- advertisement -

DD wants total independence, BUT...

Discussion in 'Parents of Teens' started by Helenmomofsporty13yearold, Mar 5, 2013.

  1. Helenmomofsporty13yearold

    Helenmomofsporty13yearold Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    702
    DD has been wearing a sensor the last couple of weeks, hoping I will never speak D-talk to her again. I am trying very hard, but after 9 years, I start Jones'ing if it has been too many hours without a comment or question.

    She totally trusts the Minimed Sof-sensor and is only testing to calibrate. She wants me to not do nightchecks as she is wearing the sensor. I finger tested her at 2am after a hockey game the first week she wore a sensor again and she was 2.2(40) with no alarm ringing. She had turned it off a couple of times in her sleep. Her response is "nothing happened to me".

    She is furious when I ask her if she has Dex or Smarties with her. I would love to stop asking, but there have been many times she has turned back to get them after I asked and just last week I drove to her school to drop off a reservoir and insulin that ran out. I never have to remind her to change her site anymore.

    Her numbers have been so much better (since our last endo visit with the not so good A1C), as she is trying hard, though she still refuses to log. She is a smart cookie, but still very much a teen and when her mind is stuck on a boy, D-management can take a back seat (hence the last A1C).

    Do I let go completely or bear the wrath a while longer? I meet young adults with Type 1 who say they wish they had someone to check them through the night. Mine thinks its too controlling.
     
  2. MomofSweetOne

    MomofSweetOne Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2011
    Messages:
    2,739
    My child is much younger, so I'm not speaking from experience but from what our endo team has told me when we're talked about the future. I've been told not to change how we're managing now as a team through the high school years, that as she's involved in more and more activities, she will be managing on her own while away from me but that I will still need to check the meter nightly and keep tabs on how she's doing. I asked if that level of involvement would set her up for failure going off to college and suddenly having everything. The response: "You will continue to carry the burden. You will not be done for many years yet. When she first leaves, you will call every day or two to check on diabetes and to carry the weight of decisions while she tests, counts carbs, and boluses. Allow her to focus on school and the huge transition like other college freshman while you carry the diabetes load. Gradually over the college years it will change, but the kids do best if their parents are involved into their early 20s."

    Again, I have a young teen, so no experience, but when these expectations were laid out for us, she acted as if a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders. I believe there is at least one research study backing this up. I'll see if I can find it.

    ***These weren't what I was searching for, but perhaps they are helpful? I found them interesting reads, at least.

    http://journal.diabetes.org/diabetesspectrum/00v13n2/pg88.htm

    http://www.medschool.lsuhsc.edu/pediatrics/docs/LSU%20Peds.%20Grand%20Rounds.3rdFinal.%207.18.pdf
     
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2013
  3. Helenmomofsporty13yearold

    Helenmomofsporty13yearold Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    702
    Thank you for those articles.

    DD is an extremely determined child (Capricorn). Her endo agrees with her and wants me to take on only what she will allow. She has no interest yet in ordering supplies, so that is still my job.

    She went to winter camp last month where there was no care and I was fine with her going as long as she wore a sensor. She is going on one of those school trips to Europe for much of the summer (her Dad's doing) and will be totally responsible for herself there. I am more OK with granting her independence when she is not on my watch.
     
  4. MomofSweetOne

    MomofSweetOne Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2011
    Messages:
    2,739
    What kind of logging are you expecting her to do? Just curious because I was a very careful paper logger on MDI until we started on the Medtronic integrated system and then I ceased logging. I used the CGM graphs more than anything, but the data was all in the charts for when I wanted to look at data. If she's wearing that and capturing events, is that good enough? (I'm having an adjustment to figuring out what sort of records I want now. I'm finding some info is in G4 and some is in the pump, but the bottom line is that if we aren't seeing too many lows, very rare 50s, and her A1c is good, logging is not a battle I will ever choose to die on because I'm doing it electronically myself.)

    That 40 in the night with a shut-off CGM alarm would scare me. How soon is her CGM set to realarm a low? I can't fathom how hard it must be to be at the point of almost completely letting go and yet finding that happening. Can you upgrade her to the Veo so that at minimum the insulin would turn off?
     
  5. MomofSweetOne

    MomofSweetOne Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2011
    Messages:
    2,739
    Does she forget because she knows you'll remind her? What about not asking, especially if she's with you & you have stuff without her knowing, but letting her get into situations where she's forced to MacGuyver as a teaching lesson?

    How often does the forgotten reservoir happen? Is it a habit or a rare event? Less than a month ago, my daughter and I both knew her reservoir needed filled before we were to leave for an event a couple hours away, and we still gapped it. I let her carry the game plan & she chose to forego carbs and lower her basal a smidge to make sure she had insulin to last until we got home rather than come home immediately. Last weekend we were over an hour from home with a pulled-out set because neither of us had remembered to restock her d-kit. Sometimes I think she learns more from our goof-ups than when we've remembered things perfectly and I'm thankful each time I can watch how she figures out a plan for solving it.
     
