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At what age do they..........

Discussion in 'Parents of Teens' started by bdwhiddon, Jun 26, 2011.

  1. NatBMomto4

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    Very well said Wilf! I agree completely! Andrew is 13, and when he is home, he always remembers to take insulin when he eats. BUT - when he is at a friends house or out with friends, he forgets to tell me everything he ate! He slept at a friends house last night - we have known this family since the boys were 3, so the mom and I pretty close. He texted me that he had "french bread pizza and 2 brownies". I called their house to ask questions (how big was the pizza? How big were the brownies?) and the mom said "did he tell you about the pasta salad and the Doritos?" I could hear Andrew in the background go "oh yeah! I forgot about those!"

    What this tells me is that my son is still a kid. At home, in his routine and normal surroundings, he does great. But throw in a few distractions, and he forgets things. That is normal kid behavior! I see his D management as MY responsibility right now. These are the teaching years for him, and honestly, 1 year into this damn disease - I feel my son is doing an amazing job. I will continue to teach and guide him over the next 5 years - and I will support him and continue to help him as much as I can when he is older. This is a huge burden for our children to bear - huge to us, and we are adults! I plan to help my son shoulder this burden for as long as he lets me!
     
  2. sugarmonkey

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    At 12 Phillip very rarely remembered anything to do with diabetes. He'd forget to test and bolus unless I remembered. His endo said it was quite normal for a teen and that her daughter (same age) forgot things all the time too.

    Now he's 14 he's improved. He nearly always remembers to bolus if he's away from me, and mostly remembers to test. When he's with me I remind him but I think he'd remember about 70% of the time if I didn't.
     
  3. Ronin1966

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    Hello NatBMomto4:

    Ancient thread, excellent question...

    At what point do parents allow their child, (diabetic or not) to make their own severe screw-ups? At what point do you allow us to blow it (on prety much every conceivable level)... and let, approve, encourage us to do so??? :eek:

    When does "our shoulder" become artificially supporting something that must support itself? As a diabetic, (though no longer a child)... I am curious what other parents feel...

    How far do you let your kid(s) go to learn the hardest lessons?
     
  4. Amy C.

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    You must have misread the date of the original posting. This thread was started on June 26, 2011, less than two weeks ago -- hardly ancient in my book.

    Until my son leaves the house, I will check to be sure he attends to his diabetes duties. As a parent, there is a lot we remind our children to do on a day-to-day basis. Diabetes chores are one of those that need reminding -- it isn't natural to manage diabetes and hard to work into the habit structure. Geez -- even my husband needs a reminder of things he is to do from time to time, as do I.
     
  5. NatBMomto4

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    Not only is this a relatively new thread, but I did not start it!



    I agree with Amy 100% - Andrew will learn the hard lessons diabetes has to teach him whether I am at his side or not - vigilance does not translate into perfect D management no matter how hard we try -I am only human, after all, not a God-created pancreas! But I am choosing to stand by my son's side and help him for as long as he will let me - he does not need to learn the lessons alone. We aren't talking about things every child has to learn as they grow. Most people will never understand what our kids go through each and every day. These are "big things" - extenuating circumstances, if you will, and I personally feel lots of hand-holding is called for!
     
  6. kimmcannally

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    I posted this on my blog Friday:
    I'm in a canoe, paddling as hard as I can, trying to keep from going over the waterfall that is behind me.
    And some days I've made some progress, and I'm a long way from that waterfall.
    But I can't quit paddling, because there is no end to this river.
    And some days I hit undercurrents that pull me faster than others, back toward the waterfall.
    It's a constant, never-ending struggle to keep from going over.
    And tonight, I just want to quit paddling and let my canoe go over.
    Because it's just me, fighting against the river to keep J healthy.
    And J is the waterfall, pulling my canoe backwards.
    In the pool below the waterfall are all the complications of uncontrolled diabetes: neuropathy, blindness, amputation, kidney failure, death.
    And if I don't paddle hard enough and fast enough to keep this canoe in the river, it will be all my fault, because J refuses to take any responsibility for himself.
    If he suffers any of the whitewaters below, I will be the one who is blamed, no matter how hard I paddle.

    Caught him eating the only thing in the house he could get - the loaf of bread I left out on the counter. Had he bolused? Nope. 211 and rising.
    So tonight, I put away my paddle and just lay down in the canoe. I am SO tired of fighting the current.

    WA doctors in world-first diabetes trial - The West Australian
    Maybe one day there will be a motor to use on this canoe.

    When/if he moves out on his own, he will have total responsibility for his D. Until then, I keep rowing.
     
  7. Michelle'sMom

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    Well said Kim...& it expresses very well how I feel. My dd will one day have to paddle on her own. For now, that's my job.
     
  8. GaPeach

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    My DD will be 13 in a couple of weeks. She has had diabetes for 4 1/2 yrs. She is very good at carb counting, does site changes and has an intuition about some variables (excess exercise, fatty foods, monthly cycle, etc.) and will make reasonable decisions about varying a bolus/correction sometimes. BUT :(- she forgets to check her BG "often enough" at sleepovers, will miss a bolus at mealtime, etc....

