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End of My Rope

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by rgcainmd, Mar 15, 2014.

  1. rgcainmd

    rgcainmd Approved members

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    Feb 6, 2014
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    I'm just so tired of doing this alone (and we haven't even been dealing with T1D for very long). My husband "retired early" about two years ago because he just didn't enjoy his cushy government job any more. I guess 8 whole hours a day with a guaranteed hour-long lunch was just too much for him. So I've been working 10 to 13 hours per day Mondays through Fridays plus 4 to 8 hours per day at least one day and sometimes both days on the weekends. I count the carbs, prepare the injections, keep every single blood glucose level and number of carbs for every meal and every snack and every single unit of insulin logged. I manage my daughter's T1D mostly via texts and telephone calls from my office. Despite the fact that I have to get up at 5:00 a.m. every morning to make sure my daughter is bathed, dressed, receives her insulin, eats, has her snacks packed for the day and gets to car pool on time, my husband has not once gotten up to do the 2:00 a.m. BG check. (And I've been up for half the night for the past 3 nights chasing lows). Sleep deprivation was no big deal during my internship and residency when I was in my thirties, but I'm fifty-freaking-five now, and it's taking a significant toll on my ability to function effectively and accurately. I just had a major meltdown earlier tonight after driving home (for over two hours in rush-hour traffic during which time I repeatedly slapped myself in the face in order to stay awake) from the diabetes center where my daughter had back-to-back appointments from 8:00 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. My daughter's endo told us we have to "be patient for a while longer" before she'll OK us for a pump because she needs to be sure that we have the hang of MDIs and keeping my daughter's BG in range. My daughter's A1C was FIVE POINT ONE today (and not because she had a slew of low BGs, either)! I guess that's not good enough... So my daughter and I finally arrived home and my wonderful husband ONCE AGAIN had dinner nowhere near ready. (Yes, my husband makes dinner; I don't get home until well after dinnertime 90% of the time). I have begged and pleaded and cried to him to please feed our daughter by 6:00 p.m. so she doesn't become hypoglycemic. Tonight he admitted that he doesn't get dinner ready by 6:00 p.m. because he doesn't believe that our daughter needs to eat on schedule "because the diabetes notebook says it's OK as long as there's 2-3 hours between insulin doses" which he has chosen to interpret as a minimum of two hours between meals with absolutely no problem if my daughter has a snack at 3:10 p.m. after school and then waits until he gets around to feeding her dinner at 9:00 p.m. He thinks it's OK to wait until the school is down to one test strip before he gets around to buying more "because she only uses one a day at lunch." My daughter was proud of her A1C of 5.1 today and told her father. His reply? "A1C ... do I need to go out to the pharmacy again to get one of those?" I am so tired of him telling me that I don't make enough money and that I should do more housework. I'm struggling to pay down the copay for my daughter's diabetes hospitalization because she spent five days in the hospital instead of the two days she needed to be stabilized (she was nowhere near being in DKA before admission) because they wouldn't discharge her until my husband learned how to accurately fill a syringe and give an injection (which took five days because he couldn't be bothered to show up for the diabetes care education because he was tired and needed to sleep in). The doctors made him promise to fill a syringe and give an injection at least once every other day in order to stay in practice in the event that he should have to administer glucagon. Number of times he has filled a syringe since my daughter's discharge: ZERO. Number of times he has given our daughter an injection: ONCE.

    I'm sorry for the rant and pity party; I know that a lot of folks have it way worse than we do. I just needed to vent before my head exploded...
     
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2014
  2. Cheetah-cub

    Cheetah-cub Approved members

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    **Hug** Managing your child's T1D is alot of work. Sorry it is ALL on your shoulders. Your husband is counter productive. Don't you wish you could just fire him. I hope you can get the Omnipod soon. It should make life easier.
     
  3. Nancy in VA

    Nancy in VA Approved members

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    Sorry to hear that things are so hard. Unfortunately, it sounds like this has little to do with diabetes and more to do with roles in your marriage. I think that you need some counseling to redefine roles in your marriage since he's at home and you are not. Then you can discuss the nature of his role in diabetes management. It sounds like you are being the typical "mom" - all of us who MAKE SURE it gets done because no one else will. That doesn't work when you are working so many hours and hubby is home - you need a renegotiation of your roles at home, and that INCLUDES diabetes management.
     
  4. susanlindstrom16

    susanlindstrom16 Approved members

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    So sorry you are dealing with this! Can I ask what your husband DOES do since he is retired and putting all of this on your plate? You need to get some help from him ASAP. I can relate to doing everything on your own, its hard. My husband is actually very involved in her care, but he travels for work constantly so most of the day to day falls to me. As Nancy said, you guys need to have a discussion about your roles in all of this. It sounds like he has no clue. Maybe you should show him your post.
     
  5. mamattorney

    mamattorney Approved members

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    I can just feel the anxiety in your post and I am so sorry. I do agree that this is so much bigger than diabetes, but I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't know. Vent away!
     
  6. hawkeyegirl

    hawkeyegirl Approved members

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    Wow. I'm really sorry that you're dealing with all of this. I guess I have two concrete suggestions for you: (1) Find a different endo. I mean, really. You're an MD and you seem to have a very good grip on D care. There is no reason you need to wait for a pump if you and your daughter are ready. (2) Seek some counseling. If your husband won't go with you, go alone. I know the point of your post wasn't to tell us the good things about your relationship, but the entire time I read it, I thought, "Why is this smart, successful woman putting up with this crap?" In other words, what are you getting out of this marriage? If you're going to do everything anyway, at least maybe you could do it without him sitting around on his ass criticizing everything that you're doing.

    So sorry you're going through this.
     
  7. Sarah Maddie's Mom

    Sarah Maddie's Mom Approved members

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    Sep 23, 2007
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    It's been my experience that any "crisis" in a family tends to exacerbate existing behavior rather than change it. Whatever division of labor a family had before dx tends to determine the post dx allocation. Sadly.

    My only advice is not to let this go on too long - the more you learn, the more intuitive your D skills become the harder it will be for your husband to catch up and the more frustrated you will be by his ignorance.

    It also goes without saying that it's a terrible message for your daughter to see that the most important man in her life refuses to side with her in accepting and integrating her dx.

    I hope you can get some help and knock some sense into him. Good luck.
     
  8. coni

    coni Approved members

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2006
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    Is your husband suffering from depression? He sounds like my ex-husband.

    Is the behavior new or just worse for you now because of the diabetes care workload?

    You're right, you can't keep this up.
     

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