"I just want to die"

Hudson_Rocks · #1 07-28-2011, 10:25 PM

Hudson is having a hard time the last few days with diabetes. He has said he wants to die....

It's breaking my heart. What do I do? We are investigating pumping so that maybe that would ease some of the hassle of MDI. Do I take him to a doctor for depression? Will he pull through this? How can I help him?

Tigerlilly's mom · #2 07-28-2011, 10:34 PM

I would speak with his endo and see if they have someone in their office that can help. They are experienced with helping kids deal with living with diabetes and the feeling that go along with that. Your son was diagnosed at a tough age, I am sure that it is not easy for him

Pumping does take off some burden, but remember it's just another way to deliver insulin. I don't know if it's going to make it hasslefree enough to make a radical change of how he feels about having diabetes.

Sorry he is having such a hard time.

LantusFiend · #3 07-28-2011, 11:33 PM

I would ask the doctor for a recommendation for a therapist for him.

Do you have a sense of whether he means, "I feel exhausted right now but not all the time" or "I don't care enough to eat when I'm hypo" or "I think maybe I'll take an extra dozen units of insulin"?

If you have any sense that he's suicidal, I would advise against a pump because having constant access to a hundred or so units of insulin would be a bad idea.

Mild depression is common and is something that will usually go away within a year with or without treatment- but the tendency towards becoming depressed doesn't go away, and depressed teens and preteens are liable to do dumb things.

Being overwhelmed about diabetes, specifically, is something that seems to hit a lot of people on and off. People get overwhelmed early on, they start to get over it, it hits them again. Or not. I think it's a little akin to grieving in that there's a period where it's a really big deal, and there's a lot of time where it's not as big of a deal, but it's never not there.

obtainedmist · #4 07-28-2011, 11:40 PM

As others have said, I'd have him talk to a therapist. I've got to say that going on the pump made Molly's life SO much more normal for her!

giddyup_go · #5 07-29-2011, 02:51 AM

I would make an appointment for him ASAP. Our endo office has a therapist in the office 1 to 2 days per week. Does your office have anything like that available? I'd surely call in the morning to find out. Short of that, there are therapists in town that specialize in peds counseling, though I'm not sure about how counseling someone with a chronic illness would fit in...as in I don't know about their experience in that regard.

Would it help him to spend time with other kids with diabetes and talk about it with someone who also has the same fears? If so, you know you can call me ANYTIME. We could just all get together and NOT talk about diabetes even.

Like someone else said, a pump is just a different way to deliver insulin. It can help make life a little more "normal", but diabetes still sucks. It's mentally exhausting and can be physically exhausting as well.

My heart is hurting for you. We have gone through this, though Elizabeth has never said those exact words. She has gone through bouts of depression. She has sobbed. She has left my heart broken. And then life just goes on. It has really, really, really helped her to have friends with diabetes. Friends that just "get it" and understand her. Try as I might, it will never be possible for me to understand what it is like to have type 1. This is where camp was a huge blessing for us...she was able to meet other kids her age going through the same things, experiencing the same feelings...and she learned that she will be okay. You can have just as great of a life with type 1. It's hard, but very do-able.

She also has an "old spirit"...she grew up too soon, and believes with all of her heart that God allowed this to happen for some reason. Who knows what that is and it makes me mad at God sometimes. But it helps Liz feel better...she thinks maybe it was so she could help her auntie see that she needed to take better care of her diabetes.

Anyway, I'm working (slowly, but surely) on getting a group of parents / kids together in this area. There's some kids in The Dalles, some in Tri-cities, some in Baker... I think it might really help Hudson if he had a friend... I know it always helps me when I know I'm not going through something alone.

