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Dating w D

Discussion in 'Diabetes and College' started by Omo2three, Jan 16, 2010.

  1. Toni

    Toni Banned

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    Yes, I agree. But DN wears an insulin pump. Kind of hard to hide it. I also think medical issues should be discussed when/if you feel comfortable with a person and there are few I would feel that comfortable with. But wearing the pump puts you "out there" where you are asked questions, often by total strangers. DN feels most comfortable sticking it in a pocket of her jeans, and they are still large enough to be very visible, tubing also not tucked away. She often has to discuss it when she does not want to. Not dating yet, though, thank God.
     
  2. OSUMom

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    How about "It doesn't matter that I have diabetes, because it's great to know me?!!!" :D

    My ds son does not hide that he has type 1. Dating has not been a problem.
     
  3. Danielle2008

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    You misconstrued my words.

    I wouldn't say verbally..."Hi, yes, I have Diabetes. A serious health concern."

    However, anything that requires 24/7 vigilance, and can get in the way at times (I.E. Bret Michaels having a low on national television on The Apprentince), is more then what most people are used to.

    We ask for people to donate for a cure, and yet, we act like Diabetes is no more of an issue then brushing our teeth? I am sorry, but no, I don't get that.

    My life does not revolve around Diabetes, Diabetes tags along. However, yes, it is something I would want my SO to know long before we start talking engagement. That is just my opinion and my comfort level.

    I am perfectly content with how other people choose to handle their D in relationships. It is very personal.

    When it comes to hiding the pump, yes, I don't like that visible. I do keep it in my pocket, or in my dress socks while at work. You certainly find areas that work for it.
     
  4. Omo2three

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    Danielle, I have to agree with you, and Diabetes doesn't define you, but you define yourself and D is just something that is apart of you.
    I like your No big deal attitude. Your right D could be a serious health concern when your sick, active in sports, or overworked. You have a good attitude and have a diligence with D care. Kudos to you. I hope my dd will have a great year in HS and become more outgoing..
     
  5. someone

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    We could go on for days discussing HOW diabetes affects our lives. Of course it affects our lives and it's different for everyone. Personally, I like to make it as little of an issue as possible. Not talking about it, not telling people I have it and not taking advantage of special "privileges" are ways that I'm able to accomplish that goal. You're right, perhaps brushing teeth wasn't the best analogy but I was looking at it from a routine standpoint. Not taking into account the inconveniences of lows/highs, etc, I spend less time dealing with diabetes than I do with other basic hygiene.
     
  6. MHoskins2179

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    This is an intriguing discussion.

    Yes, diabetes is a personal decision. Discretion is each person's right.

    Being a Type 1 since age 5, I've never used diabetes as an excuse or requested "special privileges." If someone doesn't understand this chronic condition, I explain it. I try to educate them. Part of the reason that there's so much misunderstand and misconception out there about Diabetes in general is because people don't get educated - they assume incorrectly. That's why I strive to be an advocate, an educator.

    Diabetes doesn't restrict my life at all, and I'm about as open as you can be. Certainly, when I'm sitting in a courtroom I am not waving my pump or blood meter around. But I'm by no means trying to conceal it. If someone has a problem with that, that's THEIR problem.

    My mindset wasn't always the same as it is now, as I'm in my 30s. As a teenager, I was more discreet and tried to conceal it. I'd imagine it may be the case for those who haven't lived with it long, since childhood. But then there's others who may have lived with it for many decades successfully, and witnessed how things used to be. I'm not privvy to that, but am a historian and understand what the differences are.

    As far as discrimination: if you don't tell, and do encounter a problem, and then you're put on the spot for not disclosing it, that can put your job in jeopardy. However, if you disclose and it comes back to bite you, there are more than adequate remedies out there to handle these issues.

    On dating: especially in the college years, when it got serious, that's when I'd think about disclosing and educating. That's how it came about with the woman who I married. She's my partner in this, but it by no means defines our life together.
     
