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Do they ever forget?

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by Mommy To 4, Mar 15, 2012.

  1. Mommy To 4

    Mommy To 4 Approved members

    Sep 17, 2011
    My DD is 6 and has been diagnosed for about 6 months now. We just got through a 45 minutes cryfest over the fact that she doesn't want to have diabetes anymore. She "just wants to play and have dinner or not have breakfast or have breakfast." She told me she misses not having diabetes. Is she ever going to forget what it was like to not have to live with this horrid disease? I am unbelievably sad for her right now.:(
  2. Timmy Mac

    Timmy Mac Approved members

    Feb 10, 2010
    I was diagnosed at 5, and I honestly don't remember much of my life before diabetes. Most of the memories I do have are either fun ones (like my first trip to the beach) or traumatic (like how I got this scar next to my eye) everything else is kind of just a blur. Diabetes has pretty much always been there.

    I'm not saying that I don't wish I didn't have it (I wish that more than anything) but I've just gotten so used to this stupid disease that I won't think twice about taking another shot for a snack.

    I still have my breakdowns, but I don't say I "miss" not being diabetic, I just say I want to be normal.
  3. Mommy To 4

    Mommy To 4 Approved members

    Sep 17, 2011
    Thanks for that. I truly hope that she gets to where you are. I don't know how to help her get there though. I would imagine that it is a bi-product of time more so than anything.
  4. Jaredsmom

    Jaredsmom Approved members

    Aug 15, 2007
    Jared was dx at the same age as you daughter and yes it does get easier. We were reluctant to start pumping but we wish we had started sooner, it made things so much better. Jared could eat when and basically what he wanted to with some restrictions. We do allow him to have regular soda but only when we go out and only with a meal. We do allow him to have candy with a meal on occasion and in moderation. We also allow him to have whatever treats at a party and just bolus for it. We do not allow him to drink soda at home except for an occasional treat and only diet at home, we as a family do not drink soda either , we drink bottled water and koolaide. I lost 35#s when we stopped drinking soda at home, even though all I drank was diet. As long as you let them have the treats in moderation and with meals they can still have them and it makes dealing with D alot easier for them.
  5. emm142

    emm142 Approved members

    Sep 7, 2008
    I was diagnosed at 14, so of course I remember a large part of my life in which I didn't have diabetes. However, what I actually remember is not 'not having diabetes'. I have a whole load of memories which don't feature fingersticks, insulin pumps, shots, highs, lows, etc., but in none of my memories is 'not having diabetes' the main feature. So whilst I do have memories which don't feature diabetes, I don't really think that it makes a difference to me. Whether I had memories of no-diabetes or not, I would still be able to recognise how it disrupts my life.
  6. mylemonadelife

    mylemonadelife Approved members

    Jan 3, 2012
    I was diagnosed at 7, like Timmy Mac I don't remember most things before diabetes. I don't always like that I do not remember life without diabetes. I think this is because I believe childhood should be carefree and Diabetes takes away some of this. What do I remember before diabetes? the day i got glasses, my first day of school, being on a soccer team with my brother, bike rides, hikes in the woods, caterpillar hunting, meeting some of the Green Bay Packers, gymnastics and dance classes. These are great memories that I am so glad to have!
    I don't remember not testing my blood sugar
    I don't remember eating without counting carbs
    I don't remember not taking insulin
    I can see these things as negative or as positive. However, I choose to look for the positive. I think you would enjoy this post I wrote Tuesday.
  7. denise3099

    denise3099 Approved members

    Jul 31, 2009
    What did you say when she said this stuff?

    Be sure to acknoledge that yeah this does stink and it's a real pain in the butt and it's not fair. Then mention that lots of ppl have stuff that's not fair. And it does mean you have to try harder to get the things you want, but Mom will always help with D so she can foucs on being a kid and having fun. Be super nice and understanding and acknowledge her feelings b/c she's so right.

    Also, she doesn't have to eat if she doesn't want to or can eat if she does. Be flexible. Give the lantus and give the apridra for meals and skipping a meal shouldn't be a big problem. So tell her, I know it's hard but I think we can be a little more flexible in our schedule so that you aren't so restricted. With a smile like this is a great solution.