    I believe that in the flow of a day, it is easy to "forget". On the highly medical side, regular BG checks and boluses are a given. On the real life side, we all forget things that we should do during a day.

    On a positive note, DD just got home from non-D camp. She does her own carb counting and boluses at camp. There is a nurse but who knows if she really understands T1D. We have dropped her at camp for the last 4 yrs and prayed for her safety as we drove away.

    On her on inititive, she always asks her cabin counselor to wake her up for a 2AM check. (She does not do this at sleepovers.) As I checked her meter after camp, I noticed one 2AM check of 66BG. :eek: Hopefully, our conversation will give hope to those wondering if their teen is getting it.

    Mom: "I noticed you did a 2AM check at camp."
    DD: "Yeah! I asked my counselor to wake me up."
    Mom: "That's good."
    DD: "One morning, I woke up on my own feeling weird just before 2AM. There were no strips in my kit. I tried to find my new bottle in my backpack but I was too shaky. Finally, I just decided to drink a juice box. By then, my counselor came in with a flashlight. She helped me find the strips. When I finally checked, I was 66." Even in the middle of the night facing a low, she found enough "power" within herself to make a good decision - TREAT and check later.

    I'm glad that we have found the peace to allow her to continue to do all the things we would allow her to do if diabetes were not in the equation. We have concerns because of the possible situations that she could face when diabetes does not play fair. But all in all it works out.

    Three of my 6 children have left the nest. They still call or come by in need of parental support. This week's decisions needing our input were: buying a car (24yr old), job change (22 yr old), and what's on sale at the grocery store :D (18 yr old).

    As parents, our children will always need us. I have found that they mature into self-management at their own individual pace. I am glad to be there for them in whatever capacity they need in the meantime.
     
  9. kgerrick

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    Hi NatBMomto4--

    Very well said!! Our kids need us! People need people, and when you are a parent then you have committed yourself to the needs of another person that you bring into this world! Good and bad, easy and hard, no matter what!
     
  10. kgerrick

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    Hi Elissa,

    That's great! I love the part where you say that you "prayed for her safety as you drove away" We have to know that all we can do is our best and when we have done that we must stop obsessing, controlling and worrying for our own good so that we don't burn ourselves out. This is NOT easy to do but it must be done! Do your best and then let go and pray for the rest until it is our turn to take the reins again! This is the journey we our on!
     
  11. Volleyball_Chick_15

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    My mom stopped reminding me to test and get insulin when i was twelve but honestly i am 18 and i wish my mom would still nag me to do better... my a1c has been high for awhile and dont get me wrong i dont blame my mom for my high sugars it is my fault but i wish she would nag me more often.
     
  12. kgerrick

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    You are such a sweetie and proof that kids do need the nag every now and then! This is my nag to you....have you checked your bg?? Make sure you check before you eat so you can make adjustments if needed!...Did you clean your room!? LOL!!! :DHope your A1c gets to where you'd like it!:)
     
  13. alismom

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    Allison turned 16 today. I still remind her and help her with anything she needs. I am on the side that these kids have the rest of their life for self-management and anything I can do now to ease her burden, I'm willing to do.
     
  14. Joretta

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    I remind sometimes. But the rule in our house if you want to go off on your own you have to be responsible, which includes all care. Afterall, if she was healthy this my expectation, I can't change her situation but I do though let her tetreat back when she needs too.
     
  15. NatBMomto4

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    That is exactly how I feel - someday I will not have D management as a burden every day. Andrew will NEVER have that:( It just breaks my heart that he has to do this every day for the rest of his life. ANYTIME I can help him, I am more than willing to help him carry this burden.
     
  16. lauraqofu

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    I feel like so many others...she has to do this every day for the rest of her life, and yes, I'm tired all of the time and some days I feel like she thinks I'm talking because I like the sound of my own voice, not because I'm actually talking to her...:rolleyes:

    I look at this way...I have to tell her 9,000 times to do something before she does it...why would I treat diabetes any differently? I don't expect her to cook her own dinners or take herself to school, why would I expect her to manage her diabetes on her own? I'm her mom...just because this is her disease to own for the rest of her life, that doesn't mean it isn't my responsibility now.

    I feel about this question the same way I do about parents who dump their kids pets at animal shelters because the kids lost interest in caring for them...well, of course, they forget, or lose interest...they're kids!! They've got the attention spans of gnats! We are our children's safety nets for everything in their lives, from homework, to chores, to diabetes care...someday, we won't be there to catch them when they tumble from that high wire, but while they're in our homes, (and frankly, even after) our job is to catch them when they fall, so that when they venture out on their own, and we're not there to catch them, they won't need us to be there to catch them...it isn't easy, and it isn't fun...but that's what being a parent is.
     

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