  7. Rukio

    Rukio Banned

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    I agree, most people would be very judgemental if they heard I had diabetes before getting to know me.
     
  8. Danielle2008

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    Well said, I agree.

    I certainly don't use Diabetes as an excuse or ask for special privileges because of it. There have been a few times I am stuck at work for 8 straight hours without so much as a bathroom break(I can't leave my desk unattended as I monitor our Hospital's Emergency line). Being open about Diabetes does not mean I expect a handout or special treatment. If ED is busy, and no one can get a break...I'll be going without one, too.

    You put it well. I, too, am not 'waving around my pump', but if someone notices, and says something I will explain it to them. If they 'get it' good for them, if they don't, oh well.

    Just the other day, I had my Dexcom receiver sitting out on my Desk, and a co-worker spotted it. He picked it up, and started pushing buttons(a whole different issue, he is known for grabbing things he shouldn't) and asked what it was. I joked that it was my MP3 Player, and then said, it is a CGMS(and quickly explained that it reads my BG). His response? "You're Diabetic?" I said yes. He said, "Oh, I didn't know that." He put it down, and we resumed normal conversation. Hasn't been brought up since, and he certainly doesn't treat me any different.
     
  9. emm142

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    Usually I just mention diabetes when it comes up. I never date people I'm not good friends with first, so they've all already known I have D. Generally my friends find out I have D when they see me check my pump or BG and ask what I'm doing... I'm happy to explain and I've never been judged for it. I feel more comfortable when people know. It is a part of me.
     
  10. Bigbluefrog

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    Still not dating, but becoming more outgoing.

    Most of her hs friends do know, and she is discreet about it.

    Diabetes does not define her.....she has grown so much since my first post.
     
  11. obtainedmist

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    My daughter got together with her boyfriend in the fall after her dx. He was over one day during the winter break and I was stressing about something to do with D and his comment was, "She seems to be dealing with it very well"...I could have just kissed him! He's just really great for her and has helped her feel like a normal 18 year old...and not a turn off for any potential relationship. I am so thankful that their relationship occured when it did and that he is such a caring and sensitive kid!
     
  12. Bigbluefrog

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    Sounds like a really nice guy.

    I hope my dd when she does date finds a guy who is caring and supportive.
     
  13. Grrrace

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    I could never imagine not telling someone I was dating about having diabetes! I cannot even recall a time where I concealed it! However, I have had it for a number of years, and I am no longer embarrassed and feel as though I have to hide it from others. Like others have mentioned. It is part of my life, it does not control me - however it is going to be visible. I do not hide the fact that I test my blood sugar in public, and I ALWAYS give myself shots in public. I try to be discrete, but if someone notices, and has an issue with it, I don't care. However, this has never happened in my dating life, and only once in my day to day life.

    Consequently, most people I have dated, including my current boyfriend, I have formed a friendship with beforehand. Therefore, telling them about diabetes has never really been an issue. I feel as though more issues can arise from not telling someone. For instance, if the rare occurrence where an emergency would take place sprung up, it is best for someone to know what to do, rather then to be in the dark. If they know off the bat and are unwilling to accept this fact in a mature manner, or if they give me a negative response I simply know that they are not worth my time! Luckily, everyone I have dated has been very intrigued more then turned away by it. :)

    I feel as though discrimination is a tough topic. I assume if someone gave me a negative response due to me having the illness, testing, giving myself a shot, what have you, it could be misconstrued as discrimination. However, the way you react to such a response also has something to add on to it. If you take comments to heart, and let yourself be forced into hiding your diabetes because you fear the way people will look at you, then you are only discriminating against yourself!

    From my experience, good men like strong, self aware partners! Women who are not afraid.

