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13 year old Not Testing

Discussion in 'Parents of Children with Type 1' started by motherof2, Nov 21, 2011.

  1. MomofSweetOne

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    A motto that has been used over and over in our home is that "Good choices have good consequences. Bad choices have bad consequences." In this case, the youth is in total control of what consequence he gets. If he wants age-appropriate freedoms, he can demonstrate age-appropriate responsibility. And yes, because he does have diabetes, he must also show it in diabetes care even if his friends don't have to bother with it. Why? Because otherwise he'll have the consequences of poor control that his friends won't have. Good consequence - being trusted and allowed increasing freedoms. Bad consequence - having to have an adult supervise diabetes and being embarrassed in front of his peers. It's not a difficult choice. There are three-year-olds on this board that know how to test themselves. He just doesn't want to bother, so his mom needs tools strong enough to make him decide a quick test a few times per day is the better choice.
     
  2. MrsBadshoe

    MrsBadshoe Super Moderator

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    We have had issues off and on. Some months worse then others with my now 13yr old girl. For positive reinforcement using a point system. Test get a one, test, without being reminded get 2 points, test and in range get 3 points.

    If you are supposed to test at school then that meters go's back and forth for checking daily.

    Then you have to decided on some type of reward to earn. And how many points it should be worth...It can work for some kids.
     
  3. dqmomof3

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    With my daughter, now 13, it has worked best to keep it simple. If you do not do it, or cannot do it, it will be done for you. She knows I am a teacher and cannot come to her school, so she knows it won't be me who comes to school. There will be no element of surprise - if her dad is coming to school, she will know it ahead of time. If the nurse is going to call her to the office, DD will know it ahead of time. We have found, as with all discipline (and like it or not, this is discipline), that if the rules and the consequences for not following the rules are very clear, and very specific, and KNOWN ahead of time, we are much more successful all the way around. DD thrives on independence, so at any point if that independence is threatened as it relates to D care, she starts doing what needs to be done again...usually with just a reminder from me. Trust but verify, as the PP said.

    Hope something works for you!
     
  4. swimmom

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    I seem to remember some posts (sometime in the past - sorry I can't remember specifically) about negative consequences to letting BG run high. There was stunted growth (I swear I remember a 20 something guy lamenting that he would have probably have been an inch or 2 taller if he had been more in control during puberty/growth years) and maybe something of a more personal nature (?). Puberty can be delayed? Might be motivating information for a 13 year old boy.

    As for incentives (or bribes) - they may work really well for some kids, but they don't work for an oppositional kid (in my experience). If you get a goodie for doing the behavior, then the behavior is optional. An oppositional child will reject the reward and you are in a weaker position than when you started.

    The OP may not be able to go up to school one or more times during the day. If not (or if she thinks this would only add fuel to a power struggle), I would suggest required times when her son MUST go to the nurse or other designated person and test (I'd keep his teacher out of it). That person can log the time of day and the BG #. The tone I would shoot for here is "clinical."

    And I would be sympathetic to my son. I'd tell him, "I hate this. You hate this. We wish it would just go away. But it won't. You have an amazing, wonderful life to live and we're going to do what we have to do to make sure you live it to the fullest."

    One of the strategies in the book, "How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk..." is to give your child a fantasy (i.e. "You wish all this crap would just end and you would never have to stick a needle in any part of your body ever again, etc. etc."). It can be a way to connect, even with an older kid. It's a way of expressing that you get it, even though both of you know it's not gonna happen (anytime soon anyway).
     
  5. motherof2

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    Thanks

    Wow, thanks for all your quick responses. Today at school he did 2 test - both out of range but he did it. The best news is that when he got home he had corrected or bolused well because he is range. I would never march into his classroom to test or make him test but I have emailed the teacher and she is now very aware of what he is up to. Don't get me wrong he is a great kid but this phase is doing my head in!!!!!! I am planning to continue with the consequnces of no computer, cellphone or playing with friends. We are actually quite strict parents but I hate that we have to battle over Diabetes when we should be battling over normal teen issues. In NZ we don't have nurses or support at school the chn at his age are responsible for their own care - obviously it isn't working. School finishes here in 2 weeks and then he is off to high school in February and that will be a whole new ball game. Hopefully over the Summer we can have some good open dialogue and with us keeping a closer eye on him. Once again thanks for your responses I really apprecaited it - just to know that other people understand!
     
  6. Judith

    Judith Neonatal Diabetes Registry

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    Kid who won't test at school

    No easy answers to this - or most anything about raising kids, especially during the teen years. And like all things diabetes, your child is an individual: what works for one may not for another. That said, this is a very common story - one I've seen personally (son 25, dx'd at age 8 weeks) and that I have also seen in hundreds of kids during my career. The common reason at this age for not testing is not wanting to be different than friends - but talk to him, ask him why he doesn't test ("I don't know"; "I forgot", "It's a pain") However, you MAY get a response that can be helpful in figuring ways to encourage him. For example, his lunch period may be so brief that he feels he doesn't have time to test (I know, it's theoretically only a few seconds ... but that may keep him from going with his friends, getting a good table in the cafeteria, etc.) If you put too much emphasis on seeing numbers on the machine, you may just set up a situation where he feels a challenge to outwit you, and there are certainly many ways to fake meter readings. Bottom line, try to invite his opinions on the subject, ask for his ideas re: solutions. Being the diabetes police is usually not effective in the long run.
     