  6. nanhsot

    nanhsot Approved members

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2010
    Messages:
    2,626
    My son is 18, so we're just where you are. I remind him often that I am responsible for his well being as long as he is our dependent and I will be involved. I also tell him that I will totally trust him and let him own it so long as he earns that trust.

    So far he has. Surely he does have highs that I don't like, but he never forgets to bolus and he's responsible with testing. He rarely wears a sensor, which drives me craziest of all. We haven't logged in years. He refuses to enter BG or carbs into his pump, he swags everything, I don't even provide carb counts anymore. He looks at his food, enters random insulin, and amazingly does a good job. Is that how I'd do it? No! Does it drive me crazy sometimes, definitely. But as long as his A1C stays good, I stay out of that part of it.

    How did she handle the night low? My son doesn't wake me or otherwise inform me of lows, and only rarely asks me to test at night (it's been months actually). He wakes and treats. This part does make me nervous but it's part of the transition to adulthood. I don't really have any good input there, my son feels his lows strongly and I'll find the litter in the morning that tells me he had one (spoon with peanut butter on it and usually some candy wrappers).
    I buy huge jars of glucose and he keeps them in his truck, so anytime he's leaving the house I know he has at minimum a way to treat when he's out and about. He always keeps his sports bag stocked with pump supplies. He has been caught out without supplies a few times but pretty well macgyver'ed his way out (one time he blew insulin out of the tube into himself! He was 120 when he got home.)

    I guess my advice is to just stay calm and keep asking, remain neutral, do not engage in emotions. That's my advice with EVERYTHING related to teens, D doesn't really factor in. These are quite literally the toughest parenting years for me, the pushing away but the neediness at the same time. If she gets irritated when you ask, don't engage, just ask and go about your business. If she tries to engage, don't. When my kids were little I kept sane with the knowledge that my job was to provide adequate food and shelter, it was their job to eat the food. Same with teens, our job is to provide them with a safe home and shelter them into adulthood. It's not our job to make them happy or otherwise bend to their will.

    Parenting teens is hard, D or no D. Treat D just as you would any other safety issue in your home. I ask my nonD questions as she leaves the home just as I ask my D son...his questions just include "do you have your meter?" along with "do you need money" or whatever.

    Trust but verify. My personal teenage motto.
     
  7. pianoplayer4

    pianoplayer4 Approved members

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2010
    Messages:
    1,060
    mom... is that you?


    Alright, I didnt have time to read all the replies cause I'm in a hurry but I wanted to reply=)

    I'm a seventeen year old girl=) I wear an insulin pump and the dexcom 7+, I do all my own d care. The only times me and my mom talk about diabetes is when I've very low (and telling her in-case I pass out) or I have a question. Honestly we hardly EVER talk about it! this works for us, I have a very hands on attitude towards diabetes (of course I make mistakes, I often forget things like changing my set/resevoir before I leave the house and bringing sugar places with me...)

    It would drive me insane if my mom checked me every night... (on the dex, with no cgm it makes sense) Just saying.... I check myself if I need to (like last night when my bg was over 300 and I had to correct)

    I would sit your daughter down and have an honest conversation with her. Talk about what she wants you to do, (or not to do) and what you want her to do. Maybe say that you'll sit down together once a week and go over numbers together, or that you'll check her at night if she is above or bellow a certain number at bedtime. Maybe talk about ways you could make the dex alarm louder so that she hears it (I set the dexcom in a small metal box (like an altoids thingy) and put some change (and I think a few bolts... lol can you tell my dad is a contractor?) )

    Make a plan, come to a compromise...

    ETA- I dontlog, with the pump and cgm you can just download the information and veiw it on a computer... honestly logging is awful, have you ever written down exactly what you ate and how much for years on end... it causes emotional trauma and eating disorders... and encourages lying, the only time I ever lied to my mom about d was on logs, because I felt bad every time I ate=(
     
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2013
  8. Helenmomofsporty13yearold

    Helenmomofsporty13yearold Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    702
    We will be eligible for our free upgrade from our gov't plan this summer and a VEO is definitely our choice. Yes, it would have been much easier to stop walking into her room if this had not happened. She does not usually wake up from lows. I don't even know what the realarm level is as she and our Rep set all the parameters (another proponent of her being independent). The low alarm is set at 3.8 so it is not going off all day at school. I have asked her to raise it at nighttime, but she insists it is well set there.(
     
  9. Helenmomofsporty13yearold

    Helenmomofsporty13yearold Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    702
    Lots of truth here. She is much more trustworthy when I am not available at all. I don't find that she is the type that learns from mistakes. She lives so much in the moment. It is determination that drives her. For example, she wanted to go away to that winter camp so bad and prove to me she can handle it that she did a great job. I am glad I did not know ahead of time they would be skating on a frozen lake 5 miles out.

    I really appreciate your thoughts. It is helping me a lot to discuss this.
     
