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consequences to son for lazy care?

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by Ivan's Mum, May 30, 2010.

  1. Ivan's Mum

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    I need some help with ideas.

    Ivan is nearly 9 and is starting to spend a lot of time away from home, some times the whole day. He goes off with his kit, pump, glucose and comes home high.

    This weekend whilst being 5 houses down the road for the afternoon his site came out (no big problem being untethered) then he ate some chocolate cake, hung around playing and came home 3 hours later. Admitted that he knew he should have come home for another site but didn't and that he shouldn't have eaten the cake without bolusing:eek:. All very sheepish but...

    I've given him watches to set the alarm to sound and to test on alarm and that is somewhat successful but when he's just having a 'roaming' day the problems begin. (Has a gang of mates that he travels the street with so they don't report where they're going. They make it us as they go along).

    I've told him that he won't get this kind of freedom if he doesn't take better care of himself but he's just hit that 'don't give a stuff' age and even when I take away his freedom he doesn't care.

    It's important to me that he gets to roam and play without me being around but the balance is off.

    Anyone have any good idea on condequences. SOmeone must have a 9 year old like this one!
     
  2. Flutterby

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    I don't have much advice as we haven't hit that age yet.. Kaylee is only 7, but even at home she will 'ignore' what she has to do.. the alarms, the checking and the reminders to dose.. I do it all, but I"m trying to get her to a point where she says 'hey, mom, I need insulin for this'.. which hasn't clicked yet.. we're working on it..

    I think you are on the right track, if he can't take care of himself then he needs to have the roaming and freedom taken away.. maybe take some of that responsibility off of him and call him everyonce in a while (if he has a cell phone)..

    I'm sure someone will chime in with some great ideas!
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2010
  3. MrsBadshoe

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    I have a 13yr old daughter that was dx at 7 that D just hasn't managed to fit into her life yet Much to my dismay. We keep trying positive reinforcement and not too many lectures but it does get frustrating as an adult. Yet, last summer I wore a pump at the FFL conference for 2 days and can I tell you how difficult it was to remember to test, and bolus. I forgot more then I remembered. I figure at 9 they barely remember to bathe so insulin is light years down the road. I do my best to check in at intervals to make sure her numbers don't got crazy. I figure in a year or to when she starts to do the teenage rebellion I don't want D to be the main focus.

    I have one perfect D teen I'm sure God didn't not bless me with two; so I'm working hard at getting through the next few years with as little D hatred as possible on her part. Wish me luck.
     
  4. Ivan's Mum

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    washing isn't a problem (can't get the boy out of the shower!):D

    I guess I could live with the forgetting but to fess up to the fact that he knew he should have come home and/or not eaten the cake but to think to hell with it and do it anyway is the last straw.

    He marches in at dinner all hungry and starts moaning because he's hi. He knows he'll only get scrambled eggs but he makes out he's so hard done by.

    I just can see it going down hill from here as the hormones kick in and I become the old nag that is on his back.

    Where is my thoughtful polite little guy that used to be so proactive!
     
  5. Connie(BC)Type 1

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    IF he's not doing his care, he needs to be cared for, so he'll need to stay home
     
  6. MamaC

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    Sometimes this apparent lack of concern can be a call for help, as in "Give me more boundaries, please...I am not comfortable."

    When that idea finally hits me, the kids are usually SO relieved that they don't even balk (much) at changes.
     
  7. wilf

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    Since he is not able to be self-disciplined about the D management you need to provide that discipline and some effective and enforced boundaries.

    It means you have to be after him, either by calling every couple of hours or keeping him home where you can keep an eye on him. But the basics of D management can not be negotiable, can not be flaunted. If he's going to eat, he measures and boluses. If he doesn't then he loses the PRIVILEGE of going out unsupervised.
     
  8. buggle

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    I think he's way too young for that much responsibility. Either you need to go check on him more often during the day in person, he needs to be away from home much less or you need to come up with some other solution. This obviously isn't working. I don't think punishing him is the answer. He's just not old enough to deal with this level of self-care.
     
  9. Amy C.

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    I agree with this assessment. It is hard to remember to do all the diabetes management. He can't be expected to keep up with it, but then he won't be able to roam freely.

    I don't think it would stunt his development to keep him home more often. i don't know many parents who feel comfortable with their children roaming the neighborhood with their friends.
     
  10. Becky Stevens mom

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    My Steven is 9 also. He's never asked about going to friends houses by himself yet, we just have people over here because his friends parents arent comfortable being responsible for his diabetes:( Steven sometimes forgets when hes here to say something when hes going to eat something. the other day his brother was having Cheez-its and Steven helped himself to a handful. He was 403 that night at supper:eek: I reminded him yet again that he needs to say something so he can get some insulin first. He said he forgot and you know, I think he did. Yes I know hes had d for almost 6 years but hes just a kid thinking about kid stuff not diabetes so for now I will need to keep reminding him and keeping him kinda close to home.
     
  11. Ivan's Mum

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    the problem is that he was really good at it (for the last year and a half anyhow). This is just laziness on his part. Previously he would always bolus, read the carbs, add up - parents used to tell me how amazing he was. He may not have been great about testing but he was always good about bolusing.

    He's gone from being REALLY responsible about it to not giving a stuff. I'm worried he's at the point where he doesn't care anymore. And yeah yeah, there's all the 'who's the grown up here' type comment but I would rather not take the harsh approach so that he resents diabetes even more.

    Ivan is a really active and social kid so I don't want to take the fun away or he'll sit on his butt at home and do nothing. He's got great friends and they don't view him as being different from them, just that he needs to 'fluff' around a little more. I need to find a way to make this work, not just tell him tough luck you're staying at home.

    I enjoy the fact that he's got the freedom to ride his bike and take off down the creek. This was my childhood. He's got a .5km radius to travel freely. I don't know where he is every minute of the day, but I know who he's with and that he's got mentos in his pocket. I am happy with that. Yes, i can hear some of you gasp at that comment.

    What you've also got to remember is that 'this level of care' is the norm in this county. We do not have school nurses to look after our kids, they do 80% of their care on their own and get 20% guidence from school staff who know nothing except what they've learnt on the job about looking after d kids. He has always been a on to it kid with his care. I think he just thinks I'm not going to know that he's eaten something and that his brain went south when he turned 8!

    I have given him a cell phone but he jumps in the creek, or loses it (we phoned it to find it). He's a rough and tumble kid and I wouldn't have him any other way. He needs his freedom but I need to find a way of getting him to pull his sox up without being his jailer.

    How do I get him to slow down from the 100 miles and hour he travels at and take a moment to care about the long term?:confused:

    Someone must have done something that worked!
     
  12. joan

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    I agree with the other responders that he is young and this is way too much responsibility for him. He may be too young to realize the consequences of his behavior and also not understand the importance of his bs especially when he is all over town. He needs some rules. He needs to know that this is non negotiable. I would discuss with him how he thinks this needs to be handled. I don't think I would be confident in him doing any d care when he is out because he may be rebelling. Maybe he come home every two hours to be checked and taken care of. I also don't think punishing him is the answer. You need a plan so he can be with his friends and also you help him with his d care during that time.
     
  13. MamaChrissa

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    You know him best and if you believe he is choosing to not take care of his D rather than not being able to, than he needs consequences, imho. :cwds:
     
  14. Becky Stevens mom

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    Would he wear an alarm watch do you think? That way it could be set to go off every couple hours then he has to stop and think about d, if he needs to test and bolus, is his site ok? that kind of stuff and then get back to it.

    FWIW, Im out in the boonies here and this is how I grew up as a kid. We would take off to my grandparents or a friends house with a" Mom heading over to Hollys house! Be back in a few hours." Its different for my kids, both of them, because times have changed here anyways and Im nervous about the kind of people that drive around these back roads. If your area is still like it was in the good old days then I understand you wanting to let Ivan have some freedom to hang out with his buddies. He just has to be safe is all and take care of business. Its possible that hes having some burnout too at his age, right on the cusp of puberty are our boys
     
  15. Ivan's Mum

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    this is exactly the case, thanks for putting it so eloquently. I can't think for the rage!:mad:
     
  16. Amy C.

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    This has happened over and over with other parents of children who took on a lot of responsibility at first and then couldn't do it any longer.

    He isn't lazy. He is saying he is too young to do the diabetes care that he had been doing. He is only 9!

    The only solution is for you to be responsible for his diabetes care. In order for this to happen, he has to be near you or respond to you when you request he do something.

    I know this isn't what you wanted to read, but if you read these forums enough you will hear the same song with different verses of other parents going through the same thing. When he is able to take on the care he needs, you can allow him to run about freely. It may be years before this happens.
     
  17. Ivan's Mum

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    Sorry, I disagree. We all know that D isn't a 1 size fits all disease and he's not a one size fits all kid.

    I know plenty of other kids with D, some do their own care, some don't . Those that know Ivan know that he's a lot older than his years and this is a matter of being lazy. His sheepish look tells me what I know to be true. The fact that he still deals with his lows, but pigs out on the sly, tells me this is true. The fact that he can tell me what he should have done, tells me this is true. The fact that he tells me he didn't want to stop playing to come home to rectify the situation, tells me this is true.

    Ivan and I have always had an open relationship about him taking on so much of the care and he knows he can hand the ball to me at any time. And on ocasions he does.

    We have decided on a kid first, diabetic second approach to his disease and I am happy with that approach after talking with several adult T1's. What I need to figure out is how to get a kid to take a little more notice and pull his socks up again.

    He just can't be bothered to stop the fun for the boring stuff. I don't blame him for that but it needs to change without resentment.

    This really isn't a case for not being capable.
     
  18. Jensmami

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    I think this depends on where you live. My son, who grew up with me in Switzerland, had this kind of freedom. All the kids are outside and play with each other, and come home when they are hungry. The kids walk to school by themselves from the age of 5, the schools don't like it at all when the parents take them, or the worst is when you drive them to school, oh and we don't have a nurse in most schools.

    It is just a different way of living. It has its advantages, but definately also a downside to it.:)
     
  19. sammysmom

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    Well I certainly can not comment on the type of D care that is "normal" for your area. What is normal to one is not to another. Sounds like Ivan is a very responsible child. D stinks and it stinks even more when our children push it to the side and decided to forget about it. I am a hard a** parent and I KNOW what my child is capable of , what I expect of him and what I WILL NOT tolerate. That may vary from parent to parent but in the end, you are his parent and you know the same info about him. The best advice I ever recieved was "do what works"! It does not matter if a bunch of people you never met agree with it or not, still, do what works. Find out what motivates him and what consequences will stop him dead in his tracks and then do it! Good luck, I do understand how hard it can be.
     
  20. sammysmom

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    I LOVE hearing about how parenting styles differ depending on where you live and the social norms. Thanks for sharing that! :)
     

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