  7. Sarah Maddie's Mom

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    I agree, Judith.

    While I do hold Maddie to doing what needs to be done and I do sometimes play the role of "diabetes" police, before we get there I think it's vital to help them think through what might be an obstacle to doing what needs to be done. Teens in general can't get enough of this sort of trouble shooting experience, and for D kids it's especially important.
     
  8. Melissata

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    Glad to see someone else that uses love and logic. I wish that I had known the method sooner. I use it on my 27 year old intellectually impaired daughter, and it has been life changing.
     
  9. thebestnest5

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    We went through this twice, once in 5th and once in 6th. Both times it was frustration with her schedule.

    5th grade, I was expecting her to test too much. We decided that only 1 test would be required at school, which was lunch. She could test more if she felt she needed it. But, she had to test at lunch. She liked having that as her choice.


    6th grade. New school building and she was no longer sitting at her desk for lunch. The kids had to line up by number and then proceed to lunch. She felt all eyes on her when kids were lining up for lunch, and she was quickly testing at her desk, fumbling meter, multi-clix, and strip bottle. We switched to the Accu-chek Compact Plus, so she had one item to hold and she could test while standing in line--or even walking.

    She didn't share these things that were bothering her until we talked. Yes, at first I over-reacted both times! :( Then, I came to my senses and looked at it through her eyes, I knew she was not testing because there was reason, and we worked out what would make it less frustrating to test.

    Once a day, user-friendly meter...who knows what will come up in the future...but so far it's been ok this year.
     
  10. allisa

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    It's been a LONG time since I have posted on this site, but yes...I am having the same issue with my soon-to-be 14 year old son. When we went to the endo in the late spring, he brought his home & school meter for them to look at ....I was SHOCKED to know that he wasn't checking in school daily.

    she handled great...she wasn't angry or reprimanding....she explained that it is his health, etc...

    what we did & it is working....is instead of a "school" meter that stays there....he brings his meter back & forth....he has one of those nylon saks with his meter, spare snacks & I just check his meter daily when he gets home. He didn't love it at first...but...has gotten used to it & I think the accountabilty helped him.

    I think it's normal to have a burnout. My son has been diagnosed 8 years going on 9 ! He wants independence,..but also needs me ....

    I think the comment made about choices & consequences is right on the money....I have always used that philisophy with my kids in everything...because the truth is....we CAN'T MAKE them do what we want...but if they make a "bad" choice...they need to be prepared to be dealt those consequences.

    good luck....they need independence....but....still need supervision....it's a fine line.
     
  11. ecs1516

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    This is what we do. We only have one meter(per son) and they have to use it at home and school. Have a backup at school for use only if something happens to his meter.
    I download frequently to check for boluses etc.
     
  12. Darryl

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    Exactly the same here, not with testing so much as responding appropriately to the CGM alarms while at school. 95% of the time it's not a problem but when it is, clearly presenting the option above sends the right message, and it works. Most likely, you'll never have to actually follow through if you present the option with clear intent to follow through. If you do need to go to the school, the idea is certainly not to cause embarrassement, just to reinforce that it must be done. The test could be done in the nurse's office with you there.
     
  13. wilf

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    We have one meter. It goes to school in her lunch bag, and comes home at night. It is checked daily, and the numbers are logged. Works for us.. :cwds:
     
  14. Darryl

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    I agree with this. There should only be one meter.
     
  15. Heather(CA)

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    Make him go to the nurse to test before lunch for a while, that will be annoying for him so he will most likely start doing it on his own. ;)

    Tell him you really don't want to have to send him to the nurse but that you love him way too much to allow him to not test. Be matter of fact. Let him know that when he decides he's ready to test before lunch on his own...That you will be willing to try it again unless he keeps blowing it. Make sure oyu follow through, this will work if you do:cwds:

    One meter for sure...
     
  16. motherof2

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    Well thanks once again for the wisdom. We only have one meter and do check every night and sometimes that is where the debate begins. But great news since I have posted and then chatted with him he has been really responsible, regular testing and insulin for his food. I think it is like you all say - shared care with consequences for your actions. Well at least that is what is happening here. Tomorrow he is off with a friend to watch some cricket for 5 hours so lets hope he can show his new found responsibility. We have told him the consequences and he has assured me he can be trusted. I will let you know how he goes.
     
  17. wilf

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    Very glad to hear things are turning around! :)
     
  18. nanhsot

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    This is awesome to hear, good job for keeping those lines of communication open, glad he is showing such great responsibility.
     
  19. Amy C.

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    Some kids respond well to a bit of a chat. I have had several such "chats" and see some slow improvement over the years.

    Fortunately, my son knows how crappy he feels when high and tries to keep things under control to avoid this feeling.
     
  20. CAGrandma

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    Pleased to see some really excellent suggestions here. One thought - it may seem that having a parent take over diabetes care from a child who had been primarily responsible for their own care is a step backwards, a punishment, a negative. Not necessarily so. Some kids may see it as a 'vacation' from the never ending responsibility and welcome having a parent do the testing or calculate the carbs periodically.
    At a seminar at UCSF I learned of a 15 year old who started skipping testing and correcting, driving her poor parents crazy. After some discussion they agreed that Sunday would be her 'day off diabetes'. Her mom would do her tests and put the numbers in her pump, all she had to do was hold out a finger (hmmm.... guess which finger she picked!). Oddly enough she considered this a break from diabetes and was able to better handle the responsibility the other 6 days a week.
     

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