Mrs Puff · #6 07-29-2011, 08:17 AM

So sorry for how your son is feeling. My ds13 had a few episodes when he was first diagnosed. As much as I think my son (and I) would love the pump, since it would mean a lot less shots, my son refuses to talk about it. First, he remembers all the IVs that were shoved into him in the ICU (he was DKA). Even though someone showed him how their pump worked, ds is not receptive. Second, I think the pump would be a constant reminder of diabetes to him since he would be always carrying around a piece of equipment stuck to his body. My son has admitted that he doesn't like to think or talk about diabetes. He prefers to shove it out of his mind until meal time when he doses for his carbs. He takes his shot and then he is "normal" again.

DsMom · #7 07-29-2011, 09:01 AM

You know your son best and whether that comment might be a dramatic expression of his real frustration and pain...or something more dire. Is he constantly morose and down...or is he like this for a while and then he goes back to his normal mood and activities? Is he still seeing his friends and enjoying his normal hobbies? Is his relationship with you changing? Is he spending a lot of time alone?

Have you spoken with him about what he wants? Do you think he would agree to talking to a professional? Some kids may balk and feel that it makes them even more "different." Of course, if he is truly depressed and at risk, then that is a minor consideration and he should definitely get some help.

Grieving is a normal part of adjusting to D...for him and you. I think comments like that CAN be a normal way of expressing his pain...but that doesn't mean it's not something more serious. I'd certainly keep talking to him, explore gently what he thinks he meant by that comment, encourage him to talk with other kids with D online. Perhaps he'd be relieved to have a counselor to talk to...if so, I'd not hesitate to make an appointment for him...even if he is not clinically depressed.

This is heartbreaking. My son was crying about D before bed the other night...and it just tears me up. But he just bounces back the next day and is fine again. He does have a pump, and it was a great choice for us. Very freeing and allows tighter control for us. For an older child, however, it really matters how THEY feel about getting a pump. You don't want to force yet one more thing on him that he doesn't want. He can't control having D...but he should have a lot of say on the tools he uses to manage it.

I hope he is feeling better soon.

hdm42 · #8 07-29-2011, 09:25 AM

I agree with the previous advice to get counseling for him. If your endo's office doesn't have somebody, talk to your ped. They may know of a local therapist who works with kids with chronic health issues.

I hope this passes, but sometimes some outside intervention is needed. The therapist's advice may be the same as yours, but somehow it's easier for them to accept it from somebody other than a parent.

McKenna'smom · #9 07-29-2011, 10:55 AM

Soon after dx my DD was having real anger issues. We took her back to the CDEs at our hospitals and they talked with her. She hasn't had the manic outburts since.

Please let him talk to somebody so he can come to grips with his situation. It is very hard for a child to deal with a diagnosis like this.

Hudson_Rocks · #10 07-29-2011, 01:22 PM

He mostly acts fine, it's when it's time for an injection for a meal or snack that he says that type of thing. I think having to stop and do that and then see that it "didn't work" (when he has a high) is what's doing it right now.

We were visiting my inlaws last week, and he had opportunity to have for breakfast stuff we don't normally have in the house, and we let him have it - why not let him enjoy. So for 4 days he ate Fruit Loops or pastries or waffles (stuff our hotel offered for the free breakfast). We always shot for it, but it just affected him badly no matter. It really is harder on his system to have that type of thing. On the way home Monday is when this talk started. I think part of it is that he was tired in general and tired of being around his brothers (read: the fighting/bickering that happens after being together every day for hours on end), and part of it is just the frustration of all of it. He was fine Wednesday, playing with his cousins and acting himself, but then we all had pizza and as the rest of you no doubt know, that plays havoc with BS. So that was just one more "thing" on top of that last week.

We are working back to eating as we do at home (whole grains, etc) and last night was some better, until it came time to inject. We're trying to plan ahead and inject enough to allow him a meal and something extra, so that he can eat more freely, if that makes sense. I think the number of injections (meals and corrections) were getting to him over the past week.

I will definitely keep my ears and eyes on him, and talk to the endo's office as well. We have a small house and it's not so easy to escape Mom's watch

Thank you everyone for the suggestions and advice.