- advertisement -

and now...Divorce...

Discussion in 'Parents Off Topic' started by Mary Lou, Jan 2, 2011.

  1. liasmommy2000

    liasmommy2000 Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2006
    Messages:
    2,314
    I have no advice, but (((HUGS))).

    Life IS hard, is he just now realizing this? You gotta suck it up and deal with it. Sheesh.

    Anyway, I'm sorry.
     
  2. PixieStix

    PixieStix Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2007
    Messages:
    534
    Hi Mary Lou,

    I am so sorry to hear your life has taken such an unexpected turn...hopefully you will find each day easier and your boys will remain loving and well-adjusted despite this turmoil. They are so lucky to have you, to know that no matter how difficult caring for them might be sometimes, you will always be there and not just walk away or show up when it is convenient. My mom was a Mary Lou too and she was a great mom too, the name says it all! Hope you know you can always come to CWD for support, many of us here who care.
     
  3. dragonblimps_mom

    dragonblimps_mom Approved members

    Joined:
    May 25, 2008
    Messages:
    113
    Mary Lou,

    Please get yourself a good lawyer. The tasks involved with taking care of not one but two diabetic children is not something one parent should have to bare. Theoretically, both you and their father should have been sharing the burden equally. If he wants to give up that responsibility, he should have to cough up extra funds, above what would traditionally be due, to allow you to hire someone to help out whenever you need it.

    Also, the lawyer should insist that their father should not be allowed to compromise their health by ignoring the established diabetic treatment plans, etc. This is so common. Divorced father's try to win back the affection of their children by becoming the "fun" parent. Then when you try to enforce the rules, you bacome the "mean" parent. To be fair, sometimes this happens the other way around but you already see this pattern forming. Your boys may not be old enough to figure this out on their own.

    Make sure your lawyer knows how much stress diabetes is on a single parent.

    Been there, done that.
     
  4. MissMadisonsMom

    MissMadisonsMom Approved members

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2008
    Messages:
    636
    Gosh, Mary Lou, I am so sorry that you are going through such a life changing, and sad time right now. My sister's husband just sprung the big D on her as well after 15 years of marriage. I have seen her go through the gamut of emotions and during her 'angry' stage she told me this hilarious joke (you asked for it:))

    "What do you do when you see your ex stumbling around the back yard bleeding? - You take a deep breath, steady yourself and aim again." :) Bad I know! But it made me chuckle.
     
  5. Mary Lou

    Mary Lou Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2006
    Messages:
    1,534
    :D:D:D

    That is SO funny!! And, now I think I'll go and wipe the tea off my monitor...:D:D:D

    thank you!
     
  6. Mary Lou

    Mary Lou Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2006
    Messages:
    1,534
    Hi Mary, thank you for the good advice. I do have a good lawyer and she has spent many years on the local board of the ADA. She gets it. I walked out of three different lawyers offices when they thought that maybe I shouldn't stay up and check blood sugars so much through the night... or that maybe I should get a different doctor for my kids, or whatever.

    I do have a friend who is a nurse coming to watch the boys one night every other week, my soon-to-be-ex has agreed to this expense and pays for it. It isn't enough, but it's a start.
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2011
  7. BCmom

    BCmom Approved members

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2009
    Messages:
    731
    iIam so so sorry to hear what you are going through. Divorce is difficult at the best of times but throw D care into the mix and it must be especially hard. I worry about it,too. Things just seem so much harder since my daughter's diagnosis. There always seems some issue to discuss or lack of money to deal with. It is so hard to have "fun" now.

    I have no advise but would love to reach out and hug you. Take care of yourself. You have to, for your boys!
     
  8. czardoust

    czardoust Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Messages:
    2,178
    Mary Lou - to give you a little encouragement - I was very worried when I had to do my internship last fall, that i would not have the stamina for midnight BS checks too. That was a big concern of mine. Luckily I found out that I was able to do the midnight (2 am) checks and still get up at 5 am every day. Your body just gets used to it. I'm sorry your husband thinks that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Boy will he be disappointed someday. I was married twice before I met my current husband of 15 yrs. (First time married and divorced at 19, no children with that one, second married at 21 and divorced at 24, had Amanda). Divorcing is kind of like dealing with a death, or chronic illness dx..... you grieve. 2011 has got to be better than 2010 was. With new energy comes clarity and strength. You hang in there. Your boys will stabilize. Emotional upheavals are no doubt the cause of the BS roller coaster going on.
     
  9. hdm42

    hdm42 Approved members

    Joined:
    May 1, 2008
    Messages:
    1,297
    I am so sorry that you are going through this.
    I can't imagine deciding that it's too hard and I don't want to do it anymore. Sure, we think it, but we don't act on it. That's not a choice for a responsible parent.:mad:

    My boys are about the same age as yours and they would be devastated by something like this.:( I'm sure they know how much you love them and that you'll always be there for them.