    Lastly, RETAIL THERAPY!!:D A new meter case or D bag (not d-bag, but you know:eek: ) can go a long way toward cheering up a little girl. Make it fun. Put sticker on her stuff, on her meter and lancet, sew patches on her kit, buy stuff with great patterns, etc. Make sure her Med ID is super cute. A pink floral case goes a long way--that's why they make elmo bandaides. :p
  8. Sarah Maddie's Mom

    Sarah Maddie's Mom Approved members

    Sep 23, 2007
    I'll probably be accused of being "mean", but I don't think it's her job to "forget". I think it's the parent's job to make D as invisible and unobtrusive as possible.

    As has been noted, there is no reason why she can't skip a meal if she's not hungry or eat when she is. If your insulin regimen is forcing you to feed her or make her wait for meals then I'd strongly recommend you take that up with your D team.

    If, in your mindset it as, "life was good before diabetes, and now life is lousy so best forget the good old days" then I think you are setting yourself and your daughter up for a harder time than is necessary.

    Six months is a hard time, you're past the shock and just coming to terms with the permanence of the dx - maybe you can focus on not mentioning diabetes for a while? It sounds like your daughter is bright and articulate and she's probably highly sensitive to what you say and do - my advice is to look at yourself and the way your family is dealing and see if perhaps you can push back a bit against the tendency of all newly dx'd families to give diabetes too wide a berth.
  9. MomofSweetOne

    MomofSweetOne Approved members

    Aug 28, 2011
    I don't think you were "mean", but the first year of diabetes is so hard and this mom was just expressing her anguish. I know for me, the six month mark and one year mark were much harder than diagnosis. At diagnosis, we were relieved my daughter would live. At six months and a year, we were exhausted and facing the permanence of this condition. I think your response was harsh in light of the grieving process we've all gone through, even though I agree that how we cope as parents often sets the tone for how our kids do.
  10. Connie(BC)Type 1

    Connie(BC)Type 1 Approved members

    Nov 11, 2005

    Perfectly said
  11. blufickle

    blufickle Approved members

    Oct 4, 2011
    I was 5 and just started kindergarten when I was diagnosed. I missed a week of school. When I returned, the stupid teacher told my class I had a disease. My classmates didn't understand, so of course they asked their parents what a disease was. For the first month, month and a half, my classmates ignored me. This is 1965 and I was the only type 1 diabetic in a town of 5500 people. I eventually met my best friend and to her the diabetes wasn't an issue.

    We come to the first grade. I finally realized I was going to have to live with being a diabetic for the rest of my life. When diagnosed, I didn't understand what being a diabetic meant. I now knew I would have to test my urine every day of my life (thank goodness that part is finished :) ), I'd have to have a shot every day (I'm now up to 3 injections, sometimes 4), and I'd have to have the icky fruit and cookies (the diabetic fruit and desserts were really nasty tasting back then).

    I decided I wasn't going to go to school. I fought and fought not to go. My family doctor told my parents to contact my "diabetic" doctor. I saw him and he didn't help. So I was sent to see a psychiatrist. I had one session with him.

    Now, I don't remember any of those things. My parents told me all of this. The only diabetic things I recall are a few of my bad insulin reactions, that is what I call hypos. That is it for diabetic items.

    Non diabetic I remember:
    -Being picked to dance with my best friend in the 3rd grade.
    -Singing in the 5th grade and one of the boys falling off the bleachers.
    -Getting upset because I wanted to play the flute but I couldn't because my embrasure wasn't right, the director tried to make me feel better by telling me I could play any other instrument I wanted.
    -Marching in band and dropping my instrument.
    -Writing a paper and getting an A++
    -Having my junior high band director ask me if I wanted to receive a reward or give it to a friend.
    -Receiving the Awareness Test Award in the Miss Teen-Age Pageant at 16. Then learning I had the top score in the entire state!
    -Graduating from high school.
    -Living by myself.
    -Getting married.
    -The birth of my son then daughter

    Switching to using a glucose meter was probably the best day. I hated urine testing. I don't mind injection the insulin with the syringe. I have a FEAR of needles so I will not use the pump. I cannot stand IV's so the thought of any type of needle in my body for any length of time is too terrifying. I have no complications, so I do not see the need for the pump.

