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Education for Ex Husband's New Girlfriend

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by True Faith, Jan 14, 2011.

  1. True Faith

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    Hi everyone - I haven't been on in a long time but have a situation that I hope someone else out there has been through before. My ex husband and I have been divorced since 2009 and since that time he has been involved with a few different women. He has never asked about having one of them be involved in our 4 year old daughter, Shelby's care before. However, he has now moved in with his current girlfriend and is pushing me to allow her to be trained on testing Shelby and giving her shots. I have never met his girlfriend and neither has Shelby. I believe her father just moved in with her a couple weeks ago. I told him I would not agree to it at this point since we do not know her and I feel it is putting Shelby's life in a stranger's hands. I guess I also don't understand why he is pushing this so much because I feel if it is his weekend to spend with his children, he should also be the caregiver. I know that his girlfriend will need to be educated at some point if they stay together, but I really feel that we should all get to know one another first. There is much more to taking care of a young child with diabetes than finger sticks and shots. I can sometimes look at her and know she's low or see how she's acting and know she's high. I guess I am just very afraid for Shelby. I think of her and what she has to deal with on a daily basis already and then to have her father pretty much turning her over to a stranger is just frightening. I don't think it's asking too much to allow some time for Shelby to get to know his girlfriend and vice versa before having her trained. Can anyone give me suggestions or advice?
     
  2. KatieSue

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    I'm also divorced and my daughter is older so mostly takes care of herself but personally if this person is going to be involved in her life, even if it's just weekends, I'd want her to know what to do.

    Yes her father should be the caregiver but what if he runs to the store or something? I'd feel much better knowing the other person in the house knew what to do as well.

    Plus in my personal situation her dad seriously has no clue. Not a single drop of information in those three days in the hospital seems to have stuck in his brain. He told DD to treat a low with more insulin once :eek:. So actually I'd be very happy if there were to be another adult in the household that I could train who might have a clue.

    Maybe if you thought of it more from the perspective as this person isn't a girlfriend but a room mate would that make a difference in not wanting to train her?
     
  3. True Faith

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    Thanks for your reply. It's not that I don't want her to be trained though, I just think it may be a good idea for them to at least know each other somewhat before she is involved in caring for Shelby so they are both comfortable with one another.
     
  4. thebestnest5

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    It sounds like a proactive approach to have the woman trained on T1. Most people don't understand T1, and it is likely that this woman doesn't know much about T1.

    As far as meeting your child and having a relationship, that is something different than having someone know the basics of T1.

    What if there is an emergency and your ex is unavailable for your daughter at the moment? It would be good for the girlfriend to know about T1, since she is living with your ex.
     
  5. Amy C.

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    Teachers are trained on the diabetes management before they meet the child. I trained my son's sitters before he really knew them -- it was part of getting to know them.

    You are probably better to train the girl friend than you ex would be, since you know more, but it seems a little odd because of the relationship you both have/had with your daughter's father.

    Why can't he train her?
     
  6. True Faith

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    I think you are right and you provided some good insight for me. I think it's just hard for me to think about trusting someone I have not met with her care. Shelby's health is my primary concern and I definitely wouldn't want her to be in an emergency situation where her father isn't around and his girlfriend couldn't take care of her. Thanks for the advice!!!
     
  7. True Faith

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    Her father offered to train her, but in all honesty I am not comfortable with him training her and neither is Shelby's endo. Her father really hasn't been around that much. I'm not sure if they would agree to me training her either so it would probably be best if she just went to the same training that my ex and I did. The only thing that they may not like about that is the cost. It's $161.06 for 30 min. Yikes!!!
     
  8. Christopher

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    Why wouldn't they agree to it? Whether they like it or not, this is your daughters health (and possibly life) you are talking about here. You are all adults and everyone needs to put aside any personal issues they may have, act like responsible adults and do what is best for the child in this situation. Just my humble opinion.
     
  9. Lisa P.

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    I would not want to put the diabetes care of my child in the hands of someone I had never met. This would be the same if it were a new girlfriend to my husband, a roommate to my husband, a teacher, a coach, even a nurse.

    I would also be reluctant to remove the responsibility for your daughter's care from her father's shoulders while she is in his custody.