    Hang in there.
     
  10. Jensmami

    Jensmami Approved members

    Joined:
    May 17, 2007
    Messages:
    2,082
    MaryLou I am so sorry and shocked about this. :eek: Especially the lack of good parenting on his side. I know that he used to be very involved in the boys care. I hope things will look up for you in 2011!
     
  11. cockatiel

    cockatiel Approved members

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2008
    Messages:
    147
    Hugs.

    2011 will be better.
     
  12. StillMamamia

    StillMamamia Approved members

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2007
    Messages:
    13,195
    Just wanted to add my support and wishes for good things forward. I am very very sorry you have been going through all these turmoil.:(
     
  13. denise3099

    denise3099 Approved members

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2009
    Messages:
    1,757
    Your comments are very measured and fair. I just want to toss in a reminder that as you know this is a public forum that your ex could be reading right now. How likely is that? Probably not very. But you don't want to bad mouth him in any way. Think of his lawyer reading everything you write. What could they use against you? What would you not want to hear back at you in court? Not just trashing the ex, but also, at least until things settle down, any major problems with D that could make you look bad. I hate to say to censor yourself, since you need your cyber friends now. But I'd hate even more for your ex to hand his attorney a print-out of every way you've ever screwed up D, ykwim?

    Keep coming back for help and support, but if it were me, I'd consider an alternate screen name and acct for major issues. So sorry you're going through this. And I wish diarreah upon your husdand!
     
  14. CAGrandma

    CAGrandma Approved members

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2006
    Messages:
    530
    Denise is absolutely correct!
    And maybe someone can tell me why we missed the option of just leaving when 'life got too hard'? Who knew that was an option? Oh, wait, it isn't any option for those of character.
     
  15. Adinsmom

    Adinsmom Approved members

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2006
    Messages:
    2,995
    I was just reading a message you posted about how to manage skiing and was wondering how you and the boys were.

    I am so sorry you and them are going through this. :( Best wishes in the new year. God Bless.
     
  16. Mary Lou

    Mary Lou Approved members

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2006
    Messages:
    1,534
    Thank you, Denise. It was thoughts like these that kept me from posting about this for so long, but it was also keeping me away completely. I think that I will delete this thread, though, because you are absolutely right. Many people have told me that one of my biggest problems is that I am not cynical enough and that I expect people to do the right thing. Well, look how wrong I was in this case!!

    I appreciate you speaking up and being the voice of caution. I wouldn't be the first (or likely last) person whose online venting got them into trouble by savvy lawyers and ex-spouses...

    So thank you, everyone, and I think this thread will be going away soon...

    A few minutes later... I've read through what I said here in this thread and edited many things out. I am late for an appointment and will try to figure out the deleting bit later, but for now, I am more comfortable with my comments being "out there"

    Thank you again, everyone, your support means a lot to me. I know that there are amazing parents out here doing it all on their own, and I know that I will join that group, God willing. It's a tough transisiton, though, and your good wishes are keeping me going...
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2011
  17. Lee

    Lee Approved members

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2006
    Messages:
    9,633
    Mary Lou - I don't think you said anything bad - I think Denise was just being the voice of caution. We see venting on here all the time. I know, even when I am venting about my ex, that I need to do it with a thread of caution. He or his wife could read this at anytime.

    I know that - and that is why I try and not complain about him too much - I leave it with the facts.

    It sucks - but you are a beautiful and wonderful person and I would not let this change your outlook on life or on people.
     
  18. ashleesmommy

    ashleesmommy Approved members

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2009
    Messages:
    319
    Oh Mary Lou, I'm so sorry you're going through this terrible situation! My best friend's boyfriend (fiance to be soon) of a couple of years just took her by the hand and out of the blue told her he didn't want to do it anymore. She was really set on getting married and starting a family. Not that this is anywhere close to your situation, I know how devasted and heart broken she is I can't even imagine how you feel!! I hope you find the strength through friends and family to get through this. There WILL be happier times to come, I promise!
     
  19. lil'Man'sMom

    lil'Man'sMom Approved members

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2008
    Messages:
    2,244
    Mary Lou - My heart goes out to you and the boys. This must be a terribly hard time for you.

    Unfortunately divorce can be messy. I wish that when grown adults decide that this the only option and they put their "needs" first, that they could at least be civil and compassionate, especially where there are children concerned. They should realize that even though they are making this decision to break up the family, the children will ALWAYS be theirs and they will always have the connection with the other parent.

    So if your soon to be ex thinks he can get a easier life, he is probably very mistaken.

    You are a fabulous Mom!!!!!! Big hugs to you.
     
  20. ecs1516

    ecs1516 Approved members

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2007
    Messages:
    7,028
    Mary Lou,
    So sorry you are having to go through this. It is hard enough with two boys with type 1. Hugs:cwds:
     

Share This Page

- advertisement -

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice