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Being fair (warning....long post)

Discussion in 'Parents Off Topic' started by DsMom, Oct 11, 2012.

  1. DsMom

    DsMom Approved members

    Nov 9, 2010
    Yes, you are absolutely right. I think I wrote in a previous post that we reward progress and individual achievement in our kids...because we absolutely treat them each as individuals and do not expect the boys to compete for their sister's grades. That's what I was trying to say...perhaps not clearly.:eek: I was trying to say I won't expect to see that kind of level in my boys...and would never be disappointed in them if they don't...but I also won't count it out because all three of my kids are very bright. As long as they do their personal best...and try hard...we are happy for them. "Great" for them may not be the same as "great" for their sister...but I'm equally as proud when they all do great!

    I also see their individual strengths...my boys do well in some areas that their sister is not as strong...and I don't believe "book smarts" is the only way to success. My middle son is an absolute budding entrepreneur...and my youngest has a strong interest in science. As any mom does, I see the amazing things about all three of my kids.
  2. cockatiel

    cockatiel Approved members

    Apr 25, 2008
    That's the key.

    I have four VERY different kids. When jealousy rears its ugly head, we just dwell on each kid's strengths -- and try to laugh a bit about the weaknesses. Somehow one kid's strength is another kid's weakness, but by focusing on each kid as a special individual who has his own path to walk in life, we have avoided too much jealousy.

    Our family is into the idea that each individual's job isn't to be as good as the others but to be the best that he/she can be.
  3. pianoplayer4

    pianoplayer4 Approved members

    Feb 13, 2010
    I didn't get a chance to read all the posts but what my mother always said to me and my three siblings (plus extra's when we did fostercare) was

    "Fair does not mean the same thing at the same time"

    we used to groan when ever she said it, but now I find myself saying it to the kids I baby sit=)
  4. quiltinmom

    quiltinmom Approved members

    Jun 24, 2010
    I didn't read ALL the posts (there are a lot of them) so this may not be anything new, but I feel exactly the same as hawkeyegirl. We often have to remind our kids that we can't treat them all the SAME--which would mean giving all of them a shot of insulin after they eat, or making them wear the same size of shoes, sleep in the same bed, same class at school, etc. We want them to realize that we give them what they need, not the same as what their brothers get.

    I think it was fine to treat your oldest to a few things. It is normal for the others to be a little jealous. It gives you a good chance to teach them about being happy for another's good fortune and to count their own blessings. Not that I really expect that to come naturally to an 8 year old. :)

    Maybe you could make it a point to praise to her one-on-one, without the other boys around. That's what I would do. Just a hug and "good job with....." should go a long way. In fact, that would probably be a good thing to do for all of them, not just her.

    Dont' worry...the boys will get over it soon. :)

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