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Eilish's Powerpoint, etc

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by MelStan, May 5, 2011.

  1. JackyH

    JackyH Approved members

    Jan 7, 2010
    Her work is so beautiful, I was sobbing my heart out on the bus as I read but I didn't care. She was an extraordinary little girl, I would love to have known her. It is nice that you have these beautiful memories of her. I wish there was something we could say or do to help you through this. Thank you so much for sharing your lovely daughter with us.
  2. Darryl

    Darryl Approved members

    May 8, 2008
    How amazing and thoughtful for a kid her age... I think her writings ought to have a permanent place at the top of this forum.
  3. MelStan

    MelStan Member

    Jan 5, 2007
    thankyou all again..

    Darryl, that was a really nice thought..thanks.

    Oh how I miss her :'( It's just unbearable.
  4. thebestnest5

    thebestnest5 Approved members

    Aug 16, 2006
    So young and so talented! The photo with her little sister is so precious; truly one of the most beautiful photos I have ever seen.

    I am so sorry...it's so unfair!!!!!
  5. dejahthoris

    dejahthoris Approved members

    Jan 28, 2011

    Woman of the Future - by Eilish O'Brien

    I am a child. I am all things of my past.
    I am the discordant echo of my Grandfather's guitar
    and the peaceful blue of my parents' eyes.

    I am all I see
    The silk black fur of a border collie, the transparent streetlights,
    a pale blue sky blotted with veins of white

    I am all that I hear
    Rhythmic thuds of a bass guitar, the soft whistle of the wind.
    Careful footsteps of the cat on the pavement.

    I am all I feel
    I feel the wind nipping my legs. the heat of the fire
    after it's tentative flame, and the chills of running water.
    The cold steel of guitar strings. Soft fur of my tortoise shell, Suzy.

    I am all that I remember
    My Grandfather's warm smile, his helpful hand as I struggled
    to find the chords. Joey's faithful bark in the still night.

    I remember.
    I have learnt your friends mean well, and to never forget.

    I am all these things
    Like a bass guitar that ocassionally is out of tune, but finds it's sound in the end.

    I am a woman of the future.
  6. Brensdad

    Brensdad Approved members

    Dec 27, 2005
    I hope that she's wall-papered Heaven with her beautiful words, and filled the Angels' ears with the joy of her beautiful spirit.

    Last edited: Oct 19, 2011
  7. MelStan

    MelStan Member

    Jan 5, 2007
    thank you dejahthoris, that was kind of you :cwds:

    And thanks Nick - she really was talented, all bias aside :cwds:

    It's been the hardest year of my life. I feel like I should say something uplifting and positive, but I just don't feel that way.

    She was a kind, sweet kid with an incredible sense of humour, very clingy at times, passionate, verging on obsessive :) hormonal and becoming very good at slamming doors, but so so funny..did I mention that? And we rubbed each other the wrong way badly at times, but how I loved her..

    She loved playing imagination games with Ella, and they played rough (this is a really mild version of some sort of 'interrogation' game. NB: these games were always played using an american accent :p not sure what that's about)


    And playing bass, first public performance (I was amazed at how cool she was about it) She'd been learning Grade 1, and had taught herself this song using bass tab on the internet. She told me afterwards that she almost started laughing when she glanced into the audience while she was playing, and saw one of the ladys had fallen asleep. She thought it was hilarious :D

  8. MamaC

    MamaC Approved members

    Dec 9, 2006
    Oh Mel, you feel how you feel. Never mind the "shoulds."
  9. Beach bum

    Beach bum Approved members

    Nov 17, 2005
    Hugs to you.
  10. Becky Stevens mom

    Becky Stevens mom Approved members

    Oct 14, 2008
    Oh Mel:( What a sweet child she was. Thank you for sharing those videos with us. I love listening to her play bass:cwds:
  11. MamaBear

    MamaBear Approved members

    Jul 20, 2010
    I have to agree.

    More hugs to you and your family.
  12. Lee

    Lee Approved members

    Oct 5, 2006
    There is no timeline and I don't think there is anything uplifting. I am still so angry for you and your family - angry and heartbroken. Type 1 is pure evil.
  13. MelStan

    MelStan Member

    Jan 5, 2007
    Thank you guys, you're always so supportive..I REALLY appreciate it :cwds: People over here (not sure if people everywhere are the same) mostly act like nothing has happened when they see me, apart from the SUPER cheerful greeting they give me, and it makes me feel like I'm supposed to respond in a similar way. I refuse to. I just want someone/anyone to approach me, maybe offer a condolence, and ask me 'how are you doing?' and be prepared to hear my honest answer. It doesn't seem to be the way most people work though. Ok, that ended up being a vent I guess :eek:

    Yesterday sucked. But of course it was always going to. I had wondered if I might manage to distract myself by doing ordinary everyday things, and keeping busy enough to keep my mind off what the day represented, but no, I wasn't able to.
    Eilish is a year away from me now.
    Another grieving mother talked about that during our early days on this 'journey', and I really get it now. Every month that goes by is another month away from the last time I was able to hug her, or tell her I loved her, and sometimes that can make me feel pretty hysterical.

    The other thing that has been high on the horrid list, is the weather - Spring, beautiful sunny days, birds singing, the smell of flowers, and so on, all represent the most awful time of my life now, and are the most powerful emotional trigger. I never realised that would be the case.

    A week or two ago, I was alone, pottering around the house, and could feel myself plunging into extra deep depression, and I wasn't sure what had triggered it (haha, that's funny!) until I realised it was because I had the windows open, and the breeze was blowing into the house, and the smells of Spring, etc. I closed all the windows as soon as I realised that was it.

    And I was walking to the car the other day to take Ella and a friend somewhere, and I caught a whiff of some flowers..I felt like I had been kicked in the gut, and it took my breath away. (It was a hot, sunny day the day we buried Eilish and I remember the funeral director commenting about it being a beautiful day, on the way to the cemetary in the hearse, and telling me that she's had funerals on some terrible days. Ha! yeah, it's great to bury your child on a lovely sunny day :rolleyes:) And there goes another vent apparently..

    And so now so many things I used to take pleasure in, are just incredibly painful to me.

    Anyway, thanks for letting me spew forth..this turned into quite a vent :eek: And thanks for the support as always :):):)
  14. Connie(BC)Type 1

    Connie(BC)Type 1 Approved members

    Nov 11, 2005
    Love you guys Mel, always thinking about you. HUGS across the ocean!
    You're allowed to vent whenever you want! It's your right!
  15. MamaBear

    MamaBear Approved members

    Jul 20, 2010
    From my experience with loss, people DO work just that way in other places, here in the US anyhow. People tend to want to ignore the anniversaries. They don't ask how you are because they are afraid it will remind you what day it is (as if you could forget) and if you are reminded, you may cry and they are afraid they won't know how to react. For people who have not experienced what you are going through, it's VERY foreign, it's very scary. And there are other less sensitive people who think that after a few months you should have just snapped out of it. :rolleyes: But for the most part, I think people do mean well. They just truly do not realize how badly you are hurting and how badly it hurts that they do not ask.
    You are not required to respond in any way you think they might want you to. You don't have to pretend to be fine when you feel like breaking down. Hugs to you.
  16. PixieStix

    PixieStix Approved members

    Sep 22, 2007
    Thinking about you & your family & Elish. She was obviously a very special young girl and I am sure this year has been rough. Hugs to you.

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