    Keep in mind, everything is my opinion, and people view things different ways. So please do not take what I say offensively!
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2011
  14. dejahthoris

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    Out

    My son is out with his diabetes. We don't make a big deal of it. He sometimes checks his bg or gets a shot when needed in front of friends at parties, church potlucks, youth group, etc. Some of the folks around are girls he has known for years before he was dx and will perhaps date some day. We see no reason to hide it like it is the plague. Besides, who knows, maybe someday they will remind him to check his bg before he drives them somewhere, or who knows he could have a low, and they will know what is wrong and maybe even be able to help. Mommy ain't going to be holding his hand when he is 16. I am not sure I see the reasoning behind hiding it. If someone is going to look down on you for any condition, whether is be acne or diabetes or blindness or whatever (because no one sure as heck is perfect) then to "H E double hockey sticks" with them anyway:cool:!
     
  15. alaina468

    alaina468 New Member

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    I learned about my fiance's diabetes pretty early on in our relationship. When we met, he wasnt managing so well, and the possibility of everything hitting the fan while together was high (luckily it never did, and he is under better control now). He wanted to make sure i knew how to test his sugar levels, and knew what to do should he become unconscious around me. I'm glad he told me, I dont know how i would have reacted if something had happened and had no idea he was a diabetic. He also wears the bracelet, (but i think he recently lost it), and is considering getting the symbol tattooed...not sure where. I want to be optimistic and tell him not to, I do believe we are closer than ever when it comes to a solution for this disease. and yeah, he has had people get mushy about his diabetes, treat him like an invalid, etc. When he visited my family for the first time, my younger sister who had recently had a DARE presentation at her elementary school gave him the fifth degree, it was really funny. He handled it smoothly, explaining the difference. She now sits fascinated while he shoots his insulin. Maybe a doctor in the making! everyone has been so supportive in my family, they treat him normally and respect him very much.
     
  16. dejahthoris

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    You are pretty freaking awesome. Type 1 diabetes is a condition that takes some diligence but it is not the end of the world. You Totally get it -and yeah, I hope my son finds someone as intuitive as you some day. Sounds like your fiance can handle it, but your support has helped him do it so much better.
    Oh, and Congratulations:)!
     
  17. Nick Masercola

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    If it comes up naturally? Sure. If not, not a big deal either. Generally if you become serious with someone, they're going to find out sooner or later.
     
  18. pianoplayer4

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    This is a total ghost thread... but I think its something people should talk about more.

    I just take care of my d, I plan on knowing my bf before I date him. In my church/social group it is more common to "not date" basically its when to teen/people know they like each other but they arn't dating because they arn't allowed or they don't want that pressure or what not. If it last they usually end up officially dating later on and the whole time everyone knows their "not dating" so its kinda silly.

    Anyway, I just plan to act like I would normally, test, bolus, all that. It usually comes up in conversations when some one is getting to know me because its just part of who I am. however I would want my bf to know how serious it is before we got serious. it can be a life threatening disease no matter how good your care is, and if you have good care its probably taking a lot of your time so its a big part of your life whether you choose it or not. All we can choose is how it effects our attitude.
     
  19. CaitlynGrisham

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    It's never been a problem for me. Personally, I just do what I do. I test, bolus, etc. like I normally would at home, and if people ask, I answer. I take an "awareness" standpoint on things, I guess.
    I like to educate people any way I can. IMHO, the more people who know what we do on a daily basis, the better.
    I don't let others control my D for me, though. Even when I was admitted to the hospital for an infection, I refused to let anyone else care for my D. I wouldn't want a significant other or a BF/GF to try and do too much for me, ultimately, other than generally being there for me.

    I guess, in a weird way, I'm very protective of my D.
     
  20. MomofSweetOne

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    I hope you take the time to address this in premarital counseling before you marry. I've lived with diabetes in my home from two different family roles, and I can tell you that diabetes does NOT affect just the person who has it. Everyone is affected greatly by it, and the more it is a team approach, the better the chance the family has of not being destroyed by this illness. I've lived both, and I see red flags at your response if you see it sololy as your illness. Just my two cents.
     

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