  10. Helenmomofsporty13yearold

    Helenmomofsporty13yearold Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    702


    Excellent advice. Thank you.
     
  11. nanhsot

    nanhsot Approved members

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2010
    Messages:
    2,626
    Oh goodness, let's not even add in parenting our parents! That adds a whole other level of stress.
     
  12. Helenmomofsporty13yearold

    Helenmomofsporty13yearold Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    702
    She is just becoming more hands on and more mature at 17. Honestly, I trusted her more when she was 9 than when she was 15 and 16. She has always been very knowledgeable. She has learned so much from attending many Type 1 retreats.

    We only have the Minimed CGMS in Canada which is hard to hear from the other room when it is under the covers. The low I mentioned in the original post I caught after I heard "Mom" in my dreams. It was not DD as she was sleeping like a log. Maybe, I did hear the low alarms before she turned them off and thus my dream. My alarm was set to check her in another hour.

    I love hearing your point view and I will try to "hop off" more.
     
  13. MomofSweetOne

    MomofSweetOne Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2011
    Messages:
    2,739
    Ugh. Whoever agreed to that low alarm is nuts! Especially since Medtronic can have differing alarms set for different times of the day and doesn't have to be adjusted each morning and evening like the G4. That 68 on Medtronic....let's just say that Medtronic doesn't read lows anything like G4 and I only saw numbers that low when she was lying on the sensor.

    I know teens are invincible but unfelt nighttime lows are nothing to take lightly (I know I'm singing to the choir). My sibling still has complications 25ish years later from fractured vertebra she suffered during her only seizure. I'll be glad for your sake when she is hooked up to the Veo.
     
  14. MomofSweetOne

    MomofSweetOne Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2011
    Messages:
    2,739
    :D My teen is much younger, but I had a much harder time leaving her at non-D camp last summer than I did the first year. Those hormone surges made her so spacey, and while the camp CNAs were great girls, they just didn't completely grasp the whole concept that she needed not to forget to eat carbs at bedtime after a day of activity and that reminding her on the way to her cabin was likely to be forgotten. (They were up during the night as a result.) This year DD is going to try to manage on her own with back-up at nighttime (in case she doesn't hear alarms or if the nights just get to be too rough) and with making a daily calls to me. It will be interesting to see how it goes. Quite honestly, I trust her D-decisions more than the camp staff, but she's only 13. We'll see how it goes...
     
  15. Helenmomofsporty13yearold

    Helenmomofsporty13yearold Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    702
    I will attempt to compromise me not checking at night for a higher low alarm. Can I pretend I am sleepwalking;)

    Thanks again
     
  16. Helenmomofsporty13yearold

    Helenmomofsporty13yearold Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    702
    We had crazy hormone surges too that finally stopped when she hit 15 and stopped growing for the most part. I found 1:30 am to be just as crucial as a 3am check. Aren't they all supposed to eat bedtime snacks at camp? DD used to get Vector cereal.
     
  17. MomofSweetOne

    MomofSweetOne Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2011
    Messages:
    2,739
    Not D-camp, just regular camp. Thus the lack of understanding of snack's utter imporance.

    We're still in the crazy hormone surges. One night this week she alarmed and I was feeling desperate to get her BG high enough to not realarm me. I gave her two juice boxes, expecting a high especially since I also dropped her basal. 30 minutes later she alarmed low....51.:eek: That ended my sleep for a long while. I am so thankful for CGM and temp basals at this age.
     
  18. MomofSweetOne

    MomofSweetOne Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2011
    Messages:
    2,739
    This sounds like a very wise strategy since they're more likely to wake to alarms if their BG is not already significantly low. We were also advised to have my daughter clip it to the top of the back of her pjs so that it vibrates and alarms close to her ear. We haven't focussed on that yet because I want her to sleep during these growing years, but as she prepares to move out, making sure she wakes to it will be a major topic of discussion/strategizing.
     
  19. MomofSweetOne

    MomofSweetOne Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2011
    Messages:
    2,739
    Getting the pump off her to run the graphs is the issue. She did promise to hand it over when this sensor is done. I would like to know if a high/low were related to food and carb counting or if she did not set enough of a lower temp basal for exercise, etc. I am pretty certain her "normal" basal pattern is well set.

    My daughter has no patience when it comes to being uploaded either, and before G4, I was wanting to do it every two days. I learned the best time/way to do it was to grab the pump while she was showering. Best of both worlds for both of us.;) And if even that's an issue, there's the matter that as long as you are footing even part of the bills, you get to see that your money is being wisely invested. Mine has already been told that as long as we are financing diabetes, we will be included in information asked for. Period.
     
  20. Helenmomofsporty13yearold

    Helenmomofsporty13yearold Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    702
    We had several 175 carb nights to bring up lows during that stage. Would you consider running her higher than usual at night, too. DD has needed 40% less basal at night at D-camp (they usually start everyone at 25% less) and 80% less at a D-retreat where she was crazy active.
     

Share This Page

- advertisement -

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice