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Commiseration or a kick in the pants??

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by nanhsot, Jun 22, 2011.

  1. nanhsot

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    I'll let you decide. I can't decide if I'm venting, asking for advice, or needing a mental realignment/empathy check.

    Ok, I think my son is doing an amazing, admirable job managing his diabetes. He's very mature, very independent, etc. But he's also driving me CRAZY with his nonchalant attitude towards it all. Now, I don't want him anxious and freaked out, but I do want him to approach it with some respect for the importance. And the cost.

    He's gone MDI for camp. I just found his pump shoved WAY under his bed. Full of insulin. Been there a while I think. I found his Dexcom transmitter (while we were waiting for a new receiver) under the couch, still attached to the sticky stuff, just sort of dropped there. He left his meter in the hot hot HOT truck today for an entire horse show (and clearly he never tested the entire time). He couldn't find his lantus this evening and insisted he left it on the table and I must have moved it. It was in the truck. The HOT truck. On and on and on.

    My husband says I need to give him grace. OK, got it. I do. But I need him to also give ME some grace, because damn it, I'm working hard to provide all this stuff. Yeah, he has the worst end of it, I get that, but it doesn't make it any easier on me to wake my very old self up at 5 am every weekend of my life to do a job that I'm much too old for to pay for all this stuff.

    I'm tired. I'm tired of doing school all week (we homeschool) and working all weekend. I'm tired of constantly worrying about him and seeing him not really worry at all. I'm thrilled he's able to live his life, to feel some joy, but I just wish he could see that he needs to take care of this very expensive equipment, to guard the very sensitive medication, to CARE that a splash on the Dex will fry it, that heat will kill the insulin. I need him to realize that a random shot will probably lead to a high or a low. To realize that the Dexcom will only wake him or alert me if he turns the alarm ON.

    I really do understand how hard this is on him. I do. But it's hard on me too. He bucks if I try to help him more.

    Is this just a phase that teens go through? He's not ignoring his diabetes, and I am unbelievably grateful for that. But he is rather random about it, luckily he's such a good carb counter that his randomness works most of the time.

    Blah. Hitting send, though this is just a bit pity party and I know it.
     
  2. TheFormerLantusFiend

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    I have a question:
    Is your son somebody who loses everything? Or is it just diabetes stuff?

    'Cause I've probably lost about thousand dollars worth of diabetes supplies at this point. I've lost an inject ease (about thirty dollars), about five novopens (sixty dollars each), some vials of insulin (my parents paid), the transmitter to my Guardian (four hundred fifty dollars), a couple meters (free- I'm great at getting free replacement meters), some test strips (probably a total of one to two hundred dollars' worth), and two lancing devices (replaced for twenty dollars).

    But it's not because I don't take diabetes seriously, it's because I'm a forgetful person who loses everything. I've made some big efforts to make systems so I lose fewer things- and I really do do better at not losing things now than I did at 18 (or 16, although at 16 I wasn't managing diabetes).

    Although there are teenagers who are much better at keeping track of their stuff than I ever was, it's not unusual for kids to be forgetful like me.

    If it is only diabetes stuff that he loses, maybe he wants to lose it. Dunno.
     
  3. Heather(CA)

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    I do think it's a teen thing...I don't even think it's on purpose. You could be describing Seth and he is also a good kid. I think it's their age, but it is very frustrating. I am up now partly because Seth was at his dad's last night and failed to tell me that he ran low during the night. I would have lowered his Lantus but I had no idea. He was just 44:eek:
     
  4. monkeyschool

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    :( Hugs your way. I am happy he is at least taking care of his diabetes.

    Does his diabetes stuff have 'a home', or if he if it doesn't have a home and he just leaves the stuff wherever he removes it? Have you tried assigning an area, even a small bin or box as the place where all his diabetes stuff should go when he is not using it?

    Not much for advice :( I'm sorry.

    My DD has always been good with putting things where they belong, but my DS needs to have a spot to just dump it all (anything, toys, clothes, books) because he can't handle putting things away in multiple places where they belong. I thought maybe he'd grow out of it eventually, and we have tried several times to 'start' putting things away, but after a couple of days everything is back on floors, beds, etc so we go back to the bin with everything way.
     
  5. Texas16

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    It might be a boy thing. We had similar problems in our house. Things were dropped on the kitchen counter then moved by others so dinner could be made.

    My solution - I totally emptied a kitchen drawer for him (right below his favorite dumping spot). Now he opens the drawer and dumps his stuff in - at least we know where it is.

    Now if we could just control the diabetes confetti.
     
  6. dqmomof3

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    This is SO my daughter too. She does a good job of taking care of herself, but oh, the stuff everywhere! I find her extra test strips in the car, under the seat. I think I fished the CGM transmitter out of the couch one day. She likes to keep her stuff in a purse, but then she gets tired of the purse and switches purses...and then can't remember where everything went from there. And the "diabetes confetti!" LOL - I love that description, Texas16! Tegaderm papers on the floor, old Tegaderm from a site removal stuck to the door, test strips everywhere!
     
  7. wilf

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    I'm with Lantusfiend - the question is whether he's generally forgetful, or if it's just the D supplies? I am your classic absent-minded professor type, I have clothes and various articles scattered all over my province which I've forgotten on trips.

    If he is generally forgetful, then you work with him to develop systems to help him remember. If it just D supplies, then if it were me I'd announce a new policy whereby he has to pay from his money some token portion of the costs of lost/destroyed supplies.
     
  8. nanhsot

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    You know, he's not what I'd call a generally forgetful person, at least not in a spacey way. He's just really laid back, and things roll off his back. He is, however, very messy in how he keeps things organized, but he definitely has a system in place to keep things organized. Just doesn't use it.

    In a normal situation being laid back is a good thing as he doesn't get bogged down in details or get overwhelmed easily (like me). But in this situation I think he needs to understand how important it is to protect all the equipment and medications, and I'm not sure he's taking things seriously sometimes, he's just kind of random.

    He's a really smart kid, and very logical/analytical. That's good. He's also very lazy, which is bad. Typical teen, yes, but not acceptable either. I just went to check him and his Dex isn't working because apparently he hasn't entered a real BG for a calibration in over 12 hours.

    I admit I'm having a hard time separating the finances from the person, but unfortunately with this disease finances are a big part of it. I realize that his entire life has shifted, and I want to be sensitive to that. But my whole life has changed too, and I'm making some huge changes/sacrifices and I'm just tired I think. Mentally and physically drained. And it just compounds that feeling when I see him nonchalantly ignoring/forgetting/ruining stuff.

    I could have him pay for some of his stuff, but quite frankly I think he'd choose just to do without. When he submerged his dex receiver he said just to do without it a while. That's how laid back he is about it all. So asking him to pay may backfire.
     
  9. wilf

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    It could be that the "carelessness" is his way of indicating that he's not wanting to do quite as much in the way of D management.

    Lots of people successfully manage their D without a Dexcom, so if it's costly and he's not on board with it why not give it a pause?
     
  10. nanhsot

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    Normally I would, but the timing was bad, it was just before he switched off pump and onto Lantus again, and he was having a disagreement with his endo about how much he needed, so the Dex has really helped. We both felt uncomfortable making that switch without the Dex to guide us.

    He's about to have a good long break from it all (and me!) at camp so that's good.

    I'm fine with him stopping the Dex when he's testing enough and when his numbers look good. Neither is true right now though.

    He isn't open to me or his dad doing any of his D management. I'd be happy to take on most of it, but he doesn't really want us involved. He's OK with me checking, reminding, overseeing, but he definitely is not open to us taking on more. Good theory though.
     
  11. emm142

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    It's a tricky question, really.

    If I didn't take care of my CGMS stuff, my mum would stop helping me with it (for sure). At the moment she buys me sensors occasionally (for example if I have exams or some occasion coming up where BG control is even more important than usual).

    But, the fact that she would stop buying them if I didn't look after them only really works because I really care about using the CGMS. Personally, I think it's more useful than the pump, and I feel quite lost and quite unsafe when I don't have a sensor in. If your son doesn't feel that way, then the threat that you might stop paying for CGMS probably won't do much to make him less lazy about it.

    I think the bin / drawer idea is probably good, if you definitely want him to stay on the Dex. It's tough. It's difficult being diagnosed with D, but it doesn't take a huge amount of extra effort to take care of equipment worth hundreds / thousands of dollars... Compared to all the other D work (actually trying to keep my BGs in range) I don't even notice the 2 seconds it takes to keep my transmitter on its charger or store my sensors / insulin / strips somewhere that they won't be wrecked.
     
  12. Flutterby

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    I think he's being a typical teen and being 'forgetful' and messy, lol.. He does need to learn the importance of not loosing things, like his insulin, pump and cgms. Our kids have added responsibilites to deal with, when normal teen things comke up, D is pushed aside, although we'd like to think its always at the top of their list. Maybe get a box or a basket where he can put these things when he takes them off.. keep the basket/box in the same spot in the living room/kitchen, wherever works for you guys.. have him either hand them to you, so you can put them there, or have him do it.. I always make sure Kaylee either gives me her pump or she puts it in a specific spot when taking it off for a shower.
     
  13. swimmom

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    Sixteen year old boys are wonderful and maddening. I hope you have a lovely camp vacation and sleep late for 3 whole weeks!!!
     
  14. TheFormerLantusFiend

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    On the Dexcom thing- I lost my transmitter for the Guardian because I wasn't using it all the time. I'm using the Dexcom all the time so I won't lose it.
     

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