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Feeling from the child to his Mom with T1

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by Manuel, Nov 18, 2016.

  1. Manuel

    Manuel Approved members

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    Hi! First, I have to say that this forum and all his members had been a great help and support. So thank you all!

    Now, my new concern!. My son is 2.5 years old, dx 5 months ago. His mother has T1 since she was 10.
    We have already used to the new routines and we have manage my son T1 well. The moment of the dx was a catastrophe, like for everyone here, we were devastated. I think we have recovered well, but as you know, diabetes always hit again when you think you can go on. So we have our ups and downs as a family.

    But, for my wife is been harder. Because she thinks that our son will have feelings of resentment toward her when he grows up. I know that there are families here in the same situation (parent and child with T1), and I was wondering if her fears could became true. Does the child begins to feel that it is his parent fault? Or is it the other way around? does he feels more understood by his parent with T1?

    We have talk a lot about it, and I always tell her that she will be an example. She was the first on his class in school, she graduated with honors (gold medal) from the university and made a good carrer and then created his own business after became a mother. And now she have two beautiful sons (we have a little girl of 6 months) and a great husband :glee:. So for me is a great example, but she can not get those thoughts out of her head.

    How was your experience?

    Thanks!
     
  2. MomofSweetOne

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    I don't have T1D but it's in my family. I was writing an email to someone expressing my guilt that she had inherited a genetic predisposition from me that she happened to read to read over my shoulder. She said, "You feel that way? Are you kidding? I have a GREAT life!" It really helped me.
     
  3. Mom2CNC

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    Hi Manuel-

    First off, I am sorry to hear of your son's DX.

    I am a mom that has been T1 for over 30 years. Yes, I do know the horror of having my own child diagnosed. My daughter was 6 when DX, and that was 5 years ago.
    I can honestly tell you that even though we have not fully entered the 'horrid teen' years, lol, my daughter has never once blamed me for the horrible misfortune of having T1. She gets down sometimes as any T1, sure. But I think she really looks up to me, which is good and bad. She picks up on any bad behavior or bad habits I may have. But also I am on my best behavior because I know she is watching every step I take. We are very lucky because she has a fairly positive attitude toward T1 and I think it helps her so much that I know everything she is going through. She is doing very very well at this point and her A1C is better than mine right now! I do tend to put her needs first. But that is the love of a parent- my kids always come first.

    That is not to say that someday she may feel differently and feel angry toward me. Every kid and every person is different. I do pray she will never 'blame' me, but I myself do have tons and tons of guilt. I do blame myself for her DX, but do not ever let her know I feel that way. I try to stay positive, upbeat, and supportive and it's helped both of us tremendously. We always say we are a team and it is our bond we will always share. As for my guilt, I think it will never go away.

    I hope that has helped a little :) Best wishes to your family and stay strong!
     
  4. Christopher

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    While I understand how your wife is feeling, I really think it is unfounded. Ask her to prove to you that she caused your son to have diabetes. She won't be able to. Since no one knows what causes someone to develop Type 1 diabetes, there is no way to know for sure if it came from her or not. Yes, there is a slightly higher risk of a child developing Type 1 if a parent also has it. But there are a lot of illnesses that have a potential genetic component, depression, cystic fibrosis, heart disease, cancer, etc. The only way to be assured you don't pass anything along is to not have children. Would she rather he was never born? I think it comes down to your overall outlook on life. Does she want to be the kind of person who worries and feels guilt about things that are totally out of her control? Or would she rather focus on the many positive things in life? To me, she should be more concerned about passing on a negative life outlook to your son than his Type 1. She needs to seek professional psychological treatment to get these feelings under control so they don't effect her relationship with your son.

    Good Luck!!
     
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2016
  5. DavidN

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    We all have irrational beliefs. My wife does stuff similar to your wife. I have my own baseless beliefs. Try this. Ask your wife who she blames for her T1D. She'll probably give you a blank stare, or say "my parents don't have T1D". Either way, I suspect she doesn't "blame" anyone. Your son most likely won't either. I'm sorry for your son's dx, but you are correct, he has a great T1D role model and I think that will be very beneficial along the way. Good luck!
     
  6. Manuel

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    Thank you very much for all your advises. I now she will go on and understand all this, but it could take her some time.
     
  7. sarahspins

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    I am the only T1D in my family.. I don't blame anyone for it, it just is what it is. I also had HLA typing for celiac done a while back and I carry two copies of BOTH DQ2 and DQ8, which means I'm at especially high risk and I can't blame just one parent if I ever did develop that, I'd get to blame both since they each gave me a copy of those genes :) (please not the sarcasm here - I really wouldn't blame them)

    I also carry Factor V Leiden but I don't know which parent I got that one from since I only carry one copy and my parents haven't been tested... but even if I knew which one I got it from (and for all I know, BOTH of them could carry it too) it wouldn't really matter.... because I really can't do anything to change it and it's not exactly like I'd go back in time and wish to not have been born. It has, so far, not really caused me any serious issues I am aware of - it may be possible to attribute the BRVO I developed last spring to it, but my platelets were also stupid high at the time (I was also severely anemic and my CBC was all kinds of insanely out of whack), so it's really hard to say for sure which was the cause, but it was diagnosed quickly, and resolved quickly, and I have no damage to my visual field. I know I have an increased risk of blood clots and stroke, but I also have the knowledge that I have this, and I'd rather know than not know - ignorance is not bliss :)
     
  8. MomofSweetOne

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    I posted earlier about my daughter telling me not to feel guilty. Since then, she's told me she'd feel guilty if she had a child develop it. I found the difference in her perspective interesting.
     
  9. rgcainmd

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    I think it's just par for the course as a parent to feel guilty about anything and everything negative that our children experience because, logic be damned, we "should" be able to protect our children. I believe we are biologically programmed to feel this way.

    For example, I did the 23 and Me + Promethease thing and discovered that I am level 4 (the highest) with a 15-fold (not 15% higher, but 15 times) risk of developing Type 1 at some point during my life. If I had known this, would I still have chosen to have my two wonderful daughters? Yes! But I still experience a guilt punch to my gut whenever I think about my genes. Even though my daughter does not blame me in the least.
     

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