    The testing of my blood sugar and my injecting my insulin are just a part of my life, it is who I am. It isn't a big deal. I don't look at is as a problem. I believe there are worse diseases out there.... cancer, aids to name a few.
  12. Adrienne

    Adrienne Approved members

    Sep 8, 2011
    We are 7 months in, and my 8-year-old is getting to the point that she HATES her Lantus and begs me not to give it to her. She prays every day for God to take her diabetes away and asks Him why she has to have it. I tell her that having diabetes really, really SUCKS, but it's here and we have to deal with it. I sympathize with her situation.......it's not like I enjoy breaking her skin with a needle 4-7 times a day either. However, I try to let her talk about it, acknowlege her feelings, and move on. I agree with the previous poster that the shock has indeed worn off and now we realize we are 7 months in to forever. It is what it is, no matter how unfair. I'm sorry your little one (and you) are having to deal with this. However, I know that it makes me feel so much better to come on this site and be around other people who know exactly what this is like and are able to confidently say this too shall pass.
  13. obtainedmist

    obtainedmist Approved members

    Aug 3, 2010
    I understand that switching to the pump isn't possible for every family...but our experience is that it took a lot of the "difference" out of the day to day with D. For Molly, that was the single most important benefit of having the flexibility of the pump. She could sleep later, eat whenever, and have a more private way of dosing. Her attitude changed dramatically once she started pumping.
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2012
  14. hawkeyegirl

    hawkeyegirl Approved members

    Nov 15, 2007
    Same here. The pump gave us a lot of our "old life" back. The difference was remarkable.
  15. suz

    suz Approved members

    Feb 9, 2010
    My son was 5 when diagnosed, 2 1/2 years ago.

    He doesn't really remember much at all now from pre-D. Occasionally when looking at old pictures, he say "did I have D then?" That's about the extent of it for him.

    As others have said, your at that tough stage right now - reality is setting in that it's not going away, for both you and your daughter. It IS tough, but it DOES get easier.

    Just have to reinforce what others have said - she doesn't have to eat if she doesn't want to (unless she's low of course), make it fun - lots of cool stuff, bags etc..., and agree with her - Yes, it does suck and it isn't fair and we hate D, so how are we going to deal with that and move on with our daily life?

    Also, meeting other kids with D was a major boost for my son, it is soooo important for them to have friends who are going through the same stuff they are. My son loves his get-togethers with his D buddies. And so do I, it's nice to have mommy friends who 'get it'.
  16. Amy C.

    Amy C. Approved members

    Oct 22, 2005
    My son was dx'd at 3, is now 18, and doesn't remember life without diabetes. I barely remember it!
  17. Lisa - Aidan's mom

    Lisa - Aidan's mom Approved members

    Dec 3, 2011
    Hang in there {{hugs****!

    I always like seeing the posts from the older teens through the adults living with D for many, many years knowing that they went on to college, have kids, etc. - their stories are always calming to me. I love your list, Blufickle :)
  18. pianoplayer4

    pianoplayer4 Approved members

    Feb 13, 2010
    She might forget, but she'll always know that other people don't have to so the things she does.

    I was about to turn 15 when I was dx, and I don't even really "remember life without diabetes" because I didn't know anything about it, so I didn't appreciate what I had... I don't remember thinking " I dont have to bolus for this or know the carbs" because I never thought it, if you get what I mean.

    Everyone wishes that they didn't have diabetes ( at least diabetics do;) ) but for me it's like wishing that I could marry a prince and be queen one day, it could happen but I don't think it will.

    Hope that made sense, now I'm thinking I was just ranting because I'm tired and possibly completely off topic...sorry
  19. Mommy To 4

    Mommy To 4 Approved members

    Sep 17, 2011

    I told her that it is okay to not want to have diabetes and that it is okay to be upset. That we can't make it go away as much as we would like to. We talked about other kids and things that make them sad and things that they may have to deal with that she doesn't.

    We do have stickers on her bag and meter case. She doesn't want a new bag, she just picked one. But I was thinking about getting a spare Med Id so I think that we will get one picked out for her. Thanks for the idea.
  20. Mommy To 4

    Mommy To 4 Approved members

    Sep 17, 2011
    Primary insurance has approved her pump. Waiting for secondary insurance to approve their part.

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