    If he needs to run to the store he can take his daughter with him. Just like I take my daughter with me when my husband's at work. If he chooses to leave her with his girlfriend, we live in a world of cell phones.

    I'd set a date -- if things remain this way in one month, revisit the question of training the girlfriend. Until then, recommend the Hanas diabetes book, the Using Insulin book, and the Think Like a Pancreas book to her. She can read them in the intervening month if this is important to her and if she comes to you for training already very knowledgeable training will be easier and you will have more confidence in her.
     
  10. Serenity's Mom

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    You're right.

    Your concerns are valid. Your daughter needs to be comfortable with this woman before she is comfortable with getting shots from her. If they haven't even met, you're husband is jumping the gun a little. I would suggest telling him that his girlfriend needs to meet your daughter a few times first and then either you will train his girlfriend or they can pay for the class.
     
  11. Lee

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    Unfortunately, you do not EVER, legally, have a say as to what happens in your Ex's house. So you need to decide - should I put in the effort to make sure this woman can take care of my child - or should I be stubborn and make her wait to get trained?

    What is the benefit of you training her? She learns directly from you, and you have a chance to get to know her a feel more comfortable with the care your child is receiving.

    What is the benefit of you not training her? Absolutely nothing.

    Hopefully they will agree and allow you to go over and provide her with some training.
     
  12. Lisa P.

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    Wow, is that true? I guess if mom says a person can't treat her kid, dad can say she can and that's parental permission?

    Never would have even thought of that.

    Very reasonable advice, then, of course.:cwds:
     
  13. Lee

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    It is true - unfortunately - if he has visitation rights and/or joint custody, if the Mom withholds the child, she is actually breaking the law and he can call the police and enforce visitation, and she could possibly even be sent to jail.
     
  14. Belinda

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    I'm currently in the same situation of care for my daughter when she is with her father. I'm persuing some changes in the parenting plan that will change visitation for both my daughters. I do have it in may parenting plan that my ex or myself can not have a girl/boy friend spend the night while having custody of the children. The court here will impose restrictions on my ex if it's for the best interest of the child, for instance, my ex is required to allow my daughter to attend her soccer games on is weekend, otherwise beheld in contempt.
     
  15. Seans Mom

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    You always have a legal say in ANYONES house if your child is being neglected or abused. Neglecting to care for your childs health while in your custody can get custody revoked or require visit supervision.
    However, I don't see that wanting his live in gf to be trained on caring for your daughters diabetes while she is in their home would be neglect in any way, shape or form.

    My advice, put aside the relationship issues and put your daughters safety first, the more ppl who know how to care for her properly the better off she'll be. If they don't want you to do it, let them pay for classes. JMO.:cwds:
     
  16. Lisa P.

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    As an adult, I would never allow a person that I had never met before that was not a professional inject insulin into me.

    I don't know why we'd feel otherwise about a child. I would not want my child to feel she had to subject herself to being injected with a potentially lethal substance by a stranger simply because that stranger was moving in with her father. If nothing else, this is a personal space issue.

    I have seen no indication that this is about a relationship problem between the adults.

    However, I fully believe there may be no protections for the child in this case. If my husband (we're married and in the same house) decided to go grab someone off the street, bring him or her in, and have him give my daughter an injection, I doubt I'd have legal recourse to stop him, either.
     
  17. Bigbluefrog

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    Touchy situation, with it being the new girlfriend and x.

    I would try my hardest to put the safety of your child first. I believe teaching her the basics could be life saving for your 4 year old.

    And I agree it's tough when you don't know the person.

    Basics .....print outs, suggest her reading a book on it.

    Let us know how it works out, :cwds:
     
  18. Serenity's Mom

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    So True!


    This is so true! I always want my daughter to be comfortable with who is injecting her. She's lost enough control over her own body!
     
  19. True Faith

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    Hi everyone - I just wanted to give an update...my ex and the girlfriend have already split. :eek: I am praying he takes his time getting involved again and thinks before taking both of our girls around whoever he is with until he really knows that person...
     
  20. Lee

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    Good luck with that :rolleyes:

    (rolley-eyes pointing at men)
     

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