him pull it off.
     
  8. obtainedmist

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    There is spirituality throughout the world...and it doesn't come in just one package! Having a focus on something larger than yourself...whatever that might be...is the important thing. :)
     

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